theskyisdefinitelynotblue - Tumblr blog

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

Like all lovers in a lonely castle

The sad people on abandoned beaches

As the poets say I’m a mess

The truth is that even when there are no poets around

I am not steady and not in control

So let me just be the poet

And the writer of my death scene

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

Alles glijdt weg. De grond waarop ik sta zie ik bewegen alsof ik op een viaduct sta en de auto’s op de snelweg beneden zie verschijnen en wegschieten. Maar ik kan ze niet horen. /Het is moeilijk te geloven dat ik ze aan zou kunnen raken als ik wilde. Het is moeilijk te geloven dat ze niet buiten bereik zijn, dat er niets dan lucht tussen mij en die mensen daar beneden in zit, dat ik geen eigen wereld heb in een andere waarin ieder ander leeft./ ik ben op een boot, zo'n toeristenboot op de Middellandse Zee. Ik sta op het glas waardoor de toeristen wonderen zouden moeten zien./Ik zie alleen maar wat troebele dingen die soms scherpe vormen aannemen maar meestal zo vreemd lijken dat het is alsof ik naar een andere planeet kijk. Maar ik ben dan ook niet op deze boot als toerist. Ik ben bewoner./Ik bekijk de wereld. Ik observeer. Ik registreer. Ik concludeer. Ik begrijp het niet. Alles is om me heen, maar als alles geen betekenis heeft staat het vrijwel gelijk aan leegte. Alles glipt langs me heen, en hoewel ik soms omver wordt geduwd en val, voel ik er niets van want het lijkt niet echt./Ik kijk tv. De verkeerde zender. Maar de juiste geeft geen signaal dus kijk ik dit programma maar, gewoon omdat er geen andere keuze is en ik niets anders kan doen./Verkeerd verbonden. Dat hoor ik als ik opneem. -Maar je hebt mijn nummer toch echt gedraaid. -Per ongeluk, snap je? -Weet ik niet, is alles wat ik zeggen wil./Alle woorden zijn weg. Leg het me uit. Laat me begrijpen. /Maar ik sta op een viaduct zonder weg naar beneden en woon op een boot in een stomme zee en kijk naar het verkeerde programma terwijl ik hoop dat iemand naast me komt staan, met mij de zee zal trotseren of naar het meest overgewaardeerde programma ooit zal kijken./Alles glijdt weg, en ik wil rennen, maar mijn voeten zitten vast. Misschien wil ik niet graag genoeg. En misschien kan het echt niet.

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

She nodded. 'That's the thing, you know. You don't just walk up on people and say 'these are my demons and I'm hard to handle.''

Sometimes it's not clear anymore. Whether everyone hates me

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

The people are high of their need for attention

and I don’t want to be forgotten

I try to talk to them while I don’t want to

Can people actually see each other?

I think they just assume they can

We’re driving too hard on the highways to whenever

and I didn’t want to be here

I came anyway and I tried and almost killed

The lights inside people’s chests

They don’t recognise me anymore

I try to talk to you but all that comes out of my mouth

is heavy breath and I smile in vain

I’m still alive and I haven’t really changed

But it’s hard to believe that neither you

Want to whisper in lines of the tired drivers

And we’re heading for the future with

my hands in my backpack looking for

All the words that lost somewhere

And I need their attention like they need mine

But you won’t look at me

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

Said that they were better than her dreams

One day she’d like to tell someone

Walked around the parking lot

Where boys were kissing girls

Singing like everybody’s deaf

Graveyards were the signs

But wandering lost castles was her truth

She hadn’t talked since years ago

Lately she’d only said some words

Meaningless and empty eyes

She had a journal full of poems

She liked to call them letters to the flies

Bones of her fingers and scars in her mind

The uncertain soul behind her breath

Like once it was painless

She killed her family and ate alone

Faking smiles and finding joy

When she stroked those girls’ lips

She kissed one boy in the living room

Human contact was a bore

Her friends had left some time ago

She lost track of them years before

In her fantasy she was an actress

So she could be someone else

To be better than her dreams

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

give me your glass

being drunk is overrated

stay at this person’s house

this is something i’ve always hated

Big houses and ceilings with fake renaissance paintings

Wonder who’s made them

Wish it was me if this was real but I’ve lost somehow track of the honest

When I started lying I was six and now I’m used to doing it

I lie that I like people and that I’m listening but to be honest what I almost never am

