theyeeterskeeter - Tumblr blog

[theyeeterskeeter]

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

[theyeeterskeeter]

So much peace to be found in realizing that social interactions are inherently “awkward.” People will always talk over each other or pause in a conversation or run dry for topics at times. It does not mean you’re uniquely horrible or that you don’t know how to socialize. I think it’s the way you react to it (either with anxiety or with nonchalance) that actually dictates how much weight it has. But even the most charming, most extroverted person on this earth has those momentary lapses that I think scares anxious (me included) people so much

[theyeeterskeeter]

I like to imagine that in any atla modern au, aang still, for some reason, finds a reason to beat ozai’s ass

[theyeeterskeeter]

Girl we’ve got work to dooooooo

Fetch me the paint and gluuuuuuuuuue

[theyeeterskeeter]

Despite what you may have heard Bruce Wayne is not, in fact, a furry.

He is, however, very opinionated.

[theyeeterskeeter]

In ur version, does Batman or Superman even approve of Kon and Tim being together?

Lol sorry I’m sure you intended this as an art prompt but instead I used it as a silly little writing exercise.

Clark Kent (Daily Planet) »

Hi! Do you have a moment to chat?

« Bruce Wayne

That depends.

Clark Kent (Daily Planet) »

On what?

« Bruce Wayne

On the subject matter, Clark Kent, Daily Planet Reporter.

Clark Kent (Daily Planet) »

Shoot. hang on

Superman (Justice League) »

Hi! Do you have a moment to chat?

« B

How many times a day does that happen

Just tell me. I can take it

Superman (Justice League) »

Not… that many…

« B

How many records are we scrubbing.

This week.

Superman (Justice League) »

Listen

You are the one who chose to make secret phones that are identical to normal phones

I don’t know what you were expecting

« B

It’s precautionary. In case they get lost.

They’re not identical. The Batcell’s haptic interface hardware is superior to the iPhone’s.

Slightly bigger too.

0.3mm.

Superman (Justice League) »

I’ll refrain from the obvious comment

But know I am thinking it

« B

So there’s a visual difference.

You have x-ray vision.

Superman (Justice League) »

If you think I’m going to x-ray my phone to figure out if the haptic interface software is 0.3mm larger than an iPhones every single time I need to send a text you are nuts

That’s you

« B

Learning memes are we.

Superman (Justice League) »

That’s not a meme. It’s a reaction image

I think

« B

Doesn’t a reaction image have to be sent in reaction to something? By definition?

Superman (Justice League) »

I dont know.

« B

I don’t either.

Superman (Justice League) »

Okay.

« B

You said you wanted to chat?

Superman (Justice League) »

Yes

And let me just preface this with:

I am about to tell you something and I need you to be, with all due respect, so normal about it

« B

Jesus fucking Christ, what happened?

Superman (Justice League) »

Nothing!! bad

Nothing bad

« B

Where are you? Can you call?

Superman (Justice League) »

Ok calm down, I’m fine, everything is fine

I can theoretically call but I think this is the kind of thing you’re going to want to sit with, on your own, for a second

Maybe 30 full seconds actually. Maybe sit for 30 full seconds before taking any action

« B

Kal El, I am catastrophizing at the speed of sound.

Superman (Justice League) »

Then I bet it will be such a huge relief to learn that all Im going to say is I have it on good authority that Superboy has something to tell you, and normally I would never breach his trust like this, but again: I cannot emphasize enough that I need you to be so, so normal. When he tells you. Which I have reason to believe he will, imminently

« B

Alfred has just informed me that Superboy is on the doorstep.

On the doorstep, Kal.

Of my home.

Superman (Justice League) »

Huh!

« B

He’s asked to speak with me in the parlor.

“In the parlor.” Quote.

I forgot we had one of those.

What is this.

Superman (Justice League) »

Well

I think there’s a chance Kon is about to be very, very brave, to your face

And—keep in mind I’m saying this as someone who thinks the world of you and has boundless trust and faith in your ability to be kind, selfless, and accepting—

If he doesnt leave that house with a smile on his face and a spring in his step I will ruin your life.

« B

Jesus.

I know you’re only threatening me because of that, thing I said. Last time.

And yet, it’s still effective.

Superman (Justice League) »

« B

Yeah.

Superman (Justice League) »

Yeah?

« B

Yeah.

Superman (Justice League) »

:)

« B

:)

I have to go meet your kid. “In the parlor”

Superman (Justice League) »

Be nice :)

« B

I will.

I know what he’s going to say anyway.

Superman (Justice League) »

Oh?

« B

He, and coincidentally also Robin, needs to work on his situational awareness.

With an emphasis on remembering to scan the environment for CCTV cameras.

Superman (Justice League) »

Ok to be fair there are a lot of cameras these days

« B

The incident in question took place on the rooftop of Wayne Tower.

Superman (Justice League) »

I see.

« B

Yeah.

Superman (Justice League) »

Yeah.

Unrelatedly are you coming over later?

« B

So you can ruin my life?

Yes.

Superman (Justice League) »

See you then :)

« B

Yes.

