theelderscrotes

[theelderscrotes]

Pokémon Human Character Tournament: THE FINAL SHOWDOWN

[theelderscrotes]

i’m so fucking sick of people taking aspects of historical gay sexuality and saying “but what if i made it squeaky clean and sexless so i can have it” sometimes not everything is for you babes!!! sometimes you don’t get to have everything!!!

[theelderscrotes]

a magical sword can only be pulled from its anvil by a maiden of purest heart. a young knight visits the anvil daily to make the attempt, crushed each time he cannot do the deed, yearning for a sign from the universe that he *is* in truth what he yearns to be. for the world to plop the gift of identity into outstretched arms. but of course, it never does. until one day, he has a chance encounter with a nymph of the lake who was once an ordinary squire, and he learns from her that maidenhood will not be given to him, that he must be brave and choose it for himself. and so the knight changes her name and reintroduces herself to the world and employs the greatest miracles of modern science to become the maiden she had always dreamed of being, and this time, when she revists the sword, she only can't pull it because she's kind of an asshole.

[theelderscrotes]

Alt health clowns: all doctors just diagnose whatever fake diseases they need to push evil toxic pills!!!

Actual doctors: wow sorry to hear that your bones dissolved and your eyes flew out and exploded and all your skin fell off, try drinking more water and sleeping better and if the pain gets worse in 6 months we'll do some tests to see if you deserve a aspirin

[theelderscrotes]

screaming, crying, throwing up, as I force myself to write a story i'm very passionate about and love writing and have no obligation to write except that i want to

[theelderscrotes]

“Get his ass” Is so unreasonably funny to me. A huge win for the English language. Today’s version of “seize him” imo

[theelderscrotes]

you can pry starting sentences with 'and' or 'but' out of my cold, dead hands

[theelderscrotes]

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

[theelderscrotes]

[theelderscrotes]

christmas isnt about the presents, and it isnt about christ or whatever. its about drawing deer furries in bondage harnesses that have jingle bells all over them. thats what it;s about

[theelderscrotes]

mormons undoubtedly in the top 5 worst things the united states has ever invented which is really saying something

[theelderscrotes]

unavoidable that you will be the villain in someone else's story. You will be painted in an unfavorable light. You will be the irredeemable one. and all of this will happen despite how nice you might usually be or how kind or how respectful or how warm. and you will just have to move on.

[theelderscrotes]

the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

[theelderscrotes]

i hauve a cold

[theelderscrotes]

Were you ever spanked as a child AND do you think that spanking is ok?

[theelderscrotes]

guys. are we still in the fuck it we ball years or are we already at the fully develop brain part....

[theelderscrotes]

Where's my Jewish phrase for when you people are being irrevocably horny?