thestarswillmournourlove

[thestarswillmournourlove]

I am (temporarily) back from the dead with a small thought! Consider: Nagito, as we all know, absolutely adores love and attention and affection and praise (even if he doesn’t think he deserves it), especially from you. So, imagine this sweetheart, already more than happy just to be with you, already even happier to be cuddling, snuggled up on your chest, absolutely melting when you gently, so so gently, run your fingers through his fluffy white hair, murmuring soft, sweet praises, quiet ‘I love you so much’, ‘I’m so proud of you’, ‘you’re so wonderful’. All of the attention, the affection, the praise and love, well, the poor guy can’t help but wonder if he’s died and gone to heaven. But no, he’s still very much here, very much alive, and very much loved. Honestly, he probably tears up a bit at moments like these, wondering how someone like him could possibly be so, so lucky—even his luck shouldn’t be good enough, not for this, not for you. But, as you always remind him, his luck has nothing to do with your love for him: you love him for the simple fact that he’s, well, him.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

Oops, You Died!

This is just a short little thing i’ve been thinking about for awhile! Essentially you get straight up murdered (warnings for descriptions of dying and death) and your beloved holds you in his arms as you die <3  Because this is my little world and no one can tell me what to do, I’m going to go with Izuru and Hajime being twins because it’s just a really fun concept and I like both of them and this is a way to have both of them at the same time; also, this was meant to have more characters and i will eventually get to adding some more (I’m going to try working with the links and stuff, so we’ll see how it goes) but, as always, I hope you enjoy what is essentially the prologue!

You could taste it: your own blood in your mouth. As you lay on the floor, slumped against a wall, you pressed your hand into one of the more serious wounds on your chest, feeling the essence of your life leaking between your fingers. You were going to die here. But you weren’t going to die just yet. You took small, shallow breaths, despite the fact that you knew it wasn’t enough. Breathing any deeper, though, would mean coughing up even more blood, along with all the pain that coughing itself would bring. It was pretty late at night: no one would find you here until morning. You had to survive, at least until then, at least until you could say goodbye. For hours, you were left with nothing but your own thoughts and the dull, persistent pulse of your heart, doing what it could to make sure you stayed alive. You were so, so tired. It would have been easy to close your eyes and let the pain melt away, let the sounds of the nearby ocean wash away everything bad so you could finally be at peace, but you were never one to take the easy way out. Stubborn to the very end, clinging on to the last threads of life despite the fact that you very well should have been dead by now, all because you simply refused to die, not until you got to say goodbye.

You aren’t sure how long it had been, but you noticed the moonlight had been replaced by a few stray beams of light, the morning sun barely peeking through the gathering storm clouds. They’d be here soon. You’d be able to rest, soon. It wasn’t long until the door opened and a scream rang through the room, followed by footsteps running away, presumably to gather the others. You must look worse than you thought, if they had figured you were already dead. Well, at least you didn’t have to convince whoever found you to leave you here and get your lover so you could say your final goodbyes: you weren’t looking forward to that particular conversation. In what felt like hours but was probably only mere minutes, the sound of panic reached your ears, the door flying open once again. A ray of sunlight broke through the clouds and shone directly on your figure, illuminating you in what was otherwise a relatively dark room, like the sun itself wished to cast light on the injustice that had occurred. You heard a call of your name, followed by the sound of shoes against wood.

Ver. 1: Hajime Hinata

[thestarswillmournourlove]

Oops, You Died! ver. 1

Hajime Hinata

“Oh god no, please, please no-” The second Hajime recognized you, on the floor and covered in blood, it felt like everything froze. He couldn’t believe it; he didn’t want to believe it, but there you were, unmoving, just the same as he was.  He needed to move.  Whatever haze he had briefly found himself in was quickly shaken off as he dashed forward, trying to get to you as soon as possible.  Seeing you up close like this, he realized just how bad your injuries were. You had suffered before you died, it seemed, and the fact that he wasn’t there to do anything made his whole chest hurt.  He reached out and pulled you close to him, close enough to make sure nothing else could happen, when you stirred and groaned, the sudden movement jostling your wounds. “Wait, wait wait, you’re-!” Against all odds, a small fragment of hope began to burn in his chest: you were alive. You were alive, and that meant that maybe you could be saved.  But what could he do? He was still just a reserve course student with no talent to speak of, he couldn’t help you, he couldn’t stop the pain, he couldn’t do anything. It was at times like these where Hajime really wished he was someone else, anyone else, anyone who wasn’t so useless, who could actually help when it really mattered. Then he realized that even if he couldn’t do anything, there was someone here that could. There was only a brief moment between you first moving and his call for his brother. He felt like a kid again, like when he fell and scraped his knee and the first person he thought to call was Izuru, when he wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help, when things like ‘talent’ and ‘ultimates’ didn’t matter; maybe it’s because right now, all that mattered was making sure you were okay. To his credit, Izuru was quick: of course he was. After seeing the slight movement you made, he was already trying to figure out if anything could be done. Being able to see you up close, though, would definitely speed up the process.  As his twin checked you over, Hajime had pulled you a bit closer, resting your head against his heart. You weakly try to call his name, only to end up coughing up a bit more blood. “Hey, don’t--just hold on, alright? Anything you want to say, there’ll be plenty of time later, okay? Just focus on staying awake for me, please.” His voice was shaking, and you could tell he was only just barely holding it together for your sake. You tried to shake your head: you knew you’d die here, you just had to say goodbye. “She won’t make it.” You knew that, but Hajime didn’t. Hearing it said out loud, with such certainty, that small glimmer of hope was immediately stamped out. “What do you--that’s not right, that can’t be right, you--Izuru, do something! Please!” “There’s nothing I can do. She’s lost so much blood, it’s impressive she’s even alive right now.” Maybe in other circumstances, Hajime would have chided his twin for being so blunt, but all he could think of right now was the fact that you were dying, here in his arms, and nothing could be done. His attention snapped back to you when you shifted a bit in his arms. He reached a hand out, gently brushing some stray hairs out of your face, as if the slightest touch would snap whatever threads you were holding on by. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I’m sorry I can’t do anything, I’m--” He had been crying since the moment he saw you, but now he did nothing to stop them, letting them flow freely. His sentences, punctuated by broken sobs, were jumbled apologies and pleas. You called his name again, so quietly you were almost surprised he heard you. “I’m here, sweetheart, I’m here, I’m--I’m listening, okay?” “...love you. I love you. Always. Remember…for me, yeah?” With great effort and what strength you had left, you spoke as clearly as you could. As soon as the words were said, you could feel the relief flooding your aching body: you had done it. You managed to hang on, just long enough. No longer needing to prolong the inevitable, you felt your body relax into his hold, eyes closing as you felt the darkness begin to take its gentle hold. Your hearing faded slowly, letting you hear his response, while the weakness in your body left you unable to reply. “I love you too, always, I promise, my sweetheart, my--” You went limp in his hold, and he just knew that you were gone. He felt cold. He was still holding you, still cradling you in his arms, as he sat there, quiet. His classmates are holding it together remarkably well, perhaps for his sake, and one of them takes a step forward, hand outreached to try and comfort him. “Hajime-” “Shut up! Shut up, stay away!” He held you closer, shielding your body with his: he couldn’t let anything else happen to you. Someone here had killed you, so as far as he was concerned, everyone here was a threat.  He may not have a talent, but there was something he could do now: investigate.  He was going to figure out who killed you, even if he had to do it on his own.