I never lie to you

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

we told each other that we were going to work this out

and we would’ve done that

sure of course

in another universe, if this was a movie

a young adult novel maybe

but that’s neither what this is about

apologies in broken hands

made of water in an ocean red

shards balancing between two minds

whispering curses at fading skylines

riding the bus home with you by my side

mirror in the window like the lip you bite

and we told each other that we were going to work this out

your mother didn’t like me

and you were allergic to my room

you were the friend i never had

the one i’d love more than everyone

you were a stain on my new thoughts

a piece of magic in the dark

yes, we told each other we were going to work this out

and i said shit

and you fuck this

my world is on the edge of hundredten

but we all could’ve been much worse

so you say you’ll stay

and i will really do

doing things like our story has a plot

universes, dreams of home

at the balcony at three am

talking like we have to say a lot

but in the early morning i’ll be gone and you releaved

we said we were going to work this out

but there are better things that cannot be received

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

The light has turned a colour I can’t describe

It’s a shade of dark black blue and white

It’s shining in the night in front of my tired eyes

It’s blinding me and crying terrifying

People try to make their ways home down the road

I can see them through the windows in the dark outside

They had to disappear into the night but they stayed anyway too long

And I don’t know where and why

I wander the rooms of this house I’ve lived in all my life

When did the walls become so soft

And has the ground always been cold

The lights are way too much

And it’s already time

But the clock is ticking in my head

And I can’t find my bed

The lights will go on in the night and I will try

To captivate the glory in my messing mind

And leave this in the ceiling and look for knives to laugh and bite

But I don’t know where to go nor where to find

So help me throw away the sheets

And close the curtains so people won’t see

Upon the streets they lie awake but I don’t want them to stay

So please help me for I don’t know what is right

Help me improve myself this time

So I won’t lose this fight

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

lippen nog steeds rood, ogen nog steeds blauw

zelfde witte shirt, wat meer littekens

zowel bij mij als bij jou

maar het is niet ik en ook niet jij

lijkt toch zo echt, verdomd dichtbij

klinkt zelfs als iets van ooit eerder

maar ik kan het niet aanraken,

het is niet meer van mij

We zijn niet wie we waren

We zijn niet meer wie we waren

We zijn alleen maar twee schimmen

waar we vanaf jouw en mijn oude plaats naar staren

proberend weer te weten hoe het was

om een lichaam met stromend bloed te ervaren

in een donkere woonkamer schijnen felle lichten

de koelkast, mobiel, laptop, de maan

recht in onze gezichten

maar het is niet genoeg en maakt het kil

de leegte schreeuwt dus is het stil

we herhalen wat we al eerder zeiden

want ik kan verhalen niet vertellen,

je stom genoeg niet zeggen wat ik wil

we zijn niet wie we waren

we zijn niet meer wie we waren

we zijn twee geesten die vanaf onze oude plekken terugstaren

We zijn niet meer wie we waren

we zijn niet meer wie we waren

we zijn slechts twee geesten dolend door vaag bekende straten

proberend te herinneren hoe het was

om een kloppend hart te ervaren

we zijn niet meer wie we waren

we zijn slechts twee geesten

tevergeefs proberend

onze oude personen met een lichaam te evenaren

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

op dezelfde dag geboren zijn we

nog geen uur verschil

en niet dat ik het wil

maar broer en zus hadden we kunnen zijn

zo zeiden onze beide moeders altijd

vreemd genoeg dachten ze ook

dat we altijd vrienden zouden blijven

namen op dezelfde trouwakte zouden schrijven

mijn naam en jouw naam, deborah

maar daar gaven we geen gehoor aan

ze dachten dat we nooit uit elkaar zouden gaan

wil je weten dat ik ons in gedachten vaak eeuwig naast elkaar heb zien staan?

oh, deborah, weet je nog

jullie huis dat inmiddels is verkocht

waar we na school altijd speelden

omdat van jouw moeder alles mocht

oh, deborah, weet je nog

dat je me niet meer zag

toen ik je later opzocht

dus ik zei

laten we elkaar weer ontmoeten in het jaar 2000

zal het niet vreemd zijn

wanneer we allen groot zijn

volgroeid zijn

volwassen zijn

ben je er ook

bij de fontein

om twee uur op het plein?

