theprodigxl-daughter

[theprodigxl-daughter]

[theprodigxl-daughter]

Hey, wanted to wish you goodbye after your last post

As a fellow ex-christian, I loved seeing your blog! I was going through my list of followed blogs and you were in the group of blogs I followed when I first joined tumblr, right around the time I left christianity. So, thank you for being here and posting.

I’m so glad things are doing better in your life. You deserved everything life has to offer.

Thanks for being here <3

hi, friend! I loved your message so much!!!! Thank you for taking the time to reach out, I loved being here as well so, truly, I'm the one who's SO thankful for this little community <3 thank u thank u thank u, from the bottom of my heart

[theprodigxl-daughter]

A goodbye (but not a sad one!!!!)

I've been on antidepressants for almost a year now. This is the first year of my life in many, many years where I've been, genuinely, enjoying life. And, even in the moments where things are Not Great, I still feel great because I'm not constantly trying to off myself.

And it's not just the meds. I've been more in contact with my friends, I'm going out, meeting people. I'm getting the opportunity to be a young woman in my early twenties, to drink and wake up in the morning kind of regretting staying out late, but still having so. much. fun.

I still go to church, sometimes. Because it doesn't bother me anymore, because I can sit there, finally comfortable in my own skin, knowing that I know who I am and what I believe and that's enough.

And all of that has got me thinking: this is truly the only life that I have. There's no way of knowing what comes after this.

And I finally feel safe enough to feel really fucking great to affirm that there is no way that I'm going to spend the only life that I know I have denying myself of all the joys that exist in being a human being. I don't want to spend my days thinking of all the ways I was made wrong. Of all my shortcomings. Days of Making myself little, so He can be Great.

Which is why I think I'm ready to let go of this blog.

I created this space when I was feeling so much rage, so much sadness, and I needed community. And I got that, I truly did! I never really interacted much, but it was so great to know that I wasn't alone in my feelings.

This space means so much to me, because not only it helped me heal, but it's also proof that, yeah, I didn't think I would, but I survived.

I've been thinking of this for a while, and this post was supposed to be just this: a rant. But I feel like, in order to continue, I need to put some things behind, which includes my lovely blog.

I don't know if anyone cares, but I felt like I needed to say goodbye. I've been here for a while, and I've seen people come, and go, and I know I remember people and still check their blogs even when they disappear, so to anyone that might remember me and come across this blog:

I was here. I stayed, and it hurt so much, and I thought this kind of suffering would be never ending. And it wasn't. So I left.

[theprodigxl-daughter]

Joan of Arc - John Everett Millais // American Teenager - Ethel Cain

[theprodigxl-daughter]

Art by Essi Välimäki

[theprodigxl-daughter]

Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people

[theprodigxl-daughter]

[theprodigxl-daughter]

and is your shame helpful? is it inspiring goodness and change? or is it keeping you frozen in time unable to move on and be everything you have expanded to be?

[theprodigxl-daughter]

[theprodigxl-daughter]

olympic gold in hitting christian babies with a bat

[theprodigxl-daughter]

When I was 9 I wrote "bra" in Scribblenauts and then put it on my character and played for a bit with it on and then the shame hit so I deleted my save and cried and prayed to Jesus apologizing for putting a bra on my Scribblenauts character

[theprodigxl-daughter]

forgive me lord for I have imagined a life far more soft and tender than the one you created for me

[theprodigxl-daughter]

[theprodigxl-daughter]

Looking back, cannot comprehend how I lived a single day as a child. Your best friend now sits across the room from you because the teacher rearranged seats. You have to go to a family reunion this weekend and you’ll be stuck in a car or around people you don’t know for hours. You heard a story about a dude who chewed gum wrong and his tongue fell out. It’s 11 AM.

[theprodigxl-daughter]

prophecy class cancelled due to foreseen circumstances

[theprodigxl-daughter]

i love ex-christian tumblr so much. Like yes we get harrassed by christians lurking in the religious trauma tag and yes we get infiltrated by terfs but hey! at least we are in this together. and no one understands my visceral response to casting crowns like you ❤️

[theprodigxl-daughter]

when i describe myself as evil i mean it primarily in the sense that i am an enemy of the church