Outside, a stray bolt of lightning hit the sand, immortalizing the moment in a glass sculpture as electricity tore across the sky. 

[thestarswillmournourlove]

Simply thinking about having a child with Nagito <3 Warning for pregnancy mentions, though this will probably be mostly fluff

You had been mulling the idea over for a while now. You wanted to absolutely, completely sure of what you wanted before you even considered bringing up the subject of children. After thinking and rethinking and thinking again for a third time, you had come to a decision. You and your beloved were more than well off (he did inherit his family’s fortune, after all, even if it was due to tragic circumstances) and after having dating for three years and been married for two, you were absolutely sure that Nagito was your one and only. You knew he’d be such a good father, too. I mean, with how much he adored you and loved doting on you, and how completely happy and at peace he seemed to be in a househusband role, how could he not? Yes, you were absolutely sure of your decision, but now you wanted—needed—to know what he wanted.

It was a beautiful Friday evening, the sun shining it’s amber rays through the window of your shared home. It was the tail end of fall, so the days had begun getting shorter and colder. The two of you sat in the living room, the fireplace crackling as you snuggled up, each reading your own books.

You loved times like this. You loved the fact that you could both be quietly doing your own thing, together, and the domesticity and intimacy of it all. You knew Nagito loved times like this, too: he had told you, in a warm and half asleep haze, that just being near you while you did your own thing, and knowing that you wanted to be near him too, made him feel like everything was right in the world.

You felt almost bad, breaking the peaceful quiet, but the comfort of everything right now was perfect at calming your nerves. Setting the book down, you quietly called his name.

“Hey, Nagito?”

“Hm?”

He hummed, letting you know he was listening, but didn’t quite set down his book yet.

“Can I ask you something really important?”

Now that had caught his attention. He slid a bookmark into place, hastily setting the book aside.

“Of course, my hope! You can always ask me anything.”

You stayed leaning against him, grabbing his hand and fiddling with his fingers. It was something that always brought you comfort, and it helped to ease his nerves a bit, too.

“It’s nothing bad,” you clarify, knowing how his mind had a tendency of running (and you were right, judging by how he instantly relaxed against you), “Just…wanted to know what you thought about something.”

He hummed again, waiting for you to continue. You kept quiet for a minute or two, trying to steel yourself.

“Just know that whatever you decide, I’m happy with it, okay? I don’t want you to make a choice because you think it’s what I want. Now more than ever, I really, really need you to be honest with me, Nagito. And if you need more time to think, that’s okay too! I know it’s a really important decision, and it’s something I need you to be absolutely sure about.”

“I will always, always be honest with you, my love, my one and only.”

You swallowed thickly, knowing that you had run out of things to distract yourself with. It was now or never.

“I just…I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, and—and I want to know…what do you think about having kids? With me?”

Nagito all but freezes next to you. For a moment, you’re worried you’d done something wrong, even if the more rational part of you knows that talking about this was non-negotiable. Before you can try to—to do what? To backtrack? To explain yourself? You aren’t sure, but you don’t have to be, because in a fraction of a second, Nagito has turned his entire body to face you as he grips onto your hands for dear life. His breathing has sped up and he’s all but trembling, and he’s looking at you in a combination of adoration, reverence, disbelief, and hope.

“You—you want to have kids? With me? You’re sure? You’re absolutely sure? You’re really, completely positive that you—you want to make our little family bigger? My everything, are you sure?”

His voice is shaking and he’s shaking and he’s got tears welling up in his eyes as he’s staring at you with such intensity that it’s almost overwhelming.

“Nagito, I’m sure.”

He laughs once in disbelief, then again in realization, and suddenly he’s clinging on to you like you’re the only thing keeping him here. His head is buried in your shoulder and he’s crying, so much that it’s starting to soak your shirt.

“Nagito, are you okay?! It’s okay, my love, my heart, my philtatos, you don’t have to-!”

“No! No no no no no, I’m—I’m sorry, I’m just so—I’m just so happy, I—“

His reassurances are cut off as he continues to hold you and laugh joyously. He pulls away from you and grabs your hands again, holding them up between you. Even as his eyes are red from crying and tears still fall, he has the most radiant smile, almost like he did when you said you’d marry him.

“My hope, my love, my heart, my one and only, my sun and moon, my everything, there’s nothing in this world I want more than to love you and make our family bigger and—“ he paused to take a quick breath, pulling your hands closer to his chest and holding them there. “—I promise I’ll do anything for you, I’ll take such good care of you and our baby—“

The words seem to unlock something in him, because he’s crying again, barely grasping onto his composure. “Our baby, our baby, we’re going to have a baby! I can’t believe—you’re going to be such a wonderful mother, I just know it! I’ll do anything, everything I can—oh, they’re going to be so amazing, our baby—“

This time it’s you clinging onto him, hiding your face in his shoulder. You aren’t sure when you started crying or when you started grinning so widely it hurt your cheeks, but you can’t bring yourself to care when you’re so, so happy. Nagito is holding you close, and you can’t tell if the rapid heartbeat is yours or his (though realistically, it’s probably both of yours), and you stay like that for a few minutes, the silence filled by sniffles and the crackle of the fire.

You reluctantly pull away, bringing your hands up to cup his face. He presses his palms against them, and with the now setting sun casting beautiful purples and pinks behind him, the glow of the fire illuminating him, and his smile and the shine and love in his eyes, you can’t help but think how he’s the most beautiful person who would ever exist.

“I guess our little family is going to get a little bigger, huh?”

He sighs lovingly. “Our family…” He mutters dazedly.

You pull him closer for a kiss, one that shares so much love it’s almost a shame that history will never know it. As your sit there with your foreheads pressed together, you feel nothing but bliss for your future, knowing that no matter what life tries to throw at you, you’ll always have him, and he’ll always have you.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

This is just a thought I had for a while about Izuru having some memories of Hajime’s lover and how weird that would be for everyone lol there’s probably some characterization issues but to be fair, this is something that never happened so I can do whatever I want <3 anyways enjoy!

It came as a shock to you, the first time you met him. He looked so, so familiar, but you knew that you had never met, not like this anyways. He told you his name and who he was, and you asked him where Hajime was, your Hajime.

“He’s gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean gone? Just—just bring him back! You can do that, right? If you’re the ‘Ultimate Ultimate’ or whatever, then you can—you should be able to fix this!”

This man who looked so much like your beloved merely shook his head.

“It’s not possible. He isn’t coming back.”

You remember how the grief took hold of your heart, squeezing and squeezing and squeezing until you couldn’t breath or think or do anything. You remember how the tears burned as they fell, as you screamed at him to leave.

You were alone, for a few days after that. All you could think about was how maybe you could have prevented this. Why didn’t you notice anything was wrong? Was he really not acting any different, or were you just not paying attention? Did you not make it clear enough that, talent or no talent, you still loved him dearly? Did you not do enough to reassure him that you weren’t going anywhere?

…

Did you not love him enough?

Maybe it was selfish of you to think that there was anything you could do to change things. You knew this was something that had bothered him for so, so long, so why would you be able to change things? Why did you think you could ever change anything with just love?

…

He came to see you again, a few days later. You were too exhausted to start yelling again, so you just stayed curled up in bed, ignoring him.

