thenext50years

[thenext50years]

Useful Husband

Recently a friend of mine arranged to pick up some things from my husband Gux at our shop.  We laughed later when she told me she couldn’t actually remember his name and almost resorted to calling him “useful husband.” Apparently she reads my blog!

Perhaps it’s time to give you the back story.  

When I started the blog six years ago I wanted to be sensitive to privacy and confidentiality for individuals who show up in my blog stories.  Useful husband and I have been together since 1978.  Besides the fact that THAT makes us antiques, it definitely means he is going to show up in many stories.  Giving him a pseudonym seemed like a good idea at the time.  Another blogger I follow calls her husband “home brew husband”, which I thought was cute, and thus the moniker “useful husband” became my thing.  

He really does live up to the name! 

An recent example: early Monday morning a big storm blew through the Okanagan and there he was, outside in the crazy winds, hauling our deck furniture into the house and the just purchased plants for the new landscaping into the garage.  

You can’t always see it but I think I saw his superhero cape blowing in the wind that morning!

[thenext50years]

Oh No!

My littlest granddaughter has a new phrase that cracks me up every time she says it.  “Oh No!” is so cute in her sweet singsong voice.  

I am sure my “Oh No” did not sound quite so sweet when I was halfway down a slide with my littlest grandson on my lap and realized there was a rather large puddle at the end of the slide.  

Good thing I had a towel in the car and time to pop home for some dry pants before carrying on with my day.

Lesson for the Day:  Look before you slide!

[thenext50years]

First Pick

Gux and I both grew up in homes where a vegetable garden was planted around the May long weekend and we got to help with the gardening chores from spring through fall. Starting with our first little house in Edmonton, landscaping plans always included a vegetable patch.

I can’t remember when gardening became a hobby, and it wasn’t just something I did to stretch the food budget, but now it is one of my favourite pastimes.  

Yesterday I picked our first salad from our brand new garden.  I’m still smiling about that!

[thenext50years]

Why I’m on a Blog Break

A couple things in my life right now have been requiring a lot of computer time, right at the same time as my old head injury has flared up in a big way.  Blogging seems superfluous right now but I thought I’d just give readers an update before I go back to a little break for a couple more weeks while things settle down.

Back in March, right around the three-year anniversary since I fell and smacked the back of my head, I had a big flare up of dizzy spells that lasted for a few days.  I was feeling frustrated by the symptoms and decided to revisit diagnosis and treatment.  Caregivers have been calling it post-concussion syndrome for three years now and shrugging their shoulders at me when I ask if there is anything I can do.

Seeing my NUCCA chiropractor to keep my cervical spine in alignment and minimizing screen time seem to be the two best things I can do to reduce symptoms.

I was referred to a physiotherapist who specializes in head injuries, and after a six-week wait, I was able to have an assessment with her.

Two main things came out of that assessment.  

1. The damage done to my brain, and the cluster of symptoms it has to compensate for, has a name: Right Resolving Vestibular Hypo Function.  

2. While the damage is permanent, the brain is clever at compensating, and there are things I can do to help it compensate better and more consistently so I don’t get as many flare ups.  

The worst thing that came out of the assessment was some exercises that threw me into the worst flare of symptoms I’ve had since the accident.  The physiotherapist and I decided I would back off the treatment exercises and then start again more slowly.  

My dizzy spells have simmered down a couple notches so I’m starting up again with one exercise to strengthen my brain’s ability to compensate for the RRVHF and we will see what happens.  

For the next couple weeks I will just think about stories to blog, rather than actually write them, while I’m enjoying my new kitchen and garden.  

Wishing you all a happy spring!

[thenext50years]

Tears

My three-year-old granddaughter was over, playing happily with the bunny family and the dollhouse that has been in storage for a year.  I was nearby, unpacking and sorting.  

All of a sudden a little arm went around me in a side-hug and her sing-song voice said, “Thank you for building my quilt for me Omi” and then she went back to playing with the bunny family.

Apparently her Mom had recently explained to her that I had made her elephant quilt for her when she was a baby.  And she wanted to thank me.

My eyes overflowed with happiness.

[thenext50years]

How blessed am I?

During a 48-hour span this week I saw all four of my children, both daughters-in-law, my son-in-law, and each of my grandchildren at least once, and mostly just in ones and twos and threes.  It was casual drop-ins to help move something heavy, babysitting, and people running errands.  It was as close as a tearful, comforting hug and as distant as a hand wave as someone drove by.  It was a soft-spoken whisper while someone was sleeping in a nearby room and the peal of my grandson’s laughter drifting down the street while he played outside.  

