thisbrokenbodiedalchemist

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

50% OFF Starters pt 2

"If you continue your attempts at flirting, I will be forced to take DRASTIC measures."

"I like watching you from behind."

"Stunning deduction sherlock."

*demonic voice* "by the darkest sun that casts its menacing rays of the furthest madness, we sense your intentions, (name). the gibbering of mad cultists whisper wicked words to temporal winds, they inform us that you are not to be trusted. Usurper. Usurper."

"USURPER!"

"I've heard a lot about you and your extensive collection of tank tops, like I'm thinking about getting like 10 more."

"Calm down little dude."

"the fear of drowning is a primal one. it's a feeling of helplessness, of losing all control. struggling against an inevitable fate as your lungs fill with water..."

"I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how to swim or how to fuck Dean Winchester."

"You know I had a dream like this once, you surprisingly had more clothes on, though, at least at the start."

"ten bucks says he dies."

"I'm gonna go run my feelings off."

"Yeah it didn't work out... for them."

"I have to go scream confusing, end-of-the-world ramblings at people under the freeway."

"I feel like I should argue this, but the potential for implied sexual antics is far too appealing."

"do not be alarmed! I am about to be hilarious."

"Maybe you should stop dragging me to these rap battles then!"

"I WANT YOU TO SHARE THE THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME!"

"I was under the impression there would be implied sexual antics, time to take matters into my own hands!"

"This feels a little exploitative."

"I need a soda. Or therapy. Probably both."

"Yeah it started because K-pop concert security is tougher than it looks but I just got hooked on the feeling of crushing someones face in with a solid right cross."

"sHHSHHshhshhhhh shut up shut up! shh I SMELL BOYS BEING GAY."

"Excuse me I am trying to scream my feelings into your mouth!"

"That wasn't hot... it was just fucking weird..."

"It's not what I would have you in, but I do appreciate beauty in all its many forms. mostly that cute booty though."

"hey, the heart wants what the heart wants."

"It may be hard to believe, but recently I lost the ability to read."

"Just because you can't read the words, doesn't mean you can't enjoy the book in a different way."

"boom! done. advice over. let's go get shitfaced!"

"Alright I brought the bitch-board for (name)."

"Alright let's call it what it is, a sissy paddle."

"calm down (name) we weren't talking about your internet search history."

"MY SWEET BABY SWAM!"

"didn't we make a pact to stop her from doing this weeb shit?"

"this better not be anymore or (name)'s weird porn!"

"Please call the police, because I look so good in this it should be against the law! uh, don't actually call the police though, I WILL incriminate all of you."

"Yeah but didn't they train on those islands where all those teenagers were killed? ...and those witch burnings happened? ...and all that toxic waste was spilled?"

"if you die, I get fired and I like this job. people don't ask questions here."

"fish-men walk among us. conquerers of land, BORN FROM THE OCEAN--"

"I don't need him to make weird pornography, I have prawns for that."

"Finally moving out, son? I'd like to say it's been fun. I'd like to. But I won't."

"hey check me out! I'm on a bout!"

"Sit down and stop making 2009 references!"

"nah, I scream enough at the unforgiving void of space."

"DON'T STEAL MY BONES!"

"You know, the ocean goblin? He lives in the ocean and if you don't brush your teeth he steals your bones."

"Ok I'm done for the day. If anyone needs me I'm gonna be in the tent looking at weird porn."

"Hey, you miss every ball you don't hit."

"You say 'you people' like you're not part of the family. I've got some news for you, you're already on the christmas card."

"You think these antics would fly at the german club?"

"brush your teeth, kid."

"Can you hear it? the ocean... it wants blood."

"I'm the best damn shot we've got."

"You know, when I was a kid, before my dad got hit by that train, he said, '(name) don't let your friends swim out into the ocean and get stranded on the haunted island of camp kill-a-teen.' and here we are... stranded on the... haunted island of camp kill-a-teen..."

"that's fair."

"hey tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumbass!"

"It's fine, baby, if you get scared you can squeeze my hand."

"now let's make like scooby-doo and split up to find a clue."

"In 1991 a case was discovered where a man had the remains of over fifteen victims hidden in his apartment, over 40% of which were stored within his refrigerator. do you know how unsanitary that is?"

"you're so cute when you never shut up. Now shut up."

"all hail decision cube!"

"that's when you started walking on the wild side, right?"

"I AM NOT SOME PETTY CRIMINAL!"

"Does anyone want to hear my tragic backstory?"

"Bed? But what about possible axe-murderers?"

"And we solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real axe murderer was love, all along."

"It was a good night for all of us, let's spend more nights in abandoned lighthouses."

"That hottie from the track team is here and I wanna ask politely is he wants to get rowdy in the back of my dad's Prius."

"YOU CAN'T CATCH ME GAY THOUGHTS"

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

Oh, what a surprise, you caught me again…

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

Roy always keeps the Queen chess piece with him, as if he were keeping her safe. Submitted by: anonymous

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

reblog if you want anons

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

lolisoup:

edling day | excerpt from The Lion is in the Garden :

Ling’s brilliant smile at that snapped Ed out of his paralysis, and he finally managed to stammer, “The fuck was that for!”

Ling simply shrugged, turning back to pile more food on his plate.  “You look a lot cuter when you’re surprised than when you’re scowling like that.”

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

Send me "└" to see my reaction to yours suddenly stabbing mine.

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

Send “Inked” for my muse to talk about a tattoo has/is thinking about getting

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

Levels of Tumblr.

1 follower = egg

10-40 followers = hatchling

50-99 followers = baby dragon

100-349 followers = dragon

350-500 followers = still a dragon

501-799 followers =  mega dragon

800- 4,999 followers = super hella dragon

5000+ followers = UNHOLY OFFSPRING OF LIGHTNING AND DEATH 

These are the legit numbers.

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

Send me a ‘♢’ and my muse will tell yours a pure lie.

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

incredible

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

Asshole Cats Being Shamed For Their Crimes.

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

How are people so friendly and charismatic? I’ll never know…! >3

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

ana280:

I don’t know who I relate more to.

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

Batman… I choose YOU!

[thisbrokenbodiedalchemist]

When a monster stopped behaving like a monster, did it stop being a monster? Did it become something else? Oh, won't you tell me? Please just tell me...