As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t hate Izuru. You wanted to be able to direct all this pain and anger at someone, but the fact of the matter is that the beginning of his existence directly corresponded with the end of Hajime’s, and it isn’t like he ever asked to be made. No, he didn’t ask for any of this, he hadn’t done anything wrong, and so you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him.

Still, right now just looking at him made your heart ache, so you’d continue to ignore him. Maybe he’d get the idea and leave you alone.

…

He kept visiting, every day at the same time. He never said anything, never tried to make you talk, he just seemed to come over to make sure you were alive.

You didn’t understand.

On his fourth visit, you had finally mustered up the energy to ask him.

“Why do you keep coming back?”

He was quiet, and for a minute there you didn’t think he was going to answer.

“I’m not sure.”

That came as a surprise to you. You thought that as the ‘Ultimate Ultimate’ there wouldn’t be anything he wasn’t sure of.

“What do you mean you ‘aren’t sure’? People don’t just go out of their way to visit someone for no reason, so why do you make the effort to visit?”

He was silent again. You were still curled up in your bed, facing away from him, but you could still feel his stare.

“I think the ones who did the procedure failed to do their job right. I shouldn’t…have any connection to the previous occupant of this body. As it stands, though, I seem to have some of his…memories. Feelings.”

You quickly sat up, turning to face the man you’d been so dutifully ignoring for days now. Now that you were finally getting a good look at him, you realized how different he was from your Hajime. His eyes were a sharp, piercing red instead of that familiar, calming green, and his hair was much longer, and black instead of brown. He looked so similar, but looking just a bit closer made you realize they actually had very little in common.

“Is it possible, then? That he could still…?”

You couldn’t help it: you had been presented with a scrap of hope, and by god were you going to take it.

“To be quite honest, I’m not entirely sure. It shouldn’t be possible, but I also shouldn’t have these memories. Their failure in creating me has changed the possibilities of a handful of things.”

Izuru could fully see you now. He had some memories, sure, but they were a bit blurry, like a dream he couldn’t quite remember. Seeing you here though, right now, looking so hopeful, made an unfamiliar feeling rise in his chest.

“It would be wise not to get your hopes up, though.”

You had immediately deflated, the small glimmer in your eyes fading. He didn’t like it. It was quiet for a moment as you both sat there, looking at each other, before you broke it.

“You said you have some of his memories, right?”

“I did.”

“Then do you…know why? Why he did it?”

Truth be told, he really didn’t know why. There could be any number of reasons, and from what he understands, it was simply because he wanted a talent. He doesn’t know much of anything about Hajime, because the only memories of his that he has are about you. Faint memories about dates you went on together, about times spent cuddling and watching movies, a memory of the bright, wonderful smile you had when he’d won you a prize…all of his memories that had somehow transferred over, all of his feelings, were about you.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

It wasn’t like him, to be apologizing for anything. He had no reason to, he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he knew the news would disappoint you, and for some reason, he didn’t want it to.

Just like he had thought, your expression fell into one of confusion and hurt. He didn’t like seeing you like that.

“For what it’s worth though, I know that he loved you very, very much.”

That must have been the wrong thing to say, because tears started to form in the corners of your eyes.

“Yeah, loved me so much he just left without saying goodbye, huh?”

He wanted to hold you, to do something to make you feel better, but what could he do when his very existence is the cause of your pain?

…

Maybe he shouldn’t have come back to visit you, maybe then you wouldn’t be crying like this.

“He didn’t want to leave you, I know that. Maybe he just thought he’d be coming back to you. There’s no need for a goodbye when he thought he’d see you again.”

You had pulled your knees to you chest, hugging them as more tears fell from your eyes. You were crying again, and again it was his fault.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Shaking your head, you wiped away some of the tears.

“It’s fine, it’s not your fault, anyways. None of this is.”

Glancing over at Izuru, you smiled in begrudging acceptance.

“You aren’t my Hajime.”

“I’m not.”

“You’ll never be Hajime.”

“I won’t.”

“But you still have some of his memories and feelings?”

“I do.”

“Then what now?”

In what seems to be a common theme when you’re involved, Izuru is unsure. It feels odd to keep visiting you when he knows that his affection for you isn’t really his, but this body isn’t his either. Nothing in this world is his because he was never meant to exist. That being said, there’s nothing he wants more than to love you, and regardless of whether or not those feelings are entirely Hajime’s or merely influenced by his memories, who would he be to deny himself the one thing he’s felt an actual desire to do?

“Will you stay with me?”

This takes you by surprise. You don’t know much, if anything, about Izuru, but this is certainly not something you ever expected to hear from him. Maybe it’s the memories influencing him, or maybe it’s the fact that you’re the only person he has any connection to. It feels almost wrong, the idea of staying with him, like you’re trying to replace Hajime. You’re not, you’d never dream of it, but Izuru is the only link you have to your now gone lover, so to stay around him feels as if you’re trying to cling to the last thing he’s left behind. But that’s not quite it, is it? After all, Izuru is a completely different person, and he seems quite interesting at that…

“I think…I think I’d like that, for now.”

And so there you sat, side by side, with a connection no two people have ever shared: a man with memories of a life not his own, and the person that life was shared with.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

He dreams of you, sometimes. He dreams of you, in a field of purple hyacinths, smiling and patting the ground, waiting for him to join you.

He shouldn’t, but he always does.

He wants to lean against you, to feel your warmth again, but he can’t bring himself to do it.

He doesn’t deserve you.

It’s always quiet, at first. Neither of you talk. The sun makes you seem to almost glow, a halo of light around your head.

You’re always so beautiful.

“It’s not your fault, you know.”

Your voice is quiet, calm, and content.

His heart squeezes painfully in his chest, and he can feel the tears starting to form.

“I’d never blame you for what happened, you know that. It was an accident.”

‘An accident that happened because of me,’ he wants to say, ‘it was my luck that caused it, I might as well have killed you myself.’

He says nothing.

He says nothing, because he knows from experience that you would argue that it wasn’t his luck and that even if it was, it wasn’t something he could control. You’d sit there for hours, crowned in the golden light of the sun, telling him that it wasn’t his fault.

There’s tears in your eyes as you look at him, and his heart squeezes again: all he seems to do is hurt you.

Despite this thought, he can’t bring himself to resist when you pull him into a hug. He wraps his arms around you, holding you tightly, and hides his face in your shoulder.

You’re so cold.

“I wish I could have stayed with you for just a little longer, but it’s okay: I’ll wait here for you, as long as it takes.”

He doesn’t want to leave. He wants to stay here, in this little slice of paradise, in your arms.

He doesn’t want to wake up.

You pull back, smiling in that way he’ll always love.

“You can’t stay here, not yet. It’s not your time.”

You hold his face, so gently, and he feels himself melt into your touch as you wipe away his tears. His eyes flit to and fro, trying to dedicate every one of your features to memory.

He can’t forget you.

“I know it’s hard, but I know you can do it. Just remember, I’ll wait for you.”

You lean forward, kissing him sweetly. He almost starts to cry when you pull away.

“It’s time for you to wake up. Remember, I don't blame you, and no matter what happens, I love you.”

He wakes up in a cold bed that seems too empty. He can feel the tears drying on his face, and he’s hugging a pillow.

He wants to go back to sleep, to see you again, but he knows that he has to be strong: he won’t let the despair consume him, not when he still has memories of you.

