thegreenopaque

[thegreenopaque]

so true beastie *we are laying in a field of dandelions and i am petting your massive snout* *you are 30 feet long and i love you*

[thegreenopaque]

new DB Cooper theory: he went up

[thegreenopaque]

let me tell you driving from Ohio to Washington in a SmartCar with everything I owned was funny enough on its own but once I got west of the Rockies, every. single. time. I stopped ar a gas station, random dads would just spawn beside my car. like there was some sort of dad portal following me. and they’d see my ohio plates and go, “did you DRIVE through the mountains in that?” and every. single. time. I’d go, “well, they didn’t airlift me!”

it killed. it absolutely cleared ever time. never failed to make the dads laugh. they were obsessed. i said it the same every time. it was like I was in a groundhog day timeloop on interstate 70 westbound gas stations. and you know what? I was happy.

[thegreenopaque]

Hi honey how was your day at the gaslighting factory?

[thegreenopaque]

“Hello,” she said in a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled.

[thegreenopaque]

monks debating whether vows of silence should still allow you to leave emoji reacts on the monastery groupchat

[thegreenopaque]

[thegreenopaque]

(backseating you at the mortar and pestle) man you aint even squarshing it

[thegreenopaque]

"accessory not supported on this device" yes it is you stupid slut. thats headphones. you've known each other for years

[thegreenopaque]

I am unfortunately just like other guys. I like trashy horror, dog poems, cannibalism as a metaphor for obsessive devotion, religious imagery, people who use my name in a sentence, academic validation, lying for fun, being bisexual and bleeding out in the snow.

[thegreenopaque]

Tubi is the best streaming service because it captures the feeling of a video store, but not a corporate video store like Blockbuster, or even a good indie store, but a rundown video rental place under a overpass weeks away from closing down. You'll find, like, 2001: A Space Odyssey next to a unwatchable copy of a 70s exploitation film and a micro-low-budget indie and a movie called STRIPPER VAMPIRE MASSACRE III but you can find no evidence of STRIPPER VAMPIRE MASSACRE one or two existing.

This is a real, commercial streaming service and they've uploaded films with the DVD menu visible for the first few seconds bc it's a recording of a DVD copy. What a titan in the landscape of streaming

[thegreenopaque]

Black Friday is such a joke nowadays. “Don’t miss out on 30% off” don’t piss me the fuck off. People used to hit each other over the head for a microwave that’s how low the prices were. People literally died. We used to be a country

[thegreenopaque]

every time i see someone call kirk and spock the oldest ship, i'm filled with the urge to go "hmm actually the holmes and watson girlies have been here for a hundred years now", and i refrain because i know the natural conclusion of this game is gilgamesh and enkidu

[thegreenopaque]

Harris Milstead a.k.a. Divine photographed by David Meyer

[thegreenopaque]

[thegreenopaque]

rip mythbusters you would've loved destroying cybertrucks

[thegreenopaque]

being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways