thevoidwaitingforacall

[thevoidwaitingforacall]

hi tumblr! i'm starting to write a book (finally smh), and i thought as a little introduction, i'd share a little something i wrote about the main character, and what they mean to me:

"Amadeus is me (the author). He is my physical representation of a lot of repressed parts of me. He is my depersonalization, where I don't feel real and like a person. I feel so distant from who I am and my mortality that I can hardly look at myself in a mirror. I do not feel human and the world around me feels like tv static and dust. He is my experience being neurodivergent and navigating the world, not understanding how other people comprehend intense emotions. His inability to deal with overwhelming feelings and expressing them in a way that is harsh or odd, and sometimes painful to feel internally, is all me. He is my feelings placed on full volume instead of being muted in the corner of my mind. He is my experience existing being put on paper, where i can list all my confusions and yell out my frustrations. He is my odd feeling where I want to strangle myself yet feel the wet grass under my feet when I simply look at art. Amadeus is his name yet his name sounds like mine on my tongue. He is me. I am him."