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thedrdefib · 6 days ago

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Fated

I rushed into the ER alongside my team of nurses, following the EMTs who had just wheeled in a young man in cardiac arrest. Jason, I was told, was 21 years old and already unresponsive when the paramedics arrived at the scene. Despite their best efforts with multiple defibrillations, they were unable to get his heart back into rhythm. He'd been down 14 minutes by the time they got him to my ER from the nearby bar.

As we burst into the ER bay, my lead nurse, Rachel, jumped into action, beginning chest compressions on Jason's still chest. I took charge of the code, shouting out orders as the team sprang into motion. "Defib charged! Paddles gelled and ready!"

The nurses quickly got to work stripping Jason down to his underwear, their efficiency honed from countless codes like this one. They then moved with swift precision, cutting off his underwear to leave him completely naked before stepping back to allow me to take over.

As we worked, I couldn't help but steal glances at Jason's slender physique. He was small for a young man, with delicate features that only added to his vulnerability. His feet were even more striking – tiny, with soft smooth pink soles and toes that curled in a way that enticed you to suck on them..

But what really caught my eye was the sight of his penis, located at the end of a well-groomed patch of pubic hair that followed a "landing strip" style cut. The neatly trimmed strip of hair led directly to his perfectly sized cock, the pubic hair cut inviting you to it. His scrotum was tight and smooth, with just the right amount of sagging to hint at the delicate balance between youth and maturity.

I felt a sudden jolt of attraction, which I quickly suppressed as I focused on the task at hand.

The defibrillator beeped loudly as it finished charging, and I called out for Rachel to apply the paddles. She did so swiftly, her hands moving with practiced ease as she placed them on Jason's chest. The machine let out a loud "ka-thunk" sound, and Jason's body responded with an arched chest and tense back muscles. His penis twitch upwards quickly, slapping against the bottom of his belly with a soft thud before bouncing gently once or twice and pointing back down towards his feet as his body came to rest.

I felt my heart rate quicken at the sight, despite myself. It was becoming increasingly difficult to maintain my professional composure in the face of Jason – his gorgeous body and the way it seemed to respond to each defibrillation in the most explicit way possible. But my heart sank when I looked up at the ECG monitor to find that Jason had converted from v-fib into asystole now. His failing heart had now gone from flailing uselessly to totally still within his chest.

"Asystole. Need to switch out compressions," I called out, taking a deep breath to calm myself down. The nurses nodded and stepped back, allowing me to take over chest compressions from Rachel.

I moved in and began the grim work, my hands pumping steadily as I worked Jason's chest. It was a familiar motion, one that required precision and force – but it was also strangely intimate, being simultaneously the one thing separating them from death and the one assaulting them with your thrusting hands. As I thrust my palms into his chest, it evoked thoughts of sex. The motion felt almost… sensual at times. Like the rhythmic thrusting of hips, the give-and-take of bodies in the heat of passion. My mind wandered to memories of past lovers, their faces blurred and indistinct as I focused on the task at hand.

But even as I pushed the thought aside, it lingered, a constant reminder that there was something almost… primal about CPR. Something that connected us in ways both physical and emotional. I shook my head, clearing the thought from my mind as I continued compressions, determined to keep Jason alive against all odds.

The code continued, with Rachel resuming monitoring of Jason's vitals and me keeping his chest pumping steadily. We needed to get him back – and fast.

I continued compressions, my hands moving in a steady rhythm as I tried to will Jason's heart back to life. "Epi now," I called out, and one of the nurses quickly administered epinephrine.

As I continued compressions, I couldn't help but notice the rhythmic rocking of Jason's body beneath my palms. His feet swayed in and out ever so slightly with each thrust, as if they were dancing to some unheard beat. And then there was his gorgeous cock bouncing gently in rhythm with my life-saving efforts.

I felt a shiver run down my spine as I gazed at Jason's body, my mind suddenly leaving the stress and worry of reality in favor of imagination. As my body went into auto-pilot continuously pounding on Jason's chest, my mind went to a different place. Here, Jason still lay on the table nude hooked up to the ECG machine. But we were alone and the monitor read sinus rhythm, his heart rate beeping steadily along to the sound of his heartbeat, which comfortingly thumped away in my head like the beat of a drum.

