thedropoutblog

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It's amazing how a little tomorrow can make up for a whole lot of yesterday

John Guare

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Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely

Auguste Rodin

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The Drop Out Guide To Telling Family And Peers You’re Dropping Out.

Perhaps it was the cost, maybe the unrelenting pressure or you could be similar to myself and despite what peers and family had told you about university and the endless opportunities you just weren't happy with the choices you had made. And I will be the first to tell you that that is absoutely fine, it's one of the hardest decisions to be made and often only you can decide what is right for you. After I admitted to myself that I was not okay and was ready to leave university my next biggest problem was facing other people and explaining myself.

Am I Making The Right Decision?

You need to be sure in your decision, no one can make it for you. The hardest part is admitting to yourself that something needs to change so I found it best to sit down and write down my options and the pros and cons of leaving university. If it is the course that is making you unhappy remember other avenues can be explored and perhaps looking into transferring courses would be better suited to you.

Whilst I didn't realise it at the time there are people you can talk to both at university and away from the setting. I truly felt alone at this point and looking back I wish I had further explored just whom I could talk to at my university and even confided in a close friend. It would be wise to look into what your university has to offer in terms of support, even if you have already made your own mind up it may be a good idea to seek a counsellor or third party to talk your ideas and thoughts out this way you don't keep it pent up.

It is important to remember there are endless opportunities outside of your university walls, as long as you believe in yourself and your own decisions.

How Do I Tell My Family?

When I look back at how I told my parents I was dropping out of University, I admit I could have approached the situation a little more sensitively, however, I had thought my plans out myself and made the decision in my own head so why would I possibly need to talk it through with my parents right? Wrong, so massively wrong, if there's one thing I truly regret it's not approaching the subject prior to making the decision and so when I decided to tell them it went down like a lead balloon. Don't make the same mistake that I did. It's a difficult situation as it is so don't go through it thinking you are alone, seek the support of your parents because whilst they might be disappointed at first they will soon learn to accept your decision.

My mum didn't talk to me for a good few days when I eventually told her I wasn't going back to uni. In my defense I felt like I was shut down if I ever tried to approach the subject just for a little reassurance that everything was going to be ok and some advice. I had a lot more to think about then just leaving University. I had my flat mate in the private rented property, I also had no idea what I was going to do after and I also felt like coming home wasn't an option for me as my room had been given to my sister and how my parents reacted when I mentioned moving back. So I felt fustrated and spitefully told them I was coming home with no regard to how they might have felt. It was a difficult conversation to have with my mother, especially because I didn't really have a plan, this can be avoided if you try and keep your parents in the loop as much as possible.

It is important to remember that not everyone you know needs to be informed that you are dropping out of University. Keeping a small circle informed, such as your immediate family and maybe a favourite cousin allows yourself to adjust without having to justify your every move. Even casually approaching the subject before hand can in useful in informing your parents of your thoughts and gives them time as well as yourself to think things through and try to form a plan.

What Are My Reasons?

Understandably your reasons will be personal however you have to remember your parents will most probably grill you on this and it can be a difficult conversation to have especially if you don't have a solid relationship with your parents anyway. If it is a conversation about mental well-being, being prepared will certainly go in your favour for example the lack of student support or poor secondary preparation can very easily lead to a downward spiral of emotions and making sure your parents understand this is crucial for both your benefit and their own. You should not be made to suffer at the hands of University by adhering to every social, mental, financial and academic pressure.

Students drop out of University for many different reasons and each individual and personal reason is as important as the last. Whilst dropping out of University has a lot of negative stigma around it, if you do not wish to share your reasons then remeber that is absoutely fine. You do not have to justify yourself however if you do not wish to approach your parents with your reasons then approaching them with a plan will be the next best thing.

How Do I Stay Calm?

If like myself, you have explained your decision and reasons to your family and it starts World War 3 just remember to stay calm and remain confident in your own choices. You should not be made to feel regretful because your parents have decided they can't accept your decision. This is your life and you should feel excited for future prospects. Remain focused on your goals and do not sway, your parents will have to learn to come to terms with your choices so give them time. If they need reminding of the implications of being forced into a situation that threatens your well-being then it's a conversation that needs to be had. The future is unnerving and overwhelming but it is enough to just be curious about what it holds.

"Everyone has a little bit of 'I want to save the world' in them. It's ok if you only save one person, and it's ok if that person is yourself"

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The Drop Out Experience.

When I first started University in 2018 I had fleeting thoughts of whether I was doing the right thing, did I even want to study Biomedical Science. I put it down to nerves, thinking these thoughts would go away once I had settled and got talking to fellow students, however this wasn't the case - by January I was feeling so low. A feeling I had not felt before, as though I had some kind of black cloud following my every move. The black cloud didn't lift until I decided to give up my tiny Student apartment in Camden and moved back home in April 2019. Although my lectures had finished by this point and I had sat my exams, I felt constantly worried and my anxiety would skyrocket at the smallest of things. I didn't feel myself and I was yet to admit that I was not OK.

My summer was long and much needed and after finding myself a part time job, I started to feel like myself again, I never spoke to my family about just how low I felt and they never asked but I knew they saw my better improved moods. I would occasionally have thoughts about my plan for second year. Did I really want to go back? What would I do if I didn't? What would my family think if I dropped out?Eventually the anxiety of not being able to answer those questions or form a coherent plan made the decision for me and I found myself re-enrolling for second year.

Second Year.

Over the duration of summer I had been into contact with a close uni friend and together we made the decision to find a private rented property further out from central with hopes of saving a few pennies where we could (be mindful this is london a few pennies go a long way!). We found the most beautiful apartment and I was truly looking forward to moving back to the big city - until my mind wondered to thoughts of uni and a feeling of pure dread and unease would conquere my every sensation.

It started off so well, my friend was honestly my absoute rock and if it wasn't for him I can't really tell you where I would be today. After the partying and exploring the big city (for a second time) reality set in and enrollment day rolled around. I feel as though my time spent in London was a blurr at best however I vividly remember going back to my beautiful apartment and crying raw emotion. I didn't want this, I felt so trapped, I wasn't even chasing my dreams but I truly felt as though I had no other option and no one to talk to. Looking back I think this was where I admitted to myself that I wanted out. I wanted out of London, out of University and out of existing... I wanted to go home and to be welcomed with open arms, no questions asked. The sad thing was my lectures hadn't even started yet. The class had been divided into two for size purposes and all of my close friends from first year had been placed on the opposite schedule to myself, my closest friend (the guy I was living with) had also made the decision to switch courses, therefore the vehemence experienced in first year ran deep. Those same anxieties and thoughts hit me like a bucket of ice cold water except I was a Second Year now, I didn't have the University behind me telling me it was normal to experience these feelings and should I need to talk to someone there's a variety of places, societies and people to visit.

Eventually I stopped going to my lectures altogether and the work, if it was being done at all, would consistantly be late and certainly not 100%. Pretty quickly my mind had been made up however I was yet to admit it to my peers, to the University and to my family.

It was going to take some serious thinking, some serious discussions and a lot of justification before I even dare fill out the University's Withdrawing from Sudies form. Reflecting back I think Christmas 2019 was the deal breaker. I had briefly touched on the subject of moving home and dropping out of University with my closest cousin (I think of her more of a sister!) and gave me a hard talking to about how I wasn't alone and I should start being honest with people about my feelings, starting with myself and so I vowed to enjoy my Christmas break and try to not allow the reality of my situation set in. Experiencing the festive spirit and even down to the petty family arguments was enough for me to realise whatever happened I wasn't going back to University. Now how was I going to drop that bomb?