themenubyxuan-blog
the menu. by XUAN
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Creative Creator // A dreamer.
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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Reflectie
Not an easy period. I started the 3rd periode just like any other periods after the seminars. I met a lot of new people from other departments and they are nice people. I was afraid that I would be very shy and quite when I heard about the group “projects”. I was afraid that I could’t or wouldn’t dare to share my visions. I was lucky enough to have teammates who wanted to hear my idea. I was also the only one who had an idea already but it gave me a happy feeling inside because I wasn’t that shy for strangers as I normally would be. The teamwork went great! We listened to each other and put all our inputs together, tried everything out and at the end we came with something that was originally from my idea to everyone’s idea. And I must say that it turned out really nice!
When I heard about the assignment from Karel and Twan, I got flashbacks from assignments that I had last year. Luckily this time I had an better idea of where to start and what I wanted to make. So I thought about my daily life routine, how to make it “lazy”. I started off good, but later I couldn’t get the focus anymore and I didn’t know why. For Chantal’s class I wanted to work bigger. I made my paintings/drawings over several pieces of paper to make a big artwork. I also wanted to work with an other colour palette then I usually would. During the first semester I  didn’t notice myself why I kept choosing to work with lighter and softer shades. After looking trough all my previous works, I realized that It’s really common. I remembered from last year that the teachers at my previous school also noticed it and complimented me on that. Now people know and recognize it immediately and also tend to say “ohh that’s really an Ellen palette”. I do wonder myself how  come. When did I started using those softer and lighter shades? I have no clue. I think my hands always grabs them whenever they can. So you can imagine that it was quite hard to work in an other colour palette. This time my mind was in control instead of my hands. (I know, I sound weird, but hey! I’m an art school student!)
During the CTS assignment with Wim, we had to work in groups. Because our class is uneven one of the groups had to be a trio. Everyone already made their duo’s and there was me. And I made the wrong choice. I never thought it would end up that way. When you see people as friends and they see you that way too then you wouldn’t screw it up in a group project, that’s what I thought. I gave a lot of my energy away and that only to “babysit” them. To babysit boys who doesn’t listen and doesn’t care. They made their choices to be and work like that. Because that’s what they’re used to. But it led to, me overworking more than I always do. I felt used and betrayed. And I wouldn’t say that this is where my burn out exactly started, but it did triggered it. One of the assignments Irene gave us, gave me a weird experience. Unconsciously I worked on it different then I was supposed to. At 1 night/ morning I was dreaming about that class. First of all, I was late for her class in that dream and then the me in my dream knew that I made that assignment too different… That dream felt so real that I wanted to wake up and adjust it. From that day on I couldn’t concentrate anymore. I started to feel lost, but I didn’t know that. Until I opened up myself and stood up for myself towards my teammates. Everyone said that they’re proud of me standing up for myself and I think this semester was more about me personally. I wanted to show more of myself and get out of my comfort zone. And I did during the 4th period. 
I learned a lot in the 3rd period. I learned about friends, and me. I learned when to stop and take a break. I’ve reset-ted myself, back to when I was still a teenager. (yes back to 10 years ago.) Back then I didn’t had that much of hobbies, because yea, i didn’t had the time for it. So in my spare time I would just do nothing. And in my 2 weeks of mini break, I literally did nothing till I was ready for it again. It took some time. But I managed to get over it and thought of a working system for myself (which really helped me go trough the 4th period). But I did learn more about the dress. We chose the “Qi-pao” dress. It’s something I used to wear when I was a kid during new years eve. I never knew the whole history of the dress and it was very interesting to do some research about it.
At the beginning of the 4th period, I was quite happy. I was excited to start all over again, a fresh new start. It went okay. Until I got a bit stuck with the Intergale project. And I think because I reset-ted myself for too long. But I knew I wanted to do something with culture. My culture, the Chinese culture. Now when I think back to why I chose it, it’s because I always had this in my mind. I always wanted to make a statement, to go against our culture. I don’t agree with a lot of things I grew up with and still hear. And the main reason why I wanted to become a designer is because I want to inspire younger chinese / and asian kids out there who can’t express themselves the way they want. I got out of my comfort zone and dare to do more. It’s funny because during my mini break I wasn’t so sure why I wanted to become a designer… I didn’t know it anymore. After everything that has happened to me this past few months, I grew. They say that everything happens for a reason and you learn from that what has happened. Indeed. It’s true. But I think people most likely notice this when they get older. I’m 23 now and if I were just 19 now, I wouldn’t have learned this all or see it in this way.
I’m not sure if this is the reflection that I had to write, but I just had to put this here. 
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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10 woorden
rustig, nieuwsgierig, eigen, storyteller, kleurrijk, zacht, persoonlijk, emotie, ander wereld, experimenteel.
(was er niet tijdens de les.)
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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SWOT ANALYSE
Positief
Je sterkten:
Because of what I’ve learned during my Graphic design years and a year of Product design, I’ve got some knowledge about materials, how to work with them and what you can do with them as well with some techniques. And how to  work with colors and compositions. I always had my own interests in other things besides my study, I keep practicing and try things out in order to get more knowledge and process.
It’s nice that I get to combine everything here, and get the chance to do it so. Because it’s always connected to each other.
Kansen voor je studie:
One of my goals for this study, was to get more out of myself. I know what I can, but was always hiding behind it. I wanted to be more confident in myself and my work. Since the beginning I slowly got more out of my skin. Because I get the freedom. 
(An other goal is to get to go on an exchange program. Because I want to learn from many people as possible but also from different cultures. It’s also a good experience because you get to know more people and they get to  know you, you build a network. The only problem with me is, that I’m quite shy. And don’t talk easily to others.) 
