therandomcantina

[therandomcantina]

pls tell me what ur great grandparents did for a living in the tags if u know... mine were dairy farmers, bakery workers and a security guard lol

[therandomcantina]

The Worst Attraction in Every State

[therandomcantina]

This.

Someone finally explained it

[therandomcantina]

I know that a lot of you are banking on having little to do with your nephews/neices as children and then becoming their "cool aunt" once they become teenagers, but I think that you will find, upon analysis, that a random middle-aged woman stepping into a whole-ass teenager's life and arbitrarily declaring herself to be a "cool aunt" is, in fact, the least cool thing it's possible to do.

[therandomcantina]

🐱 Maine Coon

📸 Koroleva Elena [Shaggy Beast Cattery]

🎨 Black Smoke

Note: This cat demonstrates a badly undershot jaw, this is referred to as a Class III Malocclusion or Mandibular Mesiocclusion. This is a disqualifying fault in the breed.

[therandomcantina]

it might just be because im sleep deprived from jetlag rn but this r/relationship_advice post is making me cry actual tears of laughter. i read the post at first and was like yeah pretty standard whatever but im nosey so i clicked on the drawing op linked and i was not mentally prepared for it. putting it under a read more so you can get the same experience as i did

some of the top comments

[therandomcantina]

today the miami dolphins punter accidentally kicked a ball directly into his teammate’s ass

[therandomcantina]

being on tumblr for a long time but never reading homestuck like

[therandomcantina]

tortoises are knights, but sea turtles are more like traveling merchants or itinerant preachers

[therandomcantina]

Fandom Problem #6013:

"'let people enjoy things?' okay, well I enjoy critical thinking and being a hater"

No you don't enjoy "critical thinking" you fucking asshole, the only thing you care about is being an obnoxious pseudo-intellectual and acting like a kindergarten bully who steals the nerdy kid's toys away.

Like I get your an egotistical, condescending brat that likes to stick their nose where it doesn't belong, but openly advertising it don't make you look any better.

[therandomcantina]

Imagine you’re working this shitty retail job for an unbearable amount of hours with no other coworkers. Suddenly, a cop throws in two guys who he says are gonna work with you. They say no, they’re actually supposed to see the president. You show them the break room and they dismantle your microwave because apparently it has like, the map to the city of gold or something. So you help them stowaway on a train going directly into the depths of the Amazon rainforest. You crash, you get lost, see weird animals n shit, and then suddenly meet like. King Arthur. And this Arthur guy tells you that your wagie job is ACTUALLY a secret ploy by the president who allied with Conquistadors from 500 years ago and you’re supposed to have superpowers but your president stole them from you to invent classism.

So you get kidnapped but that’s the least of you worries rn because The President just found you, and you go back to your stupid wagie city, one of your new coworkers is suddenly talking about killing the bourgeois, blows your other new coworker to smithereens, which is okay because he then comes back to life as the new president (which is pretty good because the old one got publicly executed thirty seconds earlier) and now you’re in the secret service.

It has been two days. You’re not even sure if you got fired.

And your hands can turn into knives.

[therandomcantina]

I know it is my father's first time on this Earth, too. And I know He had it worse when he was little.

But I was little too.

— Franz Kafka, from letters to his father

[therandomcantina]

it was not nearly as bad as you’d made it sound.

anyway you clearly don’t love me since you didn’t sleuth your way to my blog like a real friend.

to the coworker i just accidentally gave my tumblr to:

oh my god. oh my god oh no. oh no

[therandomcantina]

Nah one straw is no problem bro. I'm the strongest camel ever, I'm carrying like TEN THOUSAND straw right now. If I can handle ten thousand straw then what's one straw gonna do? Stands to reason. Just chuck it on bro, it'll be fine.

[therandomcantina]

oh also I got married. Booya

[therandomcantina]

You know, now that I'm no longer active on Tumblr.com on the regular, it's fascinating to see how spending my adolescence on this platform affected my brain chemistry, but also how my personality has changed since Not being here. Wild stuff.