thesilentarestill

[thesilentarestill]

05 - Mirror

I wonder, as I write these messages, what is the point of it all?

I sit, and I spill my hollow thoughts onto a keyboard, sent to the void for the world to see. My vulnerabilities.

Most of these thoughts have been written past midnight, far beyond the window of logic and reason, and many times I will think the next day and wonder if I should have really written what I have.

But that does not mean that those thoughts were not real at that moment, that fragile time.

No one will likely read these messages, and that's good, that's fine. It feels more safe in a way, knowing that I will not be truly percieved, as there is no one to observe. Yet I may see myself, witness the reflection in my words, these senseless sentences. And in that I find who I truly am in that instant.

But still I write to the world, waiting, wondering. If someone were to witness me, would I come into focus? Or would the possibilities of my mind simply scatter once more.

The keyboard is a one way mirror.

[thesilentarestill]

04 - Intimacy

There will always be people that I am closer to than others. In different ways, each one of these people finds their way into my mind, my heart, my soul.

There are those who may light the world around them, whose presence brings joy into my life. Even when others may wear me down, these individuals can replenish my being with nothing but a joke, a laugh, a smile.

Then, there are others, whose very being sings a melody to my heart. They invoke in it a craving, a soft and quiet longing to reach out, and to be entwined. Their light is a softer one, more gentle, yet burning away at me all the stronger when they are gone.

But the last is those who speak words to my soul. Those who I know I may tell anything, about the world, the universe, because I need not fear judgement, confusion, or rejection. They mirror me at a level beyond the mind. They are those who understand.

Each of these are precious to me. Each are necessary. Each I love.

And someday, perhaps, all three may be one.

[thesilentarestill]

03 - Completion

What does it mean, to be complete? You are not born complete, surely, yet in early life you do not yearn for a missing piece... or do you? Perhaps that is what drives ambition, what causes us to strive for greater things. For wealth, for power, for knowledge... For love.

If another person is what completes you, do they find their completion in your being? Or do they, also, have something that they must reach towards to become whole. If one craves another, yet their companion craves something different entirely, what does that mean?

Can you only be complete when someone else finds their completion in you? If their goal resides elsewhere, then what is left.

A partial spirit, eternally reaching, grasping at nothingness... at a void that will never be filled.

Or perhaps there is no such thing.

Maybe to live is to want,

Is to yearn.

[thesilentarestill]

Please Madeline Please Joey please I'm begging you

[thesilentarestill]

02 - Broken Communication

You, who has hurt me so, Why do I long to speak to you once more? My chest tightens at the thought, my heart aches... Yet the desire is there still. And so I wonder. What are you doing now? What are you thinking of? Do you think of me? Or am I nothing but a fleeting memory, a hole, where time once stood.

You, who has hurt me so, Who has destroyed me, torn me asunder, Why do you inspire me to create? Why do I long to share this with you? To hand you a poem, a story, a song, and to say, "This is what you have made of me." "This is all that is left of you." "You have stolen a piece of my soul, and here is what remains." Is it a reaction, that I'm wishing for? Or is it the simple act of sharing something delicate, something raw with another human being?

When you lay your mind and spirit bare, you cannot conceal it once more.

You, who has hurt me so, Have percieved me.

[thesilentarestill]

Kayn, Rhaast, and Loss (and Chainsaw Man for some reason)

WARNING!! The following rambling contains heavy spoilers for Part 1 of Chainsaw Man

Additionally the following contains the insane headcanons of a deranged man who likes Runeterra just a bit too much so if everyone is OOC thats just how it is

Kayn is such an interesting character to me beyond how he is presented in League. From his prime appearance, he doesn't really have much going on beyond "edgy scythe shadow ninja". Base Kayn is a very tropey character, but it's done to his advantage.

What really makes him interesting to me, is the existence of Rhaast, and moreso the implications of what Rhaast's presence could mean from a narrative standpoint. We don't know how Kayn is able to withstand the darkin when no other mortal seemingly can. Is it because of his strength? Is Rhaast weaker than other darkins?

Or is it because Kayn has nothing to lose?

An interesting take on the character in my mind is that Rhaast is fueled by emotional instability. Kayn's withstood Rhaast's assault for years because his willpower is so strong... and he's at his strongest because there is nothing that can shake that.

Kayn is an orphan, an abandoned child soldier, he has no ties to the world around him. He craves power, and when he finds it, he does nothing but relish in that strength. The only person that he could possible feel affection for... is Zed.

And perhaps that is why I imagine Zed acting so cold to him. He would care, of course. Why else would the leader of the Order of Shadows rescue a child from a battlefield, raise and train him. He must care.

