thekatchup

[thekatchup]

Lord bigay niyo na

Lord, sana matanggap ako sa dream company ko.

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2024 vision board!!! LFG!!!!!!!!!!!

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Lord, pano ba to?

Halos mag-iisang buwan na siyang ganito. Ang hirap, sa totoo lang. Ano ba tinuturo niyo sakin, Lord? Naiintindihan ko naman gano kalala yung mga nangyari ng nakaraang linggo: nanakawan ng bag/laptop, na-hack sa crypto. Pero bakit pakiramdam ko, kahit na anong gawin ko, hindi naco-consider ano nararamdaman ko.

Selfish ba? Siguro, pero ito oh, nababaliw nako, gusto ko lang din ng konting pahinga. I'm sorry if i'm making things about me, pero napapagod din ako. Hindi ko rin alam anong kailangan ko from him to make me feel better, even just a little bit.

Relationships are hard, why do we even want this?

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I don't feel safe anymore.

Everything that's been happening lately has got me thinking that the fears I had initially might somehow be true. I feel like you're not being completely honest with me in order to protect me or not to hurt me but the more you do that, the harder it stings.

I don't know why it hurts, not because I don't know but because there are a lot of reasons why it does. Is it because I feel like you're still in love with your ex? But you have been reassuring me that you're not in love with her anymore, and as much as I want you to feel apathy towards her, I know that at this point, you hate her so much.

I know that nobody's perfect. Pero feeling ko lang parang nagoyo ako kasi he appeared to be so secure initially during the getting to know stages tapos biglang ganito pala. Biglang avoidant at stonewaller pala siya. Minsan nga iniisip ko if stonewaller ba talaga siya or hindi niya lang kayang maging honest sakin kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman niya. Sabi niya hindi niya alam, pero feeling ko ayaw niya lang akong masaktan. Does that make sense? IDK.

I'm so concerned with the feelings she can evoke, even though you've been broken up for a few months already and you guys are no contact.

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Daming tumatakbo sa utak ko

I just generally feel sad, lost, and unmotivated. Everything feels quiet and generally at rest.

Hindi ko rin alam bakit parang I don’t feel like myself for the past few months. Nandun parin ako sa part na I’m just trying to feel everything and go through all these emotions at once. By the way, I also just recently end a relationship. Tapos malapit na rin ako grumaduate. Makakauwi kaya ako sa kasal ng bestfriend ko? Miss ko na si mommy. Miss ko na friends ko. Miss ko na mag drive. Nag-umpisa narin akong mag asikaso ng permanent residency ko. Buti nakuha ko na yung WES. Mabilis na lang pala siya ngayon. Got my last study permit, and extended my SIN. Ang productive ko rin pala the past few weeks, hindi ko nanaman nabati yung sarili ko. Good job, self. Everything feels heavy at the moment, but good job for still being productive.

Ang hirap lang i-process ng lahat ng bagay kasi I always see myself as someone who is very self-aware and yet i feel like I don’t know myself right now? Finding yourself also requires losing who you once thought yourself to be. It’s so hard to pinpoint why everything feels so heavy kasi parang ang surface level lang nung alam ko? Like for example, yes it feels heavy kasi magkaaway kami ng tita ko and almost 2 weeks na kaming hindi nagpapansinan. Yes, it feels heavy kasi kakabreak lang namin nung guy na yun. Yes it feels heavy kasi I paid 300 dollars for a test that I didn’t even take dahil nakalimutan ko dalhin yung passport ko. Yes it feels heavy kasi unlike last year na dalawa yung job ko, nag focus ako sa isang internship job this summer.

bukas na lang uli, bye

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First ever vision board

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Life Update

Okay so I just feel really happy and blessed today and I want to document it.

Looking back, a lot has happened in a year and I just feel extremely grateful for all the opportunities and for all the things that has happened (good or bad).

I got the Govt job as part-time, then the associate dean reach out to me and ask me if I want to teach. Yes, I want to teach. It will be an honor to teach.

Plan is to apply for OINP International Student Stream, then get my PR.

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Gather and compile experiences

✅ travel

✅ get drunk

✅ get broken hearted

✅  reject someone

✅  get in a fling

✅ learn how to iron clothes

✅  cook

✅  do laundry

✅ buy at the market

✅  bargain

✅ forgive

✅ learn how to fight

✅ learn how to lose

✅  don’t be afraid to make mistakes

✅ ask

✅ ask

✅ ask questions

Fill your life with liveliness (punuin mo ng buhay and iyong buhay)

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We can win this, self. We’re a better team.

Rest and regroup with yourself.

This is halftime, the world is at half time right now. We’re at a pause. We’re getting close to playing again, but this is the time where you make those adjustments. It’s not gonna always go as planned. The better team sometimes they don’t win, because the game plan was just a little off but they have the talent. You have the country you live in, you’ve got a lot of things going for yourself. You can win this game, self. But understand adjustments have to be made. And if you don’t make these adjustments you will lose. 

And no one goes undefeated. Nobody goes undefeated. Even the dynasties. The warriors didn’t go 80 to an 0, even though they have the best record of all time. You are still going to lose every now and then, but by far you are in a better position than some other people. You are a better team than some other team.

I hope it resonates. Don’t worry about the order. The order didn’t go as well, don’t worry about it.

Control what you can control. You did your best. Let everything else fall into place. IT WILL FALL INTO PLACE, I PROMISE YOU. YOU’RE GONNA BE FINE.