He rolls out of bed without a sound, washing the tears from his face and preparing to face another day on the island with a smile on his face. Four of their classmates had already met their end, and he knows there’s every chance of him being next.

As he remembers you, waiting patiently for him in the purple field, he realizes he wouldn’t mind.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

Izuru x reader but I’m not confident in my characterization or ability to write fights- Also, this turned out a lot longer than I thought it would? Anyways, there’s some light violence, fighting, and swearing, but otherwise, please enjoy!

You woke up tied to a chair and blindfolded. This was already an issue. You don’t move, instead trying to get a feel for the room around you. From what you could tell, there were two—no, there were three people here. Two of them, girls by the sound of it, were talking. Based on what they were saying, they must have been sisters, and one was a lot meaner than the other. The third person was one that concerned you: you knew they were here, you could feel it (and you would never doubt your instincts), but there was no reason to believe it. They didn’t move, they didn’t talk, and you couldn’t hear anything coming from them.

Odd.

You subtly wiggled your hands, and you could tell that whoever tied them had experience. There was no way to wiggle out of them, even if you dislocated your wrists (which you were not above doing). Considering the skill with which they were tied, it would take way too long to untie them, and you would certainly catch the attention of your captors. You noticed that, much to your luck, your legs weren’t tied down at all. A mistake on their part. Now, you could have thought this through a bit more, but you trusted your instincts to guide you through this. So, you did exactly as they told you: you quickly stood and jumped, leaning so you’d break the chair when you landed. 

It hurt. 

It hurt a lot more than you would’ve liked, but if you had given it that second thought (or a first thought, to be honest), you probably would have realized that breaking a wooden chair with your own body wouldn’t be painless. Ah well, judging by the unmistakable feeling of wood cracking, it worked either way. You heard the girls shout, one in surprise and the other in glee, and you turned to your side, sliding your hands from behind you to in front of you. One of the girls was already advancing on you, so you grabbed one of the chunks of wood and swung. You aren’t sure what part of her you hit, but you know you hit something, considering the resistance the wood met and the pained grunt that came from whoever was in front of you.

“Junko!”

Junko? Well, you can’t say you’re exactly surprised: she had always given you a bad feeling. But what business did she have with you that required her to literally kidnap you? And she had a sister? You would have thought about it more if it wasn’t for her previously unknown sister rushing at you. You held up the piece of wood you had on instinct and found that it had blocked what was probably a knife. 

Wait. A knife.

If you were able to do this right, then…

You could feel that she was drawing her arm back for another swing. Instead of blocking with the wood, though, you turned your arm so the back of your hand was facing her and let the blade hit you. It cut through the rope, as you had hoped it would, but it also left a pretty nasty cut on your skin. If you weren’t so out of it right now, it probably would have hurt a lot more. The adrenaline was doing wonders for you right now, though.

With one hand completely free and the other still tied with rope but still relatively free, you grabbed at the arm that held the knife. Whoever was attacking you didn’t seem to expect you to let them hit you, so they were just surprised enough to let you twist their arm and take their knife. Jumping backwards, you swiped off your blindfold, finally seeing the room. 

Like you thought, Junko was here, and her and her sister seemed to be twins. You couldn’t see the third person, but considering they hadn’t done anything, you weren’t preoccupied with them. You quickly ran through your situation: you didn’t know where you were, you didn’t know why you were here, Junko’s twin seems to have fighting experience, and you still have no idea who this third person is. Great. 

A quick scan of the room makes you aware of a door, one that is close and without any obstacles. Distantly you wonder if your body felt the breeze coming from under the door and automatically moved towards it, but more presently you wonder if that door leads to an exit or a room more confining than this one. 

Well, you were never one to think things through, anyways.

Junko is still rubbing her head from when you hit her (and you thank your luck that you hit her head, of all places) and her twin is already starting to move towards you again. With no time to waste, you bolt towards the door, thanking whoever was out there that it was unlocked, and begin running through a hall. 

It seemed that this was a building on the Hope’s Peak campus, but one that was relatively abandoned. If you had to guess, you’d say it was probably one of the old dorms that they never bothered to tear down. 

You didn’t think about where you were running: you were trusting your body to go where it decided was best. You could hear two pairs of footsteps running after you and yelling and laughter, though you didn’t particularly care to try and listen to what they were saying. As you turned another corner, you saw a window at the end of a hall: an escape. 

Now, you weren’t sure what floor you were on. Even you could admit that jumping out of the window was a bad idea, so you stuck the knife you took from Junko’s twin between your teeth and got ready to pry the window open. 

‘I’m going to die here oh my gosh I’m so dead oh my god why-’

You were panicking (you’d have to be insane not to be) and running on pure adrenaline. When you got to the window and opened it, you stuck your head out to find yourself on what seemed to be the third floor.

Oh, you were fucked. 

The footsteps were getting faster, and hey, you could probably survive a fall from a third floor if you fell right, right? Well, breaking a few bones seemed a heck of a lot better than learning whatever it is you were kidnapped for, so without further thought, you hopped onto the windowsill, putting one leg up onto it in preparation to straight up launch yourself.

You were so, so close, you could almost taste the over-sanitized hospital air (because it would take a miracle to not end up injured from this), but, as luck would have it, you were seized by the leg right before you could jump. Twisting your body, you aim a kick straight at the head of Junko’s twin, hitting her right as she pulls you to the floor. You landed harshly on your back, head smacking the floor. That weird feeling of your head being squeezed as your brain bounced around would have stunned you, if not for the fact that you didn’t need to think to act. No, as soon as you started falling to the floor, you reached to grab the knife you held between your teeth, grasping it firmly as you rolled over and stood up. The twin had lost her grip on your leg when you kicked her and she was currently holding a broken nose, so you had a brief moment of respite. 

Peace never lasts though, as Junko herself was now swinging at you with--was that a syringe?!

‘Great, this is just great. They don’t want me dead, for whatever reason, but I’m not exactly finding that to be very reassuring!’

You weren’t a complete idiot: you had some fighting experience, sure, and maybe you could handle one of them alone, but both of them? No, fuck that. You ducked under another of Junko’s wild swings and made a mad dash for the other end of the hall, running past who you could only assume to be the third person from the beginning: his black hair was long, nearly reaching the floor, and he had unsettling red eyes. You might have only caught a glance, but sirens started blaring in your head: you didn’t know who he was or why he was here or why he hadn’t made any move to act, but you knew he was dangerous like you knew that the sky is blue and snow is cold. Junko and her twin were dangerous, sure, but he felt different somehow, like comparing tigers to a nuclear bomb. 

‘Well, no time to unpack all of that.’

You were so preoccupied with the threat he presented that you didn’t notice you ran into a dead-end hallway. See, this is what happens when you think too much in a crisis…

Well, you still had the knife, and even if you knew you wouldn’t win, you’d make sure to be as much of a pain in the ass as you could before they overpowered you. You turned around, ready to face all three of them, only to be slightly surprised to see one person. Of course, it was the one that made every survival instinct in your body scream ‘danger’.

He was looking at you, a blank look on his face. You looked back, teeth clenched and brows furrowed.

You didn’t see him move.

You didn’t even see him move, and maybe if you were anyone else, that would have been the end of it. You weren’t anyone else, though. No, you were the Ultimate Instinct, and that meant your body would react before you even thought about it. If you were surprised to suddenly find yourself standing somewhere else, then it would only be fair to say that he was surprised to find you not in his grip. You both stood, staring at each other in silence again.

