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theoptimistbellasworld · 5 years ago

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My Isaac

Genesis 22:15-18

Then the angel of the Lord called again to Abraham from heaven. “This is what the Lord says: Because you have obeyed me and have not withheld even your son, your only son, I swear by my own name that I will certainly bless you. I will multiply your descendants beyond number, like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will conquer the cities of their enemies. And through your descendants all the nations of the earth will be blessed—all because you have obeyed me.”

There is blessing in obedience.

Abraham has all the means to reason out to God why he can’t give up Isaac. In the first place, it is God who promised that he will have a son. It is God who gave Isaac to him. As a promise. But why now God want’s him to kill his own son, and use him as a burnt offering.

Abraham could say no. Abraham could disobey. But he didn’t.

I’am very sure that it breaks his heart into pieces. I’am sure at that time nothing make sense. But still, Abraham trusted the Lord and fully obeyed with all of his heart. And God was greatly pleased with his heart. He blessed Abraham all because he obeyed. He is willing to sacrifice his life’s treasure because obedience to the Lord is more important to him than the things or the people of this world.

Sometimes God wants us to give up a thing or a person because He has something better in store for us. But because of our lack of faith and selfishness, we can’t let go of those we value the most. Not even to loosen a bit of our grip. We get too attached with the things of this world. We don’t believe that God has better plans.

Psalm 107:9 “For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” 1. The Lord is our provider

-what ever it is that we need, God is the one who will provide. He knows what we need even before we ask it. But God wants us to seek Him for the things that we need. Not because He don’t want to give voluntarily, but because He wants to commune with us. He wants us to talk to Him. Spend time with Him. Like a father to his children.

2. The Lord gives good things

-not everything that we want is good for us. And not all that is good for us is exactly what we want for the moment. The Lord knows better than we are. And if He is to provide for our need, He will give what is best for us. Not just what we want, but what’s good for us.

3. The Lord satisfies

-some times when the Lord doesn’t fulfil our cravings or doesn’t give the things that we specifically want, we throw a tantrum or we make tampo. But along the way, we get to realise that the things that God gives satisfies more than the things that we want.

The things of the world brings temporary pleasure and leaves us becoming more empty than before. The things from God satisfies us to our souls and leaves us secure for our needs and for our future.

Mark 8:34-36

Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?

Hanging on to our life or to the things that we just want is greed. That’s the truth. The more we hoard for the things of this world, the more we become greedy. The more we give out our life and the things that we have, the more we are making room for the things that the Lord wants to pour into our lives. The more we save our souls from being corrupted by this world.

Hi my Isaac,

For the past years it was so hard for me to give up on you. I have a lot of reasons to hold on and keep you. I am so attached to you, I care so much, and I love you so much that I get so worried and anxious thinking I am going to leave you. But with this promise and assurance from the Lord, I know that God can take care of you more than I could. God can heal you and make you whole more than I could. God is the one that you need and He is the one that can satisfy you. As for me, I know God has something better for me. I will just trust and wait on God for what ever He has in store for my life.

Today, I’m letting you go. You are my pleasing offering.

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theoptimistbellasworld · 5 years ago

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If you'll only appreciate something that you've lost, I'd rather be "lost".

-doptmstbella🌻

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theoptimistbellasworld · 5 years ago

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In all of these, your role is to pray.

-doptmstbella🌻

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theoptimistbellasworld · 5 years ago

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I didn't know that I was sinking once again.

Can't fully remember when was the last time I felt this heavy fog of burden in my chest. Two years ago? A year ago? I am not sure. What I know is, I don't want to go out as much as possible. I just want to lay down in my bed, rolled up in my blanket. I don't even want to eat. The past week Im only having dinner. One meal a day. I just wanted to sleep the whole day.

I talk to people if needed. Being optimistic and bubbly as possible. But once I am with myself, I just want to shut down. In my consciousness I thought I am just tired. The work has just been tiring and my body just want to rest. I am trying to fill the void with company of some friends, chill and netflix, work, even read.

I don't want to entertain the thought that the anxiety and depression was back. Because I thought, I should not be weak. I should not be sad. I am the "stronger person". I am the "optimist" one. I can't be sad. I can't be weak. I am not allowed.

I didn't know what was happening until this 3 in the morning that I felt it again. All the failures, heartbreaks, defeats, imperfections, all the mess flashed back. Everything just went back. All the pain went back. Same as that prayer again of begging God to take it all away. Ayaw mo na. Pagod ka na.