Twenty years ago, when I dreamed about my life now, I pictured exactly this.

How blessed am I?

[thenext50years]

Variety and Options

It has begun!  Most of the furniture and boxes collecting dust in the garage have been moved into the house.  Items we’ve been using in our suite have migrated upstairs to the main house.  I find myself running up and down between floors frequently and try not to go empty handed.  The downside is that sometimes I go to use something in the suite and realize I’ve already moved it upstairs.  I’m not having any problem getting 10,000 steps every day right now!

By the end of the weekend we should be fully moved up and the suite will be empty and ready to clean.  Then it will be time to load up the deep storage items from the warehouse and bring them home. 

As much as living with less keeps things simple, I’m really looking forward to variety and options again.  This week my two oldest grandkids helped me unpack a box with some toys and games and puzzles they have not seen since November.  I taught my grandson how to play checkers while his little sister played happily with some tiny dolls.  It was great to have something “new” to entertain them.  

This spring I think everyone can relate to this at some level.  Aren’t you ready to switch out boots for sandals and jeans for crops and shorts?  My summer clothes are unpacked into my new closet.  We just need some warm temperatures so I can use them!  

[thenext50years]

Dinner Plans

After a few setbacks last week, things are moving forward in the new house again.  In fact, if all goes according to plan with the refrigeration company today, all appliances in the home will be operational!  There are at least 10 days worth of work left before we fully move upstairs, and I suppose it is reasonable to expect a few setbacks during those days as well, but we are definitely closer to our completion goals.  

Yesterday useful husband finished a bit of tile work behind the new range before he slid it into place.  I read the instruction manual and went shopping for  ribeye and portobellos and peppers and greens.   I must remember to take a photo of the new walk in fridge and the range before we start using either of them later today.  They will never be this shiny again, or at least not until the for sale sign goes up, hopefully a very long time from now.

After nine months without a barbeque, we are both looking forward to the grilled steak and veggie salad with balsamic vinaigrette I have planned for our dinner tonight!  Sorry, I just bought one small steak to feed us, but in a few months we should be ready to host a housewarming!  

[thenext50years]

Mistakes

We all have times where things don’t go according to plan.  This past week has been one of those for us.  I will spare you all the whiney, boring details of my first world problems.  Instead I will share one funny little story that is an analogy of how things have been going.

It was time for a little bedtime snack after a long, tiring day.  There was some cut up banana left from brunch that needed to be eaten up.  I put it in a bowl with some crisp rice cereal.  Then I took the green and white carton of coconut beverage out of the fridge and poured some over the fruit and cereal.  

Except the green and white carton was not the right green and white carton. My fruit and cereal was now floating in vegetable broth!

I didn’t go to bed hungry, but I didn’t end up with the snack I set out to have.  

And that is kind of how my whole week went.  

[thenext50years]

Progress

What a difference a few weeks can make!  In mid March we were ankle deep in the sand and mud surrounding our house, with limited use of exterior doors and windows thanks to the stucco scratch coat being applied.  Inside, the tile setters were hard at work each day.  Depending on which areas they were working in, negotiating a path through the house could be challenging.  One day useful husband had to climb across the kitchen island counter in order to get through.  Another day we had to exit the house onto the deck from one door and enter back into the house through another door on the deck.  Most of the cabinet boxes were installed but none had doors or drawers yet.  Tools and supplies were piled in corners and in the garage.  A thick layer of dust and sawdust was everywhere.  

This morning the picture is different!  All the interior tile work is finished.  The stucco color will be applied in a couple weeks, after the scratch coat cures, but in the meantime the yard is tidy.  The only thing missing from the cabinets now are doors and my installer (aka useful husband) assures me they will be installed by early next week.  I have even been able to start unpacking into the cabinets in my office/craft room and the pantry. Plumbers and electricians have been busy installing taps and toilets, light fixtures and plug covers.  

The most exciting thing for me is that the appliances arrived yesterday and should all be fully operational by the end of today.  At first I was bummed that they were being delivered on a day that I had to work, but in hindsight it was probably better I was not here hovering over that group of men while they unpacked and put things together!  On my desk this morning is a pile of instruction manuals to review and I’m going to go buy dirt for the Urban Cultivator so I can plant some micro greens and basil!

