thexturtle

[thexturtle]

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

[thexturtle]

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

[thexturtle]

GO APOLLO GO

SIC 'EM

EVERYONE LEND HIM YOUR STRENGTH!

[thexturtle]

[thexturtle]

[thexturtle]

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

[thexturtle]

this is the best picture ive ever seen

[thexturtle]

i hauve a cold

[thexturtle]

I don’t know if I’ve spelled it out on tumblr yet, but I want to talk about The Mammal List. 

The Mammal List is something I came up with when I was in a mental health intensive outpatient program four(!!) years ago. The premise is that we are at our core animals, and if I consider myself the way I’d consider a pet cat, I’m much more likely to practice good self-care:

1. Mammals need food. Eat something! If the Hellbeast doesn’t pass judgment on a piece of cheese, neither should you. (She also eats anything small enough to fit in her mouth, so be judicious in that respect. Food is good. Lint is not.)

2. Mammals need hydration. Drink something! It doesn’t have to be water. It could be delicious tuna juice. You’re a discerning creature. I trust you. 

3. Mammals need sleep. Make a soft nest and let yourself enjoy it. Knead it until it’s comfortable. Let yourself rest as long as you need. Just existing is hard. You’ve earned a break. 

4. Mammals need movement. Take your precious body and do something. Don’t hurt yourself. Be kind.

5. Mammals need stimulation. Treat yourself to a new jingle ball or mousie toy. Get a bird feeder and stare at it. Let yourself really enjoy it. Play is in your nature.

6. Mammals need socialization. I know this one is particularly difficult these days, but if you don’t keep reaching out, you’re going to forget yourself and start biting people. 

7. Mammals need cleanliness. Nobody likes scooping the litterbox, but it has to be done. Don’t forget your own body. Make your fur shine. Treat yourself as the luminous creature you are. 

And most important of all: don’t feel guilty. This isn’t about deserving (although you do deserve it). You’re an animal and you need these things to survive, and I very much want you to survive. 

[thexturtle]

I don't really think it's fair to dismiss the idea that that guy might have been framed for killing the CEO as like an unfounded conspiracy theory when NYPD has a proven history of planting/fabricating evidence on people. in 2011 there was a massive investigation of the NYPD and hundreds of cases against people were dismissed after a former police officer testified that they literally have a name for planting evidence on people: flaking. you cannot be out here acting like considering the possibility that cops who do this shit under normal circumstances might possibly also do it when they're under intense global pressure and scrutiny is the same as republicans thinking democrats run a secret pedophile ring in the basement of a pizza restaurant

[thexturtle]

I would like to wish everyone an uneventful new year

[thexturtle]

If you have a stockpile you are an addict

Btw you have to refill on the same day you run out of medication

Btw you will have seizures and possibly die if you miss your medication

Btw the pharmacy will not order your medication in advance of the one day you are allowed to call and refill it

But you are an addict who should be criminalized if you have a few days stockpiled so you don’t have a seizure and die.

This is a normal way to treat disabled people who need medication that keeps them from dying.

[thexturtle]

[thexturtle]

i am going to fucking choke i'm watching the new defunctland,

it's about the history of animatronics and the way that kevin read this quote has me dying like

THIS

THING

COULD

KILL

YOU

IF ROBO-LINCOLN MALFUNCTIONED YOU COULD BE NAUGHT BUT D U S T

~Marc Davis

[thexturtle]

[thexturtle]

Remember Luigi is currently innocent

Couldn't Be Any Conflict