theunimportantthoughtsofliz

[theunimportantthoughtsofliz]

thoughts .

its been a while since ive blogged.. and oddly i miss the secretary of it. i remember back in high school i would blog everyday, whether it was just a story from my day or something i as feeling.. and a lot of times my feelings were thick and disgusting. i was disgusted with my self back then and to be very honest, i still am. i wake up everyday wondering why am i still here. but then the positive side of me tells me to stfu and go about my day. i have a devil and angel on my shoulder. its a constant war between them and my inner self. my emotions only seem to be their battle field. i can never get my emotions in order simply because i don't even know if im feeling or if im feeling too much.. and in the times when im feeling too much im ready to see red drip from my wrist. this is not technically suicidal thoughts or anything like that. i just sometimes, well mostly want to feel something other than what i feel inside. so when i punch a wall.. its probably the most peace im feeling in that moment, in the moment when im feeling entirely way too much. the pain is a distraction from the inner and a sigh of relief at the same time. my mind is a dark place to be everyday when death literally over shadows everything.. but on some days.. like today, some sun comes into my dark skies. but when i try to make the sun shine brighter and wider, my chosen, makes me feel as if what i want is completely out of question. little do they know that im actually seeing a future. not necessarily about them, not meaning i wouldnt see one with them. meaning that i have a little hope that my life wont be cut short by a horrible accident that i have envisioned, a rare disease or hidden health issue. or that i wont simply take my own life before i have even lived it. its easy to talk about a future with someone or something, going based off of what they see with you, so you begin to plan with them and start believing that theres a slim chance. but then at the end of the day or in the early hours of the morning i see my life draining from me. physically, emotionally and mentally. i see the darkness creeping in the behind me everyday. i feel my life force being pulled into nothingness and disintegrating into thin air. i am so empty but so full at the same time. empty with no ways of escape from the addicting voice of the corrupted liz. but so full of towering emotions that hits all at once causing everything to go numb. i dont know, this are just so hard sometimes... 

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WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY

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i dropped off my resume at this place at 1:15 and got called for an interview at 1:45 holy dang

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@thelovejournals

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Buy Here

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“When the silence and the aloneness press down and around me, crushing me, carving through me like ice, I need to speak aloud sometimes, if only for proof of life.”

— Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine | @wordsnquotes

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Lower levels.

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“what I can’t put in my mouth, I won’t put on my skin” - Hamamat, in Accra, Ghana