thefuckaretheseemotions

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

Still the case

Im fucking scared to change workfeild because i dont know to nourish myself. I have being eating at work since 12 years in the cooking world. And when i don't work im having a fucking hard time nourishing myself.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

*how self-destructive i am

the stage of my decomposed body will tell you how lonely i was.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

Im reliving 2023

Nov 26

I'm just waiting for the time to pass.

I don't even feel sad or whatever, i just feel nothing. Im just an npc waiting for someone to come see me.

I just don't know. Im in ny room and i could do so much stuff. But everything is so hard. I just need to eat and its hard. I don't know what to do. Im ao hungry but i dont feel like making food.

I trying very hard to bot smoke, but why couldn't i do it? What is stopping me? My will? What will? But like i dont want to die, but i have no will to live. Its fucked up.

I want to get out of my head but im trying to reach out. Like to play games with friends or just chill but it seems so complicated for nothing. Everything is so complicated for nothing.

Fuck off im smoking and maybe ill have the will to eat and maybe go out (ps i have covid and im scared to contaminate everyone)

I should just go to the groceries and get some comfort food like cake and watch something funny.

I tried to play games on my ipad but meh nothing sparks a joy.

Nothing sparks a joy. Usely teddy bears, do it but im like meh.

I exist. Im a pile of flesh and bones. But why do i exist?

Everytime i call one of my parents, i feel im always disturbing them. I just want your support on things.

Why was i created? For the fun of my mom? She can say she had kids and now we dont have a perpos so she can dispose of us.

Im trying my best, but fuck i dont wanna live anymore. I have no goals. Just be in my bed and watch stuff to make me a little giggle.

Im on neutral. No joy emotions, no sad. Just that ..

All days are blending together.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

It's happening again

I'm feeling that i have bottle up all my emotions from the last 10 years and never let them go. Took the meds i was prescribed. It helped to keep my emotions in a corner of my brain.

I no longer listen to music with lyrics and grown up tv shows cuz anything can trigger an emotion (and it can be a bad one).

Basically, I do nothing. Anything can trigger a bad reaction.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

I just walked out of the shower and asked myself what to it is. It was 4h20. Hehe.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

Btw, i have being masturbating for 4 days. Thanks to my social anxiety that i don't go out and fuck everyone i can get. But like, im having this obsession over having an orgasms

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

Lets survive another year

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

I don't understand how people "find themselves". im in my bed since months and im trying to motivate myself to do stuff but nah

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

I think im at my worst or something. Everything is just a fog. I wanna die but not hurt anyone.

Its new years eve and im alone in my appartment in the dark wondering what to do. Do i want to eat or smoke or die.

I hate it so much. Seing everyone with their love one and I can't even have a relationship with my cat.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

I'm just a fucking imposter in everything i do. Even when i want to kill myself.

The only time someone told me i was good was when i had sex or blowjobs with them. I never really had good experiences at work or in family situation. But like. I want to be nore than just good for sex. I want to be someone you know.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

the stage of my decomposed body will tell you how lonely i was.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

I don't know who i am anymore. I'm so lost. Everything i do is wrong. I feel being in a limbo

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

What hurts me the most during my family gathering is seeing my mom doing fun activities with the kids of her boyfriend. I want to be happy with you too. Why you don't take time with your kids. I understand we are old but you still can do activities with us.

Oh and i can cry now. I cried on my way to my dads and on the way back.

All day i was between happy and suicidal. I hate it.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

I need to find a new job. But like everytime i go on indeed, i get so overwhelmed by the responsibilities. How do people go to work and talk to people?! I hate seeing people. They complicated.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

I want to get better but at the same time i just want to die. I just want something meaningful to live by.

[thefuckaretheseemotions]

I was happy today and i smiled