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wow

ok so like hnnnn this is my venting space now. i want to be a surfer boy but i live somewhere without a beach hahahahaha. also like gah, like help. i need help sleeping yeeet. do i have insomnia? hope not.

also we did some crazy shit today and i want to do more

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fucccckkkk

I think I like my best friend and he’s so- skdhoachalfhjscyaoidhd every time he says ily i die. and wtf why can’t i tell him???? i don’t knowwwww dihcshfoaochaogsobdsk

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Purple walls don’t look cool

Majestic grape walls are great tyvm. Yea that’s probably why we don’t hang at my house anymoreeeee. Only Brad comes every so often, and Elliot’s chill but tbh. Should I change the colour????

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SiblingS

TY: ily man but like chill and don’t grow taller than me. That’s embarrassing.

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Friends

Ima go thru all of these bastards online because haha I’m anonymous and no one knows suit about me and no one fucking cares. Yay.

ALL CAPS CUZ IM A DRAMA QUEEN AND IF AND IF A STRAIGHT DUDE SAID THAT AT SCHOOL HAHA ID BE KILLED.

FUCKING BRAD: OK DAY ONE BEST PAL, SAYS ITS HARD TO TALK TO ME AFTER IGNORING ME FOR A WHILE I MEAN U COULD JUST SAY THAT BUT NOOOOO ITS GONNA BE LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME. U JUST WANT TO TALK WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOME STUPID SHIT. I don’t need to hear about what Daniela does rn okkkk??? I’m empty rn and u should move on.

AARON: you smart as mf, we get how u spend ur time as a wannabe hermione granger but hey the group of dipshits here want to talk about something normal maybe. Don’t get offended and stop talking about your damn cheese. This might sound rude but it’s every day. Since sem 1. Every fucking day Aaron.

GREGORY: You only talk about yourself. You have problems? I’ve heard about it and I’ve helped u. Then when I talk u talk about some chick at gymnastics?? I get u think ur better than us but yo like. Ugh.

ELLIOT: dAmn it elliot. This guy says we’re married, first day we met in September. Other days he sits as far away as possible and like doesn’t make eye contact in the halls, and shit and I’m like ok I guess today’s not our day. Then all of a sudden he’s like, heyyyy Jay, I was so bored without you at lunch today. And like idk man. Okay, just be uh idk about u, I mean I like u but ur so confusing 🤦‍♂️ smh

Alex L: we were cool, we still are but like bro can u like chill. We’re playing a card game.

Kyle: we shout insults at each other so we’re cool.

Yuseuf: you’re nice and lo siento if I offended u like sorry bro.

Christina: we have a lot in common but you’re awkward and I am too and what.

Becky: yo like I used to like u but I’m not all about that rn idk, but like I like talking to u (when did this become to them and note venting)

THAT’s— that felt good, maybe that’s wy those girls on insta do that tbh shit and venting.

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When u don’t swear

So you see my blog and see how it’s like (I was gonna make up a cool word but whatever) a place with a lot of swear words. But irl I don’t fucking swear out loud and it bothers me how different I am and I feel so mad and sometimes empty and people look like they’re pitying a lost dog when I tell them I feel this way. Like. I. Can’t. Even. I don’t like being looked down on, and I hate it when that happens to others but I don’t want to offend anyone at the same time and welp. Convos go like this.

“Yo Jay, you look down wsp?”

Im just like oh shit does Greg actually care?? Let’s see.

“Nm man I just feeling alone is all.”

“Lmao wdym there are like seven of us, even Connor came,” and I’m like okay then GREG I GUESS IT WAS FUCKING SMALL TALK AND IM JUST A SENSITIVE NERD WHO DOESNT LIKE TO BE PLAYFULLY HIT SOMETIMES.

this has been my ted talk

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Procrastinating

I procrastinate so much and my teachers don’t know. Like I’m that nerd that always has their homework done— who happens to skate, wears black hoodies everywhere, cross chains— you might get the picture?????? Idk. But yea ANYWAYS SO I HATE THIS BUT HONESTLY I SUCK AND I CAN’t tell myself otherwise and damn it I have no friends and my spanish work is crying to be finished and bRad won’t talk to me so I don’t have anyone telling me that maybe I don’t suck. Gahhhhhhhhhhhh, my other friends are dipshits who only care about themselves, but hey now they all are. Okay. Like hey Jayden you need help? Haha okay all of us do. And I get that but I listen to your problems Shelly.

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Violent thoughts

Why the fuck am I getting these thoughts? Honestly I’m so fed up with myself and the shit that goes on in my mind.

Whenever something mildly inconvenient happens to me, I feel like doing something about it and my mind goes so dark. I actually get so mad. I want to punch someone, I want to use one of the weapons I like drawing so much. Today in science there was that burner thingy and I highkey wanted to touch it— then like make others touch it. The ones that were annoying at least.

So I have this notebook and it’s filled with drawings of well, swords, daggers, bombs, tanks, and the usual shit, and some days I’d look at it and say that it was weird and I’d be like “oh that’s not me that was just when I was stressed haha,” and I’d laugh it off. But recently I’ve been drawing in it again and ohshxkausjaoai I’m so mad wtf. I wanna bash my fist into a wall but at Tae kwon do they never taught us to do that. Every little thing ticks me off.

No, I’m not on my period thanks.

Im not usually a violent person, I don’t do anything violent irl, no no, that’s what my mind’s for.

So anyways, Brad was doing his shit and he still is and I tried to tell him about what the fuck is going on and he’s nOt answering and let’s face it I have no other friends. Like wow thanks brad, I put up with your shit.

I’m sorry I had to vent, oh gosh I had to vent.

In case you’re wondering, I’m like that nerdy gentle, softspoken kind of kid outside.

So that’s why this is a problem.