It’s possible that the first crop of micro greens planted might even be ready just in time for a family meal this weekend.  We will be celebrating Easter and two little people turning six and three with a brunch.  I’m going with a picnic theme because the dining room table is heading to the refinisher this week, but won’t that be fun?  Our first big family meal in the new house, sitting on blankets and lawn chairs in the empty dining room!  

[thenext50years]

Omi Monday

When my first grandchild was born he lived nearby, and I only worked part time, so it was simple to drop over to their house and spend time with him or conversely to have them drop him off to me for a couple hours.

He was nearly three when the next grandchild, his sister, came along and we had to get more creative about how Omi could spend time with each child. Obviously the parents liked to have completely kid-free time and they also liked to have solo time with each of the kids so it worked out that sometimes I had the brother and sometimes I had the sister and sometimes I had both.  For almost a year they lived in our house and then it was really easy to spend lots of time with them!

And then came number three and number four, in fairly quick succession.  I wanted to spend time with each of the grandkids for my sake and also provide some babysitting for their parents’ sake.   But there are only so many hours in a week!

Omi Monday was an experiment.  My idea was that I would commit to being available to watch the kids during daytime hours every Monday (except holidays) at my home.  This way their parents could count on a sitter available to them should they need to plan personal or work appointments.  If they didn’t need a sitter they could just come by for playtime with Omi and the cousins. My previous routine had been to keep Mondays as a home day for laundry so it seemed like the best day of the week.  The four cousins could play together and I could get my laundry done.  

Omi Monday has been a mostly successful experiment. One day I might only have one child at a time for a few hours so we get lots of playtime and I even get the laundry finished.  Another day I might have all four kids overlapping for much of the day and I fall exhausted into bed that night without the laundry finished and wondering if my grandkids are only going to remember tired, grumpy Omi.  Most Omi Mondays are somewhere in between.  

The biggest challenge has been that, as much as I really wanted to, I couldn’t manage both babies without at least one of the moms there to help. We’ve had to coordinate their schedules to avoid too much overlap of the two littlest ones. I expect this will improve when they require less hands-on care and just need refereeing!  It is already getting easier.  And of course the oldest one starting all day kindergarten this past September means he can usually only come after school.  As much as he likes school, some mornings he would prefer to get dropped off at Omi’s house with his sister.     

Obviously Omi Monday will continue to morph if more babies arrive and as the kids grow up, start school and their need for care-taking changes.  

When I dream about the future, I really hope that on Mondays I’ll put on a pot of soup and bake something delicious because I’ll know those grown up kids will drive themselves over to my place after school or work for a conversation or a game of crib.   And even further down the road they will bring their own children along for a visit.  The next generation of Omi Mondays.  Wouldn’t that be amazing?  

[thenext50years]

[thenext50years]

Birth Day - Birthday

One of the reasons I started my blog was to reflect out loud on my journey of becoming and being a grandmother.  Early on I included an account of my first grandson’s birth.  Three years later, and almost three years ago I introduced my first granddaughter.

And then a concussion and post concussion syndrome led to a long break in blogging.  Another granddaughter and another grandson were born into our family during my brain rest hiatus.  Now that I’m blogging again I have been wondering how to include their stories so long after the fact.

It happens to be our youngest grandson’s first birthday today, so it seems appropriate, with his parents permission of course, to share a few reflections about the days leading up to his birth, his birth day, and the year that has followed.  

When our oldest daughter Kira and her husband Brock announced their pregnancy they were settled into life in Calgary.  We were thrilled for them but I was also sad, knowing that we wouldn’t be able to provide the kind of casual, frequent support to them that we have the privilege of providing for our sons and their families who live near us.  During the pregnancy I made a trip to Calgary to help with prep for baby, to meet their midwives and to teach them prenatal classes.  We made plans and contingency plans for the birth and postpartum weeks when my doula skills would be most appreciated.  I was busy trying to figure out if there was some way I could spend one week in every four in Calgary so I could be more involved in our expected grandson’s life.  I felt like I would need a miracle.

Well, this grandmother got her miracle!  Mid-way through the pregnancy Brock decided he was ready for a wholesale career change and, if he was going to start over, he might as well do it near family support.  Baby was due near the end of March and we helped them move into a condo in West Kelowna on March 1st.  Brock had to go back to Calgary to finish up his job so Kira and I went and met her new midwives, she nested into their condo and I got everything ready for the planned home birth at our house.  Brock would make his final move out just before baby was due.

