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Jake Gyllenhaal by Doug Inglish

GQ Australia, February 2018

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literature aesthetics » into the wild

He is mad about being small when you were big, but no, that’s not it, he is mad about being helpless when you were powerful, but no, not that either, he is mad about being contingent when you were necessary, not quite it, he is insane because when he loved you, you didn’t notice. 

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If he loves you, he won’t notice all the little things about you that aren’t like him. He won’t point them out to you over morning coffee, during happy hour drinks at sunset, in the middle of dinner as you absentmindedly push food around your plate.

If he really loves you, he won’t talk about the ex-girlfriend you remind him of, or the fight he got into with a woman one time because the two of them didn’t agree about the same topic he’s bringing up right now.

If he really loves you, he won’t try to convince you that what he thinks is ‘right,’ is ‘better,’ is the ‘smart’ choice. He won’t try to rationalize his decisions against yours, or argue with you until you give in.

If he really loves you, the ways you are different will be like folds in a blanket, easily smoothed while still creating the same warmth. Because falling in love doesn’t mean you become exactly like another person. Falling in love doesn’t mean changing all the parts of yourself to fit someone else’s mold.

So often we love people who are different than us. That old saying, ‘opposites attract,’ is in fact very true. We’re unconsciously drawn to what we don’t understand, to the ways we don’t actually live, to pieces of us that we see in another but cannot quite embody in ourselves.

And so we fall into people who are vastly different, yet somehow completely compatible. Because they are the loud to our soft, the tender to our tough, the calm to our wild, the jagged edges to our round ones.

And though we don’t always fit, we learn to compromise—And isn’t that what love truly is? A little give, a little take?

But love is not trying to desperately to make someone change. To take all the parts that make them unique, and squeezing them into a little bottle, keeping them contained. Love is not wishing thoughts into another person’s head. It is not forcing someone to be, to feel, to become what they are inherently not.

Love is finding a middle ground. Love is learning. Love is balance and making concessions and trading off and learning to agree, or to agree-to-disagree.

Love is loving him enough to do the things that he wants to do, even if they don’t always coincide with your deepest desires. But love is when he does the same in return.

Love is fighting for your side, but settling sometimes—settling for a compromise, settling for not always having your way, settling for happiness over personal pride.

Love is not asking someone to be who they are not. It is not demanding. It is not spending all of your days wishing your partner was someone else—a little more, a little less.

Love is when he listens, when he understands, when he wants, so much, to see a smile across your face that he will do anything to find a happy medium between you two. And you will do the same.

Love is not when he looks down on you, judges you, treats you as if the way you live and love is wrong. Love is not when he asks you to change, to be what he wants and needs you to be.

So please don’t mold yourself to fit his image. Don’t twist and squeeze and shape yourself to be this ‘ideal’ he has in his mind. Don’t spend your days wishing away your own desires, your own happiness, your own uniqueness, just to live up to his expectations.

Because any many that treats you as if who you are is not enough does not deserve the love you give.

You are more than enough. For the right person. For yourself. For the love that will one day cross paths with you, and show you all that you are missing.

Asking someone to be something else is not love. Demanding that someone be different out of selfishness is not love. Wishing you were anything other than who you are is not love.

Please remember that. And find the strength to walk away.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)

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Strength is believing in love when you’ve only known heartbreak.

It’s drying your own tears that no one knew you cried.

Strength is overcoming your own demons or vices.

And looking at someone who completely broke you and you forgive them.

Strength is helping others even when it’s you that hasn’t quite figured it out yet.

It’s trusting everyone even though you have every reason not to.

The truth is — I’m strong but I’m tired.

I’m tired of being hurt every time I get my hopes up.

I’m tired of anticipating the worst and watching it play out.

I’m tired of being let down.

I’m tired of people telling me I need to change. Then every time I try to I lose myself in an attempt to make them happy.

I’m tired of overthinking.

I’m tired of trying so hard to please others when I don’t ask for much in return.

I’m tired of being strong for everyone.

I’m tired of the explanations that came too late.

And people walking away with no reason when I’m the one holding the door saying, ‘I’ll miss you.’

The truth is caring as much as this hurts. It’s knowing pain at levels others never will. It’s knowing sadness and darkness the way others don’t.

But on the other end of such intense emotions is knowing a love so deep, it fills you despite their absence. Despite a sadness you can’t shake, on most days, you’ll experience the happiness that makes it worth it. Despite the pain of endings, you’ll look forward to new beginnings. Because you know when you get it right it’s worth it.

And the truth is if you ask any person who is like this, what they would choose, they wouldn’t change anything about themselves even if they are tired.

There is something rare about a person that strong. They are the healers of the world. They are the light for others in darkness. They are the hope when everyone has lost it and they end up being loved deeply by everyone for being exactly who they are and not changing when others allowed pain to change them.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)

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This is the honest truth about people with good hearts,

See, the truth is  — I will always forgive you if you say sorry. And sometimes I might even forgive you when you don’t.

The truth is if I decide I care about you I will give you 100%. I won’t just meet you halfway and hope you’re there. I will go anywhere and do anything for you.

The truth is I won’t give up on you even if you give me every reason to.

Give me a bad person and I’ll tell you they are misunderstood. And I will find good in them because I try and find good in everyone.

The truth is I will put you first even before myself sometimes. And in those moments where I’m lifting you up, you won’t see that I might be drowning under the surface.

The truth is I will always make time for you even when you might not do the same. I will always try and be there for you. I will always strive to never let you down.

