thestarrynightthoughts

[thestarrynightthoughts]

Is it so wrong to wanting a kiss from someone who isn't mine?

[thestarrynightthoughts]

[thestarrynightthoughts]

I already have my peace.

And I dare fucking no one can disrupt that peace.

I'll simply fucking leave you alone, unbothered.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

I saw you again. Smiling with someone else.

I'm so happy for you.

But fuck.

I wish I was there when you first had those butterflies about her.

When you had the courage to say your feelings.

When you believe that you are deserving of love.

I wish I was still your friend.

God, I loved our friendship so much.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

I successfully got into a relationship where I am respected and loved.

I poured my blood, sweat and tears so I expect the best.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

[thestarrynightthoughts]

Life Updates 02/27/2020

So many years has been passed since I made a post here.

I've been switching company to company. Trying to earn a living so I can continue pursuing my dreams.

Earlier I fainted.

Again and again.

Hyperventilation.

It happens when I'm having a panic attacks or when it is damn hot.

Ugh.

I spent 1,400php so I can use a paper bag.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

Akalain mo yun. Bigla ko na lang naalala yung email at password ng account na to.

Matagal ko na kinalimutan.

Siyempre kailangan natin mag move on.

Hindi yung puro iyak lang.

Feeling ko naman nag improve ako.

Siguro dapat baguhin ko na rin to.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

My inner basher self /Rant/

Okay. Matapos mo sirain yung grupo ko by making friendly shit na para magkaroon ng sides, matapos ka makipaglandian over sa taong ako ang dahilan bat mo nakilala, matapos mo ko palihim na sinisiraan, matapos mo ginago yung paborito kong bagay sa mundo, matapo mo ako ipahiya para sa pukingina mong pride, agawin sakin yung bf ko, AALIS KA!?? Wow ha ang kapal mo rin. Ano gamitan lang? Dahil kilala ka na, nakuha mo na gusto mo? Tanginamo. Sinira mo buhay ko punyeta ka. Magsama kayo ng damuho kong ex. Sana marealize nya na ang bobo at at tanga nya. Tangina talaga. Puta kayong dalawa.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

There is so much going on in my life right now and I just need a little more push. I want to stay alive. Living and existing.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

11:03pm, 2014.

We chose the chair in the table in the corner. It was away from everyone. I ate the sandwich he brought. We were silent for some reason.  He looked at me with those tired eyes. It was telling me something. Some words I think I already knew. Because I know him. I know there’s something wrong.

And the song from the speaker filled the place.

"Our little conversations are turning into little sweet sensations And they're only getting sweeter every time Our friendly get-togethers are turning into visions of forever If I just believe this foolish heart of mine"

I asked about his day. How was he in his school? Does he get enough rest? He was nodding silently.

But in my mind, I really wanted to ask, is true about you and her?

There were rumors that you two were being even closer. That everyday, you two do things together. That you are happy when you are with her.

"I can't pretend that I'm just a friend 'Cause I'm thinkin' maybe we were meant to be"

I know if I asked him those things, he would just say that they are only friends. We're both not speaking. But somehow his gaze was reaching me and telling my heart something he was afraid to say.

"I think I'm fallin', fallin' in love with you And I don't, I don't know what to do I'm afraid you'll turn away But I'll say it anyway"

At the chorus of the song, he closed his eyes and bow his head down. Suddenly everything was clear to me. I looked at him, I listened to the song, I could hear my own heart cracking a bit. I was swallowing all I wanted to say.

I held his hand and then dragged him to my secret park.

We sat down and stared at the sky. The wind breeze coldly on our skin. So was the space between us. I knew he can no longer stay with me. I knew that he cannot find the right words to say. I knew that I have to let him go.

So I let the silence break us apart as the night deepens and the stars grew brightly.

For the last time, I was with him. I could fill all the times I wasn't there for him.

I wished above that he find his happiness even I am no longer part of that happiness. I wished that he have fallen' for the right person to keep and take care of him. I wish the best he deserves.

That's the last time I gaze at the stars.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

[thestarrynightthoughts]

2017

The worst year so far and it’s only 6 months but I’ve screwed up my entire life.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

[thestarrynightthoughts]

Ang talino naman ng mga beliefs ko noon.

[thestarrynightthoughts]

Fuck you, I didn’t deserve that.

(via missinyouiskillingme)

[thestarrynightthoughts]

Ang galing no. Bakit kaya kapag yung tao may naranasan na masakit noon naiiwasan na nila ngayon?

At sobrang pag-iiwas nagiging lungkot. Sa lungkot na yun nagiging takot. At sa takot na yun, nawawala nalang lahat ng posibilidad na maging masaya.