thefieldoftears

[thefieldoftears]

dear diary, today’s twenty-fifth of the year twenty twenty-four. past few days are hard, but i survived. but, every night i reminisce the things i did in the past years of my life—how embarrassing. i remember—how bright i was, how energetic i am, but what now—i’m here writing my feelings through proses and poems, my bright energetic soul turned into dull monochrome soul—is this how the harsh world turned me to?—what a shame, I thought it would be colorful and fun. anyways, i learned a lot, the lesson marked the most is—when i gave the wrong people the right pieces of me—how funny, isn’t it? how you trust people fully—then you didn’t know you’re being betrayed. it triggers me, it made me anxious everytime.

012524 — jaxiel’s field of tears

[thefieldoftears]

it’s him, wishing upon the stars under the dark blue hues of the sky—when will you hear my wishes?—asking himself again and again where did he go wrong to have this—happiness, please, it’s all i want—he couldn’t help it, tears rolling down his cheeks, drops in his pillow. more droplets to add in his own made field of tears—i’m just a worthless, too used piece of a rubbish, and an ignored child that no one ever payed attention—harsh thoughts runs across his mind. it’s always been the same, the child inside him cries so loud but no one cared to listen, no one even himself. the child wants to be healed and heard—but he doesn’t even know how to fix a minor inconvenience, so how he can heal? he’s even scared of reaching out for help, so how he can heal? when will he start healing if everyone is harsh to him and himself?

011024 — jaxiel’s field of tears