Jason lay there looking up at me, his face a mixture of happiness and pleasure instead of the wide-eyed stare of near death that I had been looking at for the last 30 minutes in reality. I realized he was nodding down and as my eyes drifted slowly, I first noted the extra long stethoscope that he held against his own chest with one hand… well that explained the very pleasant thumping of his heartbeat in my ear. As I continued to slide my gaze down, I found that short cut patch of hair, drawing my eyes like a magnet on down to his gorgeous cock, even more beautiful rock hard as it was now. As I looked back up to his face, he nodded and lifted his legs slightly…

I knew what he wanted and let the fantasy take me. I saw myself rubbing my hand across one of the pools of defibrillator gel that was still on his chest, then rubbing it on my erection, lifting Jason's legs, and spreading them wide apart as I inserted myself inside him. His tight sack and throbbing cock lay in front me now and they lifted slightly as he arched his back in pleasure. I couldn't help but note how strikingly similar this pose looked to what a snapshot of him mid defibrillation would've looked like. His smooth feet dangled near my face, and I couldn't resist reaching out and pulling them closer. I placed one firmly against my cheek and start to gently kiss the soft skin of the toes of the other. The ECG beeped steadily in the background, its rhythm increasing along with the gentle "lub-dub" beats in my head as I began to thrust slowly into Jason.

The rate of those beeps picked up and rose with each passing moment, keeping perfect time with the increase in my own excitement. Jason kept the stethoscope firm against his chest with one hand and reached the other up to grab one of my nipples. Pleasure erupted within me and I began sucking his big toe ferociously. He moaned gently at that and smiled. As I picked up the pace, Jason's heart rate followed suit – faster and more urgent, it pulsed through my head like soothing waves breaking on the beach. I was just about to reach climax when one of the nurses voices drowned out the hypnotic beat of Jason's heart, her voice cutting into my fantasy like a knife. "Looks like he's converted back to v-fib, we've got a shockable rhythm," she said, her eyes flashing with concern at my lack of attention. "Should we charge the defib?" she suggested meaningfully.

I felt a jolt of concern as I realized my own body's reaction to the fantasy. My erection was massive, throbbing with a life of its own. I couldn't believe it – I'd never had such a strong physical response during a code before. It was like my body had gotten lost in the fantasy and refused to come back to reality.

As I stood there, frozen in embarrassment, I felt my face heat up with shame. What if one of the nurses noticed more than distraction? What if they thought something was wrong with me? But I couldn't afford to let that be a distraction right now – Jason's life depended on it.

I took a deep breath and pushed aside my conflicted emotions, refocusing on the task at hand. "Defib charged to 360J," I called out, preparing to once more defibrillate Jason. As I stood over him, I couldn't help but steal one last glance at his body – and then I tried to quiet my massive erection that seemed to be throbbing in protest to the interruption.. But I had to focus on saving Jason's life.

I gazed down at his chest, where two large pools of defibrillator gel had been spread all over by many defibrillations and chest compressions, making his skin glisten and his pale wet nipples glint.. It sparkled softly in the bright ER lighting, invoking once more thoughts of sweat and lubricant and sex…I felt my erection twitch with renewed embarrassment, and I quickly pushed those thoughts aside. I couldn't let this fantasy consume me – not now, when Jason needed me most. "Clear!" I called out, as I prepared to deliver the shock.

The paddles made contact with Jason's chest, and a burst of electricity crackled through his body. Once more, Jason's muscles arched off the table in response, his feet flying up into the air as his body jerked violently. But this time, there was something even more… seductive about the way his body moved, the way the soles of his feet wrinkled as they curled, the way the defibrillator gel clung to his skin like so much lube – like it had been applied with a lover's touch. As his body came to rest from the explosive response to the shock, I noticed how his reaction to the shock had been so forceful that his penis now rested pointed up at his belly button. The lurking intruder in my scrubs once more pushed harshly against my thigh.

And then I heard it. The sound honestly caught me off guard, as I had run enough codes that I really didn't expect it 57 minutes into a code like this, even on young otherwise healthy people. But I was so glad to hear it that the erection in my pants bucked ferociously and I nearly came right there. The ECG beeped it's sinus tone steadily as Jason's heart rate beat once more. He began to recover, and I listened intently with my stethoscope, confirming that he'd gone back into sinus rhythm and was breathing on his own. "Jason's got a good rhythm," I said, a smile spreading across my face. "Take him to ICU 3 – I'll check on him later."

As the nurses quickly moved to transport Jason to his new room, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. He was stable – and that meant one thing: we'd done it. We'd saved a life. Normally this was the end of the line for my involvement with a patient, but somehow this one felt like it would end differently, though I didn't know how.

---Hours Later--- I was just about to clock out when one of the nurses caught up to me in the hallway. "Dr. Alex, I've got a patient who's requesting to see you," she said with a curious expression.

"Who is it?" I asked, feeling a sense of trepidation.

"It's Jason – the young man from earlier today," she replied. "He says he needs to talk to you."

I raised an eyebrow. He was already awake? I guess it wasn't too far fetched, though he had come very close to dying, he was a young man in his prime. We had determined in the intervening hours that his arrest was caused by Long QT Syndrome and all he really needed was drug therapy to prevent a repeat. He was otherwise a perfect physical specimen I thought, with not a little hint of heat behind that thought. But what could Jason possibly want to discuss? I made my way up to ICU 3 anyway, curious about what this was all about.

