themourningafterthought

[themourningafterthought]

mom was describing a tattoo a girl once took her to a back bedroom to show her, which was a fishing pole low on her pelvis with a line and hook that descended into her bush where a small clownfish hid amongst the hair. and that’s just. that’s a goal. and the ultimate freedom from obligation, like “gah I would shave but it would ruin my very good joke, what are you gonna do, I gotta make sure there’s foliage for my little clownfish to hide in”

then mom finished telling me this and looked off for a moment. “my god,” she said. “she was flirting with me. fuck. goddamn it.” 

[themourningafterthought]

Do twins have the same sized dick?

[themourningafterthought]

I think more importantly, I hate that you still think that you're a good person...

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This is more important than whatever you’re about to post, and it literally only takes a moment! Without signing this, we’re going to end up paying extra to use platforms just like this!!! Seems easy and like the right thing to do, right?

[themourningafterthought]

*bet.. Lemme just grab my lighter real quick

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My cat always seems to be able to express just how I'm feeling...

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Sometimes you get so bored you surprise yourself...

[themourningafterthought]

I took a flight and ended up here...

I'm not very popular on Tumblr. I don't really understand how people get lots of notes or followers. I started this mostly because I wondered how many people felt like I did on the inside. Also to rant and rave when I had no one else, which is almost all the time. This would be one of those moments.

I'm sitting here on my bed after another night in the ER because my body hates me. I should tell you I've probably been in the hospital 40+ times with 20+ surgeries because of a car accident in 2010. I'm not looking for sympathy, and I'm definitely not bragging! It just might make this particular rant make sense. If not, it's not entirely for you anyways lol. But that's not why I had the impulse to grab this phone and start this long ass post no one's going to read nor give a fuck about. Well, I guess it's kind of related.

Anyway... I just caught the scent of the blanket they gave me to take home. I don't know if any of you have ever been in the hospital, but there's just a certain smell to everything there. It's a clean, sterile smell that just fills your nostrils. It drives most people crazy, but today I just realised that I've always been comforted by that smell. Like even when I was little visiting whomever happened to be in the hospital. How fucking weird is that?

The saddest thing about it is the thought that crossed my mind. That maybe it's because it's the last time I remember being safe before she took me to that shithole she called home. Before she took me home to him.

If anyone's actually reading this, I know what you're thinking. "You couldn't possibly have a memory from infancy." Well I'd have to strongly disagree with you. The human mind is a powerful thing, especially when trauma occurs. Also, fuck you, I know what I felt🖕🤗.

I don't know why I felt the need to write any of this out. If anyone happens to read this, I think my point was this...

If you ever feel weird, crazy, or even silly about getting "triggered" or anxious over what other people might consider something bizarre, please don't. You don't have to. It's a piece of you and it'll pass. Do you, BooBoo! You'll get to wherever you're going, and you'll be okay!

[themourningafterthought]

Just watched #michaelchematters and could not stop laughing! 😂 Saw this today and couldn't resist tagging you! #cecilthegorilla 🙈

[themourningafterthought]

Where'd my hair go? #americaneaglejeans #aejeans #everyonethinksimaboy

[themourningafterthought]

1. Any scars?

So many. Some sadly self inflicted, a lot from the 20+ surgeries since my accident 😞

[themourningafterthought]

Hello, is anybody out there?

Never thought I'd go this low to have someone to talk to 😩...

Put a number in my ask box and I’ll answer it...

1. Any scars?

2. Self harmed?

3. Crush?

4. Kissed anyone?

5. Coke or Pepsi?

6. Someone you hate?

7. Best Friends?

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

9. What’s your dream job?

10. Ever been in love?

11. Last time you cried?

12. Favorite color?

13. Height?

14. Birthday?

15. Eye color?

16. Hair color?

17. What do you love?

18. Obsession?

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

20. Do you love someone?

21. Kiss or hug?

22. Nicknames people call you?

23. Favorite song?

24. Favorite band?

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

27. Something you would change about yourself?

28. Ever dated someone?

29. Worst mistake?

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

32. Favorite show?

33. Best day of your life?

34. Any talents?

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

36. Any bad habits?

37. Ever had a near death experience?

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

39. Ever lost a loved one?

40. Do you believe in love?

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

42. Are you okay?

43. Relationship status?

44. Age?

45. Selfie?

[themourningafterthought]

Who says you have to ignore it? Why not use that pain to make you your best self? I've found clarity and sometimes even peace in those breakdowns. Sometimes you have no choice but to keep "doing your best". It's a sad and harsh truth for some of us, but we always find a way.

Friendly reminder

“Doing your best” does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown.

[themourningafterthought]

‪From @park_kkone: “Berry and Benbro( @kkh06102 )❤️😆
“Don’t study play with me” Berry’s Version😄 .
She does all of what her father did when he was a baby🤗.
.
“공부하지말고 나랑 놀자옹” 베리 버전이애오😄 아빠 베니 아기때와 넘 똑같은 베리😆” #catsofinstagram‬ [source: https://ift.tt/2IDc1dL ]

[themourningafterthought]

‪From @kitty_fostering_oz: “I’m adorable hear me roar” #catsofinstagram ‬ [source: https://ift.tt/2InB04K ]

[themourningafterthought]

[themourningafterthought]

I feel the same way :-(

I'm sorry

I’m sorry for bothering you. I’m sorry for even coming into your lives. Causing problems. Making shit worse. I not good at making friends. Probably never will be good at it. I don’t know why I try. In the end I’m alone.