thexturtle

[thexturtle]

the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, "you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?" and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds

[thexturtle]

Scrubs (also known as Bustas) were a type of Male Loser common in late 20th and early 21st century America.

[thexturtle]

[thexturtle]

no caption needed

[thexturtle]

There's an open pit in the middle of our office plan that drops down into a bunch of very sharp spikes that kill you instantly. This is bad. People keep falling in there and dying. Someone put a sign up, the other day, all bright yellow so you can't miss it, that says "Beware!!! Spikes!!!"

The office immediately split into two factions over it. One says that if anyone falls in the spike pit it's their own fault for being so stupid and not watching where they're walking, so we should remove the sign. The other says that the sign is an insult, there shouldn't be a spike pit in our office at all, and having the sign up like that is just normalising the existence of the spike pit, so we should remove the sign.

We ended up removing the sign. Probably for the better. Still... for a while there it looked like it might have worked...

[thexturtle]

I've slowly been chipping away at drawing scenes from that imaginary Muppet retelling of the Princess Bride, figured it was about time to share what I've drawn on Tumblr!

[thexturtle]

picked up a zine on my way home, fuckin love baltimore

[thexturtle]

much better footage of the haka that shut down parliament today

[thexturtle]

[thexturtle]

i never understood what made steampunk punk. romanticizing georgian era england and industrial revolutions are some of the least punk things ever. youre putting gears on a top hat

[thexturtle]

Yesterday our DM told me that my warlock can keep his skeleton minions in his bag of holding 💀

[thexturtle]

Russian nesting dolls

[thexturtle]

Damn

[thexturtle]

Here in Minneapolis the 3rd precinct police station we burned up during the George Floyd riots is still sitting there scorched with concrete barriers & barbed wire. They had a sign up that said like "Clean Up Begins 2024 ☺️🕊️🙏🏻" but it's still untouched, like a holy or cursed place. Part of the landscape. I pass it almost every day. It's an enormous source of pride for our community.

[thexturtle]

So I unnerved the neighbors again.

It's late at night. I've just gotten out of the shower, and am preparing for bed in the bathroom. Normally once I'm done I throw on my fuzzy robe, go get a glass of water, and am off to bed. However, I realize I've left my robe upstairs in my bedroom. It's cold as fuck in the house, so I'm not just using a towel to cover up and go up. Fortunately for ME, I happened to have something else to wear in the bathroom:

My giant ass, warm and cozy possum onesie I wore for Halloween, completely with possum head hood which I pull up because it doesn't feel right NOT to pull it up when it's available, you can't half-ass wearing this sort of shit.

So into the kitchen I go for my water, dressed as a literal possum, cozy and warm. In the light, I am adorable.

But in the kitchen, I am not in the light. Much like real possums, both because they do not understand electricity and because they like the dark, I don't turn on the lights. I get my glass, fill it up, and am fully intending to head to bed. But I am a tiny bit hungry, and a tiny bit high, I realize, and, well... shredded cheese makes a nice late night snack.

So I get my bag of shredded cheese (taco cheese specifically if you must know), and am just standing their munching out of the bag, in the dark, dressed as a possum. I am content.

I think you can see where this is going.

Yet again, I have failed to remember the kitchen window and the direct proximity of the neighbor's window.

She was also getting a drink.

I glance up.

Eye contact is made.

Her:

And my possum ass and my mouthful of cheese is just like

We stared for a long moment.

I don't know what else to do, so I awkwardly just... wave.

Do you know that clip where Homer backs away into the bushes? That was her.

Between this, the previous 2AM cheese eating encounter, and the fact that she once caught me outside at midnight holding my snake up to the full moon because every snake should get to enjoy that at least once, I think this might be why only her husband speaks to me.

[thexturtle]

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