Izuru was surprised. Izuru was surprised. Throughout this little game, he had seen you do things out of the ordinary, but not out of the realm of possibility. After all, most people wouldn’t willingly let themselves be stabbed at (while blindfolded) for a chance to cut a rope, and that had somewhat caught his attention. He followed behind when Junko and Mukuro chased you, almost curious about what you’d choose to do. If he had to guess, he’d say you’d be cornered, then you’d either try to fight or immediately give in. There was, of course, the possibility of you jumping out of the window, but it isn’t the one he was particularly expecting. After all, most people wouldn’t be able to steel their nerves enough to jump out of a third story window, regardless of what was chasing them. Now, imagine how interesting he found it when you did exactly that: when you looked out the window and fully understood the danger that lies in jumping, looked behind you, and not only chose to jump, but were able to gather the willpower to fling yourself out of a window on the third floor. He was intrigued now, at the possibilities you might offer. This intrigue is why he told Junko and Mukuro to stay behind (while ignoring Junko’s laughter and claims that ‘she knew he’d love this gift’) and why he decided to actually ask you a few questions. He didn’t have any plans to hurt you (he didn’t see a point in it, after all), so all he really intended was to grab your shoulder so you couldn’t run away and try to decipher you. So, he was surprised to find that you had managed to evade him, because, by all logic, you shouldn’t have been able to. You shouldn’t have been able to see him move, process his movement, think of an action, and follow through with it. It simply shouldn’t have been possible. The human brain is quick, but it can’t process all of that quick enough to avoid him. Hell, he’s ‘fought’ with professionals in their fields, professional martial artists, professional boxers, professional fighters, and they were unable to move in time, so why can you? What is it about you that lets you do something impossible? Is it your talent? Izuru idly thinks that he should know your talent, and he probably does, but he doesn’t exactly know which name goes to your face so he’s unable to place it. What talent, though, would make this possible? Now that he thinks on it a bit more, you seemed to know what actions Junko and Mukuro were going to take before they did. Is it possible your talent allows you to process information quicker than a ‘normal’ person? No, if that was the case, you shouldn’t have been able to avoid Mukuro while blindfolded: there was no visual information to process. Then is it possible you just have heightened senses? That would explain you being able to dodge Mukuro while blindfolded, if you could somehow feel the changes in the air as she moved, but that doesn’t explain why you were able to avoid him. You had surprised Izuru Kamukura, and to inspire such a feeling within him only made him more and more curious.

You, meanwhile, are absolutely losing it. I mean, who is this guy? Why can he move so fast? You only realized what was happening after it happened. ‘Oh god I’m so boned this guy is insane what the fuck why can he move so quick oh jesus--’ “What’s your name?” And he speaks! And you dumbly continue to stare because he doesn’t even know your name and yet he just so happened to be there when you woke up from being kidnapped? He continues to stare, expression unchanging. If you didn’t know better, you’d wonder if he spoke at all. “You know, I could ask you the same thing.” You shook your head to clear your thoughts, gripping the knife and getting into a fighting stance (not that it’d be of any use). “I’m the one who got kidnapped, only to wake up and find you, Junko, and a twin I never knew she had sitting in the room where I was tied up and blindfolded.” “I am Izuru. Izuru Kamukura.” At least he had the decency to answer you. “Okay, great. So, mind telling me what the everloving fuck is going on? And why were you so quiet in the first room? I mean, you didn’t even move once and if I didn’t know better, I would have wondered if you were there at all.” ‘Wait stop talking you’re giving away too much--’ “‘If you didn’t know better’? I wonder, how did you know I was there to begin with?” ‘God I’m an idiot.’ “I’ll be more than happy to answer your questions after you tell me why I’m here.” The guy, Izuru, seems to ponder for a brief second. “Junko seems to think that you’d make a good ‘gift’.” Okay. Okay, this was great. Now you have even more questions. “A gift? What the hell is that supposed to mean? And a gift for who?” Maybe his lack of action was calming your nerves, but you felt yourself relax slightly. “Do you not know what a gift is? It’s something given to another person, typically as a show of goodwill or affection.” ‘Why is this school filled with such weird people? Surely he doesn’t actually think I don’t know what a gift is?’ “I know what a gift is, I’m not a complete idiot, you know. From what I know, though, people aren’t usually given as gifts.” “My mistake.” Even if this guy was setting off every alarm possible in your little pea brain, he was starting to irritate you. Sighing, you resist the urge to massage your temples. “Okay, a gift for who? And why me?” He takes a second to ponder again. “Truthfully, I’m not sure why she chose you in particular. It probably has something to do with your talent, otherwise it has to do with your behaviour. As for who, I felt it was obvious. She meant you as a gift for me.” ‘Great. Junko and her previously unknown sister kidnapped me to give me as a gift to some strange dude who might not be insane but definitely has some kind of issues.’ “I’ve explained to you the situation. Now, you’ll answer my questions.” Even if he’s undoubtedly dangerous, he doesn’t seem to have any ill will, and this is enough to relax you a bit more. “I feel like the situation could definitely be explained a bit more, but whatever, I guess. I’ll hold up my end of the deal and answer any questions you have to the best of my ability.” He doesn’t waste any time before asking his first question. “How were you able to dodge me?” Your expression must have been showing how confused you were, because he went on to clarify: “It shouldn’t be possible for you to see my movement, process it, think of a reaction, and act on it. So, how were you able to do exactly that?” Maybe you were losing it a bit, but when he tilted his head like that in curiosity, he was kinda cute. ‘No. Bad. This strange man screams danger, do not call him cute.’ “Well,” you begin, doing a bit of pondering yourself, “if I had to explain it, I’d say I kinda just ignored all of those steps.” Well, if Izuru wasn’t even more curious now. “You simply ignored the basic steps of forming a reaction?” “Yeah, I guess.” You blinked, and you were standing in a different spot again. He didn’t even have his arm out to grab you like before, he had just moved towards you quickly enough to trigger a reaction. “I…don’t understand.” For the first time since he was created, Izuru Kamukura didn’t understand something. It was an odd feeling, and he wasn’t quite sure if he disliked it. Just another thing he didn’t understand, he supposes. Now, you really shouldn’t tell him anything about you that might help him counteract your reactions. You shouldn’t. But…you found his confused expression way too cute to ignore, and you wanted to see what expression he’d make when he figured it out. ‘I’m an idiot. This guy might actually try and murder me, and I’m just giving him an easier way to do it.’ Sighing, you shook your head a bit at your own internal monologue. ‘Well, curiosity killed the cat, as they say.’ “Okay, let me try and explain it this way: I usually don’t think before acting. As in, I usually act purely on instinct. So, I didn’t need to fully process you moving, and I didn’t need to think to move out of the way before doing it. My body just kinda…does it.” Ah, it clicks in Izuru’s mind, you must be the Ultimate Instinct. “I see.” He had an adorably pensive look on his face, and you suddenly don’t regret telling him this ‘secret’. “You seem smart, Izuru, so I’m sure you’ve found out that this has to do with my talent, right? But I still don’t know what yours is. That doesn’t seem very fair, so you’ll tell me, won’t you?” Izuru was absolutely not interested in the concept of fairness, but you had proven to be significantly less boring than everyone else, so he supposed he’d entertain you with an answer. “I have every talent. I’m the ‘Ultimate Ultimate’, I suppose.” “Really? That sounds…” Now, he was expecting you to have one of the same reactions everyone else did: envy, jealousy, awe, something along those lines. “...really boring.” But you had already shown yourself to act differently than others, so really, that assumption was on him. You must have seen the surprise on his face because you were quick to try and amend your words. “A-Ah, I don’t mean you’re boring necessarily, and I’m sure it’s useful to have all those skills!” Izuru was far from insulted, though, and more curious as to how you came to such a conclusion. “Boring? Why do you think that?” “Well, it’s just…what’s the point, you know? I mean, the whole point of existing is to have new experiences, but if you really do have every talent, then no matter how new an experience is to you, it’s probably really predictable, right?” You pause, suddenly losing any tenseness in your stance. “There’s not any room to grow if you already know everything, and I just think that’s…kinda sad. You must be really bored all the time, huh? If I had to make a guess, I’d say you probably don’t get surprised or curious or anything very often, so when you do, you probably want to do whatever it takes to understand it, right? When you know everything, not knowing something can be really frustrating, but there’s also that joy in finding something new to explore.” Silence. ‘Great job, way to assume a bunch of things about this poor guy.’ “A-Ah, I mean, that’s how I’d feel if I was in your place, that’s not to say any of that is true!” ‘Wait, he was part of the group that kidnapped me, don’t feel bad! I mean, he technically didn’t do anything, but he didn’t exactly help, either!’