en jaren terug

op die ene donderdag

had ik nooit verwacht

dat je trouwen zou

dat ik nu alleen

mezelf erop na hou

net als op die eenzame donderdag

naast de school in de regenachtige kou

sommige jongens zeiden

dat jouw lichaam het beste was

je had als eerste borsten van de klas

en ik wendde me in gêne af

als martyn me een veelbetekenende blik gaf

nog steeds waren we vrienden

je liep soms met me mee naar huis

maar altijd kwam ik alleen thuis

en daar was het mee gezegd

want er was dat ene gevecht

zo van ik was mezelf en raar aan de zijkant

en jij was, hoe kon het ook anders, middelpunt van populairen-land

oh, deborah, weet je nog

jullie huis dat inmiddels is verkocht

waar we na school altijd speelden

omdat van jouw moeder alles mocht

oh, deborah, weet je nog

dat je me niet meer zag

toen ik je later opzocht

en ik zei

laten we elkaar weer ontmoeten in het jaar 2000

zal het niet vreemd zijn

wanneer we allen groot zijn

volgroeid zijn

volwassen zijn

ben je er ook

bij de fontein

om twee uur op het plein?

en jaren terug

op die ene donderdag

had ik nooit verwacht

dat je trouwen zou

dat ik nu alleen

mezelf erop na hou

net als op die eenzame donderdag

naast de school in de regenachtige kou

en inmiddels heb jij een leven gekozen

ik zal niet langer tevergeefs hopen

wetend dat we elkaar niet meer zullen zien

maar ooit zei ik

laten we elkaar weer ontmoeten in het jaar 2000

zal het niet vreemd zijn

wanneer we allen groot zijn

volgroeid zijn

volwassen zijn

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

The girls who write journals and the girls who use ctrl+v.

The girls at trainstations, at the gym and the library and in the hallways of high school.

The girls that laugh very loud or don’t at all. Or just fake a laugh.

The lonely girls, the popular girls, the pretty girls, add what you want.

You would decide it for them anyway, isn’t it?

Because they’re “only girls.”

Or “just girls.”

And girls will always be girls.

They write journals and are dramatic.

They love melodrama and they use ctrl+v and then say that they’re not like other girls.

But don’t you think they are? Since they are girls.

And girls will be girls, will always be girls.

They dress like each other or like nobody ever.

They dress like boys and they fall in love with boys. And with each orther. With everyone in between.

Girls will be girls. All the girls ever.

The girls who become lawyers, singers and housewives, maybe somewhere in the future. But most of all, girls will be girls.

All the girls ever.

The stars might fade and the lights can go out and the aliens may come. And kill most of us.

Nothing will be sure and there’s nothing to rely on anymore.

But at least girls are girls. They will always be.

They reach for the stars, only find thick air, too thick to breathe.

Because girls will always be girls.

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

today, i am going to be nice

today, i will be kind to all the people i don’t like

i won’t say mean things and i’ll try to be honest

yet i am not going to be mean

today, i am going to be that girl

you think is happy

you think is really nice

that girl that you could just sat next to if you were new in school

that girl i am going to be today

i will smile and say hi to people in the hallways

i won’t look at the ground when i see someone i know

just to avoid eyecontact

and i won’t look away

i am not going to be arrogant today

i am going to be motivated

and i am going to be active during pe

today, my thoughts won’t shift away

i will pay attention in class

i will participate in class

like raise my hand when i know the answer

and i won’t be afraid to say something wrong

because i will be honest today

i am not going to sit in the back of the class

not pretending i don’t care

while i fucking do

i will talk to people

maybe even to that boy that i think i could be friends with

even to the girl in math class i used to laugh with

i won’t laugh at other people

when they do something stupid

i will be nice to stupid people

and don’t call stupid people stupid people

not even in my head

today, i am going to be someone

who does not have a resting bitch face

and some problems with sleeping at normal times

today, i’m going to be helpful

i won’t scroll through my list of contacts to make it look like i’m busy so people don’t talk to me

and of course i won’t ignore people who think they can have a conversation with me

today, i am social

today, i am going to be nice

i am going to be kind

and not a single insult will cross my mind

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

I see two people, there on the beach

Near the surf, and they don’t speak

The sun sets slowly

A silence of harmony

I know her, for you is she

Smiles at him, he could be me

But that’s not true, ‘cause my hands

They break everything

I can’t be the guy over there

The love, the peace, the lack of cares

I still haven’t found any right way

But then again, why does this look

Like homecoming after a long day?