When I arrived at his room, I found him sitting up in bed, looking shockingly well given his condition just 8 hours earlier that day. "Dr. Alex," he said with a smile, his eyes locked on mine. "I wanted to thank you for saving my life today."

I smiled back at him, feeling a sense of pride wash over me. "You're welcome, Jason. I'm just glad we were able to get your heart beating again. You had quite a close call but we weren't going to give up on you."

He nodded thoughtfully, then leaned forward in his bed. "I was told by a rather honest sounding nurse that I should be truly grateful to you, that when a patient's heart has stopped as long as mine did, most doctor's would've done just that and given up. She said it's nearly a miracle any doctor coded me so long… I'm so grateful to you for keeping going. Actually, Dr. Alex, that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. I kind of feel like you might not have stopped for a reason, like we might have some sort of connection…"

I felt a shiver run down my spine as I sat down next to him. What connection could he possibly have with me? I'd never seen him or heard his name before today that I could recall. I was a bit unsettled by the suggestion at first.

"What do you mean by that? Apologies if I've forgotten Jason but I don't think we've ever met before have we?" I asked, trying to keep my curiosity in check.

Jason took a deep breath before speaking. "No, we've never met before. That's not really what I mean. I know this will probably sound ridiculous but… I think I had what people call a near-death experience today," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I saw… everything. Every detail of what was happening to me as if I was there. I remember it all, being wheeled in by the EMT's, having my clothes cut off by the nurses, and all of the ensuing things you and your team did. I knew who you were when you walked in before you introduced yourself because I recognized your face from the experience. I watched for that whole near hour as I lay there dying, you and the nurses pumping my chest and shocking my heart. And one thing kept standing out about the whole thing – the way you looked at me," he said, his eyes locked on mine.

I felt my face heat up with a combination of fear, incredulity, and embarrassment as I realized where this was going.

"You saw yourself being resuscitated?" I could barely ask the question as his last few words kept ringing in my ears like someone had smashed a giant gong on my head… "the way you looked at me"

Jason replied "Yes. I saw all of it, the CPR, the shocks, the defeated look on all the nurses faces towards the end.. .but not you, you were looking at me differently."

"I was determined to save you" I replied quickly…

"Yes, but there was more in your eyes than just determination. You see, the really weird thing is I saw not only my resuscitation, I saw something else as well…" Jason said, trailing off like this last bit scared him, like he was unsure if he should say what comes next.

Terror and disbelief swam in my mind. "What do you mean by that? What else was in my eyes and what else did you see?"

"I saw everything" Jason said, with a particularly heavy emphasis on the last word. He continued, "I mean, it's not totally clear but I saw your fantasy I think. I saw the same room but it was just us and I saw what happened there…"

"You imagined… us?" I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral to hide the complete panic in my mind. I couldn't begin to fathom how any of this was happening but as insane as this sounded any allegation could ruin my career.

Jason nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "Yeah. Us. You and I. Together. Truly. As in, you were inside me. We were having sex."

My mind reeled back to the fantasy that had consumed me during the code.

"I'm so sorry," I started, feeling a mix of emotions swirling inside me, as I looked for the "but" part of the sentence and it didn't come – Part of me was in sheer terror at his knowing, but another part was fascinated by the connection between us that seemed to exist on some deeper level. The terror must have been what shown because what came next caught me totally off guard.

Jason laughed softly, his eyes glinting with amusement. "Don't be sorry, Dr. Alex," he said, reaching out to place a hand on my arm. "Like I said, I was there too. And if you recall, I invited you inside… It's not like I didn't feel it too." He smiled at me with that same smile he gave in the fantasy and put his hand on mine.

I felt a jolt of electricity run through me as our skin made contact – and suddenly, the fantasy that had consumed me earlier came flooding back to life.

As soon as Jason's hand made contact with mine, my mind went blank, and all that mattered was the touch of his skin against mine. In an instant, I was hard again – my erection throbbing with renewed intensity. I could feel it straining against the confines of my pants, desperate to break free.

Jason's eyes locked onto mine, a hint of amusement dancing in their depths. He took a deep breath, and I knew exactly what he was going to do next. "You want this as much as I do, don't you?" he asked, his voice soft and inviting.

I nodded, unable to speak as my mind reeled with anticipation.

Jason leaned forward, his face inches from mine. "I saw it all as you gave your everything to save me… I think this is fated," he whispered, his breath caressing my ear.

With a surge of excitement, I sprang into action. I closed the door behind me, locking it securely in place. I flipped the switch to put the room on procedure in progress status, ensuring that we wouldn't be interrupted by any medical personnel. As I returned to the bedside, Jason's eyes sparkled with anticipation.

He pulled away the bedding, revealing his naked form to my eager gaze. The ECG electrodes stuck out like tiny, white flags, a stark contrast to the smooth, pale skin they adorned. My mouth went dry as I took in the sight of him – his cock standing at attention, his balls heavy and relaxed.

