thenewcultking

[thenewcultking]

Someone asked me if I could go back in time and relive a single moment. What would it be?

The night in the car when she was laughing and singing. It was like a movie. Singing as loud as she could. I couldn’t stop smiling at her. That’s when she laughed and said I love you. Her eyes widened. She’d never said it to me before. She panicked for a moment and said she didn’t mean it like that and apologized. I looked at her and said I love you too. She way she smiled. Bigger than I’d ever seen. Her cheeks pink and her eyes happy.

[thenewcultking]

I watched you walk down the aisle. Towards me. In such a beautiful wedding dress.

I watched you smile. The way your eyes sparkled.

You walked so nervously because your dress was too long.

I watched you. As you married someone else.

I stood behind you and held your flowers while you said I do, to someone else.

I think this moment will be burned into all that is my being. Maybe even until after my heart stops beating.

[thenewcultking]

I’m Still Full Of The Love You Want

[thenewcultking]

Seeing you in your wedding dress, know that I will be waiting for you at the end of the isle. But not in the way that I should. Standing behind you, watching as you marry someone else. Holding your flowers for you as you say your “I do’s” to someone else. I chose this. I chose to have you in my life. Even after you said goodbye. I would rather burn silently and watch you marry someone else than not have you in my life at all.

Silently I Burn

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

[thenewcultking]

Is it supposed to hurt this much? Still, after this many years? Do you hurt too? I find myself laying awake every single night wondering if you’ve fallen asleep in the tub again. Or if you’ve forgotten to eat again.

Does he even know you? Does he even care when you are manic? Does he know why that’s your favorite song? Does he know about her and how what happened changed you? Does he know about the times I drove you around in the middle of the night and let you blast whatever song you wanted as loud as you wanted? Does he know that you like to scream into the darkness with the wind in your hair? He doesn’t know you. But I do.