therealmuppetjoker - Tumblr blog

[therealmuppetjoker]

very fond of kermit in outfits

[therealmuppetjoker]

interesting how you’re anti hamilton but you tagged that ask about milton with a hamilton song 🤔

No... My secret...!

[therealmuppetjoker]

Your amazing Kermit joker everyday I wake up eager to see your posts I start to sweat and convulse when I see you haven't posted and I wait for hours at a time scrolling to the top of your page refreshing and refreshing until a new post comes I've taken multiple days of work just to refresh for your posts and it's always worth it I love each and everyone of your posts I love you I love you I love you and whenever I see a new post or (somehow) a post I haven't already seen from you my eyes start to water with glee and each night before I go to bed I hope scroll your account (because your account could never bring me doom) and I dream of your posts and amazing takes overall i love you kermit joker i love you with all my heart you are my heart your the air i breath and i wait with baited breath for your next post bound to be a absolutely epic banger

You are just like how I am. Normal

[therealmuppetjoker]

horse is the best animal cause you can hold their big soft face in your arms and it’s like the worlds best hug

[therealmuppetjoker]

hello dear croaker i’m doing some research for personal reasons and i was wondering if muppets make milk? please let me know so i can take my next steps <3

Anything lactates if you milk it hard enough.

[therealmuppetjoker]

People I need to apologize to in order to grow as a person:

My ex polycule

My ex roommates

God

The Pope

My bitch of a mother

Guy named Ethan (stole his hair)

Guy named Dylan (ate his soap)

Gerard Way (killed his immortal vampire soul)

Horses I need to apologize to:

My father's prized horse Bucephalus (attempted murder via poisoning)

[therealmuppetjoker]

thoughts on milton?

He seems nice, but I am strongly anti-RPF. (For anyone unaware, this means "real people fiction," such as the musical Hamilton.) No exceptions.

[therealmuppetjoker]

With one of my secondary kins being the original man (Adam from the Bible), as well as my status as a self-identified trans-inclusive radical misogynist, I am more than qualified to give insight on these matters. The truth is, as long as you know yourself to be masculine, you are on the right side, my brother. Do whatever nurtures your soul and find your manliness there... #men's rights

[therealmuppetjoker]

Agreed. As someone who closely identifies with the Catholic faith (Adam is one of my secondary kins) I am SICK AND TIRED of all these Biblical "fanfictions"... Not that there is anything wrong with fanfiction, but I've said it before and I'll say it again. MY PERSONAL HISTORY IS NOT YOUR FANDOM!!!! U-ugh... My kin trauma... It's all coming back... E-Eve, why.... No..... NO......!!!!!!!

Good art though

the rest of my muppet!omens doodles, all together :)

[therealmuppetjoker]

Housesittting is such a pain in the ass. The 15,000 ladybugs I let loose in this lady's house to eat the aphids on her plants didn't even do anything and most of her plants are dead. And now there are ladybuhs everywhere! I figured water would kill them so I brought the hose inside and sprayed all over the place but now everything's wet. No clue where the cat could be

[therealmuppetjoker]

Grabbing handfuls of the indoor bugs and putting them outside

[therealmuppetjoker]

Also henceforth I have decided that, being both Adam and Dark Eve kintypes, I am my own mother and father and will be letting my old "parents" know that they are simply Susan and Jim to me. Sad!

[therealmuppetjoker]

Hey man la2t ii 2aw u ii wu2 beecomiing 2ollux n cryiin bout my ex giirlfriiend iin ur a2k box how r u??

Hello Sollux from Homestuck. I did not answer your previous asks because they were too depressing. To answer your question, I am seething with rage... as usual. Now that I have defeated "the Muppet Joker" (in quotes because I am the only true Muppet Joker) I have to plot my revenge against my f*male p*rent. Unfortunately it is not going well...

[therealmuppetjoker]

I am rapidly realizing that perhaps I have been the common demonimator in all my failed relationships and friendships... Shocking News!

So I have decided to write everybody who has ever gotten mad at me a Very Long apology letter and send it to them or, if they are unable to read due to being a horse, read it out loud to them.

I am a Muppet of Growth

[therealmuppetjoker]

Finally.

I do not desever the title of Joker, much less the title of Muppet.

From now on, I am not the Muppet Joker. I am just the Human Idiotguy.

[therealmuppetjoker]

MY FUCKING M*M TOOK AWAY MY PHONE.

[therealmuppetjoker]

Liege it is late maybe you should rest

One more nut. I simply have to keep cranking it