thetiredandretiredavenger - Tumblr blog

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

My spouse is proving his questionable taste again.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Right, that’s all of it. All posts from quoteunquoteman were me.

I’m going to delete the sideblog I made for figuring out gender shit, but first I’m just going to move everything over here by reblogging it. Just for context for the incoming fifteen or so posts.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

On Becoming A Lady Person

Okay, so I wrote this long essayish, memoir-esque piece while I was in gay rehab. It's a mess. So I am. I hope it has some value. I sorta Frankensteined various journal entries and scribblings.

I am author.

I am doctor.

I am monster.

I found gender euphoria and I never expected life to feel so good.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Update: this still hasn’t successfully been counter-argued.

My partner and I got in the usual not serious, but common argument of "why are you (my partner) attracted to me." This time he just said that a) he never claimed to have good taste by other people's metrics, b) other people's metrics are bullshit, and c) he thinks he has incredibly good taste. I haven't won a single one of these arguments so far.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Sometimes I wonder at how my beloved is possibly seen as very feminine or very masculine by some, but then I see him evening out his nails using the scissors in his Swiss Army knife.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Tried to make my beloved bend down so I could give him a kiss without sitting up, but for some endearing reason he took that as a queue to fall into my lap and go “wahoo!” before trying to kiss me senseless. Not what I was going for, you complete goof, but I’ll definitely take it!

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

it is okay to exist in unusual ways

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Tried to make my beloved bend down so I could give him a kiss without sitting up, but for some endearing reason he took that as a queue to fall into my lap and go “wahoo!” before trying to kiss me senseless. Not what I was going for, you complete goof, but I’ll definitely take it!

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

“They’re not a golden retriever boyfriend! >:( They’re nonbinary.”

“Oh… so… they’re a lab partner?”

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Southern Comfort (2001)

A beautiful scene featuring transgender man Robert Eades and his transgender girlfriend Lola.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

not to sound traumatized, but it feels unreal that someone can just miss you and want you around so often. I feel like every worry within me keeps repeating, “until when? until when?” and the people I love and that love me confirm, “as long as you’d like.”

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Beloved, this morning: Honey I had a nightmare

Me: What was it about? You okay?

Beloved: I dreamt I was straight and you had short hair and we didn’t live together

Me: ….Yeah okay I can see how that’s a nightmare for you.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Being loved for who I really am is like coming in from the cold and trying to warm my hands up too quickly, sometimes. I need to be careful how much I accept or else I’ll have to recoil, but I keep going back.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Being in a relationship with someone who’s a continual romantic, as someone who’s very much not and not used to that sort of treatment, is both the worst thing that’s happened to me and the best.

Being around someone who can both bring me to the brink of being overwhelmed with affection and be able to catch me if I have to back out is just… ridiculous, and the best kind of torment.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

Behold: the only vaguely nsfw post I’ll probably ever make. It’s still funny.

I have to admit, it is extremely funny that the question “Do I like men?” came up only after I was effectively already in a relationship with a man.

Turns out the actual answer is complicated and inconclusive, but you’d think that would come up long before regularly making out with your roommate and getting him off.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

I still think this is a mostly accurate description. For context, Brue is my personal name, as opposed to my first, last, and given.

Hello, my name is Brue, and this is the space I’ve given myself to be me without judgement.

I’ve always felt like it’s been a performance for me to be the sort of man people have expected and pressured me to be, just like making small talk or forcing myself to make eye contact. Maybe luckily for me, my life was upended two years ago. Despite being distanced from almost anyone I knew and still dealing with mental health struggles, I got the opportunity to figure out what actually makes me feel comfortable.

…And now I’m here. Grown-out hair, softer voice, living with the man who was first my work partner and now my beloved, owning three different long corduroy skirts, but still with a boatload of shame and questions. I still haven’t figured out what the hell I am, and being seen by people makes it worse, but for some reason this is my answer? Anonymity is a confusing thing.

Anywho, if you’re interested or can relate to this story of mine, I wouldn’t mind if I had some company.

[thetiredandretiredavenger]

I’m going to delete the sideblog I made for figuring out gender shit, but first I’m just going to move everything over here by reblogging it. Just for context for the incoming fifteen or so posts.