Honestly, I don't want to get out of my bed this morning. I don't want to be with people. I felt that the crowd will suck the remaining strength in me. But deep in my heart I know I have to fight the weight and get up. I can't miss church today. Especially not today. I know He has something for me. I don't know exactly what it is. But I know He was waiting for me.

Good thing I did. Service haven't started yet but I am already crying. Not the pabebe tear up. Like lit. I was broken into pieces. Then come worship, the song goes:

"When my daily deeds ordinarily lose life and song,

My heart begins to bleed, sensitivity to Him is gone.

I've run the race but set my own pace and face a shattered soul.

But the gentle arms of Jesus warm my hunger to be whole."

Wala na. Eto yun. This is whats happening. And this is what I needed.

All points in the preaching hit me hard. Topic was about Christmas, the wise men seeking baby Jesus. But now, in my time, the WISE are those who don't seek the offer of this world but seeks the Lord.

Why do I need to seek Him first?

4th point. Boom. This hit hard to the core.

He will deliver us from our fears.

I was afraid of everything because Im trying to juggle things on my own. I took the steering wheel from God and had my own way. Do things on my own strength. Plan my life out of my own wisdom. Do the things that I just want to do. I took the place of God in my life. He is actually allowing me to be sad, to be weak, but I am not allowing Him to be my strength. I am taking up His place in my life. I am playing "god" in my life.

Up until that 3 in the morning that I just broke down and realized how messed up my thoughts and life is because of my own doings. How insecure I am of myself. How I kept on looping in my mind my flaws and weaknesses. How I am entertaining the thoughts of loneliness, me not being worthy, not being enough. How frustrated I am. How tired I am.

Now, I am still processing things, as I write this down I am hyperventilating (most probably an effect of too much crying and paumpisang sipon), my heart is still aching and heavy, I am ashamed, BUT at the same time I am thankful. Overflowing with gratitude. Kinalabit ako ni Lord today. I had my wake up call. Enough of trying so hard. Time to surrender na daw. Time to put Him first then everything else that I was trying hard to achieve will just follow. I know this. Of all people I was one of those who experienced this first hand. I know that once I surrender everything to Him and seek what He wants me to do, everything will make sense. Burdens will be lighter. My way will be clearer. Things will fall into pieces. Darkness with be exposed by a Great Light. Real peace of mind and satisfaction will be there.

I was just too scared to let all my plans go because I let my self deceived me. I let myself believe that I should take control of everything. I let myself be overwhelmed with the things I WANT to do. Now, enough of me.

Today, I'm letting go.

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theoptimistbellasworld · 6 years ago

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When Adulting Becomes Tiring

Adulting. Quarter life crisis. Never thought that it is an official thing. I know I am going through some crisis or melancholy phase, but I thought I am just overreacting to the change of season in my life.

Millennials like me have experienced an awesome childhood. Life back then was comfortable and simple. Like what I also saw on Facebook a few days ago, they described it as waking up in the morning with our breakfast ready, school uniform already ironed, warm water for our bath, and TV on for the morning news. That, for me, was a stress-free life. No social media. No notifications to check. No worries about whether your message was read, or even seen. No fear of missing out. All you need to worry about is finishing your homework or reviewing enough for the day’s long quiz.

Once school is done, we are in a hurry to go home because we don’t want to miss our favorite afternoon cartoon series. After the leisure of television, just do some of the homework then go out and play outside with friends and cousins. Volleyball, langit lupa, text, pogs, jolen, chinese garter, agawang base, patintero, tumbang preso, luksong baka and more kalye games. We get to play and pick a fight with the kids from the other street, and get to meet new playmates and friends. Real life friends. Our only screen time would be playing the brick game or Super Mario on the family computer. Our favorite past time is to hang out at dusk, with a guitar, playing and singing the songs of our favorite bands: Eraserheads, Parokya ni Edgar, Spongecola, Callalily, Rivermaya, Kamikazee, Silent Sanctuary, MYMP, 6cyclemind, Moonstar88, Hale, Paramore, FM Static, The Red Jump Suit Apparatus, Life House, Boys Like Girls, My Chemical Romance, Goo Goo Dolls, and the list goes ooonnn! (I know you have a lot of bands in your mind, but these are just my favorites. And yah, this is my jam back then. LOL. And friendships are strengthened because of this jam! Haha)

Now we are getting nostalgic huh? But my point is, life, when we were teens, was fine and easy. The words I used a while ago were comfortable, simple, and stress-free. What happened now? Have you felt the transition? Have you noticed that you became fully aware of life and society’s issues? Do the burden and responsibilities seem too much for you now? Same besh. Same. And I realized it is not just because we age, but also because we mature, and times are changing fast. This current generation is so different from ours that causes our transition to be overwhelming.