Once again, Izuru was surprised. This time not at anything you did, but rather at your way of thinking. Somehow, you had managed to almost completely pin down his entire existence after only interacting with him for a few minutes, and you seem to have done it by placing yourself in his shoes. Does that mean you have a similar thought process? To be able to reach the same conclusion after putting yourself in his place, that implies that you think in a similar way or, at the very least, are able to somehow understand his way of thinking. 

A completely unfamiliar feeling is bubbling in his chest, and from what he knows about human emotions, he decides it must be something akin to joy. He doesn’t quite notice in the moment, but he’s smiling a small, barely noticeable smile, chuckling softly.

His smile may be barely noticeable, but it is noticeable. You get the feeling that he doesn’t smile very often, if at all, and the thought of seeing him do so makes a smile grow on your own face. You hear him chuckling, and it’s a quiet, soft, almost sweet sound. You decide you like it. “You are…truly fascinating.” Soft laughter spills from your own lips. “I’m going to take that as a complement.” Izuru holds his hand to his chin in thought for a moment before seemingly coming to a realization. “I’ve decided to keep you company.” “Oh? And if I decide to decline?” You can’t keep the smile out of your voice. “I have a feeling you won’t.” He can’t keep the slight smile from his voice, either. “Now, let me see your arm. You’re still bleeding.” “Oh, fuck-” And sure, maybe you shouldn’t let him continue to be around you after everything that’s happened today, and maybe you would have realized that if you had given it a bit more thought but…thinking things through wasn’t exactly your thing, was it? You’ve always decided to trust your instincts and things have always turned out okay in the end, and right now, your instincts were telling you that this would be one of the best decisions you’ve made in a long, long time.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

Hey hey hey I have some thoughts happening right now!

In every universe, in every timeline, in every single life he would ever live, Nagito will always choose you. In a world where he’s a prince and you’re a thief, he chooses you. In a world where he’s a terrifying monster and you’re just a nameless villager, he sees you as the most valuable treasure and chooses you. Even if his memory is erased and he’s forced to forget your existence, his heart, his soul will always remember, and it will always, always choose you. After Junko essentially brainwashes all of his class, he can’t bring himself to love her or hate her or love hating her as much as he loves you, even if you’re gone. When they’re all in the false reality, he feels drawn to you, for some reason he can’t explain. Being around you gives him this warm feeling of being whole, of having that last piece of the puzzle fit into place. Countless timelines, countless universes, countless lives, countless realities, and yet one of the only constants if that he always chooses you. And you know what? It goes both ways. You will always choose him. If you’re an assassin sent to kill him, you don’t, and you choose him. If you’re some terrible beast who is out destroying a village, you see him in the ashes, and you choose him. During the killing game, you don’t push him away, because you’re drawn to him the same way he is to you, and so you choose to stay with him, to trust him, you choose him. Your souls, your fates, are inexorably intertwined: it doesn’t matter where, or when, or how, you two will always meet in every reality, and in every reality, you two will always choose each other. Maybe there’s something to be said about your love for each other being one of the fundamental laws of being: a universe cannot exist where a three dimensional being perceives the fourth dimension, where time does not exist, where gravity and time don’t interact, and a universe cannot exist where you and Nagito don’t love each other.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

In the early stage of your relationship, Nagito was terrified of you leaving him (and he still is, to some degree). He was terrified that if he did anything wrong, you’d realize how awful and terrible and worthless he was and you’d leave him.

It was morning, and it was the first time he had spent the night at your house (already far more than he deserved, as far as he was concerned). The two of you were in the kitchen and you had tasked him with grabbing an extra mug from the cabinet. By some stroke of bad luck, the mug slipped from his hand, shattering on the floor. He was immediately shaking, eyes wide and tears starting to form.

You still remember how he looked at you, then.

You don’t know how to put it in words, but if you had to describe it you’d say it’s probably similar to the expression someone would have as they watched the stars flicker out, that same look of knowing something horrible is coming but knowing you can’t do anything about it.

It made you want to cry.

He started hyperventilating, giving vague pleas between breaths.

“I-I didn’t mean—I’m so sorry, I didn’t—I can-I can fix it, I promise, just please don’t leave-“

He was on his knees now, reaching for the shards of glass with his bare hands.

“Nagito!”

You quickly knelt next to him, tugging his hands away from the shattered mug so he wouldn’t hurt himself.

“I’m so sorry, please, I can be better, please, please don’t go-“

He wasn’t looking at you, choosing instead to squeeze his eyes shut. You could still see the tears falling freely.

“Nagito, love, it’s okay.”

At this point, you knew well how much he was comforted by touch, so you gently pulled him into you, wrapping your arms around him. He gripped onto your shirt, still terrified of the idea of you leaving, and hid his face in your shoulder. It was as if he was trying to hide from something.

“Please, please don’t leave me, I know I’m-I’m worthless, useless scum but I don’t think—I don’t think I can-“

“It’s okay, Nagito, I’m not going anywhere, alright? It’s just a mug, it’s okay…”

He was still sobbing and shaking in your arms, and all you could do now was hold him close and whisper assurances. You knew of his past, of what he’s been through, and you knew he wasn’t exactly kind to himself, but you never thought he’d think you’d leave him for something so minor as a broken cup. You wonder if there’s a reason he seems to think any mistake will result in you breaking up with him, but ultimately decide that the more important thing right now is making sure he’s alright.

“It’s okay, Nagito, my love, my darling, everything is okay. I’m not mad, alright? I promise. I’m not going anywhere, okay? I don’t care about the mug, I care about you.”

Slowly, ever so slowly, Nagito calms down. He’s still holding onto your shirt for dear life, but he’s no longer trembling or crying.

“I’m sorry to trouble you so much…I really am the worst, huh?”

He does that self deprecating laugh, the one that seems to mock his own misery.

“It’s no trouble, and you aren’t the worst, Nagito. You’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for, you know?”

There’s a pause as his grip gets impossibly tighter before reluctantly loosening.

“I’ll…I’ll clean up the mess I made and get out of your hair.”

