thephilocalistbarbarian

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

"The Ghosts I Have Known"

Running from the past's dark grasp,

Where the holy Grail's ghostly shadow falls,

Aghast, I flee the haunted cast,

Seeking solace from the ghosts that enthral.

The skies grow dark, like my heart's pain,

Yet again, the storm clouds gather fast,

But this time, no rainbow's promise reigns,

Only the wind whispers a haunting past.

Aware of the cycle, I remind myself,

Time and again, I'll break the chains that bind,

It's okay if I stumble & fall again,

For in the darkness, a light shall I find.

Running towards the light, I'll find my strength,

Where the past will fly away like kites,

No longer anchored to the weight that once bent,

I'll soar on eagle's wings, into the light's warm sight.

I'll discover myself, like a phoenix born,

From the ashes of what I used to be,

I can, I shall and I will

I'll rise, transformed, with a heart that's sworn,

To embrace the beauty of being me.

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

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this is your reminder to detach. 

stop thinking about whether they’re thinking about you, what they’re saying about you (for better or for worse), or what you could’ve done better. leave it be. get up and get your shit together and focus all that delusion on working.  

you don’t have to be rory, cher, elle, blair, or hermione. you have to become the best version of yourself and spending all your time comparing yourself to people is not the way out of that. pick aspects of their mindset apart and combine it if you have to, but scrolling post through post on tumblr imagining the perfect enemies to lovers while you do nothing and rot in your room is not the way thats going to happen.   

you’re mad at that girl in your school who’s pretty, has a boyfriend but also gets the best grades on the planet? you’re mad at that boy who can buy his way into uni? too bad too fucking sad. i promise you they do not care now, and they won’t care ever. i wont either in 7 years, in my penthouse with my ivy league degree. i can promise you that. what next? 

you don’t need a thousand different expensive highlighters, you don’t need the perfect window w the perfect sunset, the way your hair looks does not matter, and the video you said you’d watch later doesn’t matter either. get through it, sobbing if you have to. don’t come crying to me when you’ve failed out of everything.  

start now. 

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

meeting in the flowerbeds 🌻

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

do not let social media turn you into an american, because then no one in your country will want to hang out with you. don't drink poison, if at all possible. here, take this map and follow the path marked in red. when you reach the dam you will see a wizened old man playing a flute. that's Old Dam Sam, and he's a buddy of mine. I owe him a lot of money, so don't tell him I sent you. just tell him you're lost and he will show you the rest of the way - I know his tender heart. it's difficult to stay informed when the news cycle is so fast and chaotic, and so many of the world's key systems are built on decades of specialized knowledge. social media offers an easy reprieve by beaming a flurry of bite-sized factoids into your brain. it's easy to think you're staying informed, but make no mistake - you will see social media posts telling you to drink poison. don't do it. they will praise the green glass bottle and the bubbling purple liquid it contains. you will feel the pull of the skull and crossbones painted on the bottle. keep a stout heart, and make sure you engage with a wide variety of news sources. trust, but verify. Sam will point you to a red steel door built into the side of a hill at the end of a vast field. he may start telling you about the poison. I don't very well expect him to, on account of his kind nature - but these are hard times we live in, and sometimes even a trusted friend can change his face. anyroad, make sure you decline any offer he makes you. thank him for the directions and continue on your way. the internet is a boundless reservoir of information, but the profit motive inherent to the system has made it cloudy and stagnant. we are beset from all sides by hawkers and hucksters. they may not harbor any sort of enmity towards you, but they will do their level best to convince you to drink poison if it lines their pockets. when you reach the red steel door, knock four times. the door will open. inside you will see a room, and six corridors on the far wall. the relentless march of globalization has made it much more difficult to keep abreast of local news. the consolidation of power is happening at a distance and across national borders. the great beast of capital, swallowing the world. ensorcelling your friends and loved ones. you will see them raise the vessel of the poison to their lips. you may try to save them, but know that many will choose to cash their chips rather than gamble. you'll need to choose a corridor. you listen well now - we lose a lot of customers at this juncture. take a single step into each of the six corridors. one of them will rouse in you a memory - a childhood smell, a few bars of a song you have loved. choose that one. be careful, but don't doubt yourself. you will know the memory when it comes. walk down that corridor and after a while the carpet and drywall will give way to sheer hewn rock. continue down this tunnel. upon the walls of the tunnel you may very well see paintings and posters extolling the poison. they will attempt to lure you with honeyed words, pleas, and even threats. hashtag fomo, they will say. Do you not wish to discuss the taste of the poison? here is a tweet thread about it. the WHO says poison usage will be predominant by 2032. steel your heart and keep marching on. after a few hours, you will reach an underground lake. the far shore disappears into the mist - a vast and silent mirror. breathe, and take in the stillness. down here you are free. down here you are one with the earth. down here there is no social media, no news cycle, no silver-tongued drinkers of poison. look within and know you are one in a long, long line of animals, moving under orders of a secret will. look to your left and the bathroom door will be there. there's an electric lock, the combination is on your receipt. thank you for choosing dunkin'

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own [originally published 1929]

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

There are a million different personal experiences and circumstances that impact the decisions we make. Safety should always be the number one prior

But there is no queer Indian identity without queer Indians living in India

There is no queer progress in India without queer Indians fighting for it

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

"Is this me?"

