thegrandunderground

[thegrandunderground]

This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8

[thegrandunderground]

[thegrandunderground]

Hack for not having to draw someone’s face: draw someone much shorter next to them and cut their face off 🫡

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literally luffy to zoro after thriller bark:

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I want to do this to my friends

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Canids of the World by José R. Castelló

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im not tired of dog metaphors in writing but i do think they could be more sexual

[thegrandunderground]

they should start making sour sweets that are actually sour again there's too many piss weak plain old sherbet that was waved near a lemon type sweets i want pure acid i want blood i want to suffer if the sour sweets don't blow my dick clean off then they're not worth it

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you masc and moaning like that when he drinks your blood…..? :\

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do you ever laugh with your friends and think oh this is the point. this is the point of everything

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lowkey i forgive her for everything after this

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its DID awareness day so i want you to be aware we DID your fucking mom

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Tumblr is really interesting because you can say something like thursday is duck with a top hat day, and half the website will reblog it

[thegrandunderground]

I’ve been watching firefighter daigo and, like I’ve heard people say that its gay, but I’m not even sure if that’s just shipping anymore. Like are the writers trying to depict a budding romance??? shun says “oh so you like tall guys then huh” after daigo talks to that one firefighter dude BRO WHY ARE YOU SO JELOUS? HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO READ THAT?? and that daigo needs shun to “balance his soul” WTF. And shun says “there’s this thing with Yuki(main girl) but what really made me happy is that he(daigo) acknowledged me” genuinely can’t tell what’s happening anymore smh

[thegrandunderground]

Here are some ✨ Incorrect Quotes ✨ of Firefighter Daigo Rescuer in Orange Characters

Mostly consists of the main trio ofc

Shun: Can you keep a secret?

Daigo: Do you know anything about my life

Shun: No I do not. Good point.

Shun: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Daigo: Oh, I'm always running.

Daigo: The question is from what.

Shun: Okay, truth or dare?

Daigo: Truth

Shun: How many hours have you slept this week?

Daigo:

Daigo: ...Dare

Shun: Go to bed.

Daigo: I don't like this game.

Shun: This is such a bad idea.

Daigo: Then why are you coming along?

Shun: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Shun: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?

Daigo: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

Shun:

Daigo: I don't know how you keep forgetting this.

Daigo: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Shun: You're a hazard to society

Yuki: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Yuki: Daigo, I am questioning your sanity...

Shun: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

(this generator is so on point istg)

Yuki: I really like this whole 'good guy, bad guy' thing you guys have going on.

Daigo: It's not an act, it's just that I'm mean and Shun isn't.

Shun: Oh, fiddlesticks.

Yamagami: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

Shun: So what's for dinner?

Daigo, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.

Shun: I think I'm falling for you.

Yuki: Then get up.

Daigo: You're right.

Shun: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

Yuki: If you had to choose between Shun and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Daigo: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Shun: Daigo!

Yuki: 63 cents.

Daigo: I'll take the money.

Shun: Daigo!!!

Shun: If Daigo and I were drowning, who would you save?

Yuki: You two can't swim?

Daigo: It's a hypothetical question, Yuki! who would you save?

Yuki: my time and effort.

Shun: We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.

Daigo: What club?

Yuki: The hating Daigo club.

Daigo: …The fuck? I should be the leader of that club!

Daigo: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Shun: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Yuki: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Daigo: Shun, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Shun: I don't know, love you, talk to you later.

Daigo: Ok, I love you too, I'll just ask Yuki.

Yuki, watching Shun and Daigo from afar: Two Bros, Chillin in a hot tub. Five feet apart because they think they’re not gay, BUT THEY REALLY ARE-

*Shun and Daigo flirting with each other yet again*

Yuki: And you two are sure you're not dating?

Daigo: 100%.

Shun: Of course not! Why would you think that?

Yuki: I wonder why that possibility would even cross my mind, Shun. I fucking wonder.

Shun: Yuki, I’m afraid.

Yuki: Just stay close to Daigo.

Shun: That's why I’m afraid.

Shun: So are you two dating now?

Daigo & Yuki: Yes.

Shun: Why?

Daigo: I happen to find Yuki very appealing.

Shun: Yeah, I can understand that.I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Yuki.

Daigo: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.

Yuki: You were flirting with Shun.

Daigo: So what? He's my partner.

Yuki: You asked him if he was single.

Daigo:

Yuki: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.

Yuki, to Shun: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Shun, motioning to himself and Daigo: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Yuki: In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?

Shun: * turning to Daigo* How tall are you?

Yuki: Daigo and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Shun: * Sighing * What did Daigo do?

Yuki: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Daigo: Who wants a steering wheel?

Daigo: *coughs blood*

Shun: Don't die, Daigo!

Daigo: Don't tell me what to do!

Daigo: We have a problem.

Shun: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Daigo: I’m in love with you.

Shun: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Daigo: I know.

Shun: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Shun: Is there something you would like to say, Yuki?

Yuki: Oh, there are SEVERAL things I would like to say.

Shun: Can I bother you for a second?

Yamagami: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

Daigo: We should be partners.

Shun: You mean like, partners in crime?

Daigo: Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

Daigo: You’re overthinking this.

Shun: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Daigo. What if I’m underthinking?

Yuki: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Shun: We're chopsticks!

Yuki: Well... that's cute!

Yuki: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Daigo: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Shun: I asked Yuki out.

Shun's classmate: Oh, I’m sorry.

Shun: Why?

Shun's classmate: Well, I assume she said no.

Shun: No, she said yes.

Shun's classmate: Really? Then I’m sorry for her.

*playing twister*

Yuki: Right hand red.

Daigo: *ends up on top of Shun*

Shun: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Yuki: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

Daigo: *yawns*

Shun: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Daigo: Then you must be exhausted.

Yuki: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

Daigo: I’ve never asked someone out. How do you even do it?

Yuki: Oh, what I do is, I look them up and down and I say: “Hey… how you doin’?”

Shun, scoffing: Oh, please.

Yuki, to Shun: Hey, how you doin’?

Shun:

Shun: *giggles and blushes*

Shun: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me?

Daigo: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to?

Yuki: And you just ran away?!

Shun: I didn't expect him to flirt back!

Daigo: Hey I just got a pet snake. What should I name him?

Shun: A pet WHAT?!

Yuki: William Snakespeare.

Shun: There's no way he like me back.

Yuki: Daigo would throw himself in front of a moving car for you.

Shun: Daigo would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.

Shun: I find it very unseemly of Daigo to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Yuki: Die. Let's find out.

(THIS ONE IS OUT OF LEFT FIELD)

Shun: Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper?

Yuki: I feel like we've all done that at least once.

Daigo: I ate it too-

Yuki: See?

Daigo:-On purpose...

Shun & Yuki: ...What?

Shun: Well, remember when Yuki made a romantic dinner for me?

Daigo: Shun, she microwaved you a pizza.

Amakasu: Please be Daigo's partner.

Shun: Can I decline?

Daigo: I've already burnt the receipt. No take backsies.

I know Shun's the comedic relief but Daigo literally has zero braincells. There's only one braincell between the three of them and Yuki and Shun shares it most of the time. Shun is 99% Daigo's impulse control, I love their dynamic. Also, I like to think that Yuki is a lil bit sassy, I know the 'shi-ne' (go die, or fuck off) text is a bit too far in their line of work but that's just so millenial-gen z humor I can't blame her.

[thegrandunderground]

your man doesn’t have the mental strength to caramelize onions 

[thegrandunderground]

gonna need a secret third thing