theelusivequeen

[theelusivequeen]

Vanlife essentials by @cragdoodles . #vanlifers #vanlife

[theelusivequeen]

Are you using Duolingo?

@av-fit hahahahahaha

Yeah, I’m 15% fluent after two days or something, and I cannot for the life of me pronounce the Spanish word for “lunch”. I do, however, enjoy the word for sandwich. Almost as much as I enjoy sandwiches. (I’m clearly in the food section.)

[theelusivequeen]

Just a little life update in case you’re still following this blog. (If you are thanks for hanging out. It’s been almost 10 years on this tumblr!)

-finished my 4th season as a full time raft guide

-back for my 3rd season as a groomer/snowcat operator

-have been in a official relationship for 9 months, & we’ve been together for almost a year. (Woah!)

-still trying to decide how to get my life together. I’m leaning towards pursuing a graduate certificate in GIS, possibly a master’s.

-I’m trying to reestablish my yoga practice.

-I’ve been incorporating more healthy foods, and fitness into my day to day life. (Holy moderation!)

-I really want to pursue YTT.

-Current Goals. Pay off personal debt. Contribute more to savings/IRA.

-Dreams. Work abroad. Move to Maine. Raft the Grand Canyon. Go Heliskiing. Have a cat & dog.

-Outdoorsy goals. Go solo backpacking. Set up a sport route solo with supervision. Cycle touring trip. Tele skiing lesson. Improve alpine skiing skills. Hit at least one rail this season. Possibly pursue my AASI Adaptive certs. Go XC skiing.

& that’s all for now. My work break is over & I hope to catch up with everyone’s blogs sooooon!

[theelusivequeen]

I cannot resist Starbucks. My only justification is that in the winter I get an employee discount so it makes it only slightly overpriced.

Week Goals 11/13-11/19

1. Workout three times 2. Go to two yoga classes 3. No spending money on anything that is not food, gas or the car service I have scheduled for Wednesday 4. No Starbucks!!! 5. Complete Stats Quiz #3 6. Complete Stats homework #9 7. Complete Stats homework #10 8. Complete Stats homework #11

[theelusivequeen]

I used to run 50 miles a week. So I should know how to run.. But I how do I start running regularly again??

[theelusivequeen]

Spring feels like winter...

...except it’s not as figuratively cool.

The Good.

-have been doing lots of outdoor activities. Hiking and climbing.

-I’ve been reading a lot. 

-enjoying my time on the river

-I love where I live and the general sense of home when I’m in this area.

-I’ve been working out.

-I wouldn’t say I’ve been eating well, but I’ve been trying to make conscious food choices.

The Not so Good.

-I’m feeling a lot of internal conflict about if I should pursue a more traditional career path.

-I miss my boyfriend.

-I feel very isolated. I miss my friends, however I don’t always feel like that feeling is mutual.(Most of my friends live in different towns or have a more structured work schedule.) I don’t feel like my friends notice my absence, or do a lot to maintain contact with me. I find it really exhausting to continually try to make plans with people who do not appear to prioritize me. I’m not sure what they best way to deal with it is.. I feel like if I don’t make plans, then I’m not invited to join my friends.

-my debit card number was stolen. What a pain. 

[theelusivequeen]

Opening Weekend

-rode along on the coldest rafting trip in my memory. I wanna be #teamdrysuit so bad! -guided during opening weekend for the first time ever! Woot woot. -remembered how much I love this sport -bought a new-to-me kayak paddle -spent some quality time with S, C, & new C.. honestly some of my fav human beings. I have a full heart with so much happiness. Stress is trying to kick the doors in, but I'm trying to keep it under control. I need to: -resubmit my IBR for my student loan -study for this WFR Recert -get the van road worthy -make a summer budget -really commit to BBG But first I'm going to maintain the stoke about whitewater & be really excited about seeing my boyfriend tomorrow!

[theelusivequeen]

I am 10/10 always bummed when I realize that ski season is almost over. I'm only going to be a ski bum for another week, and then onto spring. I'll be moving on to climbing crags, whitewater, outdoor flows, and muddy trails. Embrace the turns while you can. I guess.

[theelusivequeen]

29 for the very first time

Life happens. Mostly when you least expect it.

If you would’ve asked me 6 months ago where I would be and what I would be feeling, I couldn’t have guessed this. Life is like that. We take ourselves on strange journeys. Most of the time without ever realizing it.

In the last six months, I feel that I have finally come into my own. I am owning my life for all of its flaws and all of its joy.

I sometimes think I lost myself around age 11 or 12. I didn’t realize I had lost myself until around age 23. It took me until age 25 to realize I needed to find my inner self again. I now feel that it took until 29 to become myself again.

I have friends that are low in quantity, yet so very high in quality. 

