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[thetropicalbabe-blog]

My failed relationship hits me hard, like so hard, I feel like I will never love anyone as hard as I once did, ever again.

Nikita: What did you said to him?

Me: Nothing

Nikita: He looked so mesmerized, his eyes locked on you, like literally no one here but you

Me: He’s not that bad

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

We were sitting by the beach, looking at three hot Dutch guy laying next to us that were too busy picking up song to listen to.

Me: A music will be good

Nikita: What do you want?

Me: Stars are blind, Paris Hilton

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

I suddenly remember that time I watched La La Land..

Him: Did you like the movie?

Me: Uhm yeah, just tragic, thought it would be a happy ending

Him: Weren’t all love stories meant to be end tragically?

I rolled my eyes but basically agreed. Just, too proud to lose. He was right.

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

My Break-Up Email

Dear X,

You're probably never hates me and wanted to shut me out of your life this bad, like right now.

And yes, you have 100% rights to do so.

I know maybe you thought, I shouldn't talk to your girlfriend. But when I asked you "Can I talk to her and ask her?" You simply said "You can just do whatever you want".

For that matters, girls intuition lead her to whoever/whatever she wanna discover. And that was my bad luck, to discover you've been with anyone else while you're away from me.

Did you remember that I told you, whatever happens there stays there? You should really understand whats the meaning of those words... That means I love you a lot to ignore whatever you did over there, as long as you're with me you're mine, and fuck everything happened while you're away from me. I don't wanna know, and I don't mind as long as I didn't see or heard about it.

I have been totally honest to whatever I feel and do, to you the whole relationship. I think I have told you enough about this relationship matters, the relationship we faced is not easy and never will. I told you trillion times, to let me know, if you don't love me and not into me anymore. I will be so thankful if you just do so. Cause you're gonna be a real life hero. For saving myself from a major heartbreak. Most importantly, for letting free your true self on what you really love and want to. You have been a good man the whole time. You're so kind and funny at the same time. You're just, something I couldn't describe how grateful I am to know you and to discover things with you.

Maybe its just happened in my head, Maybe its just what I called intuition, Or maybe its just simply me, its always been me, the whole time........

To ignore the things that seems to be too obvious to be true. Simply because I am so selfish, saving myself for the worse case. Now that I know the story goes like this, you left me down in confusion.

Did you, yourself know, and let this happen? Did you want to let me know so I can back off for good to let you guys be together? Or Did you want to let her know that I am exist, so you can be back with me?

But don't worry, I need no explanation.

Sayang, I love you too much. And it hurts so bad to see things has fallen apart this way.

Now I would like to let you know, that I will be off for good. So you don't have to worry about me. So you don't have to choose between me or her. So you don't have to tell me more lies and let me still thinking "I am the only one you see the future with", like you always said... when I am being a bitch.

Cause if you love me enough, she won't be there between us. Or I guess, if I treat you right enough, you wouldn't be thinking of promising another girl to be with you. Am I right?

Have a really good holiday, wherever you wanna go, whoever you wanna be with. I am still gonna be here to talk to, only if you wanted to.

All I wanna say is: Proof me I am wrong. Or just leave me in peace, you don't have to say a word. Thank you.

Kiss

Astrid

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

My Post Break-Up

Okay, I sometimes get jealous to everyone I know, that can move on, very, easily. Like, dating this one for half year, break up, and a week later they bring the new one. I always wonder how did they do it? What was their secret? Moving on from one guy to another guy is NOT something I can do overnight, really.

I am a hard to impress type of girl. I don’t judge a guy (or anyone) by physical appearance. I like what I see, but that is not priority. I don’t like to be chased, weird, I know. And if I like you a lot, you will know. I don’t hide it, I make it obvious for you to see (and feel), so you can choose to follow up or simply leave.

When I love someone, I love him hard, sooo hard he can’t even take it and decide to leave... LOL, but really, this happened once. That is why if the relationship ended, it takes quite some time for me to heal.

For me, the breakup cycle goes:

Breakdown phase: A little bit breakdown is basically alright, because breakup is painful. In this phase, I don’t know whether the breakup is really happening or not, therefore I need to talk to my closest friend asap to tell them the whole story (that’s what girls do, fyi). I also make myself busy as much as possible, busy with the business, exercising, hang out with friends, shopping, whatever, you name it.. I will never think of my failed relationship when I’m busy thinking about anything else.

Sad phase: This phase is when breakup hits me and drop me to the lowest mood. I get very sensitive after realising the breakup is real. At this stage, I can almost relate to every break-up songs and quotes I found online, lol.