“You’re more than welcome to stay, you know. I’m not gonna force you to if you don’t want to, but I like it when you’re around.”

He laughs again, a bit lighter this time.

“How did I get so lucky?”

“It’s nothing to do with luck. I like you because you’re you, no luck needed.”

And though you might say that, Nagito still feels like he’s the luckiest guy in the world.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

Yooo saw this and thought “hey I’ve never done anything like this and it sounds fun, why not give it a try?” For the sake of having things a little fleshed out, I’m gonna say that while reader is very dangerous, its generally only to protect other people (because i’m a sucker for protective characters). Full disclosure: I might not capture personalities right (this was supposed to be for multiple characters but it got away from me so oops, all Nagito!) and I’m also not a male so I’m not sure how accurate this will be (very few mentions of gender anyways), but I will try! Warnings for violence, I guess?

Nagito:

Okay let me start by saying this man? Absolutely fascinated with you just because you’re an ultimate

At first he treats you like the other ultimates (as in more like a concept to be worshipped than an actual person)

But when he ends up getting locked in the room Byakuya was literally murdered in, he gets to learn a bit more about you

(You found out before Souda and Nekomaru said anything, don’t ask why you were poking around there to begin with)

One: you carry around weapons

He knows this because you cut the rope around his legs with a knife that you pulled from your boot

Two: you can look very scary 

Legit thought you were going to murder him (and was completely fine with it, no shocker there)

Three: you have an interesting skillset

With one of the cute little bobby pins in you hair, you manage to pick the lock on the chains holding his hands and completely free him

Mans is confused

When you ask who actually tied him up, he has no problem telling the truth: it was Souda and Nekomaru

With that scary look on your face again, you quietly leave the room 

The next morning, he was expecting to see Nekomaru and Souda shocked or angry that he was free

What he was not expecting was for them to be apologizing to him

Now, Nagito is observant

He noticed that they were both nervously glancing at you (who was happily eating a slice of cake for breakfast, of all things) while they were apologizing

He was infinitely curious about why you would go out of your way not only to free him but to get Souda and Nekomaru to apologize

The only answer he ever got was a smile and a “don’t worry your pretty head about it”

Due to his curiosity about you, he found himself spending more and more time with you

Naturally, this led to you two getting closer

You start dating at some point (it’s a battle trying to convince him that yes, you really do want to date him) and honestly? Pretty chill with the whole ‘cute but will murder you’ thing

I mean, his morals aren’t exactly the best, you know?

Absolutely adores how you dress and absolutely will (in a perfect, non-despair world) spend insane amounts of money buying you clothes he thinks you’ll like

Will also spend significant amounts of money buying pretty weapons and bailing you out of jail

Okay so look

He knows you can handle yourself but getting hurt in a street fight is pretty much inevitable

So he asks (read: very strongly hints at) you not getting into too many fights if when you get off the island

Side note: thinks it’s very hot when you intimidate your classmates 

(and his heart gets warm and fuzzy because it’s usually to defend him)

Also thinks its funny to see their shocked faces when they realize that oh, you’re actually kinda terrifying

One time Fuyuhiko made a stupid comment about how you dress and you straight up hit him with the “That’s funny, Kazuo and Yukichi said the same thing before I put them in the ER :)”

And Fuyuhiko blanches because those two were (completely made up) members of his clan and he remembers how absolutely maimed they were

As in ‘almost bled out in an alley from multiple stab wounds and had to have several broken bones put back in place’ maimed

He wants to lash out at you for messing with members of his clan but also realizes that Kazuo and Yukichi were much bigger than him and worked together and still got their asses whooped

Anyways Fuyuhiko didn’t bother you or Nagito after that (and was still very fidgety around you after Peko’s death)

Side note to the side note: Nagito is always super impressed at how you manage to beat up people who, by all means, seem much bigger and stronger than you

Long story short, mans loves and supports you (both your clothing choices and criminal activity, how thoughtful)

This got away from me so quickly...I was gonna do like two more characters but like I said, it turned out to be oops, all Nagito (I definitely have a favourite)

I don't know if this will get any attention at all but for the Danganronpa fandom, A Danganronpa x male reader that dresses very cutesy with black and white and pink color schemes, but is actually extremely dangerous and has been arrested several times, sorta like

Cash on the walls, Blood on the floor, Liquid eyeliner stuck to the door, screwing everything up and doing everything wrong

I know someone will see this so Hi!

Take care of yourself, Love you/p <3

[thestarswillmournourlove]

Okay okay hear me out: you know Nagito loves you (how could you not, with the way he looks at you and is always eager to remind you) but probably the most solid declaration of love he’s ever made?

“I would live for you.”

Because we all know that Nagito doesn’t mind death. For the most part he doesn’t seek it out, but he doesn’t actively avoid it either. I mean, considering the way his luck works and the way he views himself, I don’t think he sees his own death as much of a loss. And that’s why this is such a powerful statement from him: living is infinitely harder than dying would be, but if it’s with you? He’s more than willing to do it. He’s willing to not just survive but live and whether it’s in the sense that having you around makes him feel like life is worth living (he loves waking up and seeing you besides him, peaceful and dreaming) or if it’s just that he wants to survive for your sake (it’s been mentioned before that you’d be devastated if he ever died) or maybe a combination of both, I think that simple statement is one of the things he’s said that makes you finally begin to grasp how much he really loves you.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

This is just a quick little thing but I think Nagito would always forgive you. You call him the most awful names? He thanks you for talking to him. You push him to the floor? He thanks you for being kind enough to touch him at all. You put a knife through his ribs? He’s holding onto your hands (that’s still holding the knife) and smiles and says “thank you”. Like you could drag him to the gates of hell and leave him there and he’d thank you for holding his hand. And another quick thing is that he’s constantly amazed by the fact that you don’t do any of those things. You call him by the sweetest names (my love, my darling) and you’re always so gentle with him and even if he’d follow wherever you lead, you only ever lead him to joy. He still can’t quite wrap his head around the fact that you not only think he deserves to be loved, but the fact that, given the option to do anything to him, you choose to be kind? It makes him fall in love with you a little more every day.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

You knew from the very beginning that loving Nagito would end in nothing but heartache for you. Not because of anything he did, no, you knew better than anyone that he’d rather die than ever hurt you, intentionally or otherwise. But his death was the problem, wasn’t it? You knew from the beginning that he was chronically ill, that by all estimates he should already be dead. Of course though, he’s rather lucky, which is why he obviously isn’t. One day though, you know his luck will run out (good things never last, you know this well) and he’ll be gone, and you’ll still be here. You’ll wake up every morning in a too big bed that always seems cold and you’ll go about your day only to return to an empty house with no one waiting for you. You won’t be able to see him again, not for a long while, at least. Whenever you see him smile or hear his laugh or hold his hand, you can’t help the small voice in the back of your head that whispers ‘enjoy this while you can, it’ll be gone soon’. It’s an odd feeling, to mourn someone who’s still alive. You wonder if this is what love is: a painful ache of what will come to pass muffled by the wonderful joy of what’s happening now. It doesn’t matter much, though. You know that you’d gladly feel the pain and grief over and over if it meant getting to spend just one more minute in his arms.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

You guys know that Pylades/Orestes quote? Yeah...