With a sense of urgency, I began to undress myself. I ripped off my shirt, feeling the cool air caress my skin as it came free. Jason's hands shot out, running up and down my chest, through my chest hair, sending shivers coursing through my body. My nipples hardened under his touch, and I felt a slight increase in the ECG – Jason's arousal raising his heart rate, matching mine beat for beat.

I watched as he ran his fingers over me, feeling the gentle touch like a whisper of seduction. His eyes locked onto mine, burning with desire. I couldn't look away, transfixed by the sight of him.

Next, I pulled down my pants and underwear, letting them fall to the floor with a soft whoosh. My dick sprang free, already erect and straining against its captor. The cold air rushed past it, causing it to jump and twitch like a living thing. Jason's eyes widened in response, his pupils dilating as he took me in.

For a moment, we just stared at each other – the only sound the soft beeping of the ECG, punctuated by our ragged breathing. The air was thick with tension, heavy with anticipation. I could feel it building inside me, a pressure cooker of desire ready to explode.

And then, without warning, Jason spoke up – his voice sweet like honey, sending shivers coursing through my body. "Take your time," he whispered, his eyes locked onto mine. "I'm not going anywhere."

I began my descent onto Jason's body, my lips brushing against his feet. He jerked in response, his toes curling up as I kissed the arch of his foot. The skin was soft and smooth, like silk to my touch. I savored the sensation, feeling it spread through me like a warm wave.

As I made my way up Jason's legs, he began to tremble beneath me. His breathing quickened, and I could feel his heart racing faster with each passing moment. The ECG monitor beeped steadily, its numbers ticking upward as Jason's arousal grew. I smiled to myself, knowing that this was just the beginning.

I reached Jason's knees and paused for a moment, letting my lips graze against the tender skin there. He gasped, his hands reaching out to grab my arms and pull me closer. I obliged, my mouth closing over his thigh as I began to kiss and suck the sensitive skin.

Jason's body arched beneath me, his back bowing off the bed as he moaned in pleasure. His cock twitched and hardened further. The ECG beeped faster now, Jason's heart racing with excitement. A shiver of excitement ran up my spine as I paused here to watch his glorious manhood twitch and throb in time with the beep of the ECG, each powerful heartbeat pushing blood through it. A heartbeat that existed because of my efforts. And he knew that and it made him desperate for me. I could feel it too, my own desire growing with each passing moment.

I slowly made my way up Jason's body, my lips tracing a path along his hip, over his belly button, and finally to his chest. His nipples hardened beneath my touch, begging for attention. I took them into my mouth, sucking and licking them until they were red and swollen.

As I played with Jason's cock, he began to squirm and writhe beneath me. His hands grabbed at the bed sheets, his fingers digging deep as he tried to hold on. The ECG beeped furiously now, its numbers leaping upward as Jason's heart pounded in his chest.

I reached up and took one of Jason's nipples into my mouth again, sucking hard as I worked him over with my hand. He gasped, his body arching off the bed once more as he came close to climax.

Jason's fingers brushed against mine, guiding me upward until we were face-to-face, our mouths inches apart. And then, in a swift movement, Jason leaned forward and began kissing me, his lips brushing against mine with a soft, sweet touch.

I felt my own heart skip a beat as Jason's tongue touched mine, sending shivers coursing through my body. His mouth was hot and wet, his breath ragged as he kissed me back. I could feel it too, my desire growing with each passing moment.

Jason pulled away from me, his eyes gleaming with excitement as he reached down between us. He wrapped his fingers around my cock, stroking me gently as he leaned in to kiss me again. His touch was like fire, sending sparks flying through my body as I felt myself come close to climax.

Then he bent down to bring his head between my legs. As Jason sucked on my balls, I felt a wave of pleasure wash over me. It built and built, until I was nearly ready to cum again. He somehow seemed to know how to push me just to the edge and when to quit. The ECG beeped furiously now, its rate pushing 150 as Jason's heart pounded in his chest. I assumed that meant I was having the same effect. I could feel my own heart throbbing in my ears, pounding in my cock.

I reached down and grasped Jason's cock once more, working him over as he sucked on me. He gasped, his body arching off the bed as he came yet closer to climax again. The ECG once more sped up, his heart rate racing upward as both of our hearts pounded in unison.

As I felt myself reaching the brink of climax, I reached down and grasped Jason's hips, holding him in place as he sucked on my balls. His tongue was a warm, wet caress, sending shivers through my body.

But just as I was nearing orgasm for the final time, I looked over past Jason's smiling face and saw it… a black stethoscope, one whose tubing was much longer than normal. It hit me in that moment… these ICU rooms sometimes had them for reaching patients chests who might be in traction or large difficult to operate around life support equipment. It was the exact stethoscope from my fantasy. I've no idea how, but I too now knew this was fated. I stopped him, pulling back from his touch. Jason looked up at me, confused, but I just smiled and nodded past him to the stethoscope. He looked back smiling at me and I gestured for him to move into position.