Early on March 14th the phone woke me up.  Kira was on the other end and wondering if she was in labour.  Within 30 minutes I was at her place and it was pretty obvious to this experienced doula that this was not a false alarm like Kira hoped.  We packed her up and took her back to my home, advising Brock of what was happening and trying to figure out the best and quickest way to get him to us.  Useful husband got kicked out of bed and up to the guest room while I turned the master bedroom into a birth suite.  Good old Roxy kept Kira company and breathed with her through contractions while I did the set up. Doggy doulas…who knew?

Thanks to technology, Brock provided emotional support while he made arrangements to take the first flight out of Calgary to Kelowna.  Kira didn’t want him tired and driving through the night on winter roads.  

Even though this was all happening 10 days too soon, Kira was amazing: strong and calm, responding to her body’s cues to move and progress her labour.  6.5 hours after she called me, not certain she was even in labour, she was fully dilated and began pushing.  Brock was pacing in the West Jet boarding lounge and participating via video chat.  How wonderful that he knew he had a lovely, healthy son when he boarded the plane and had to turn off his phone!  Useful father-in-law was waiting for him when he raced off that plane and got him to our house as quickly as morning rush hour traffic would allow.  

The real benefits of a home birth become even more obvious after the birth. About the time the midwives are ready to pack up their gear and head out, with Mom and baby resting comfortably in a fresh bed, I’m ready with the first home cooked food, prepared especially for the new mother.  Those meals and snacks, along with all the extra loving hands (I’m including useful husband and the rest of our kids in this) to help with personal and baby care, clean laundry, privacy for visits with family and friends, and round the clock breastfeeding support during the critical first days help the new family off to a good start.  

I only see this from my perspective obviously, but each of my children has expressed this out loud to me after the fact.  I’m exhausted when they finally transition home but it’s a happy exhausted!  Unlike them, I’m able to get a couple nights of deep, uninterrupted, restorative sleep and then I’m good to go again.  

My most favourite moments, after every one of my grandbabies were born, happened spontaneously in the wee hours of the night when I sat with my child and their new baby, everyone with bed head and in pajamas, baby milk drunk and sleeping.  Just before I shooed them back to bed to “sleep while the baby sleeps” quiet words of love and affirmation would be mutually exchanged. Watching your own child become a parent is a heart-expanding event.  

Kira and Brock made a lot of big changes in a short period of time: moving, career change and a baby! Having family nearby has helped smooth some of the rough edges off a challenging year.  Family dinners, workouts with the sisters-in-law, golfing with the guys, babysitters, and growing up with cousins as friends are just a few of the blessings.

This past Sunday all of our children, their spouses and their children, plus a few friends gathered for an early birthday celebration for Bo.  My heart was full to bursting with joy and gratitude!  

Happy Birthday Bo!  We are so glad you joined our family!

[thenext50years]

Old Dog, New Trick?

I know it’s not just me who feels like it has been snowing non-stop since the end of October.  My trusty canine companion, Roxy, has been saying the same thing as well.  Back in her puppy days a little snow was exciting to play in.  Now she hesitates at the door the mornings the snow is coming down and she’s always looking for packed tracks to follow that make the walk itself easier.  

Right now we don’t have a yard she can go out in so we take three walks a day. One day last week it had snowed lightly a few hours prior to our walk; light, dry, fluffy flakes.  Like any neighbourhood, we have those who never shovel their sidewalks, those who shovel a narrow path through the snow, those who shovel cleanly and those who shovel and then sweep.  Roxy decided to piddle right on the corner of one of the “shovel and sweep” yards and left a bright yellow mark on this otherwise pristine expanse of neatly piled snow.  It’s hard to scoop piddle so I did something I don’t usually do, and used my foot to kick some fresh snow over the stain.  

The next day, during one of our walks, I watched her do something I’ve never seen her do before.  After a piddle in a pile of soft snow, she used her nose to push snow over the puddle.  At the time I didn’t even put the two things together but when she did the same thing again the next day I was perplexed! Why this new behaviour?   It was then that I remembered kicking snow over her pee stain and wondered if this taught her to do the same?  

If so, that’s kind of crazy to me!  What processes go on in that doggy brain of hers?  

Since then the snow has been slushy or icy so I’ve not seen her repeat the new trick. I’m guessing by the next time we have a light snow she’ll have forgotten. When we get that light snow I will cover her piddle stain again and see what happens.  

