thelivingdade

[thelivingdade]

I know, I know. It's alright. I'm here to educate. What other mysteries tickle your fancy? Or keep you awake at night? Maybe both? The aliens building the pyramids has always been a personal favorite of mine.

@thelivingdade

If there was an ice wall, Forrest Gump would have found it. Obviously. Theory debunked.

Fuck! You're right, what was I thinking? Now I'm going to have to find a new conspiracy theory to base my personality around!

[thelivingdade]

Yet, he's a free man roaming the streets because he's too slippery to imprison for too long. I think. I don't know the Hamburglar lore Eh, you're right, though. You probably wouldn't be able to track him down anyway. Dumb as a fox, that guy.

Yeah, well, everybody's got limits. [...] No, I don't know who that is. Stealing burgers doesn't seem like a very hard crime to get away with, so if everyone knows his face, he must be a real shitty thief.

[thelivingdade]

Please do, my wise and gracious courtier. Post haste. Can you believe the townsfolk didn't know it was that easy?

Okay, but it really is getting weird. Please don't tell me I moved to a leg worshipping cult town. That's so lame. There's so many other cooler cults out there. The vibes are definitely off

Yes, the next in a thirstiful line of MILFs extending through history

Of course,

I can make a formal decree for your majesty as a holiday present if you like?

[thelivingdade]

// Vera hasn’t been here long, but she already has my heart. I love how you’re doing her character voice. All your characters have always felt completely whole and fully dimensional people, you have such a knack for capturing the essence of them. I'm so excited to see more.

This is so kind, thank you so much <3 🥺

[thelivingdade]

if you were one of santa's reindeer, which one would you be, based solely on vibes?

I definitely don't dash anywhere. And while I like to dance but that's a lot to live up to if that's supposed to be your name, but I guess I do enjoy a good prance on occasion. Prancing is pleasant. I'll prance, sure.

[thelivingdade]

Sometimes we do stupid things for money. I wouldn't blame you for it, is all. Wait, really? You don't know the Hamburglar? Gap-toothed little redhead in the stripes and bandit mask? Specializes in stealing burgers? He's infamous.

Because it's stupid. I have better things to do right now. Like figuring out how to get rid of those stupid legs and stop demons from taking over this fucking town. What is a Hamburglar? I'm not going to frame anyone.

[thelivingdade]

what is your go to party trick

I magically make myself disappear by 11pm and reappear at home, in bed, a cup of tea already warming my hands before midnight. No one knows how I manage to do it. It's truly astonishing, if I say so myself.

[thelivingdade]

Pics or it didn't happen. Oh, and if you need any tips or pointers, please ask! Not to brag (except I will) but I have a pretty fantastic recipe if you need somewhere to start.

Adding potatoes to my grocery list for the week so I can try it because holy shit does that sound good.

[thelivingdade]

I'm a new professor at the college in town so I'm always getting trolled. It's mostly good natured, at least. Just the other day they hid gummy worms in all of my plants and drawers before skipping off for break. Harmless and cute, even if I'm still finding them everywhere.

Alright, alright! My apologizes. I guess there's a big difference there that my palette wouldn't even begin to understand. So you dip soggy fries in Kraft mayo, then? Just mayo? Nothing else? Are you okay

Okay, but firstly, have you had crispy fries before? Is this a texture thing? What makes soggy better than crispy to you? I need to fully understand what's going on and why so I know if I even can help you.

WOAH! Who's been trolling you, babe? That's so mean, I would never. Hellmann's? HELLMANN'S? Do you think we're a Hellmann's household? Nuh-huh! Kraft only, how dare! And totally fair, things got a little lost in translation there. I don't slather my fries in mayo. But mayo is my preferred fry dip. I do mostly love the sog from their own heat. I'm happy to be your little project though, especially if there's gonna be food involved. Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't know better. Yup! I'm totally ready to be enlightened, I've decided. That was a fast turnaround.

[thelivingdade]

Why not? You get paid whether you find it or not, right? I mean, worse comes to worst, framing the Hamburglar probably wouldn't be a completely unbelievable solution.

People in this town should stop trying to hire PIs for stupid shit. Not going to find a fucking ketchup monster for you. Stop asking.

[thelivingdade]

you the garden and the grave

[thelivingdade]

@necrosemancy replied to this:

French fries >>>>>>>>. But like. GOOD fries. Crusty crispy outside and soft inside fries.

Yes. You get it. Potatoes can do no wrong. Only we can do wrong to them.

Give pan-fried a chance though. You seriously won't regret it. It's like crispy fries with soft insides but seasoned and chunky. God, now I'm starving.

[thelivingdade]

Are you serious? Or am I being trolled again? In the off chance you're serious--I am so, so sorry white people made you think that you can't do better than limp, Hellmann's slathered fries. You can. Please let me help you.

They can be drenched in any sauce you want! What's your fave? Personally, I'm a mayo enjoyer, white people really went off with that. But sometimes! even their own heat can make them sweat and stuff. Makes them super soft and wet. And isn't that just... chef's kiss as far as texture goes?

[thelivingdade]

@highoctanegem replied to this:

Hey queen, what are your thoughts on soggy fries?

Soggy fries? Are they drenched in butter or cheese or something? I could be into that.

[thelivingdade]

What’s your favorite form of potato?

Potatoes are my favorite form of potatoes. There's no wrong way to prepare them. That being said--pan roasted. It's like the best of all the potato worlds in one. But you have to do it right, which is why I think it gets such a bad rep. Its critics are just bad cooks.

[thelivingdade]

If you were the forgotten spice girl, what would your name be?

I-Can't-Sing-Or-Dance Spice feels like a mouthful so maybe just... Snarky Spice? Someone's gotta bring Posh down a peg or two.

[thelivingdade]