He understood immediately, and with a quick movement, he shifted himself back onto the bed just as he was in my fantasy, his legs raised slightly, knees bent. His cock twitched and hardened as he settled into place, his balls hanging low like ripe fruit.

I couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement at the sight of him. This was exactly how I had imagined it - Jason, spread out before me like an offering. And now, it was about to become a reality.

As I reached down and grasped my cock, guiding it towards Jason's waiting body, he grabbed the stethoscope's bell and pressed it to his chest. Now, I heard the rapid, thunderous pounding of his heart in my ears. The ECG beeped quickly along with the sound of his heart as his rate continued to climb in anticipation of receiving me, his heart pounding in time with mine.

As I entered him, Jason's back once more arched and his body tensed up, his muscles clenching around me like a warm, wet vice. It was as if I had just delivered a shock to his heart, a life giving jolt to his system. It was a feeling unlike anything I had ever experienced before - despite this not being my first time, I felt like a virgin all over again.

I felt myself slide deeper into Jason's body, felt his feet against my face once more just as before, the sensation building and building until I was sure that I would explode at any moment. And yet, somehow, I managed to hold back, savoring the feeling of being inside him, connected to him in this intimate way.

As I began to move, Jason's hips started to buck up and down, his body moving in perfect time with mine. The ECG beeped faster now, its rate climbing higher and higher as we both worked towards our climax. The pounding of his young heart like the scream of war drums in my ears.

I reached forward and grasped Jason's cock, wrapping my hand around it like a vice. He gasped as I began to work him over, his body tensing up even further as he struggled to hold on.

The sensation was building inside me now, a tidal wave of pleasure that threatened to engulf me at any moment. I could feel Jason's body responding to mine, his muscles clenching and unclenching around my cock in rhythm with me as I thrust to the rhythm of his pounding heartbeat. I stuck my tongue out and ran it all the way up his other foot from his heel to the tip of his big to then started sucking viciously on it. He moaned deeply in pleasure. From my vantage I could see his balls retract as he desperately tried to hold back what we both knew was coming.

And then, in an instant, it happened - the climax that we had both been working towards. Time almost stopped, the beat of his heart and the beep of the ECG slowed to a crawl as a handful of seconds expanded like a universe being born. Eternities lived and died as we both emptied ourselves as if pouring our very souls out. My body tensed up, my cock throbbing as I cum inside Jason's eager body. Unleashing wave upon wave of hot semen into him, each one breaking free in rhythm to his now racing heartbeat. It was a feeling like being released from a prison I had spent my entire life trapped in, like finally being set free. It was a sensation unlike anything I had ever experienced before - like being touched by something divine.

As I spilled my hot seed inside him, Jason let out a gasping cry of pleasure, his body arching, bucking and convulsing beneath mine. His cock erupted in a fountain of semen, shooting across his stomach and chest in a hot, sticky stream. I watched it pool on his chest, forming largely two distinct pools, one center mass high on his chest and the other lower, beneath his left nipple. It wasn't until later that the irony of this placement would hit me.

And then the pounding resumed, the beeping returned, the strong gasping as he worked to catch his breath sounding in my ears. And as we both came to rest, our bodies spent and exhausted from our efforts, I knew that this was more than just sex. This was something deeper, something more profound.

#resus #cpr #defib #defibrillation #resuscitation #male heartbeat #resus writing #ekg #dark cardiophilia #defibrillator

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thedrdefib · 8 days ago

Text

My First Code

The emergency room lights cast an eerie glow on the chaos around me. A young woman lay on the gurney, her bright red hair a stark contrast to the pale skin of her face. Anna, 22 years old, had suffered a sudden cardiac arrest while out with friends at the local bar. She had been down for about 15 minutes at this point the EMT announced, followed by a list of interventions they had already performed, including among them 3 defibrillations and two rounds of epi already. I glanced at the monitor, V-fib… 3 shocks already, not good. Not a great candidate for your first solo code as an ER doctor.

As I rushed into the fray, my mind was already racing with possibilities. Sudden cardiac arrest in a young adult was always a puzzle, and I was determined not to leave this one unsolved, lest Anna might not make it. The ER team sprang into action around me, their movements swift and synchronized as they began CPR.

The monitor above her bed alarmed frantically, displaying that same chaotic ECG pattern that told the story of a heart in trouble. Ventricular fibrillation – a heart struggling to beat but managing only to flail uselessly.