I read an article from Grace Communion International that explains what is happening. Tho it talks about midlife crisis, I'm pretty sure we can get something from it:

The midlife years have always been a time of reflection. With one’s life supposedly half over, we try to reevaluate who we are and what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Factor in anxiety about growing older and comparisons to others or unattainable standards set by advertising, and it is easy to see how this period of time segued from what was once called the “midlife transition” into a “midlife crisis,” a term introduced in 1965 by psychoanalyst and social scientist Elliot Jaques. How do we cope with all of this midlife melancholy without becoming suicidal?

The roots of these feelings run deeper than emotional dissatisfaction with life. We all want to feel significant in some way—to leave a positive mark on society and those around us. When the midyears hit, we realize many of our youthful dreams will never come true. It can be deeply disappointing. Even if those dreams did come true, it can leave us unfulfilled and wanting more. We are dissatisfied. So either way, almost any path looks better than the one we’ve taken.

We have more, more, more of everything, yet feel less, less, less satisfied.

Mid-lifers search in all the wrong places to fill the void of lost youth, unrealized dreams, or discontentment. Some have an extramarital affair, get plastic surgery, buy a new convertible, or switch jobs — finding out too late that these outward appearances cannot replace the emptiness inside. Perhaps that’s when suicide looks appealing.

Society has made it easy to bail out. Just a handful of pills, an endless sleep and all feelings of inadequacy are over.

But is midlife suicide a solution or a symptom of our modern society? Society tells us we must be happy all the time. Yet society tells us ever so subtly that we will never measure up: We are not young enough, pretty enough, thin enough, rich enough or smart enough. Even religion often makes us feel that we are not good enough and that we do not do enough. This “not enough” syndrome leaves people feeling helpless and hopeless, making the void in their lives seem even bigger.

Source: https://archive.gci.org/articles/mid-life-melancholy/

One of my favorite writer, John Piper, cited an experience of a midlife meltdown in one of his articles:

There is something to men in midlife crisis. I remember one time, I was 40, sitting on the steps halfway through vacation sobbing. Noël comes down the steps. She asked, “What’s wrong?” I said, “I don’t have a clue. I don’t have a clue why I’m so sad.” And that season lasted several years, and the grace was that I could still function.

Source: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/walk-with-me-through-a-midlife-crisis?fbclid=IwAR30LDixYMPJn5X8n-wk1ZGJ2MD0728rrAQf6wGaN08I9Yee2_sjzbseDYo

So you see, this is not something that we just make up because we are too emotional with what is happening in our lives. These things really happen and you are not alone in this struggle.

I tried to enumerate what are the major things that make me worry or anxious. Now, these are just my personal struggles but have heard with friends of the same age that they worry about these things, too. Maybe as you read, you can relate and you can say we are on the same rapids. ;)

Financial Stability

We are no longer students who are just waiting for our allowance and if in case it won’t be enough, we can just ask from our parents anytime. We are professionals now. We work to earn our own money, pay our own bills and to at least give some to our parents. But as the supply increases, the demands are increasing too. Our income doesn’t seem to be enough for the things we need to pay for. And worst, we can’t save for a house and a car, or just even maintain a savings account. We declare that we are financially unstable.

Dreams

“This is not where I am meant to be.”

“I should be this or that.”

“I want to be like him/her”

We have dreams that seem to be impossible to happen or out of our reach. And because of the rejections and disappointments we have experienced, we ended up burying those dreams in the deepest of our hearts.

Settling Down

Settling down is an unspecific way of indicating you have found a life partner and stopped dating or jumping from one relationship to another. But the problem with this generation is, people can’t be contented with the one they are already with. And this is so heartbreaking.

I have heard and seen relationships falling apart only because the other person got interested with someone else and chose to dump the current relationship for a new one. This creates fear or trust issues for some people. Thus, dreaming of settling down becomes the least priority.