But as soon as Kayn touched that scythe Zed's coldness changed. He is no longer just unable to express his affectionate emotions due to the way he is, he is now actively acting colder and more harsh towards Kayn to protect him from the creature lurking in his mind.

And now is when I switch up to talking about Chainsaw Man for ZERO reason.

Chainsaw Man Part 1 is my second favourite manga of all time, and one of my favourite stories of all time. I could go on for hours about everything I love about it, but here I just want to focus in on one thing.

Denji, Makima, and Family.

When we meet Denji at the start of the story, he has nothing. He has no family, he has no money, no food. The only thing he does have is Pochita, and soon enough the devil becomes a part of him, so you could even say he doesn't even have that anymore.

That is the state in which Makima finds him, and that is the state where Denji is at both his weakest... and his strongest.

No matter what anyone could do to him, it wouldn't change anything. He's already at rock bottom, if someone were to kill him he might even see it as a blessing.

So what does Makima do?

She gives him a life. She gives him food, a job, a purpose... She tempts him with the chance of everything he's ever desired, and she reinforces his will to live.

She gives him Power, and Aki. The family that he's never had, the love that he's always craved.

Before the Gun Devil incident happens, Denji is at his strongest... and his weakest.

Because now he has something to lose.

And Makima strips that away from him.

Denji has to kill Aki, and after that, he comes to her. And what does Makima do?

She kills Power right in front of him. She removes the last piece of Denji's new family, his new life, right before his eyes.

Everything that he had, that newfound will to live, it's now gone. And when Denji is reduced to nothing, that is when Chainsaw Man returns.

That was one hell of a tangent, but it does loop back around to my main point, I promise.

Kayn has nothing to lose, emotionally. He lives for the fight, for the power that he feels from the Darkin. Through his base skin blue form voice lines, we see that although he still feels remorse upon Zed's death ("It did not have to end this way, Zed."), he still does not view Zed's loss as a tragedy. Zed is not his father, Zed is his equal now.

So that's why the most interesting narrative to me is:

What if Kayn had someone to fight for?

That's why I love writing Kayn alongside someone, be it romance or found family- If he has a tie to the world, a real connection to another living being, the love that he was denied his entire childhood... Then what happens when that's stripped away?

What happens when the cold facade of his mind cracks? When the thirst for power becomes an anguished cry of sorrow?

That's when Rhaast has already won.

Whispering into Kayn's mind, "It was your fault, they died because of you. This is what happens when anyone gets close to you, this is why you are unworthy of love."

The moment that Kayn falters, the demon in his head has everything that he needs to take control. If Kayn is capable of compassion, then he is capable of despair.

And when his willpower is gone, there is nothing to stop the Darkin.

[thesilentarestill]

[thesilentarestill]

01 - Knowledge

Is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all?

Better to have suffered the curse of knowledge, or to have continued a life of blissful ignorance?

If you had never known warmth, would you still crave it? But even if you did, that craving would not be nearly as strong as when you are held close, kept warm, and that warmth was stripped from you in a heartbeat.

Time spent wishing and yearning becomes time spent happy, but when the end comes, the happiness withers away and the time becomes cracked and empty.

Would it not become more desirable, then, to have months of longing rather than a blank void in your mind.

Ignorance is bliss.

Yet still, I am happy to have lived, to have experienced.

For without knowledge, we cannot grow.

[thesilentarestill]

this might be my favourite animatic of anything ever and it wont make any sense to anyone unless they are obsessed with a niche indie game to the point of understanding several characters who talk about each other like twice in the entire game

The Animatic is finished ::)

A more artistic telling of how slate and gossan managed their feelings with feldspars disappearance.

After god knows how many crashes, it is done! Below for the usual rambling vv ::)

Soooo.... it is done!! This is held together by duct tape and lots of praying. So many crashes.... Krita why..

BUT AHHAUAUAHAHAHHA ITS DONE!! ITS SCUFFED YEA BUT ITS DONE. Really a passion project that I had no idea i could manage to make.

The amount of symbolism in this is- insane btw. Just yea

Many feelings about this, the quality is bad for some reason but aaurugh i cant be bothered anymore </3

Im happy!!! Them!!! Big thanks to carol, cobalt, and cosmo for just being amazing and inspiring me to make this

Im proud

anyways dont expect something like this anytime soon but hey... smaller sillier shitposts *might* become a thing. Other than that idk.. there are some smaller projects already in the thinking factory so i guess look forward to these!!

@sawyer-is-eepy the tag since you asked, enjoy!!

Also to all of you who said that this one scene reminded you of lagtrain. Yes. It's bc it's referencing that. I'm glad people picked up on it xdd