"Get the defibrillator ready!" I yelled to my team, my voice cutting through the din of the ER. They quickly rolled over the defibrillator and prepared the paddles for use. The machine was turned on and charged, a few moments later playing a ready tone as it waited for us to deliver the first shock. By this time, the nurses had stripped Anna completely nude, removing any clothing that might interfere with our treatment. Her red hair stood out against her pale skin framing her soft facial features, and her large breasts were exposed in all their beauty. As the nurses applied a thin layer of defibrillator gel to the paddles, I unconsciously let my eyes wander down to the finely groomed unmentionables of our young patient before my attention was snapped back into the minute by the nurses pushing the paddles into my hands… "delivering a 300-joule shock!". Anna's body arched in response, her breasts bouncing with the movement as her body arched up off the bed and was thrust back down by the electrical discharge.

The team checked her pulse, but there was nothing – no heartbeat, no breathing. We continued CPR, our movements synchronized and swift. We tried another three rounds of CPR and two of defibrillations. Again, I was unable to avoid noticing how her breasts bounced with each shock, the beauty and allure of their movement invoking a feeling in me that was grotesque in its stark contrast between the beauty of her body and the gravity of the situation. The defibrillator gel left behind a pair of glistening pools on her chest after each shock that seemed to further highlight her pale breasts.

As we struggled to revive Anna's heart, I tried think about the possible underlying causes of her cardiac arrest. Was it an inherited condition? A genetic predisposition to arrhythmias? Or was there something more sinister at play – a viral infection, perhaps, or a toxic substance? But the rapid labs would ultimately rule out all of the immediately treatable causes and yet she remained in persistent, refractory v-fib. At this point, the code clock read 26:13. Were this patient not young and healthy, I might have called it here.

Instead, I took over compressions, my hands moving in a steady rhythm as I worked to revive Anna's heart. As I started, an uncomfortable thought crept into my mind… Was it really just her age and health that caused me to step in and place my hands on her chest, to continue CPR? I pushed this thought aside at first, but I was three rounds in when I first began to feel it… as I pressed down on her chest, the intense focus of the code crept back slightly and I began to notice the feel of her breasts beneath my hands. The defibrillator gel had created a slick, glistening layer, allowing my fingers to glide effortlessly across her already smooth skin. My index finger brushed lightly against the tip of her nipple, and for an instant, I felt a spark of arousal.

In that moment, my mind formed a scene that played out in vivid detail. One far less dangerous but no less intense… I was sitting on top of Anna's body, my hands cradling her breasts as I kissed her lips. Her eyes stared up at me, not in the blank way she did now in the reality of her cardiac arrest, but in pleasure, her face relaxed into a gentle smile. I could feel the rhythmic pulse of her heartbeat beneath her left breast, and it was intoxicating. Still hooked up in the fantasy, the ECG monitor above her bed beeped softly in the background, its steady rhythm mirroring the beating of her heart, which in turn almost seemed to mirror that of my own heart. The pace of the monitors beeping quickened as I my manhood moved deeper inside her, the defibrillator gel on her chest glistening with each thrust I gave, my hands sliding around on her breasts leaving behind a trail of lubricant that lead the eyes down to her warm, wet, vagina with my cock buried deep inside and the effect seemed to heighten the already glorious sensation … and then I snapped back to reality, glancing about to see that I had only been drifting for the 20 count and no one had noticed. It was a surreal and disturbing vision, one that I pushed away as quickly as it had appeared.

"What the fuck..." I told myself, trying to shake off the feeling. This is not the time or place for that. But as I continued to administer CPR, I couldn't help but think about the similarities between this resuscitation and that imagined act. The rhythm of compressions, the force applied with each thrust of my hand, the sort of controlled violence directed in the name of care rather than harm – wasn't this just like sex? The intense physical contact, the urgency of the moment, the life-giving consequences of success?

I pushed the thoughts away, uncomfortable with their presence, but they lingered in the back of my mind as I worked to save Anna's life. It was a strange and twisted parallel, one that I couldn't quite reconcile. But it was there, nonetheless – a reminder that even in the most intense moments, our thoughts and bodies can betray us with their primal impulses.

As I administered CPR, I felt a growing sense of unease. Was this just a coincidence, or was there something deeper at play? I became an ER doctor purely to save lives. There was no deeper, more primal reason right? The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that my mind was playing tricks on me. This wasn't about sex – it was about saving lives. But even as I convinced myself of that, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to it.

The minutes ticked by, and Anna's condition worsened. Her ECG waveform degenerated into PEA and then an agonal rhythm; the wide, slow, low-amplitude QRS complexes that were characteristic of the final failing attempts of a heart to beat. This rhythm that seemed to taunt him, with it's look almost looked like the sinus rhythm he sought but stretched far too wide and slow. Anna's situation was dire. Less than one percent of all patients who go into this rhythm survive. Again, I considered to myself, as I glanced at the code clock… 41:21.

