thekoncokopi

[thekoncokopi]

mi bok

I feel bad for myself, when I always miss you and hoping to see you, I can't even call your name once we run into each other. It doesn't feel right, I used to yell out, but now, even a single word won't come out. I'm too freaking out. It's harder than just hide my feeling and I can't even put it into words. I'm trying hard to stop thinking about the worst truth that might come. I can't picture myself dealing with it. I won't survive. This little feeling would always be wrong. I can't be myself, I can't be too obvious, I can't tell you, I can't have you, I have to be hiding forever. Something that remains good for now, is just you still don't know it. And our friendship is still beautiful as it used to be. At least for you.

[thekoncokopi]

Remain silent.

I feel bad i can't simply say I miss you straightforwardly. It gets anxiety all over me. It doesn't sound like matters, just wanna let you know somehow. But the picture of you leaving me, that's all what I scared of.

[thekoncokopi]

THIS IS HOW ADORABLE YOU ARE I JUST CAN'T ASDFGHJKBDG 😭😭😭 i miss you so much

[thekoncokopi]

Cooking is a shit I hardly can deal with. Really. I never consider it as a prior thing, because I don't mind eating out while nobody cooks for me. It's different from any other housework since I have to take care of them all alone. Like I prefer wash tons of laundry than have to cook for a plate of stir-fry. It's tiring but I can smile eventually once I got everything clean and tidied up. But cooking? Feels like I've put it all hell out but once it's served, it tastes like a shit. Always. Like, always. So, yeah, I never love it even when I'd ship myself with foods for the entire lifetime.

[thekoncokopi]

You do care about me! I miss you so much, thank you for always be there for me Phi

[thekoncokopi]

I sometimes unconsciously tell you a story I've ever told, then you remind me saying 'yeah you've once told me that one' LOL fuck myself I can't even remember but it's you who always memorize every single shit out of me. It's lovely!

[thekoncokopi]

Khidteung

I love how my notifications are filled by our chats and mentions. That's all what I wish for, moreover when we are remotely apart.

[thekoncokopi]

My naughty little soul is working

Nothing much, just having you complaining about a scratch you got on your tits. If we were not apart, I'd go check you up right away mostly intend to apply some lotion on it LOL. Hopefully it'll get better soon 🖤

[thekoncokopi]

2019!!

Happy New year everyone 💕💕

Here are my first attempts of fruits watercolor. I made it while counting down until 00:00 lol. I didn't expect that I'd love it this much! Since I've just learned, I apologise for my countless flaw 🤣

[thekoncokopi]

พี่

When we are apart but keep sharing bunch of funny stuffs, I can't help desiring to be with you to see you drown into laughter. Because your happiness is all I want to wit.

[thekoncokopi]

❤️

It's been a while omg. Yap, I hardly ever open up my blog so let me clean up the cobwebs first *deadjoke*

There must be a reason why I come here 😂 obviously. I probably had let it out here, in my previous post, but now seems like I already get the clarity. Yet, it's still confusing as fuck but at least it ain't grey anymore haha. I don't expect this become complicated even more, but I need to stop lying to myself. So here's the idea. I'm still the same person since someone came to me years ago. I thought I have changed myself into the old me since that person left, but it turns out be wrong. Although my feeling would never ever be the same, but my orientation it left the same. This is why I've never be a person who's willing to be in relationship, to have a clear boundary, to love a guy. I never thought I've gone this far but I can't find something right. I need to come out. This is the most complicated feeling I've ever had, the moment when you really feel cozy and warm, desire to be treated as a special one, but all you can do is keep silent because once it's slipped out of your mouth, the one that you adore will definitely leave.

So only if I had a chance to talk to her, I will be saying:

Thank you for blooming my life and make it way alive. Go ahead and chase your dreams, I have your back. I hope we're always be best friends forever, even I'm thinking of you more than that. Nong rak phi :)

[thekoncokopi]

Mint

Jadi beberapa waktu lalu aku debat sama temen perkara warna mint. Waktu itu kebetulan aku pake long-sleeve warna mint dan dia pesen minuman mint. Terus aku tanya:

"Kamu setuju gak kalo bajuku warna nya mint?"

"Lah, kan emang itu warna mint"

"Tapi kenapa warna nya gak sama kayak minumanmu?"

"Yaaa kan warna cold kayak gini itu namanya warna mint, dari menthol.."

"Ya kenapa mint? Kenapa gak ment?"

"Yaa kenapa gak ngent? HAHAHA"

...terus aku ngakak gak berhenti. Sekian.

Maaf ini super pointless 😂😂

[thekoncokopi]

I draw. I so much love it. But since it wasn't my study concern, I less often lit it up. I have two best friends who have the same passion and they go on fathoming what they love, even they're now able to make money from that. When I eventually drew for the first time after a quiet long, I compared my work at the time with the old one (the gap was almost 4 years). I found nothing changes, no improvement, just, no. Certainly it because I never practice anymore. Then, I noted to myself, there are many people out there who has such a willing to be able to draw, otherwise I have a gift but I lay it down remains worthless. I couldn't stand still, I must not waste what have given to me. I tried to complete my drawing stuffs, insisted myself to draw at least once a week and keep practicing. Those pictures, are screenshots that motivate and get me confidence. I must carry on doing such a thing I love, descipline and hold tight my commitment. They made my day! Feels like I can draw all day. P.s: someday, I'll share some of my works. I intend to make such a comparison. It'll be fun!! Yeay 😍

[thekoncokopi]

A marvelous achievement

Dm dibales, foto direpost, dimention di story, sama dua selebgram panutan w. Gilasih rasanya pengen tumpengan..

I used to replied and commented their posts, but most of them never noticed that, and I don't mind. I did it just for fun.. quite cheesy, isn't it? then one day, one of them responded me, mentioned me in his instagram story. The next day, the other one responded to my dm which was using Bahasa. He answered relatedly, and said that he Google translated it. I was so blushing, he had will to get what I meant. They are so incredible, inspiring, and utterly humble. I even never get any response from any influencers from my own country 😂😂

P.s: sorry if the tittle seems too extra haha

[thekoncokopi]

I relieve myself as a strong woman based on the less-sorrow contents of my social media, yet Tumblr is an exception 😌😂

[thekoncokopi]

They get me distracted

[thekoncokopi]

I was so shaking

My family is facing some issues and I hope we'll be able to overcome this as soon as possible... Allah helps us 😣