thegeeseweardocs

[thegeeseweardocs]

i started new medication, deleted his playlist, and filled out job applications.

progress isn’t linear.

[thegeeseweardocs]

Rereading your favorite childhood series and experiencing the crushing blow of realizing you’re older than the main character

[thegeeseweardocs]

i learned how to make bread, watched the lord of the rings extended edition, and kissed a pretty boy.

i think this is healing :)

[thegeeseweardocs]

oh and that gap in my resume is when i was digging my own grave

[thegeeseweardocs]

i’m smart enough to achieve goals that require new skills

[thegeeseweardocs]

i feel like i’m still in a loading screen.

i feel like i am a stationary character waiting for the girl looking into the screen to finish my design. she’s not satisfied with the opacity of my freckles or my posture. my arms gently floating at my side, my weight shifting when she changes my outfit.

i don’t understand the concept of hometown pride. i don’t remember learning anything in all my 18 years of school. but i’m sure i know more things than i did before.

i don’t know if my life is predestined or if i have free will. i don’t know if i believe in a god or magic. or both. or neither. i don’t know when i will feel a sense of self.

…

i found this is my notes from ages ago. i still don’t understand hometown pride or who’s in charge of the universe.

but i feel a bit more grounded in my reality. like she finally pressed play

[thegeeseweardocs]

my dad got caught cheating on my mom

my mom said “well i found it in my heart to forgive him so you should too”

my dad said “it’s really none of your business”

i should have been a child of divorce but noooo i’m 23 seeking therapy

[thegeeseweardocs]

i taught myself how to crochet. and i’ve been rereading the books that shaped my adolescence. and i washed my sheets.

i think this is healing :)

[thegeeseweardocs]

i used to write poetry

nov. 14, 2017

UP SO HIGH

what if i fall down

i think i will survive though

the view is pretty

[thegeeseweardocs]

i found one of my old notebooks. it’s from my junior year of high school. that’s like 6 ish years ago. i didn’t even use half the pages.

but i used to write poetry. i miss that.

[thegeeseweardocs]

the bard: “some knights willingly take vows of poverty, i see you didn’t have a choice.”

branscum: “the same could be said for a vow of celibacy. you’re brave for that”

[thegeeseweardocs]

the bard who joined the military after they told him they liked him: what did i even say 2 years ago?

branscum: probably something emotionally avoidant but still funny.

[thegeeseweardocs]

the 2004 Van Helsing starring Hugh Jackman is actually an x-men AU

[thegeeseweardocs]

me: what kind of animal do You think i am?

him: do you know what a capybara is?

[thegeeseweardocs]

i feel like overcooked unseasoned spaghetti that’s been sitting in the pot too long after being drained and i’m turning into a coagulated mess