Wait.

It’s not weird now that…?

Superman (Justice League) »

Holidays may get awkward but I’m sure we will all cope.

« B

Okay.

:)

Superman (Justice League) »

Tell Kon I said hi!

« B

I will.

*

« B

Hey it’s Batman. I fucked up.

Superman (Justice League) »

What??

« B

Not with Kon’s thing. That went fine. But we kept talking and I mayh ave let something slip and I’d liek to apologize in advance bc I htink he’s on the way

Superman (Justice League) »

Kons at my window???

« B

Sorry.

Superman (Justice League) »

I will ruin your life!!!!!

« B

Nuts.

[theyeeterskeeter]

I think part of what makes Jason's death feel different, even in universe and not on a meta level, is Jason is technically killed while Robin but...not really. Jason is only there because he wanted to meet his biological mother. He had no intention of encountering the Joker when he went there. When he *does* stay as Robin, it's because he can't stand the thought of leaving Sheila with the Joker.

And even then. Even then. He is not reckless. He doesn't intend to confront the Joker. And Sheila tells him it's okay. It's safe now. To come inside the warehouse.

Jason doesn't die in battle. Jason doesn't die during a night out as Robin. Jason doesn't die trying to take down a villain. Jason dies as a child trying to rescue someone he wanted to believe was his mother and betrayed by her. It doesn't feel like a hero dying in the line of duty or even a reckless hero taking on more than they can chew. It feels like what it is: a child who has been failed all his life being betrayed one last time and dying in agony.

[theyeeterskeeter]

the important thing about batman is not that he always wins (he doesn't) or that he always can think of a way to win with enough prep time (he can't) it's that he's always 100% ready to go full in on his plans with complete dedication even if they are completely weird and probably not going to work. like "ok so to catch this murderer first i am going to grovel to diana so that she has a magical obligation to shelter to me via unbreakable ancient greek ritual. got it? Got it."

[theyeeterskeeter]

who do i gotta kill to get a decent cup of coffee?????

[theyeeterskeeter]

The 8th of August, 2024

Two mistakes of the universe go for a walk. Despite this, the universe doesn’t chew them up and spit them out. It lets them be. They deserve it, after all.

It’s a lovely day.

[theyeeterskeeter]

happy umbrella academy eve!! (redrew this)

[theyeeterskeeter]

I like the idea of Nightwing being a well-known figure among the hero community, but relatively unknown to the public outside of Gotham and Blüdhaven. Like, he was the first ever sidekick and a kid of one of the Justice League's founding members. Most older heroes are his aunts and uncles, the first generation of sidekicks are his friends, and to the younger ones, he is a mentor and older brother figure. The hero community loves him. But outside of that, he is just a local hero. He sticks to the shadows, and while the people of blüdhaven love him, and the people of Gotham have at least heard of him, he is not very well known.

That is until the Justice League hosts some sort of public event with a lot of younger heroes attending, and one journalist gets an idea for a fun, lighthearted story. They go around asking different heroes and sidekicks who their favorite hero is, and 80% have the same answer: Nightwing

[theyeeterskeeter]

Bucket

[theyeeterskeeter]

Out of all the possible trans headcanons to have in mp100, my favorite is Shou. There’s a few reasons, but mostly I like that there is no interpretation of his father’s reaction that isn’t hilarious.

[theyeeterskeeter]

Do you have any examples in mind for the Alfred as Bruce's handler idea? What would be the sort of thing that's weird? Because keeping him up-to-date on politics and taking care of his diet, or even talking him down from fear gas attacks doesn't seem that weird to me. Especially with how their lives are going. What specifically are you thinking of? This is such an interesting take, would love to hear more about this

"With how their lives are going" is sort of the point. A butler is a household manager, so like yes, there's some overlap with controlling and organizing lots of people-- but like, not their boss? In a smaller household butlers might do things like take on valet and housekeeping duties, which is probably what happened after the household downsized after Martha and Thomas died. That's also probably when he went from Mr Pennyworth to Alfred.

And people know it's a weird situation. Like. Okay. So the one potential relative the Waynes may have had (Jacob Kane) is too young to take Bruce in, or Martha and Thomas just fuckin hate their other living relatives and specifically write that if anything happens to us Bruce goes to Alfred, or Bruce goes to a relative for like 2 months and it Does Not Work and either Bruce or Alfred bribe a judge to make Alfred his guardian. Lots of options, all of them A Weird Situation Everybody Knows About.

I think partly because of trying to maintain normalcy in Bruce's life (and because of his own emotional issues) Alfred does hold onto the butler/valet thing maybe a little harder than might have been ideal, but if he dresses Bruce he's just lying clothes out for him on the bed or helping him get dressed up for important events. There's no point for Alfred to drive him around-- by all rights Alfred should have his own driver-- and they should have a cook and housemaid and maybe they have Dory like in the batman 2022, but it's still a weird thing to be, essentially, raised by the staff.

