This isn't my main blog, it is however, my personal one. I'm a fashion journalist living in Scotland and I'm a lesbian. I have the most perfect girlfriend, 28/7/13馃挀.
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Two years ago, I couldn't go a day without slicing my own skin. I constantly felt suicidal. I had no one. I had anxiety attacks daily, I loathed my own being so much. I felt so worthless, so incapable of being loved. I felt sad all the time, I cried every night.
聽Today, I can go days without doing anything. I聽can go days just staring blankly into space. I still want to die, I just don't try anymore. I have a beautiful girlfriend. I still have anxiety, but I refuse to do things that cause me anxiety attacks now. I still hate myself, I still feel worthless and incapable of being loved. Though I don't feel sad, I don't feel anything actually. I'm numb. I drink a lot now, two years ago, I wouldn't of touched alcohol- now? I drink vodka like each mouthful is a confession and my blood stream is a therapist.
聽I guess I'm doomed to be self destructive until it all finally catches up with me.
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Who else does this apply to?
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I haven't had an anxiety attack in months, but I feel more anxious than ever I haven't self harmed in months; but I feel more self destructive than ever. I haven't tried to kill myself in months, but I feel more suicidal than ever. Everything that's happened since January, I haven't really taken in. It's all just hit me and I don't know how to handle it.
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My nights are for overthinking, my mornings are for oversleeping.
(via hazelhirao)
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