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Question

If I can get just one question to ask God and ask for his guidance, I won’t ask a yes or no question. I won’t ask if I will end up with a partner or will I have a family in the future. I’m gonna ask him why no one wants to be with me? Why these guys aren’t choosing me? Why they don’t pursue me? I need His guidance to push me to work on the things that I still need to work on (that probably I don’t have an idea that I need to work on that). 

Just random thoughts.

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Just a reminder

Hi Self,

I just feel like I have to note this down so you won’t forget.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do a lot of things at once. I know you’re the type who’s always game to try different things and to do the things that you already know you want to do. And even though you still haven’t admitted it yet, you’re addicted to feeling busy, to always search for the next thing that you are supposed to do.

But I want to tell you that you’re not built to commit to two things. Yes, you can multi-task, yes you can do a lot of things, but the end goal, must only be one. I have to note this because this is also what happened when you tried to work and study law at the same time. Yes you were able to do it, but looking back, I know that your heart is not happy because you weren’t able to give your 100%. And there’s a reason we only have 100%. Kath I know you’re an overachiever, but don’t forget and don’t fear missing out on things if that means you’re choosing one thing over the other. It’s okay to miss out on things especially if you are committed and able to give your 100% to the thing that you choose.

Hope I make sense. You’re doing better, self.

Love, self.

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I need to stop

...hating myself and everyone and everything else around me.

Today I bought my new running shoes. 

55KGS LET’S GO.

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Goal

The goal is to earn mid 6 digits in 10 years.

6 digits in 5 years.

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Life update

Okay so because I got a new and expensive keyboard, I feel the need to update this blog about life lately. I also read somewhere that it helps to document or have a journal so you can look back and see how you were before and what was going through your mind in hte past. I think it also helps to look back and see that everything really ends up okay.

So, I finally quit my Uniqlo job cos I got two jobs this summer. I know these opportunities aren’t permanent yet, but I’m just happy to go back and work in the industry that I love--digital. I feel at home, I feel at ease, I feel at peace, and everything feels so natural and effortless.

I’m just really happy and surprised about all these opportunities. I was reading the last post that I wrote, and I don’t know if I manifested this, but yeah. It happened. It felt like I was talking to my future self, reassuring her that amidst the uncertainties, everything will work out in the end. Thank you, Lord. I’m so grateful.

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Faith over fear

I can’t think of a perfect word to describe what I’ve been feeling lately. Probably lost, emotional, afraid, idk. But sure as hell this is a rollercoaster of emotions. I am also sure I’m sad, maybe cos there’s a lot of things happening in my life. I don’t know though if this is because of one specific thing, or because of all of it. I just recently got my heart broken. He kept on tagging that new girl on Instagram and when I can’t take it anymore, I unfollowed him on Instagram. I guess that’s the win in that scenario. Deciding what’s best for me and my mental health. Then, I felt sad seeing how expensive it is to study for another course (20kcad) LOL. I don’t even have that money yet so I don’t know where can I get it. But there’s hope in either being able to earn money for it, or finding a job instead of studying for another year.

My internal self is panicking but it amazes me to realize that there’s a voice in my head that keeps on telling me to relax, and assures me not to worry because everything will fall into place eventually. There’s a voice inside my head that reminds me that everything works out well in the end, that I just have to just trust Him and His timings like what he have consistently done in the past. 

Lord, you know what’s inside my heart right now. And you know what’s best for me. So I lift it all up to You, I trust Your plans.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

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oh my god idk what to put here as a title

Just wanna remember this day cos I was pissed but you turn this day around. Natatawa na lang din ako mag-isa pag naiisp ko.

Halos tawagin mo ko today mga 20x chz oa yan but super dalas. Not sure if ganon ka rin sa iba.

Kunin ko ipod sa bulsa mo? wiw. With consent naman so sana ginawa ko na LOL. 

Thank you for making me happy today. :)

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2-2-22

Okay so I always think that manifesting has long been my thing. I think I started this way back in 2010. I just don’t know it yet at that time that it is called Manifesting. So I’m here today to do it here because I just want to note this down and really think about what do I want in my next relationship. I also saw in a Tiktok video that it’s recommended to manifest today because today is 2/2/22.

Physically:

* Someone tall (like 5′6 and above)

* Someone who’ve got some nice eyes (any color lol)

* Short, straight, dark hair

* High-bridged nose

* Really nice set of teeth with charming smile

* Smiles with his eyes

* Someone fit (not too fit is fine)

* Really nice arms / biceps

* Big hands (hahah i know it’s weird lol)

Emotionally / Mentally:

* Someone smart

* Someone who do smart-thing for a living

* Has nice car

* Loves long drives and road trips

* Very affectionate

* Loves to surprise me

* Brings me random food and coffee on a random day

* Has an energy to try or do new things

* Sporty

* Fan of F1

* Loves to travel

* Very understanding and knows how to handle my emotional side

* Knows how to socialize with my family, someone who’s okay with dealing with them lol

* Opens the car door for me

* Loves to hold my hand or to put his arms around me

* Someone I would enjoy talking to for hours

* Someone who lets me have my “me time”

* Someone very faithful and loyal to me

* Someone who’s supportive of the things that I do

* Someone who’s very patient with me

* Someone who understands that I am move slowly haha and that I like to take my time

* Someone who knows when and how to be sexual around me haha

* Someone who also loves playing console games (PS or Switch!)

* Someone who’s independent and lives alone (not living with his family anymore)

* Someone who’s very nice and makes me feel comfortable so I won’t hide parts of myself

* My #1 hypeman