"Get ready for another round," I said grimly, this time knowing full well that, were it not for the strange thoughts and feelings I was having now, I would've pronounced almost any other patient who presented with forty-plus minutes of downtime in an agonal rhythm. But I decided I'd worry about my ethics later.

We administered CPR, followed by another dose of epinephrine.We repeated this cycle several times – compressions, then cardiac drugs, then more compressions – but to no avail. Her heart continued to fail, its electrical activity still slowing and weakening, the agonal complexes growing yet wider and the time between them growing even longer. My staff glanced around nervously, no doubt wondering why I hadn't called this yet. I couldn't help but feel a sense of frustration. I ignored them and kept on. I called for another round of Epi and was met with the announcement that we maxed her out two doses ago, at around 64 minutes on the code clock. This realization was just setting in and my compressions began to slow and weaken…

But then, just as I opened my mouth to call the code, Anna's agonal rhythm gave way to ventricular fibrillation once more. I knew deep down it shouldn't mean anything and that I should still call it. I knew that there was basically no chance her heart would beat again and that, despite her pupils still being reactive on last check, there was good chance she was brain dead. And yet, when I spoke, instead of "Time of Death…", I heard myself say grimly, "Get ready for another round of defibrillations.."

Despite concerned glances around to each other, the team prepped the defibrillator and I gave another defibrillation, delivering a 360-joule charge to Anna's chest. As my team watched in silence, Anna's body responded to the shock. The soft soles of her feet scrunching as her chest rose into the air. Those perfect breasts bouncing softly as she landed and her feet relaxing, her soles smooth again. The trace on the ECG shot up and off the screen, then back down below it and rose back to a flat line. And it remained flat. I cast my gaze back down to my dead patient… for about 3 seconds before a tone came from the machine. I looked back up and saw a series of sinus complexes begin to run across the ECG.

The team glanced around nervously, exhausted from our efforts and unsure what fruit exactly they had born. I grabbed my stethoscope as even in my fervor I knew it was likely that after all of this that this was just more PEA… I lifted Anna's large left breast out of the way to place my stethoscope against her chest. I listened intently, a smile spreading slowly across my face as I heard the slow but steady "lub-dub" of the beat of her heart. And what's more, to everyone's shock, I saw her chest start to rise and fall, slowly and weakly, as we regained spontaneous respirations. She might yet survive this! That's when it happened, as I stood there listening to Anna's beating heart and breathing lungs, I felt it - a familiar sensation that seemed to grow with each passing moment. My arousal had returned, and I was stiffening in response to the rhythmic pulse of Anna's heartbeat, if only a little.

It was a totally jarring feeling, one that I couldn't shake despite my best efforts. I felt like I was betraying Anna somehow, like I was taking advantage of her vulnerability for my own gratification. But as I stood there, listening to the now strong, steady beat of her heart, I couldn't help but feel drawn in by its hypnotic rhythm. It was as if I had lost control, like I was trapped in some twisted fantasy where sex and life-saving were indistinguishable and I was enjoying the afterglow of one orgasm, preparing to have another.

As I moved the stethoscope around Anna's chest, listening to her heart beat from various points, I tried to force my mind back to the moment when she had arrested, trying to focus on the next steps for my patient, as we still didn't know why her heart had stopped. My attempts were fruitless and were interrupted by the sensation in my crotch, that gentle stirring that I could tell quickly was to grow into a full-blown erection. At first, it had been just a subtle lessening of its softness, but as I continued to listen to Anna's heartbeat, it grew harder and more insistent. It was like a tiny spark had been lit inside me, igniting what would become a roaring fire that threatened to consume me.

Continuing to listen, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and satisfaction at the thought of Anna's impending recovery. My shame was slowly being replaced with this sense of satisfaction… True, we had done something violent and, under different circumstances would be terrible, to save her life - we had shocked her heart back into beating, forced air into her lungs, and pumped blood through her veins by force. But in doing so, we had given her a second chance at life. And this thought further aroused me. With each beat, I felt myself becoming more and more aroused. The rhythmic pulse of her heartbeat seemed to be echoing through my entire body, drawing me in with its hypnotic power.

As I moved the stethoscope over above her left breast, I felt my erection pass what I would term semi-erect, firming up now, its length beginning to press against the inside of my pants. My cock was thickening now, its tip pulsing with every heartbeat like a tiny drumbeat in the darkness of my pants. With each beat of Anna's heart, its girth expanding as it filled with blood pushed by the beat of my own heart… or was it pulsating with every thud of her heartbeat? As I shifted my weight to get a better listen on the other side of her chest, my erection reached full bore status. I could swear that my cock was pulsing in rhythm with Anna's still strengthening heartbeat. It was as if we were connected on some deeper level, our bodies syncing up. The sensation was almost too much to bear - a mix of pleasure and shame that left me feeling breathless and exposed. It was now hard enough to visibly push against the fabric of my pants, its thickness causing me to worry that others might notice the obvious bulge against my scrubs.