Some don’t want to settle down because they think they are not yet ready. They think they are not yet financially and emotionally capable. But we can’t pretend that we do not want it and we do not worry about it. Deep inside we all want to build our own family and go home with the person that will be our “constant” and “forever”. Especially if we are already on our ideal marrying age.

Talents/ Hobbies

I am not sure if I am the only one who gets anxious about this, but do you have a talent or hobby that you really love doing yet because of work and other responsibilities in life, you no longer have the luxury of time to do it? Then when you see someone excellent on that thing, you can’t help but be jealous and wish you can still do it too.

I wrote about these things because I want you to know that you are not alone in this journey. You don’t have to go through it and figure things out all by yourself. Thank God because these things are just for a season. And we can learn a lot from it. That I will share on my next blog. ;)

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theoptimistbellasworld · 6 years ago

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Rediscovering God's Word

January 1, 2018 12:00am :)

Psalm 119 Study

Reflection: Lord of God is life because it reveals God and His purposes. We are able to read and understand God’s desire toward us. We aren’t left in the dark trying to figure things out. Reading and meditating on God’s Word serves to align our hearts and minds with our Father’s heart. God’s Word strengthens us and roots us in the knowledge of the Lord when we are weak and bombarded with desires that attempt to draw us away from Him. God’s Word gives us direction and focuses when we have to choose between what looks good, what feels good, and what is good. Believers must make studying God’s Word a priority in order to be aware of the wonderful promises and treasure within it.

Father God, give me a deep love for Your Word. Give me a passion for understanding it and sharing it. Pour out Your wisdom upon me that I may rightly discern Your Word so that I am able to encourage and uplift others with it. Lord, guard me against sharing Your Word out of context or from sugarcoating Your Word to satisfy those with itching ears. Most of all, Lord, help me to walk in Your Word, that I may not deceive myself by becoming one who only hears Your Word but does not do Your Word. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word.

Psalm 119:25

-I already hit rock bottom. Well, this is the best place to start things over. ;) The best place to humble myself, to surrender all pride, all achievements, and failures, to admit to myself that I am nothing without Him. This is the best place to unlearn, and to learn. Best place to renew my covenant to the Lord, and to rekindle my passion for His word. His Word. His promises are the only thing that will sustain me.

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me and teach me your law. I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have broadened my understanding.

Psalm 119:28‭-‬32

-God's word is our only source of strength and assurance. It is the lamp unto our feet and our guide on our journey. If we took hold of His word, we are choosing the path of faithfulness and victory. We are choosing wisdom and passion for Him and His kingdom. It is not easy, but it is worth it.

Give me understanding, so that I may keep your law and obey it with all my heart.

Psalm 119:34

-I need the Holy Spirit to let me understand God's word according to what He wanted me to learn on that specific season. I need the Holy Spirit to help me discipline myself to meditate on God's word without ceasing and apply it in my life. I need the Holy Spirit to strengthen me and give me the courage to obey no matter what the cost is. I need the Holy Spirit to help me yield to His move 100% ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE. No reservations, no hesitations. Total surrender. Reckless abandon.

Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

Psalm 119:36‭-‬37

-this year will be a year of pruning. A year of TOTAL SURRENDER and RECKLESS ABANDON. A year of dying to myself and all of its selfish desires. A year of carrying the cross every single day. A year of persevering to be more Christlike.

Never take your word of truth from my mouth, for I have put in my hope in your laws. I will speak of your statutes before kings and will not be put to shame, for I delight in your commands because I love them.

Psalm 119:43‭, ‬46‭-‬47 NIV

-The first step is studying and understanding His word. Second is applying it in my daily living. The third is making His language my language. Whenever, wherever, whoever I'm talking to. Lord, let my lips be your mouthpiece. Let my tongue speak of the things you want to tell to your people. Use my voice to speak only of your encouragement, love, promises, correction with love, worship. Use my life to bring glory to your name. Help me clean my lips. Let not foul words and discouraging talk come out from it.

#devotionals #faith #hope #bible #christian

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theoptimistbellasworld · 6 years ago

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Onward!

The story should always be progressing. The next chapter is just waiting.

Old characters already had their part. It's time to go, might break your heart.

But remember the book's not yet done. New things has just began.

The Author has the full story in His mind, and it will be more glorious than what you'll leave behind.

-theoptimistbella 📚

#faith #hope

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theoptimistbellasworld · 6 years ago

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Can I Not Be Perfect?