Healing phase: At this phase, I keep telling myself “It is what it is, not what it should.” I will start to get back my normal life, being the cheerful girl I always am. Going out with everyone that asked me to. I don’t have the “blocking all contact and social media” phase, I never do it. We started as friend and always will, relationship may ends but never friendship. Even after I’ve been cheated on, I don’t have a hard feeling towards him and still have have his contact.

These past 7 years I was officially dating two guys, the first one last for 3 years, the other one last for 2 years. I mean, I have always in a serious, long term relationship, I don’t even know how to keep it casual. One night stand was never for me.

My last relationship failed on December 2015, and I’ve been in the healing phase eversince. It hits me SO HARD, I can’t even breath that night. I asked myself, what did I do wrong? Why things ended the way it is? and what’s even crazy was when I think of myself as a failed human being that can’t keep someone to stay, and that true love was never for me. But now that it ends, I can finally understands that I can never make anyone stays if they don’t have the intention to.

So guys, yeah, single, available, ready to mingle.

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

Entrepreneur Life

I think I’ve said that I started to make money on my own when I was 8 and sold fruits from my parents garden. Since then, I have ALWAYS find a way to make money from everything that is possible.

I had a tech savvy classmates in the 9th grader that sits next to me. This guy was fun and most importantly in the same wavelength with me, he was as crazy, so we vibe well. Since we were so close the teachers wanted to separate us, they don’t feel okay to see a girl sitting next to a boy. There was no written rules in my school that boy-girl can’t sit together, so we still sit next to each other. Back then in middle school, everyone (mostly) have a Nokia mobile phone. My friend had a cool theme on his phone and I didn’t know that you can actually customize it. So, I told him to help my phone with it and the next day I started to advertise it to everyone I know. I ALWAYS check my phone in front of everyone and they were like “wow your theme is cool, how could you do that?” and I always said “Cool huh? You want some too? I’m selling 3 themes for $5. Just give me your memory card and it will be ready tomorrow.” And oh yeah it works sooooo well. I told my friend that I wanted to make this symbian themes business, so he download cool themes and I sell it. I got 5 themes for $5 and I sold 3 for $5, it was a really quick cash.

Then in high school, my sis and I were selling chocs. My sis bought it from the factory with a lot cheaper price and we sell it at school and home. We also sold BlackBerry at school, lol, really. Back then on 2010 BlackBerry was a thing, and everyone was so into it. So we bought one online and sell it at school, yes, really.

I sold food through my freshman until sophomore year, the classic croquette and some pies. I don’t make much but seeing everyone love it was everything. Then shit happened, some of people started to take the food without paying. Well, the food I sold was put at the pantry with a box next to sit, so technically whoever take the food just need to put the money on that box, this worked fine until one day I heard someone said “Astrid don’t need money, she got enough though.” Well... I was shocked, not that I don’t need money, you’re an asshole for saying that.

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

Parenting According to My Parents! (2)

Believe it or not I was never one of those kids who had a TV in their room (I finally had one when I moved out of my parents house and started to live on my own, at the age of 18) nor was a kid who was given a car as a birthday present (I WISH THO).

My Dad once told me “You will never get full access of the car, you are a student, your pocket money won’t afford the gas and maintenance. But once you started to work, I’ll buy you a car. I take installments.” I was like “Whaaaat?” Then he goes “I bought my first car with my own money. Whatever I have will eventually be yours, but life is hard, I won’t let you take the shortcut. You want it, you work for it”

I was mad at first because many of my friends were just need to ask their parents for money or playstation, or whatever they want, and poof, it will always be granted. I was “I want genie kinda parents too.” really. But, again, I told you, my Dad is a man of his words, once I started to work full time, he gave me the car, and I pay him $200/month for the installment. Yeah really, God only knows when I can finish it.

I started to get pocket money (that can only afford another meal) in midschool, because apparently my lunchbox is not enough for my daily routine. My day at school starts from monday to saturday, as early as 6:45am until 2pm, followed by piano course, English course, French course (Oui, je sais parler le français, mais je préfère parler anglais avec vous…), taekwondo, and marching band in between. That’s how active I was.

Back then when I was in middle school, everyone has their own mobile phone. Every. Single. One. I begged my parents for one in the 7th grader and they told me they didn’t see the need of mobile phone for me yet. My mom eventually gave me one when I was in the 2nd grader, which was a year after I begged her, because my schedule were so hectic and she needs to reach me all the time to check where I am at. It was a basic phone from motorola I can’t even remember the type. Then one fine day, my bahasa indonesia teacher called me up to her office, she told me she wanted to send me to the writing short story competition that will be held in two weeks. Crazy. I know I naturally love to write everything, but I thought a goddamn competition in two weeks was waaaaay out of my league, also they set up the theme I need to write 5 minutes before it starts. I spent 2 hours extra time everyday to stay at school and write a different story each day. “Will I ever make this? Will I ever make my parents and my school proud of me?” So I literally said fuck it, bring it on. Surprisingly I got the first place for three times and it leads me to the scholarship I never thought I could get it. I bought a Nokia N70 for myself that cost me my whole first prize. But it was worth it. Brains bring money. That was my mindset, and still it is, but now added with ‘creativity is the key’.

