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My perfect man. Swoon.

Nico Tortorella

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One of the most amazing moments of my life now on instagram as I met her again in my dream last night:) #toriamos #toriphile #earwithfeet #goddess #sweetdreams #oakland

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You are not alone...

So i had a little freak out the other night whilst trying to get some sleep before a long day at work. These things happen ever so oft, and i can't stop it. "Can't stop what's coming, can't stop what's on its way" (Tori Amos, Bells for Her). Sometimes i start to think about my mortality and what will come after this life on earth has come to an end...and it terrifies me. i don't want it to, but it does. no matter what i believe about the afterlife, i cannot stop the anxiety that comes from not knowing what it will be. i also know there is no use in this fear because i don;t know what will happen. but there i was, lying in bed, thoughts racing, heart racing, sweat dripping. i have come to the conclusion that these thoughts come when i feel overwhelmed by all the things i have to do at any given time. having a huge project looming over my head, work 35 hours a week and starting my practicum 25 hours a week this summer does not help this. i am so excited where my life is going and what is to come, but i seem to live so much in the here and now that sometimes it feels like it's too much. thank goodness i have the music and my friends and family to ground me. 

"Yaldaboath, Saklas, i am calling you. Samael, you are not alone in your darkness. You are not alone..." (Tori Amos, Original Sinsuality).

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A Valentine's For Homophobes via FCKH8.com

Support this cause! Raise awareness! Give the Fbomb to H8ers!! More Love, Less H8.

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a stream of consciousness...

12:48am Saturday January 14, 2012

I sit in bed after watching “Sarah’s Key”. I was going to try and get sleep early tonight, but this film just wanted to be watched. I am not sure if I am glad I watched it right now or wish I hadn’t…I sit staring at this white screen, eyes glazed with fresh tears, sinuses congested from a long session of fierce and raw emotion. Tears came, then sobs, then pure emotion pouring from my soul. So many emotions and sensations came at once, from many different sources. Tears for a lost world, for humanity, the iniquities of those who came before us. loss…my loss. genocide, moral corruption, the rape of the earth, the rape of women, men and children in third world countries, here in the united states…tears for the homeless, the jobless…tears for my family, whom I miss more than words can describe, my grandfather who I lost 2 years and 4 months ago…tears for myself and all of the things I feel every day. Fear of the future, for a job, a home, my family, a family I may never have but so desperately want.

It is amazing when a feeling this strong and deep crawls its way up; through the dark abyss I have buried it in for years. It hurts so much to release it, but at the same time it is a deep breath…one in which I haven’t been able to take in a very long time. I feel incredibly aware of life, of this moment and feel so connected to the ether, the life force…I feel arms wrapped around me, yet at the same time I feel lost, confused and disconnected from the world…I feel alone. How can this be? Living these dichotomies, so many of them all at once. I don’t even know what I am thinking right now but feel the need to write down something, for I do not want to forget this feeling. It has been forgotten so many times before and it takes moments, events like these to awaken me. I feel like I have been asleep for years and have awakened from a dream into a harsh and stark reality. I feel little hope in this moment. I cannot let it go though. Hope springs eternal, I must never forget. There will always be light to break through the dark right? I have the urge to pray…but to what or whom? I don’t know anymore. The only thing left to do is sit in this moment a little longer, but I am frightened to linger too long…I mustn’t stay here in this deep sentiment. I must move forward, choose to live in each moment…fully. Commit to living and feeling each emotion life hands me.

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super long line...can I jump behind the bar?! lol.

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the drive to Columbus is pretty!! when it snows!

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She's the best...i just can't get enough. No matter what mood i am in, there is a Tori album/song to go with it. She has always been there when I am especially missing my family and home town. Today i was able to make it home to Ohio for the first time in almost 2 years. Now i am at home, and i listened to her all the way from California today...i could not be happier and Tori was with me the whole time...telling me, "it's ok...you'll see them when the time is right..." and the time has finally come. :)

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Song of the day: Tori Amos, "Tombigbee". Discusses the of the using and abusing of Native Americans by the US government...among other things...one of my fave b-sides from Scarlet's Walk...

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It's a Confessions On a Dancefloor day!!! Dance your asses off people!! I really wanted to free my soul today. This album helps me break loose...too bad I can't play it at work!! It would make the day go by so fast!!

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This was my Tori confession...love the picture they chose:) 

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Lost in the music...

Today has been a day to get lost in the music. I got home from work at noon today, went to my bedroom, lit a couple candles, shut the blinds and turned on my speakers. I promised Busby I would give the first The Mars Volta album a shot...so i did. I totally got lost in the record. I must say i quite enjoyed it! It was definitely an experience that took to a bit of the dark side...i was totally in a dungeon there for a while...i was actually really surprised how much i enjoyed the album as a whole!

I then put on Tori Amos' 5.5 Week Tour (the Las Vegas show) and rocked out hard in my room for an hour. Can i just say that tour was kick ass!! I wish i would have known Tori then. How did i wait so long to listen to her stuff!?!?! Why did no one tell me of her!? Anyway, i am going to be seeing Tori in concert for the 3rd time in 6 days!!!!!! In the front row!!!!!!! I am so excited, the anticipation is killing me. Well, that is enough for now...

Jor

Tori Amos song of the day: Riot Poof (my anthem)

http://youtu.be/keaNmKZ45VE

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I can't believe i found a blog all about problems for people who are obsessed with Tori Amos (Ears With Feet). I have done, like, ALL of these!! :)

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Happy Gobble Gobble day!

Well here is my first post on my new tumblr! Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone. Remember what you are thankful for and let those you love know it. 

Here is the Tori song of the day. "Caught a Lite Sneeze"