theoneandonlydadasparagus

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"My best butler friend..." he repeats "...my bartlebest bartlebutler bartlefriend..."

And then, as if by miracle, Dad sits up straight "Bartleby! Are we besties?"

"The inflatable Santa is attacking me! Turn off the blower!" (from dad asparagus)

"I - I'm afraid I can't!" The Bartlebutler exclaimed fearfully, his voice rising as well as it could above the blower. "The bartle-button is stuck!"

He paused, and slowly lifted a phone to record the disaster. The tragedy would easily go viral on his BartleTikTok.

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"Looks like the other teams still have a few frames. You've got time

"You cannot escape the ugly jumpers, Art." (from dad)

Art sucked in a sharp breath, looking down at the bright and ugly Christmas sweater, red and green with a big bowling pin in the middle, decorated with Christmas lights. Having last been alive in the 80s, pre Jumanji, he had thought he had escaped the ugly, chunky sweaters for good. "Is it even regulation, to bowl in these?"

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

Dad grabbed the ladder, a confident look on his face as he proclaimed "You got this, little mister."

"You’re in charge of the tree topper this year because I’m not breaking my nose again." (from dad)

“Aww, but it was kinda funny last time!”

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"Who's Jacob?" Dad asked, still lying on the ground, but far too peppy for someone who had been barely breathing (gcv)

"The inflatable Santa is attacking me! Turn off the blower!" (from dad asparagus)

"I - I'm afraid I can't!" The Bartlebutler exclaimed fearfully, his voice rising as well as it could above the blower. "The bartle-button is stuck!"

He paused, and slowly lifted a phone to record the disaster. The tragedy would easily go viral on his BartleTikTok.

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

Dad stared at Scooter for a moment "That's a long way to go for a yes. But I'll take it."

• "You’re in charge of the tree topper this year because I’m not breaking my nose again." (Scooter)

"And I broke my nose two years ago! We gotta find someone shorter."

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"Barely....breathing...." he called from the ground, before a whisper of "...glee cast version..."

"The inflatable Santa is attacking me! Turn off the blower!" (from dad asparagus)

"I - I'm afraid I can't!" The Bartlebutler exclaimed fearfully, his voice rising as well as it could above the blower. "The bartle-button is stuck!"

He paused, and slowly lifted a phone to record the disaster. The tragedy would easily go viral on his BartleTikTok.

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

He closed his eyes "I don't know how I can communicate the surprise this way, but I trust your judgement!"

"I'm practising my surprised face. How's this?" (from dad)

“Hmmm.” Mom thought for a moment before coming up with a note. “Make the eyes bigger.”

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"ooooh, good call honey! What are we thinking? Silver? Gold? A secret third option?"

"I think the tree needs more decorations." (From mom)

Dad looked at the tree, pensively. "You're definitely right...I'm just not sure what theme we ought to go with."

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"You'll get to hold the fact that I asked you over your sister?" He tried.

"You’re in charge of the tree topper this year because I’m not breaking my nose again." (from dad)

“Aww, but it was kinda funny last time!”

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"Matching one!" Dad grinned, unzipping his windbreaker to reveal the same sweater "We got them for the whole team."

"You cannot escape the ugly jumpers, Art." (from dad)

Art sucked in a sharp breath, looking down at the bright and ugly Christmas sweater, red and green with a big bowling pin in the middle, decorated with Christmas lights. Having last been alive in the 80s, pre Jumanji, he had thought he had escaped the ugly, chunky sweaters for good. "Is it even regulation, to bowl in these?"

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"True, dear, but a Christmas tree full of baby Jesus ornaments would look a little creepy. Maybe....stars?"

"I think the tree needs more decorations." (From mom)

Dad looked at the tree, pensively. "You're definitely right...I'm just not sure what theme we ought to go with."

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

Dad widened his eyes. He looked scary. Like he'd seen things no aspargus should ever see. "Like this?"

"I'm practising my surprised face. How's this?" (from dad)

“Hmmm.” Mom thought for a moment before coming up with a note. “Make the eyes bigger.”

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"For you. Not for our insurance company. C'mon, help your old man out."

"You’re in charge of the tree topper this year because I’m not breaking my nose again." (from dad)

“Aww, but it was kinda funny last time!”

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"Father Junior isn't breaking his nose, either." Dad states sternly. "Now, Bob, on the other invisible hand..."

• "You’re in charge of the tree topper this year because I’m not breaking my nose again." (Scooter)

"And I broke my nose two years ago! We gotta find someone shorter."

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

Dad, meanwhile, was losing to an inflatable. "Ahh! Tell Junior I loved him!"

He had a daughter, too, technically, but he cared less about her.

"The inflatable Santa is attacking me! Turn off the blower!" (from dad asparagus)

"I - I'm afraid I can't!" The Bartlebutler exclaimed fearfully, his voice rising as well as it could above the blower. "The bartle-button is stuck!"

He paused, and slowly lifted a phone to record the disaster. The tragedy would easily go viral on his BartleTikTok.

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

"House rules!" The asparagus known as Dad beamed. "And everyone in the league is in one. Even Audrey!"

"You cannot escape the ugly jumpers, Art." (from dad)

Art sucked in a sharp breath, looking down at the bright and ugly Christmas sweater, red and green with a big bowling pin in the middle, decorated with Christmas lights. Having last been alive in the 80s, pre Jumanji, he had thought he had escaped the ugly, chunky sweaters for good. "Is it even regulation, to bowl in these?"

[theoneandonlydadasparagus]

• "You’re in charge of the tree topper this year because I’m not breaking my nose again." (Scooter)

"And I broke my nose two years ago! We gotta find someone shorter."