And you know what’s even crazier? I had a curfew, to be home by 6PM, the latest. And still applicable when I came home. #growingupwithasianparent struggle lol. I once failed to come home by 6PM and my Dad locked the gate and won’t let me in. I cried for some time, my mom felt bad and asked my sis to open the gate for me, and told me to go straight to my bedroom. I was crying myself to sleep silently, facing the walls (because I have never been locked out before) when someone stepped in to my room, my Dad! He cried next to me (yes he did), and touched my shoulder and said “I am sorry for what I did today, it’s because I love you. Can you please listen to me once? It’s not that hard.” Then few minutes after he left, my mom came to my room and cried too, she caress my hair and said “You know how hard your dad is, you should have known what to do. Don’t do it again.” They both thought I was asleep, I have never seen my parents cried, and I really, really feel bad. And yeah, never again.

Back then in Uni, my Dad cut my allowances because I went out way too much and spent the money stupidly so that I forgot what my responsibility was: study. He gave me $50 a month, a freaking month. I have never got so much anyway, my allowances were always spent on food. But how can I live from that? Well, I had my business to rent out a cam, daily, and it pretty much help me.

I know from my story, my parents, especially my Dad, sounds really hard on us. But it is what it is. And the truth is that, it’s so worth it, sometimes kids need to be taught and treated like that, at least for me. The world is a wild and hard place for a fragile human being, and they were just basically set me up to not to be a fragile one.

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

Parenting According to My Parents! (1)

Oh hi? you’re probably here because I asked you to yesterday? good.

I grew up in the “If you want it, you gotta work for it” and “Nothing EVER comes easy” household. That’s just how my parents raised me.

There was a time when I want a bicycle and asked my Dad to buy me one, I was only 7 years old, and I remember he told me “Show me straight A and you will get the bicycle the next day.” I was studying hard to make it. My semester reports finally came and I was on the 1st rank. Told you, my Dad is a man of his words, he got me bike the next day, a fucking, mountain bike. My feet barely touch the ground when I’m on it. What I meant by bike was a BMX, it was so cool back then and everyone have it. I was so pissed, he came to me and said “This bicycle will last untill you get to high school, or even longer.” Oh wow.. I have never realised that my Dad is so economic.

I was considered part of the middle class and still am. I had access to all the necessary tools and technology needed for a good education, I also had plenty of educational toys and games needed for a good quality of life as a kid. Note the word “educational toys.”, yeah they vow to NEVER buy kids toys unless it’s for educational purposes. Duh :/

I remember I once asked my Dad to buy me a sega, or nintendo, or playstation, or xbox (I know, I seemed to ask a lot, cause I know he would never agreed anyway), he came home with an upgraded computer. I was like “Whaaattt the….” and all I can play was Chip’s Challenge, which I didn’t mind at all (it was my favorite). Again, he said the computer will be beneficial and last longer than a playstation ever was.

From a very early age, I learned to be independent and somewhat “fend for myself” you could say. Oh Back then, tamagotchi was a THING. Everyone have it, and I want it too. I know my parents would never buy me one, and I don’t have money, too. By the age of 8, I started to sell fruit from my parents garden. I don’t know what is called in English, I don’t even know what they call it in bahasa indonesia, I only know the local word for it. Anyway that fruit does looks like a Longan, taste sweet and sour (depends on the maturity). I sell the fruit everyday for a month then I finally able to buy myself a goddamn tamagotchi! by that time I owned one, everyone was already upgrade to digivice……. but I was super happy because I bought it myself.

BTW, did I mention that I have NEVER had a pocket money in primary? Mom and Dad, (and uncles, and aunties) drop and pick us up to school, I brought my own lunchbox and water from home. So as a kid, there is no need for money.

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.

Ursula K. Le Guin

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Pseudonym

Oh hi, it’s been a while.

The struggle of writing for me is that, I am such a moody girl.

I used to be that person who shares a looot, a-z, pretty much everything, online, for the world to see (yeah, I know). My mindset was set to whatever I do, people will always have opinions, might as well…

BUT, living in Indonesia, with their Indonesian curiosity as if everything is their business is hard, it’s really hard bruh.

So the title goes along with the story I am about to tell. 