But what I really hope is that we don’t get any more snow until next winter.   

[thenext50years]

Minimalism VS Essentialism

The term minimalism has been around since the 1950s, originally referring specifically to a simple form of art, music and theatre.  In the past ten years or so the term has been popularly used in relation to simplifying how one lives.  Documentaries have been produced, books written and websites and blogs espousing the virtues of a minimalist lifestyle abound.  

Like any movement, minimalists have their extremists who would call those of us who have 30 pairs of socks and stockings in our sock basket names, but for the most part they are a fairly generous bunch who say “you do you; whatever parts of minimalism work for you is great”.  The heart of the movement seems to be in the right place: less keeping up with the Joneses, less waste, less dependence on things.

The extreme minimalist would live out of a backpack.  As far as I can tell they must outsource almost everything in their lives.  I assume they couch surf or sleep in hostels and hotels, eat in restaurants, do their minimal laundry in Laundromats, don’t own pets or garden or have hobbies.  This has absolutely no appeal to me!  I last about 10 days on a trip living out of a suitcase and eating food prepared by others.  

I also have no desire to live in a tiny house with no room to have my kids and grandkids hang out for the afternoon or to have friends over for dinner and board games.  Where would I keep my scrapbooks and craft supplies, my canning and gardening equipment?  Where would I store the Christmas tree for 11 months of the year? Clearly I won’t be joining the minimalist lifestyle anytime soon.

Never the less, throughout this move I have been trying to simplify.  Erica Strauss over at NWEdibleLife.com wrote a piece about being an essentialist that really resonated with me.  Her take is if an item is something you use regularly (like canning equipment) and if owning and using that item allows you to have less dependence on others then it could be considered essential to your life as it is right now.  As I evaluated which items to pack and store this was the question I asked myself “Is it essential to my life right now?”  

In a few weeks I will begin the process of unpacking all the things I thought were essential and I am so excited about it!  This week I went out to my garage to try and find a couple things and it was such a mess in there of piled boxes and building materials that I gave up.  I am really looking forward to organizing my essentials into the lovely closets and pantry that useful husband has been working on!  

[thenext50years]

Venn Diagram

I have more than a few different groups of women in my life: my daughter circle, my family circle, my church circle, my neighbour circle, my work circle, my crafting circle, my doula community circle, my fitness circle, my foodie circle, my gardening circle and my close friend circle.  Some of the circles are small and some are large and some (like my church circle) might actually be three or four smaller circles, rather than one large one).

What has been really heartwarming to me in the past couple weeks is seeing women in one circle respond when they hear of a need in another circle.  A month ago my book study church circle (see, I just broke the church circle into a smaller group) got together to respond to a need in my friend circle. Two weeks ago a woman in my family circle met a need in my daughter circle. Just this week women from my foodie and friend circles reached out to another woman in my neighbour circle.  Yesterday women in my friend and daughter circles were willing to jump in and help with a need in my doula circle.  

Do you remember Venn diagrams from math class? Each group or set is represented by a circle and the circles overlap to represent where the groups overlap.  I’m not sure I could even accurately use a Venn diagram to show my many groups and the places where they intersect but I do know that the place on the diagram where all the circles overlap seems to be growing bigger in my world.  And I love that.

[thenext50years]

(Broken) Hearts

In the summer of 2016 some new neighbours moved two doors down from us on Malbec Crescent.  They felt like friends from the minute we met them and we have been enjoying getting to know them a little better with each meal shared and conversation had.  Our Shanna stayed in their guest room for three weeks recently while we finished up her room in our new house.

On Friday Barry was doing a project in their garage attic and Lana was baking in the kitchen, getting ready for the family day weekend and for Valentine’s Day. Son Marc was on his way home for the long weekend.  On one of Barry’s trips down from the attic it appears that his ladder moved out from under him and he fell to the concrete below.  

Barry was taken off life support on Monday and died peacefully with his beloved wife and son close by.  

The beautifully decorated heart shaped cookies Lana was baking on Friday were packaged up and placed in her freezer.  If she can even bear to bring them out and serve them today I’m going to guess they will taste bittersweet.  

These past few days have been a big reminder that life is fragile and can change in an instant.  It would be best not to put off doing something sweet for a loved one or saying “I love you”.  

Maybe everyday should be treated like Valentine’s Day?