I have found a partner in life who supports my ambitions, my quirks, and most importantly my flaws. He may never embrace whitewater, climbing, sleeping in the woods, mountain biking, EDM, yoga, poetry, or any of my other hobbies and interests.. but he embraces me as a complete and whole person. That allows me to embrace him as he is and appreciate and support him in all his wonderful characteristics and even in his flaws. If he can tolerate the dirt under my finger nails and the way my gaze always is drawn to the window to look outside, then how can I not adore his night owl ways and his deep interests in the fermentation of hops and things. I’ve had many boyfriends and relationships, yet he is the only person I’ve been with that I would consider to be my partner. That is everything. 

I have a life that is messy and complicated. I am for all intents and purposes homeless for 7 months out of the year. [#vanlife] Partially it is a choice to embrace the lifestyle I desire. It is also a necessity to try to make any progress on paying down my student loan debt. It took a few years to recover from the financial mess I allowed my ex to drag me into. Through hard work, I have finally started to make progress financially and I am drawing closer to that excellent credit score.

I spend each year doing what I love. I just need to remember to appreciate and embrace the experiences I am gifted with. It’s hard in this age of social media to not have some envy at other people’s life experiences, but when we focus on others we miss out on the beauty of our own life experiences. Believe it or not, but everyday you have an experience that somebody else will never have. Maybe it is something as adventurous as kayaking off a waterfall, or maybe it is slipping into Vriscikasana as part of your daily practice, but perhaps it is a simpler thing. Walking along the beach in the morning? Catching the subway as part of your daily commute? Navigating a city street with ease? Sipping a morning coffee at the local shop where they know your coffee order? Maybe it’s waking up to see the sunrise? It could be something even more simple. Maybe it’s driving by the resort entrance and seeing children playing in the snow for the very first time. Or could it be just the smile you gave to a stranger who walked by. I don’t know what your unique experience is, maybe it’s a moment I couldn’t even imagine. All I know is that I’m sure you have it and it is uniquely yours. All we need to do is embrace it. I’ve never felt more uniquely aware of the simple beauty and pleasures in life. I only hope I continue to grow more observant and thankful for what experiences are given to me.

I find myself 29 for the first time and for the only time. I can never be who I am at this exact moment again. I want to hold onto it like a tight hug to one of my favorite human beings, but not hold to long. Let this moment flow in and out of my life like water moving downstream. I made a list of 29 things I want to do as gifts to 29 year old me. I’m excited to work towards completing the list, but I’m not putting any pressure on myself if the lift evolves into different things. I made a blog to record my experiences. I’m one post in.. If I make more than 3 posts it will be my most successful blogger venture yet! Maybe I will share it here eventually?

I hope whatever age you are right now that you see happiness in something small. I hope you recognize the magic and wonder we each hold inside ourselves. I hope you see that a coffee with friends or the feeling of the breeze is the joy you are looking for. Maybe everything I think is wrong. Maybe my narrative doesn’t fit you. I hope that you know that’s okay too. 

All I can say is that I’ve had the happiest of days. Not because it was perfect. In fact because in all of it’s imperfections, this day has endeared itself to me. I couldn’t be more thrilled to find out what 29 holds for me. 

[theelusivequeen]

So we had the 'let's be exclusive convo.' & I feel that is different than dating, But I also don't understand adult dating.

[theelusivequeen]

Last night

So we're at this little bar listening to one of our fav local bands. (& when I say we I mean myself and C, the previously mentioned dude I like) We see a mutual friend who starts chatting with us and then says, 'So I assume you guys are dating?' Moment of silence. Me: 'Something like that.' C (at the same time): 'Something like that.' Later, he points out that we have been hanging out for four weeks. A month. It's a thing. An undefined thing. But it's a thing.

[theelusivequeen]

Officially One Month of Going Cruelty Free

Yay! I'm still looking into a good switch for nail polish and remover. Part of my commitment is to use all of the products I have, and then replace them with cruelty free as needed. It may take me a decade to use the 5 bottles of Essie nail polish I currently have.. Also, I'm still researching cruelty free make up switches.. I wear makeup maybe twice a week so it will be a while before I finish using my current products. But I am excited about the switches I have made. Say no to animal testing!

[theelusivequeen]

[theelusivequeen]

So he called me babe & like I'm okay with it Is this what dating an emotionally mature guy is like?? I mean it's so nice. I don't even know if we're dating, but still We talk. We make plans to hang out. He txts me to check in and say hello Like He might be a for real precious cinnamon roll human being that is too good for this world.

[theelusivequeen]

So maybe this is a thing.

Like we've had some hangouts since that night. ((Still can't believe what I said)) & I think we've texted every day since then too. I might like him. Scratch that. I like him. Shit. I like him.

[theelusivequeen]

I don't know how to date. Like how does one do that? What's the rules? Can I get a step by step how to guide? & Why did I just txt him that?? Ah!

[theelusivequeen]

Make that x 2

Bad decisions 2k17

Oh snap.

I like him.

Not the him I thought.

& it’s a bad idea.

But I swear to god

I’m taking him home next week.