I also want to learn more and try new things out. It’s never enough.
Negatief
Je zwakten:
I tend to have a hard time with working together with others. Because it makes me very uncomfortable. Especially if I don’t know them yet or I just don’t feel a connection with them. 
Communicating with others is one of my biggest (personal) problem. But also presenting myself. Talking for me has always been an issue. 
During the seminar weeks, skillslabs and CTS I always try to choose something that my friends don’t choose. So I get to know people and try to work with them. So far it helps. (But it depends on  what kind of people I’m with.)
Bedreigingen voor je studie:
I get tired and exhausted very easily, because I don’t take proper rests from “schoolwork”. I don’t have a job that I combine with school, so I fill my time with whatever I can do for a school project or my own portfolio. My life has been like this for a long time now. And it’s hard to get out of it. It’s not a bad thing, but I know it’s not always good to have your head only on school. 
Because I come from an Asian family. It’s hard to for me “to do whatever I want.” I always have to prove myself that I am a “good” student, in a way they want it. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be proud of myself of what I’ve made or done. Because no one in my family fully supports me. And I think that’s also why I don’t have much confidence in my work and myself. And because of that I always want to work harder on something but it also brings me to a “different world.” Het harder werken aan iets geeft me afleiding. And that’s one of the reasons why I get exhausted easily. 
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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Leerdoelen
Professionele:
- Learn more about different techniques that’s out there.
- Learn from others. 
- Try to be myself in my works.
Persoonlijke:
- Get more out of my comfort zone. To show more of myself.
- Socialise more.
- Take proper rests. Eat well and rest well.
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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Eindreflectie
Aan het begin van dit schooljaar twijfelde ik heel erg. Ik wist zelf nog niet helemaal zeker of de opleiding en de school wel helemaal bij mij zou passen. Ik “faalde” het afgelopen jaar op een andere academie en dat had hele erge impact op me gekregen.
Het tripje naar Antwerpen liet mij wel zien dat dit het toch wel zal zijn voor me. Vanaf het begin kregen we al onze vrijheid in de opdrachten. Dat had ik zelf nog nooit meegemaakt. Langzaam tijden het eerste les van beeld, begon ik in te zien dat ik voor een hele lange tijd mezelf wel kwijt was geraakt. De eerste lessen van Coupe vond ik dan nog wel lastig, ik ben nooit ingesteld op precies werken en meten. Als ik heel eerlijk moet zijn was ik zelf dit deel van de opleiding vergeten, door de vrijheid die wel al kregen tijdens Antwerpen.
De lessen van Chantal tijdens beeld, kon ik wel oneindig mee door gaan. Elke les wou ik niet dat het stopte omdat we zo erg vrij waren in wat we deden. Het was fijn. De thuis opdrachten bracht me naar “mezelf” zijn.
Tijdens ontwerpen ging het beter met me dan gedacht. Het klinkt misschien heel stom om dit te zeggen, maar ik moet wel heel eerlijk zijn dat ik nooit echt complimenten heb gekregen bij me vorige opleidingen met wat ik maakte voor de projecten. Ik ben wat meer zelf verzekerd geworden door de lessen van Melanie en Maxime (en Chantal trouwens ook). Ik blijf nog altijd onzeker, omdat ik nooit helemaal “tevreden” ben met mijn eigen werken.
Tijdens de lessen heb ik ook mensen uit de klas wat beter leren kennen en zij mij waarschijnlijk ook. Ik was nooit de persoon geweest die advies of feedback aan andere gaf. Ik merkte dat ik graag luisterde naar andere met waar zij mee bezig zijn. Voor het eerst denk ik ook mee met wanneer zij ergens niet mee uitkomen.
Tijdens CTS breed en fashion heb ik veel kunnen leren over het anders kijken en onderzoeken naar een bepaald onderwerp of voorwerpen. Dat heb ik automatisch in blok in me werk voor Maxime gebruikt. Het liet mij meer zien van om me heen. In een half jaar heb ik veel interessante dingen al kunnen leren. Zo heb ik nooit gedacht om een kledingstuk ook anders te dragen of een voorwerp te “interviewen”.
Aan het begin zei ik tegen mezelf dat ik meer van mezelf wil laten zien. En ik denk dat het wel gelukt is, maar het kan nog meer. Het praten met andere die ik nog niet zo heel goed ken vind ik nog wel moeilijk, ook met het praten met de docenten van Skillslabs en CTS. Dit is iet’s waar ik zelf graag nog wil aan werken. Ik denk dat het nodig is voor mezelf en mijn werk.
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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Handreflectie.
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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Complimenten kaartjes
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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When you’re outside and feel at peace, you’ll start looking around you. You’ll get more focused on what you see.
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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When you come across to little rabbits jumping around, while running.
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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It wasn’t that bad.
My daily challenge/assigment from a fellow classmate is to go running for about 30min. DAILY. First of all, I never run. (Not even for a bus). Mainly because I’m not into sports at all and because of my health. 
I wasn’t that keen with the challenge he gave me. But I thought, let’s give it a try. The weather was really nice that evening, except for all the snails.... But the view of Sloterplas park is nicer than I remember. 
While running and walking, I started to look around. To see what’s happening around us. The silence, the view and the little rabbits who were jumping around were motivating to me. I never came so close to a wild rabbit. And never felt at peace, by the silence and the pretty autumn colours. 
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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themenubyxuan-blog · 7 years ago
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A new start, A new chapter.  Trying to make the best out of it, trying to be more “me”.
Feeling like it’s my place. I can say, I feel like I’m “home”.
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