I love you, like you see

But in this picture, he’s not me

Look at his hand, he wears a ring

And in reality, I never did the wedding-thing

I’m not myself

Or haven’t been all these years

I have not fallen, but am yet in tears

I’m not myself or haven’t been all these years

I’m not myself or haven’t been all these years

I see two people, they walk away

She turns around, we cannot stay

Look into my eyes

See the same reasons to cry

All this love a fading lie

There is no holding on, but still I try

I’m not myself

Or haven’t been all these years

I am the one in a blind city who sees clear

I’m not myself or haven’t been all these years

I’m not myself or haven’t been all these years

And

Oh, let it be the sun

Oh, let it be this beach

Let it be the sea

Let me make a move

Don’t let me there alone to stay

Give me something to say

So you won’t get away

And oh, let it be salt

Let it be my worst mistake

Let it be world’s greatest fault

But don’t ever

Don’t ever

Let me forget about this

Don’t ever

This is the one thing I can’t miss

I’m not myself

Or haven’t been all these years

I am the one who has never drowned his fears

I’m not myself or haven’t been all these years

I’m not myself or haven’t been all those years

I’m not myself

Or haven’t been all these years

I have not fallen, but am yet in tears

I am the one in a blind city who sees clear

I am the one who has never drowned his fears

I’m not myself or haven’t been all these years

I’m not myself or haven’t been all these years

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

Hollow like your soul

Deep in your hands fivehundred miles away

And all the things you never said keep wandering through my head

I tried and I would do it again

But it will be all in vain and it won’t be worth it

But anyway you’ll take the pain

And it’s so wrong and I want to laugh but

It’s a four word story

That I make way too long in my head

As if all the important is gone

Walking these old lanes with the unpleasant sound of

One alive beneath the ground that’s

Stuck in your head like a song of which you never knew the words

But I know yours and you never knew mine

That’s alright because the last things you said to me were as obvious

As I thought you wouldn’t ever be

No more words than needed since there were just enough

To make a correct line

No justs and wells and nevrous laughter

Which makes me wonder how long you’ve

Wanted to say those things that made it

Those days and simple questions and the words

It is a four word story

We can’t handle you

And I just want you to know that I would

Have appreciated if you told me before

But it’s a simple one this time so we’ll keep it up

Follow all the unknown rules into this city of my knives

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

alone, mistaken, all at once

trying and searching finding

and they say that not all those who wander are lost

but i am and so were you before gravity lost something to hold on to since all the ground has turned to dust

now we live in ruins of my screaming castle

green clouds above the river of death

you were writing your mind somewhere

i can hear the wind in the water

and the abandoned ones beneath my feet

the worst, the best

the first, the last

old lovers in books of other times

where women wore dresses and men only suits

in ballrooms with violins and their ugly sounds

like nails on chalkboards that we also lost

the victory behind the scenes

shards of flames in your hands

how are you doing tonight?

just fine i guess?

well, that’s all i wanted to hear, right?

like, did you see her dress?

like, o my fucking god

the stairs grow longer every hour

this castle won’t let us leave this place of banned habits like biting our bones

somehow i’ve forgotten how it felt to bleed

and they say that everyone is normal until you get to know them

the other way around it is

defintions are burnt anyways in the streets of ancient cities

even adults cry sometimes

we couldn’t care any less

not knowing how to walk

the mountain’s shouting back at us

but silver rivers flow to the open sea

searching for eternity

that never was for me

and they say that no one is a villain in their own story

but i don’t see the truth in it

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

the sour wind at the empty beach

a memory of what i used to need

some people never learn to bleed

some never learn to care

the sea swallows the sun

i’ve lost my ability to scream

and society knows you need more

than a school to succeed

again, why don’t you have to ask

permission before you breed?

0 notes

theskyisdefinitelynotblue · 5 years ago

Text

the good die young

the best are still alive

and eating breakfast

you do it with your mouth closed

stairway to heaven on repeat

that tv-show you saw ten times or more

lonely for this work alone

years ago the last time you went home

your mother she’s calling you

caring never like you needed

you knew pretty well and you’re not dumb

but you never pick up the phone

there’s nothing i can’t do alone

streets of houses you used to own

in your dreams and nightmares

you just needed a friend as well

shooting stars you made a promise on

maybe hell’s even better than heaven

you go to the toilet to wash your hands

i steal your headphones to sleep

and how you were the best

neither did you know how to fit in

i never cared enough

so it’s hard to believe you did

0 notes