I can not find a way out of this limbo I have a key, no doors but a little small window It's just dark outside Failing to think of the bright side Obliterating how I looked and felt Consumed all of Alice's potions Reshaping my unmutilated body and emotions Here and now I ask myself, 'Is this me?'

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

“I feel like a loser,” you tell yourself.

I know a person who wants to have an athletic body. Is a Loner, convinced that no one will ever love them until they fix themself, but doesn't actually know what to fix and how to fix. Is not able to look someone in the eye without getting over conscious of how you look, how you speak. Feels guilty about sharing your feelings with someone (suprise!!! I am that person).

Every time I do something I don’t want to do because I want the approval of others, I know that unconsciously I am telling myself that I value other people more than I value myself.

People naturally detect weakness and they’ll test you like the raptors at the fence in Jurassic Park. Worse, they’re not doing it on purpose. It’s human nature to see how much you can get away with. (but you can always control it right?..."yay!! they are doing it on purpose")

We all can blame the media for creating unrealistic standards for beauty, masculinity, and femininity, or you can blame the media for dramatically lowering the standards.

Society has always tried to crush the vast majority of its people in some way or the other. It is a hell of a lot to ask to try to gather myself up from my bootstraps while walking an uphill terrain of self-improvement made out of quicksand.

I get it. It is hard. Society is fucked. I agree with you. 

But, what other option do you have other than to fight a seemingly unwinnable battle?

You could give up. Most people do. You could be apathetic. Most people are. You can whine, cry, and complain. That’s standard protocol. But I don't you to give up because people like you are needed in this fucked up world.

Anything that ever caused me to feel shame, guilt, or regret grows to take up most of my psychic space. It causes me to feel irredeemably unlovable, and sure everyone has abandoned.

A birthday is just another reminder that I am not getting any better. I feel unsatisfied with accomplishments since the previous year. When I was a kid, birthdays were awesome. I get to party, go to the movies, and eat cake. When I got a bit older, birthdays got, ehh. the part where you meet people feels the worst.

I seriously try so hard to learn and change who I am to the point that I make myself sick (I don't do this on purpose) , but I didn't realize that what I actually need is a heaping dose of acceptance for where I am at in life and the knowledge that I do not have to have the same path as everyone else. If you start from a place of low self-esteem or self-hatred, or you compare yourself a lot, or hold a lot of trauma, or tend to push down your own needs in favor of burning yourself out on work, hustling might really hurt you if you don't work through that stuff, so please be good to yourself first and foremost. keep reading keep loving!! see you next time whenever i write. Love<3

[thephilocalistbarbarian]

Now feeling safe does not feel right!

first of all my English grammar is not that good, so please forgive me for any grammar mistakes I make; Secondly, I am just expressing my random thoughts and opinions here anonymously, so as to make a safe space with people that are like me or relate to me or just wish to read things (that's something I do). but you are free to make comments and suggest random things #berandom

ummm.. ever thought of why does it feel so safe among these strangers who have done nothing but supported your anonymous opinion on the internet? They are nothing more to me then a random account with a anime character’s name I want to talk to them more, I want to know them more but I can’t because this thing known as internet has broken my trust over and over again Hundreds of news of devils in disguise, devouring hundreds of innocent, curious souls every day. Souls who did not know whom to trust whom to not Unaware of their feelings, unaware of the world they had just entered Only if they had not been blamed for the feelings they felt, only if people tried to understand them more Only if their peers tried to see the face behind their euphoric smiles. Now feeling safe does not feel right…No! It’s not about trust issues It’s about the things we’ve dealt with. You know why teenagers like us create safe spaces on the internet or tend to overshare to a stranger online because we don't feel safe in the real world....our parents don't trust us and we are not able to open up to real people because we feel we'll be judged or we'll burden our friends or anyone with our problems or heavy feelings.

Not every over talkative person is an extrovert and not every quite kid is depressed

It’s not always about the concept which came from the western countries, Maybe it’s about Helping people, making them more aware of their feelings, making them feel loved Maybe it was always there but we chose to ignore them with our lies

Now, I really wish to know your thoughts on this Ps: I am working on my writing skills, i hope i get better with each day passing

keep reading keep loving!! see you next time whenever i write (oh god i am so bad at this!!) Love <3