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if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:
do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”
while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.
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this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry
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I cherish small intimacies. A head resting against a shoulder, lips brushing against a nose, a kiss on the neck, a hand reaching out for my own
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So I got this ad on youtube...
It’s for U.S. Cellular, specifically advertising how great their streaming service is. You can even , the guy in the ad says, stream hours of grass mowing.
And I go… “wait a minute…that sounds weird…why hasn’t this ad ended yet?”
And I look at the bottom.
the ad is seven hours long.
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I’m at a wealthy middle-aged christmas party with my best friend a woman came up to me and said “you have to try the gouda” and I said “is it firm?” and she said “yes I wouldn’t have anything less” and we both threw our heads back and laughed and I’m still not sure why
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as a college student, my favorite words are “canceled” and “free”
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Cool new prank
let’s cause Yellowstone to erupt
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[puts far more meat than is reasonable into tortilla] [tortilla doesn’t fold fully or correctly] bullshit. what’s wrong with you. fuck you
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