thetroubledtwenties

[thetroubledtwenties]

Day 1: Profile Construction

Sending out positive vibes - pretty people of the interweb!

I welcome you to Day One of the Dating Site Experiment.

To cover all my bases I will let you know a little bit about Lottie, and my intentions in this new venture.

This is uncharted territory for us all.  I have never been on dating sites, never needed to be. There are endless eligible bachelors in the Manhattan scene...

I will out myself, I was engaged. *Spoiler Alert* it didn't work out. The quirks really tend to come out when they feel they have you locked down.

A year later and countless boring dates later, I was sitting up in bed (being jealous of my cat and the simplicity of her life) it hit me. A light bulb had gone off in my head and I simply couldn't dull the glimmer in my eye. How could I meet a surplus of single (or secretly married men seeking their newest mistress) - not my type - without leaving the comfort of my loft?

The plan began to form.

I would create a dating profile using my own pictures, a fake nickname, and all factual information about Little ole Lottie.

It didn't stop there. I toyed with the idea of having a set list of requirements these online suitors would need to meet before having a shot at a face-to-face. So here we have it.  

The Full Profile. 

Name: Lottie

Gender: Female

Age: 24

Location: Manhattan

Occupation: Full-Time Writer

Cat Mom - Doesn't want Children

Sign: Leo

Now onto that wee part where I am supposed to draw you in and introduce myself to you, hope you're ready for something a little different.

I am the black nail polish of every father's nightmare. I'm the girl that lived down the block your mom told you to stay away from. My favorite necklace is a rabies tag I swiped from a vet's office latched around my throat with a silver chain, decorated with a larger piece of jewelry stating my name, loving how it glints in the city sunlight. My opinions on the day to day world will likely confound you, as much as they do myself as much as my daily fashion choices. I read far more than I watch TV and no I haven't seen Game of Thrones... sorry. I don't keep up on celebrities and I am still developing a means to be a Hepburn in a world of Kardashians. I write somewhere between 4 to 7 hours a day, I live on coffee, Redbull, tea, and cigarettes. I live in my own little world and you're welcome to join, there are only a few requirements I have before I will even think on replying.

1. Be honest. If you have other girls you are talking to, I'll probably ask what her name is and how she likes her eggs, or something equally as random as that. As long as I know where I stand, you will always know where you do. I hold nothing back, I've spent too much of my life keeping my thoughts in my head trying to appear normal.

2. State your intentions and stick with them. Don't tell me you want to casually date while seeing other people, then all of a sudden I have 27 missed calls and am being hunted down, being accused of being a floozy. - Don't tell me you want to get to know me and see where it goes long term and I then send you a text and get an answer a week later saying something along the lines of... "Sorry I was soo busy." (We all know those texts)

3. I am not going to be up your ass. I don't double text or blow up your phone. I have come to a point where I have realized jealousy is the devil's juice. Have the same courtesy, if I don't text you back in an hour or a day I'm probably just busy, or need some time to re-up on my social skills. Unless I specifically told you I was no longer interested (Which I will situation provided) I will get back to you.

4. Words mean everything to me as a writer, use them well.

5. I travel at any chance I get, road trips, weekends away, opportunity knocks or boredom sets in and I'm gone. I may invite you to come along, but if I tell you I have a trip planned or just something along the lines of "Hey I'm leaving for Italy for a week. Chow." It means I'm exploring the world solo.

6. If you don't like cats plan to slumber at your own place for the full term of any romantic entanglements with me. She was here first.

7. Expect the unexpected. Cliche but the complete truth in my case. I love baking cookies at two AM walking around barefoot and braless. I'll spout random quotes using material from song lyrics, Disney movies, poems and books you've likely never heard of. I have a short fuse but I'm working on it, Leo spirit and all. I love food and will never turn down sashimi, tuna is preferred. I will randomly come to you with new tattoos and one-liners coated in sarcasm.

With all of this as printed in black and white, clear as crystal you still want to inbox me, I welcome it. 

“May the odds be ever in your favor.”

There you have it. The fully constructed profile. And all the requirements.

I have also set rules for myself that there is absolutely no breaking or exceptions. These are good rules to set in place for yourself if you're trying your hand at online dating.

A. Only answer messages do not send out any. B. Only answer messages if the potential suitor appears to have read the whole profile in its entirety. C. Set aside 4 to 6 fifteen minute intervals to send and reply to messages or it can take over your whole life, plus the silence throughout the day will leave them wanting more. D. Only give out your personal number after having spoken to them for a full day and it is going well. This process is almost like weeding out the bad eggs. E. Be open to their intentions and know what you want. As I am not expecting anything from this I am open to just hanging out, to long term, to casual dating answers as long as their up front. F. Meet them for the first time in a public place, this is just smart and playing it safe. G. No sex on the first date. H. Have fun and remember all the details after all this is all in the name of science!

Now that you know the name of the game we sit. 

Profile just went live, we've cast our line now we wait for the fish to bite.

Sitting pretty & never petty,

Lottie