Now that I am entering the big girl life, I am trying to live my professional, personal, and social life separately. It’s more to my personal choice. Some people might find my contents upsetting for some reasons, like, drunken pics from last night or bikini pics from last holiday. Bruh.. I don’t wanna sounds racist, but again, here in Indonesia, people are freely commenting (more to judging) you for everything, EVERYTHING. You gained weight? comments. You lose weight? more comments. You date this guy? another comments. You buy this thing? lots of comments. I don’t wanna sounds like I’m the chillest around here, but I actually am so chill. You do you.

This kinda creepy but this really happened to me! I used to have all account under one name and back then on 2015, there was this guy, which happened to be my loyal reader on my previous blog, out of his curiosity wanted to know me, the real me to be precised. So he creatively look my name up and found everything, literally EVERY-SINGLE-THING. So I am always being positive, pretty much all the time and to anything. Aaannnddddd….. I agreed to see him in person in a cafe close by my flat. I know it was crazy but I GOT AN ADMIRER GUYS, or more to loyal reader, but, yeah I wanna know what he thinks of my posts. He is a total stranger so his opinion must be honest, at least that was what I thought. Why cafe? I mean, for the sake of my safety, it’s a fucking cafe and full of people, so if he’s gonna be weird or harmful I am SO READY to run. He was all okay and nice until…….. he gave me NZ things. That shit scares the hell outta me. MY GOD New Zealand gifts. Hallo??? I honestly never talked about my obsession of NZ to anyone unless that person is in my circle. Ugh, now that you guys read this, yall know it. ANYWAY, he gave me gifts from NZ cause he was there two weeks prior to see me. WHAT?! He told me he was sorry for not giving me anything (he consider the gifts he gave me were nothing), oh I’m flattered wow, but REALLY… how did he know I’m obsessed with NZ?!

So I left with Uber once he walked away. I didn’t go straight home but to my friends flat to tell them this crazy story. It was so fresh, I had the urge to tell them in person, soo sooo soon.

Soon after that I realized that I need the new level of privacy for myself. So people like that won’t find me easily. I am not ready for a fame yet, fyi. That is why, I feel the need to use alias, never my real, real name.. Alright maybe the first name is, but guys there are billion other girls all over the world with the same name so yeaaah... Alsooo, when I heard company started to check your social media for personal background check kind of things.. It sounds so weird to me. Can’t imagine they find my resume, type my name on google and voilaaa... they found out that this girl has been eating baby food three times a day and has not wash herself three days in a row, like..... wow, will they think twice to hire me? but what I understand is that as long as I’m doing good on the job you don’t need to know what flavor of baby food I ate and when was the last time I showered uhm.. right? Well, I mean, apart from partying and traveling and some ranting in between I am a pretty normal girl. It’s not fair to judge anyone solely from one aspect. AGAIN, this is just my opinion. But I do keep my professional profile board and my social posts as true as it is. I don’t hide anything. I do filter things and audiences though, I’m just being honest.

To the guy I talked about, just in case you read this.. sorry that I made it harder to track me……

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

This is the view from my room in Cocohuts Hotel, Karimun Jawa. The one I was staying at is the deluxe bungalow with sea view which cost around $50/night, with a complimentary breakfast that you can choose, either nasi goreng or banana pancake. The room is clean and nice, very traditional. The view is amazing, worth the hike. The manager on-site, amos, was so helpful!

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

The picture was taken in Batu Topeng beach at Karimun Jawa. I went there with my sister in summer 2016. Karimun Jawa is an Indonesian archipelago in the Java Sea. The island is known for shark conservation area, mangrove forests, white sands, crystal clear water beaches, and coral reefs.

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

So this is the girl who writes this blog, yup this is the tropical babe herself.

Let me tell you the story behind her name.

She was born and raised in the tropical country, in South East Asia. Have you ever heard about a country named Indonesia? You haven’t? Guess where Bali is located at? Yes. Still in doubt? Look it up.

She used to date a white guy that loves to call her “my tropical girl”. She likes the idea of it, a nickname that she thinks completely describe her, petite and tanned-skin. She loves to be on the beach, preferrably 24/7, for the rest of her life.

She’s no longer dating the guy behind her name, the guy she legitly thought was the love of her life. But the name remains forever.

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

Just write.

I have always been interested in writing. Pretty much anything. Back then in mid school, I won severals writing competition. Fiction. I have a good choice of words and imaginations. And honestly, I have always been interested in pursuing a career in the media, either as a journalist or as a news anchor. Recently, however, I have been feeling the temptations of travel blogging. Live to travel, travel to live. How do I decide what I want to do with my life?

[thetropicalbabe-blog]

A magical journey to the island