I tried once more to focus on Anna's recovery, but it was no use. I was lost in the moment, completely absorbed by the sound of her heartbeat and the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she now breathed on her own. And then, without warning, she coughed lightly, a tiny wheeze that broke my concentration. It was nothing to worry about, merely the cough of a set of lungs which had not breathed on their own for over an hour. But the cough caused her breasts to move in a gentle wave-like motion, shaking slightly with each inhale and exhale of her stilted breath. The gel and electrodes covering her chest glistened in the light, highlighting the beauty of her large pale breasts and the delicate pink nipples that seemed to be beckoning me closer with each gentle motion back and forth.

As I watched, transfixed, Anna's coughing grew more insistent and stronger, and her breasts continued to move in time with it, their increased shaking paired with the pounding of her heart beat sending waves of pleasure through my body. The motion of her breasts was very similar to what I had earlier imagined would happen when we were… otherwise engaged. I felt my mind start to flash back to that earlier fantasy. I heard the same beep of the monitors, saw the same motion of breasts and belly her before me in reality and I went back to that place, drifting off to the beep of the ECG monitor… but as I came back into the fantasy this time the equipment was there to monitor her pleasure as I made love to her. Her heart rate was rising as her passion grew, the electrodes picking up every beat of her racing heart like a drumbeat in my ear.

As I continued to go deeper in the fantasy, she was moaning softly as I touched her breasts, the defibrillator gel providing a slick surface for my hands to glide across her skin, playing with her nipples. The motion of her breasts as she coughed and breathed in reality was so much like it was now - gentle and shaking, sending waves of pleasure through me like a tidal wave.

As I imagined this fantasy playing out, I felt myself getting harder still in reality. My erection was straining against the inside of my pants, its pressure building to a crescendo. And then, suddenly, in reality Anna's coughing grew more insistent. Her breasts continued to move in time with her coughing and breathing, their now far less subtle shaking advancing the fantasy in mind. I saw myself begin thrusting harder, and faster… sending waves of pleasure through my body.

It was too much for me to handle… I left the fantasy, it was no longer needed. I still had one hand on her neck feeling her pulse, the other moving my stethoscope around her chest to listen to that intoxicating heartbeat. Despite not so much as a single touch, my cock was the hardest it had ever been in my life, and I was certain now that it throbbed in time to Anna's heartbeat. I had never known arousal like this in my entire life. I knew what was coming next and I tried to stifle it, to hold back and regain control. But it was too late. The tidal wave of pleasure swelled in my mind and finally exploded with such force I literally saw stars for a moment. It took every bit of my will not to let my legs buckle or to moan aloud right there in the trauma bay. My head swam and I felt pleasure the likes of which I had never experienced. My ejaculation burst forth in a rush of warm liquid, spilling onto the inside of my thigh like a waterfall. Even as I began to cum, I was still intensely aware of Anna's heartbeat pounding above it all… I could swear that I could feel the waves of semen arrive in cadence with Anna's heartbeat.

As I felt my body release from its pent-up tension, my cock begin to soften post-ejaculation and I regained my breath and my senses. I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over me. It was as if some deep-seated lifelong need had finally been sated, leaving me feeling empty and drained. There was no denying what I knew now… I looked down at Anna's chest, still rising and falling with each steady beat, her breasts moving in time with every breath she took. I lifted my stethoscope from where it sat in its final location, back beneath her left breast. The red ring it left from the force I had applied trying to control my orgasm was thankfully covered immediately by her breast as I let it drop back down and withdrew my stethoscope to hang around my neck.

I gazed down as subtly as possible and was likewise unbelievably relieved to find that my load had somehow not soaked visibly through my scrubs. I quickly scanned the room, checking to make sure none of the other staff had noticed my absent-minded "daydreaming" or the massive erection I had been sporting for the last few minutes. I had no idea how long I had actually been standing here asculating Anna, but everyone seemed to be focused on Anna's recovery, oblivious to my dark secret. I let out a quiet sigh of relief, ordered follow up labs and a 12 lead ECG so we could start working to find out what had caused Anna's arrest and carefully extracted myself from the situation.

I made my way back to the nurses' station, trying to compose myself as I went, for what good that did. My mind swirled, thoughts of what I had just learned, or perhaps more truthfully admitted, about myself and what that meant for a man who had taken a career in the ER… Once there, I quietly slipped away to change my underwear, feeling a confusing but exhilarating mix of relief, shame, excitement, and guilt at what had just happened. But as I imagined myself looking down once more at Anna's chest, rising and falling with each steady breath, her heart beating beneath her left breast because of what I had just done, of the life she would be able to now lead… I couldn't help but feel a twisted sense of pride and arousal again.

#resus #resuscitation #resus writing #defibrillation #cardiophile thoughts #defib #cpr #dark cardiophilia #female patient

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