May 16, 2019

This was the very first time I get to share on social media my deepest struggle (to "some" friends. This is not public nor not all of my fb friends can see this. So if you were able to read this, that means I want to share this to you 😊)

Idk. Maybe sinipag lang ako mag-compose. Or maybe I just simply wanted to be true, transparent, and bold enough to share what God is doing in me. So please bear with this very long post because I just literally poured out very single brain cells, rants, and faith that I have on this. If you will be able to finish this I would appreciate. :)

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One random midnight (cause you know, I am always gising nanaman hanggang 3am 😴🤦‍♀️) I asked God.

"Lord, why do I have to go through this rock bottom, roller coaster, dark valley road of thoughts and emotions again? And worst, this time, I have to go through this on my own. Without my friends who can be with me physically throughout the day like before.”

Then He answered. "Because we're fixing something that was just buried and was not really healed. And this time I want to be with you. I want to be your strength, comfort, peace, healing, and love."

Wala na. Hands up. I surrender.

When I' am the weakest, that's when He is the strongest in me.

Some people think that if you are a "Christian", or once you put your faith in God, life should be easy for you. HAHA. Nope. All the more life could be sooooo challenging.

1. All the more the world will try to knock you down. Because the world thinks the kind of faith you have is crazy. The world is mad about your convictions and visions. The world will give you reasons to give up on your faith and just settle for something that is mediocre. Something that is comfortable for you but definitely is not what really meant for you.

2. You get to have high expectations for yourself (which is actually not right). You want yourself to be always strong, always right, always happy, always on top. That’s what you call PRIDE hiding in the cloak of “kasi Christian ka”. So when you fail your own expectations, you get to question your faithfulness. You get to doubt God's plans for your life. You get to be anxious about the future. About your future.

3. Your heart will be very vulnerable. You want to express your love to everyone. You want to help everyone. You want to be a constant friend to everyone. But apparently, not everyone wants to be your “constant”. It is just the reality of fallen humanity. But if you don’t know that truth, you’ll take it on a wrong perspective and will cause your heart to be broken and will cause you to be depressed, losing hope of being appreciated and loved. Now that’s the greatest lie of all time that will slowly creep into your mind. That you are not loved. That you are alone in this battle.

These are just my struggles. I know there are still more for others. And our capacities are different from one another. For some these could be just rain showers. But for some, these could be thunderstorms.

Now if we are to experience these problems even if we are under God’s care, what’s the difference? That’s what God is teaching me this season.

-God is our strength. That means, the world may give you thousands of petty reasons to give up, but He will give you one solid reason to hold on. He already has a perfect plan for you. You just have to trust Him and follow His way to that promise. It is not easy really, especially if you are too tired to believe. But it is more tiring to fight on your own without a clear direction.

-Humility. Yup. God is teaching me to be humble. Humility is NOT thinking less of yourself (that’s false humility). To be humble is to admit that you are not good on your own and you can never be good on your own. It is to realize that you are just a normal being. You fall, you fail, and you are not always right. Regardless of how long you have been in the faith. It is to admit that you need help, you need correction, you need God to change you for you to become better every single day. It is to be willing to change the ugly character, wrong mindset, and wrong perspective that you have. That is learning from your mistakes. Not just dwelling on it.

-You can never please everyone. You are “not enough”, or you are “too much” for the wrong people. But you are just perfectly fine for the right one. That doesn’t mean you don’t need to improve. What I’m saying is, the right people won’t leave you just because of your flaws. Just because you were not able to meet their expectations. Or just because they’re done with you. The right people will stay through thick and thin. Through ups and downs. On your worst and on your best. And those who stay are the people who deserve to see and experience you on your best. That’s why God let them stay. :) The season of people “come and go” is God’s process of filtering people, leaving those whom you can spend the rest of your life with. Friends that you can grow old with.

But notice. You are never alone in the process. You have God. You will always have Him in all seasons of your life. Not life nor death can separate you from His love. You are never alone. You might try to walk away from Him multiple times, but He will just never leave you. Because His love for you is just so great more than the love that you can produce in your chest.

If you have come to this part that means you really took time to finish what I wrote. That only means you care a lot. Huhu. And I love you for that. Please let me know you finished reading this. Leave a comment. Kahit tuldok lang. :)

Your "Constant",

Cams :)

#faith #hope #love

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