The truth is I’m not afraid to care. I’m not afraid to show it. I’m not afraid to be sensitive. I won’t make you work for my time and attention or love. It’ll come very easily.

The truth is if you are good to me I’ll be even better, but if you’re bad to me I won’t try to hurt you in return. I’ll still love you deeply because I think you deserve it.

But if ever there’s a day a good heart like mine becomes tired and I can’t keep trying anymore — that’s it.

And it’ll break my heart to walk away from someone I care for. But everyone has their breaking point. And I might love freely and care too much but I’m no fool. And it might take me a while but the day a good heart gives up on you should be the day you fear most.

Because on that day, you will have missed out on the rarest person you’ll come across in your life.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)

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A relationship is like a slow dance—every movement must be taken carefully and in consideration of the partner’s and a single misstep can often result in disaster. But when a couple dedicates themselves to perfecting this performance, to the pursuit of intimately knowing each other, the result is devastatingly beautiful.

Selflessness and compromise meet together like clasped hands. While trust and loyalty lock like a love-struck gaze. Care and understanding bear each challenge with mastery and poise, like pairs of nimble feet spinning gracefully across a dance floor. As one partner bends, the other bows. As one partner falls, the other reaches out to catch her.

When a relationship works, it is effortless and fluid—a meticulously choreographed pirouette between two partnered souls in perfect balance.

But like all intricately difficult things, perfection calls for study and practice. So let this be our promise to each other.

One at a time, take each of my hands. Allow the world around us to fall soft then silent as our eyes meet and our bodies shift slowly to the left, then back to the right. We are with each other now.

Things between us won’t always be clean or easy. There will inevitably be days we fall out of sync, step on each other’s toes, or miss a few beats, but every slip and stumble will be a new learning experience. And so with every moment of conflict or discontent, the spaces between them will grow vaster and wider as we begin to understand how each other works.

For instance, when I am brooding and distant, you will soon learn neither to be concerned nor saddened. There are times where I just don’t like myself all that much and I pull away and get caught up in my own self-loathing thoughts—you will learn that when I disconnect it is not because I have lost feelings for you, but because, in a way, I do not feel deserving of yours.

Likewise, with experience, I will endeavour to read the differences between your every shade of mood and need. That look, hunger. That tone of voice, something I said.

I will learn to know when you need space and when you need to be enveloped in warmth and affection and care.

Yes, some of this may come easily, without effort or fuss, while some of it will call for much patience and hard work, but with a healthy perspective, and commitment, and trust, every moment of growth throughout our relationship will be rewarded and, before long, we will fall into a beautiful rhythm together.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)

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Men like you are the reason she has trust issues. The reason she doesn’t believe it when someone says they love her. The reason she’s always looking for something to fall apart, for things to go south. The reason her eyes are constantly fixed on the emergency exit.

Men like you are the reason she built up such high walls. The reason she fears being let down again. The reason she’s nervous to let someone in, to lower her defenses. The reason she’s so afraid of letting her guard down.

Men like you are the reason she doesn’t throw herself out there. The reason she’s decided being alone is safer. The reason the joke of #dyingalone actually seems okay. She doesn’t want to be stung so badly again. She doesn’t want to feel her heart rip in half.

Men like you are the reason she’s cautious, even when someone wonderful comes along. The reason she can’t let herself fully fall without seeing your shadow, without seeing your ghost reminding her. The reason she’s haunted even when there’s no reason to be.

Men like you are the reason she’s tough. The reason she learned not to trust every pretty face. The reason she discovered just how strong she can be when she’s pushed to her limits. The reason she’ll never doubt her own abilities to survive a storm.

Quite frankly, men like you are the reason she’s going to do better from now on. Because men like you never deserved a woman like her.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)

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JAY-Z - ‘4:44’ (2017) - Concept Posters

created by Minimal Pulse Art [minimal-pulse.tumblr.com]

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Being around people who push you to be great is a blessing in itself.

(via kushandwizdom)

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Life is not always how we want it to be. This is where we make a choice— accept things and find peace, or resist them and suffer.

(via kushandwizdom)

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Men like you are the reason she has trust issues. The reason she doesn’t believe it when someone says they love her. The reason she’s always looking for something to fall apart, for things to go south. The reason her eyes are constantly fixed on the emergency exit.

Men like you are the reason she built up such high walls. The reason she fears being let down again. The reason she’s nervous to let someone in, to lower her defenses. The reason she’s so afraid of letting her guard down.

Men like you are the reason she doesn’t throw herself out there. The reason she’s decided being alone is safer. The reason the joke of #dyingalone actually seems okay. She doesn’t want to be stung so badly again. She doesn’t want to feel her heart rip in half.

Men like you are the reason she’s cautious, even when someone wonderful comes along. The reason she can’t let herself fully fall without seeing your shadow, without seeing your ghost reminding her. The reason she’s haunted even when there’s no reason to be.

Men like you are the reason she’s tough. The reason she learned not to trust every pretty face. The reason she discovered just how strong she can be when she’s pushed to her limits. The reason she’ll never doubt her own abilities to survive a storm.

Quite frankly, men like you are the reason she’s going to do better from now on. Because men like you never deserved a woman like her.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)

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"Don't rush on anything, when the time is right it'll happen."

- Unknown

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After all of these years, you still possess the same qualities that made me fall for you. You’ve made me realise that time is just a concept, you alone made time stand still because with you, nothing has changed..

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"Some people's true colors come out when you fall out. The real remain respectful, because they cherish the experiences you once had."

- Unknown

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