thiscantbefuckingreal-blog - Tumblr blog

[thiscantbefuckingreal-blog]

Here we go bitches

So my name is laura, this blog is a ventfest and things that will hopefully make me laugh. there is going to a lot of incorrect grammar and spelling mistakes and if that is something you dont like you will have to get use too it. This blog will be my innervoice coming through and may or may not have a filter. so here go... 

As of right now i think my life kinda is not where i want it to be, if that makes sense. I have a full time job, I have friends, fuck i just got a permanent job with benefits and vacay but nothing personally seems to be working for me. I am single. VERY FUCKING SINGLE. SO SINGLE. 

I am 24 years old and my last romantic moment was kissing cory G*****s face on the trampoline the summer before grade nine. yes that is it. THAT IS FUCKING IT.  and let me clarify i mean face, he had a cold sore and i couldnt kiss kiss him. 

Oh wait, now that i think about it finding a message from matt w*******s on my facebook 2 weeks after he sent it was also romantic. he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said no because i didnt want to ruin the friendship because i am a god damn idiot. such a fucking idiot. so i guess that was cute. but he hated me after that and wont really look or talk to me. i love him or the idea of him still.  I have tried tinder, POF and bumble (by the way the men on bumble are clearly not real, they are all too beautiful to be real). i have been on a couple dates and those didn't work out. contestant number 1 was a racist , contestant number 2 was a closet gay, and sooo gay, and number three had two kids and a third on the way and bragged about not having to see them so i walked out on that one. he was a real gem.  I have tried talking to others but nothing, notta, i get bored or the conversation is boring or he says something that isnt cool and i just say fuck it and leave it alone... i need to get better at that.  I honestly thought i would be married with fucking children coming out of my vagina by now but nope, notta its like the arctic up in there, cold and lonely.  as for work, i have a full time permanent position at a agency that i love. it took 4 years almost to get the position so i dont ever want to leave it, i do want to change houses though cause working here is exhausting, the combo of mental health, developmental delay, bipolar, multiple personality disorder and suicidal tendencies kicks yours ass.  i loved working with autism so much better  Friendships, those are hard dude, so hard. well wait let me fix that, friendships are to be easy with little to no effort to them, but some bitches are fucking tricky. I am a good person, i am funny, caring and would literally do anything to make my friends day better and 90% of the time that means putting others before my own mental health.  I care so much about my people and this year has been rough in terms of getting over some of the speed bumps that friends involve. i have lost a couple friendships and those are the worst, the fucking worst. I hate it when you loose a friend that you think you will have forever. it breaks my heart, especially since the conversation that ended it was literally over a hug that my best friend gave her boyfriend (clearly i am going to be bitter over this one for a while)  even though i lost some friendships i gained a lot. there is sam, she is adorable, open minded yet opinionated and just seems to be an overall lovely human.  Julia and Breanne’s wedding;  omg were those a day, both stunning, both amazing and both a hoot and a half.  julias was so elegant and fun, i feel so bad for ever hating on john, like it kinda kills me everytime, buts its okay that was a long time ago.  anyway, that is basically it. this is mostly to help me not have to go on anxiety medication and depression meds, i use to do one of these years ago and it helped soooo much. so lets see if it works again.  i already feel a weight lifted as lot of these things are things i can not talk about at work or with friends.  Anyway, much love bitches laura