Nagito meant the world to you. He was a bit odd, sure, and you knew you’d never truly understand him, but who in this world can say they truly understand another? Regardless, it didn’t really matter. Whether or not you understood him, you knew that you loved him dearly. For the life of you, you’d never be able to fathom how he could be so cruel to himself, how he’d say such untrue things as if they were fact, how he’d rush to apologize for a mistake that was never made in the first place. He seemed to think his very existence was a mistake, and more than anything you wanted him to be able to see himself the way you saw him: by no means perfect, but so kind and smart and sweet that it didn’t matter. Throughout the time you’ve been together, he’s made some progress in treating himself a bit kinder. Slow, unsteady, fragile progress, but progress nonetheless. You were proud of him. Some days, though, were worse than others. You learned pretty quickly the signs of his bad days: he would be less talkative, he would avoid you, and he would seem to be lost in his thoughts more than usual. With a bit of time and trial and error, however, you learned how to coax him out of the negativity that every so often would plague him.

Nagito didn’t understand you. He didn’t understand how, after everything that’s happened, you still manage to be so kind and sweet and caring. He didn’t understand how anyone could care so much about other people when time and time again it’s done nothing but hurt. More than that, he couldn’t understand why you treated him so sweetly. Other people, sure, he could reason that they deserved it because they were talented, they were almost as kind as you, they were important, but none of those things applied to him. He wasn’t talented in any way, he was selfish and pessimistic and above all, he didn’t matter. So why did you choose him? He was eternally grateful, of course, but he often felt that he didn’t deserve your kindness, your love. Nagito was so lost in his thoughts that it took you calling his name three times for him to actually notice. Surely you hate him now, right? You went so far as to actually care for him, and he can’t even listen properly. “Nagito, come sit with me?” It wasn’t a command but an affectionate offer, one he knows he should refuse. What has he done to deserve being so close to you, to deserve even being in your presence? He knows he should refuse, he knows, but you're so warm and nice and safe and he’s so horribly greedy that he finds himself wandering over to sit by your side anyways. He sits next to you, barely close enough to have your arms touching. He’s so terrified of offending you that he can’t bring himself to be any closer, no matter how desperately he wants it. He’s looking at you now, wondering what you would possibly want him so close to you for. You’re finally tired of him, right? You called him here to finally admit that you hate him and never want to see him again, didn’t you? But you don’t.

Nagito is looking at you with an expression you can only describe as a mix of fear, regret, understanding, and acceptance. He’s expecting the worst, you know that much based on his expression. You grab his hand with both of yours (so tenderly, he distantly thinks, an undeserved spark of hope settling in his chest) and idly start tracing patterns on it. You see his expression settles into something much more relaxed, some of his doubts temporarily quelled. “I love you, Nagito, you know that?” His eyes widen and his body tenses, the hand you’re holding just barely grasping onto yours.

Nagito is so stunned by your seemingly sudden declaration that he can do nothing but stare at you for a second. How cruel, to give him such hope only to tear it away moments later. But you don’t. You’re still holding his hand, still looking at him with that same adoring expression, and he stops breathing for a moment. It wasn’t the first time you’ve told him that (and he selfishly hopes it’s not the last), but he always reacts the same way: his breath catches and his heart flutters wildly in his chest. “You’re so smart, and kind, and so pretty, and I love it when you get excited about things and I love your smile and I love your laugh and I love you so, so much…” His head is getting fuzzy now and his chest almost hurts with how wildly his heart is beating and he doesn’t realize it but he’s holding onto your hand so tightly, as if you’re just a dream and if he lets go, you’ll disappear. “I-I don’t—I..” You don’t rush him to speak, instead pulling him closer so you can properly hug him. He doesn’t resist (he doesn’t think he could, not when you’re so warm and soft and safe) and he holds onto your clothes like a lifeline. You’re running your hands through his hair and he’s hiding his face in your shoulder, nearly shaking because you’re being so sweet and caring and loving and he doesn’t deserve it, he knows he doesn’t deserve it but he can’t bring himself to move away from you and you should hate him but you don’t and he doesn’t understand- “Please, I don’t—I don’t get it. Why? Why do you love me?” He’s definitely shaking now and he regrets asking as soon as the words are out of his mouth because surely now that you’ve been prompted to think about it, you’ll realize that he’s worthless and you never actually loved him and- “Because you’re so much more than the way you see yourself? Because you make me so happy and I like being around you? Because everything about you makes my fall even more head over heels in love? Because I just do?” Once again Nagito is absolutely floored with how much one person can love. Here in your arms, he feels like despite everything, things will be okay, simply because you love him. Slowly, gradually, he finds himself calming down, his death grip on your shirt loosening and his breathing evening out. “I really don’t understand,” he starts, letting out a soft, sad laugh, “I’m a mess, you know? This proves it…” You’re still weaving your fingers through his hair, holding him like he’s worth something. “You don’t need to understand, just know that it’s true. And besides, I don’t mind if you think you’re a mess. I’ll take care of you, anyways.” “If I was stronger, you wouldn’t have to…You shouldn’t have to, it’s—it's awful, lousy, hopeless work…” “Not to me,” you say, not a hint of dishonesty in your voice, “not if it’s you.” In this moment, Nagito knows that he’d do anything you ask him to without hesitation, without question. He almost starts to cry again and his heart almost cracks because god he’s never felt so loved and wanted and cherished before and he loves you so, so much it almost hurts. At the end of the day, he starts to realize exactly how right you were: he doesn’t need to understand you, and you don’t need to understand him; there’s love, and that will always be more than enough.

[thestarswillmournourlove]

You meant the world to Nagito, and as far as he was concerned, he didn’t deserve you. To be fair, he didn’t think he deserved much of anything good, but you? He of all people shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near you. You were both doing your own thing right now, just enjoying each other’s presence (he doubts you were actually enjoying having him around, though). He paused in reading his book (one you recommended, one of your favourites; how kind of you, to share something you cherish with him) and let his gaze wander to you. Completely focused on what you were doing, you didn’t notice. Nagito couldn’t help but admire you. Your hair always seemed to perfectly compliment your face, even in the morning when you insisted it looked like a mess, your voice was always so soothing to hear, and you had just the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen. Even ignoring how stunning you were, you were one of if not the single sweetest, kindest, most caring person he’s ever had the honour of meeting. This is only further cemented in his mind by the fact that you even acknowledge him, much less choose to stay by his side. Nagito knows he doesn’t deserve you (he doesn’t think anyone does really, but especially not him) and he knows that he should convince you to finally give up on him, but Nagito is also very selfish. He knows this, and as hard as he tries to change it, he can’t help it. When you look at him so adoringly, when you so sweetly call his name, when you so gently hold him like he’s fragile, like he’s worth something, he can’t help but melt into your warm touch, to smile when you say his name, to have the audacity to look at you the same way you look at him. It’s wrong, he knows that, he knows that he of all people doesn’t deserve to be cherished by you, but he’s so horribly selfish that he can’t help but indulge himself. Even on nights when he’s at his worst (which is truly saying something, considering how awful he is all of the time), you never look at him with anything other than care and worry and love. You hold him close and brush your fingers through his hair, muttering not about how vile and awful and disgusting he is but instead uttering sweet nothings about how much you adore him, how you’ll stay with him as long as he wants, how strong and pretty and wonderful you think he is. He doesn’t deserve any of it, he knows that better than most, but when you look up from your game and smile at him with such delight dancing in your eyes, Nagito can’t help but be a little bit selfish.