(I think maybe that's a separate point but I do think it should play more into the conception of Brucie as a person. He's not just comfortably empty headed and kind to 'the help' because he's stupid and never had parents to teach him how a rich man ought to behave. He's that way because he was raised by the help. Not even in the normal way where you pay/kidnap a nanny to raise your kids instead of her own. Just straight up the butler and the housekeeper and the family physician. [Bruce knows Leslie's a surgeon but his association is still like, 'ah, yes, my pediatrician who showed up to all my birthdays whether I wanted one or not.'])

The thing is that when this is happening as Bruce is a kid, it's weird, but like, it's normal too. They get a closer relationship than child and butler usually do. It's normal for a younger kid to not control his meals too much but once he's an older teen he makes requests for dinner and it happens. He starts growing independent and comes to Alfred less for advice, sometimes making him worry, but he's becoming an adult and soon he won't need Alfred at all!

...and then Bruce runs off with a few hundred thousand dollars in cash and vanishes for years without a word.

When he comes back he's got this absolutely deranged idea in his head about going out and violently making the city a place people are afraid to commit crimes. Sure petty theft and carjacking, but no: he's going to make mafiosos afraid. He's going to very specifically make them feel unsafe in their own homes. He's going to terrorize every crooked cop and politician until quitting and struggling for the rest of their lives sounds like a better option than continuing to take an extra 10k home a month.

....so anyway, Alfred unfortunately loves this kid too much to throw him into Arkham, and it seems like he'd be pretty hard to wrestle now after going through all that assassin training.

So early Alfred takes on what eventually sort of gets outsourced to Oracle, because even if he hasn't been around it since Martha and Thomas were alive he remembers more about upper crust society behavior and Bruce needs to nail it down. So it's not just "here's the summary of the daily newspaper master bruce" it's "this is Julia Danvers she's the only heiress to an oil field fortune and has an allergy to shellfish. She's sort of into environmentalism but isn't really thinking it through and any real complicated solutions that would cause damage to the business make her feel like the end of her family line, which of course ends with a woman and they're going to blame her for being a woman and ruining the business for everyone else. So when you talk to her, here is what I think you should do..."

Bruce doesn't pick his meals anymore because he barely eats so Alfred makes a protein shake with so many other added nutrients that you do have to ease yourself onto them unless you want to absolutely annihilate your gut and suffer in the bathroom for three days. Of course, Bruce never had to think about this, because Alfred did the easing on himself by varying the inputs over the course of a month gradually with the rest of his meals that were easy digestables.

Talking down from fear gas isn't something they plan for but it is something that like: Bruce is seeing a monster. It is telling him the terrible things it will do.

It is using Alfred's voice, so Bruce has to believe there's a good reason for it to do those things, and gives himself over to it.

It's not just that Alfred puts aside what he'd carefully raised and hoped for to ruthlessly try and keep alive what he has. It's that Bruce knows he's being handled, and allows it.

[theyeeterskeeter]

I keep thinking about how Alfred used to Not Be A Nice Man and probably had a handler, and how especially in early batman he probably had to sort of become Bruce's handler. He's keeping Bruce updated on daytime politics, trying to hit a diet that will handle this activity level, advise his interactions with people, picks clothing and makeup to disguise injuries, knows how to talk him down from fear gas attacks

I just really want more of the relationship where it's obvious it's weird. people sort of lump it in with having a butler raise you weirdness, but it's when the man who raised you and loves you is also your handler.

[theyeeterskeeter]

You know the "all osha regulations come from blood" thing? I like to imagine the exact thing happens with the Justice League. The list of protocols and rules goes on so long but every single one has a story behind it.

Some of them seem out of place, or down right useless. New members often scoff at the trainings they're tasked to attend.

One of the regulations involves a required emergency survivalist kit on every space craft the Leauge owns, and requires routine inspections of said kits. New members get stuck with that bit of maintenence, and often complain "there's no reason it'll ever be needed." That is, until a begrudged Batman plays a video from the time Aquaman, Flash, and Wonder Woman got stuck on an ice planet with no vegetation or wildlife and they nearly froze to death.

Those who can fly ask why they need to attend trainings on emergency landing procedure. Any founding member gladly points to the framed front page Daily Planet article on the wall. It documents the island-sized crater Superman made after being super-punched back into the atmosphere a few years back.

And so on.

If you kill a civilian, knowingly, out of outright negligence, Batman will be out for blood. You'll be kicked off the League if you're lucky. You're an adult and you should know better. Every single rule and contingency he has in place is either because someone fucked up once, or they're like to fuck up someday.

Over time, those same cocky new members slowly realize that Batman is the one cleaning up after those incidents. He's the one who pays off the families and replaces the equipment. He quietly settles lawsuits and pays for future medical care. He repairs buildings and offers grants to displaced civilians. And then he goes up to the Watchtower, writes up the new regulation, and has to live with that kind of responsibility all over again. Because now they know better. Now there's a rule, and god willing, this won't happen again.

Being stupid, being cocky, just simple ignoring the rules briefly -- it all has a cost. And usually, that cost is borne by the flesh-and-blood humans, not the metas, aliens, or gods. Humans.