theyearofthereapingtiger

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

Saying the place you live. Where the memories were made. Tastes like metallic in my mouth.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

Dear Johnny,

What T-Swift said.

Sincerely,

Well you know

PS

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

Just like a ghost I remain in the background of your life and haunt you. Even on one of the happiest days of your life.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

This is two of your weddings I've been to. You didn't know I was here, but I was hiding away hoping it'd rain on your wedding day. Or hoping you'd see me. Whichever happened first.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

Much like a schizophrenic, when the outside world starts verbalizing what the dark voice inside your head has been saying all along, it's hard to tell what's reality.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

Do you admire my girlhood on your key chain?

Do I come across as a hint of remince across your brain?

Do you just think of the way I felt in your hands?

Every curve, every caress, every tug, every pull.

Or do you push them to the side like you did me during that June?

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

Pinky promising was our thing.

When you said I love you, I made you pinky promise.

And in return I had to pinky promise I wouldn't end my life that day.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

A T-Swift song for J:

If you would've blinked, then I would've

Looked away at the first glance

If you tasted poison, you could've

Spit me out at the first chance

And if I was some paint, did it splatter

On a promising grown man?

And if I was a child, did it matter

If you got to wash your hands?

Ooh, ooh, ooh

All I used to do was pray

Would've, could've, should've

If you never looked my way

I would've stayed on my knees

And I damn sure would've never danced with the devil at 19

And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you left me wondering

If you never touched me, I would've

Gone along with the righteous

If I never blushed, then they could've

Never whispered about this

And if you never saved me from boredom

I could've gone on as I was

But, Lord, you made me feel important

And then you tried to erase us

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh

You're a crisis of my faith

Would've, could've, should've

If I'd only played it safe

I would've stayed on my knees

And I damn sure would've never danced with the devil at 19

And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you left me wondering

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be

The tomb won't close

Stained glass windows in my mind

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close

I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?

Years of tearing down our banners, you and I

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

And I damn sure would've never danced with the devil at 19

And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you left me wondering

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be

The tomb won't close

Stained glass windows in my mind

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close

I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be

The tomb won't close

Stained glass windows in my mind

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close

I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

The dazzling parallels of us ditching the whole town and only driving to make memories kept between two.

You, H, and him, J.

Funny how that is.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

Here we are stuck in a situationship all because you were too scared to make the right move to turn it into a relationship.

Our situationship still continues. It's me sending you messages at the late night thinking hour trying for you to budge. Whether that budge is towards me or away from me forever.

But on the fence you stay just like every other time.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

I have an itch in my head that only a bullet can scratch.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

i may not be your only love but tell me i was your favorite

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

I have one night stands with people in the emotional type way.

I dump my issues like I would splay my body for them to feast on.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

What connected him to me: "That’s not true. But probably because you genuinely cared and I felt safe with you. Because if you think about it what happened that night gave no sexual satisfaction in a way that would connect me too you. I’ve thought about that being it but there’s no way. I enjoyed it but it couldn’t connect me too you. So that’s the only thing I could think of that did."

What connected me to him: "This is how it is. You have been one of the two people who I felt fully safe with, I could talk to you, AND be understood by you. And I felt like I did the same for you. Maybe, that's why we have that connection or I have that."

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

When he closed his eyes, leaned his head back, and kept saying "Good girl" or "That's a good girl" as I was finishing.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

I felt fearless, untouchable, and tiny laying on your chest in your truck.

[theyearofthereapingtiger]

I've become the one thing I've sworn and advocated against...a cheater.