thedavenportdiaries

[thedavenportdiaries]

What is one great way to show kindness to others?

I feel like things feel the most kind when they are not inadvertently kind. What I mean by that is things like compliments or gift-giving are very “kind” things that people can do, and they are appreciated when they are given. But sometimes they feel forced, like things that we feeling obligated to do. There are thousands of ways to show people kindness. But when I asked this question to myself, the first thing that came to mind were doing things for others- acts of service. I try to do things to make the lives of others easier. Whether that be something as simple as holding the door for someone or helping them carry some of their things so that they don’t struggle, I feel that these things are simple acts of kindness that really makes a huge difference. They show that thought was put into the person’s well-being. I try to imagine what I would want done for me, or what things make me feel good when people do them for me. There is something so kind about doing small favors for someone without them being asked to. 

[thedavenportdiaries]

[thedavenportdiaries]

[thedavenportdiaries]

[thedavenportdiaries]

dragonblood trees [1920x1282, OC, Socotra Island Yemen] - Author: sebikern_photography on Reddit

[thedavenportdiaries]

self-compassion

[thedavenportdiaries]

How do I sabotage myself?

All of my self-sabotaging behaviors are so innate and unintentional, so when I take a step back, self-reflect, and actually recognize that I am engaging in these behaviors, it always throws me off guard. But thinking about this question, I think that I sabotage myself the most by overthinking. I will think and think and think until, in my head, I have created a world of possibilities that scare me into not doing something or not saying something. I do this a lot with my personal relationships. Whether it be my friendships, relationships with family members, or in my romantic relationships, overthinking is my biggest downfall. I can confidently say that I have probably ruined at least a handful of relationships by allowing myself to self-sabotage and overthink. Even if it’s not affecting other people, I literally will overthink to the point that I make myself sad or in my feelings and then I get anxious and it ruins my mood and puts me in a negative mental space. Which, as I’m writing this, sounds fucking pathetic! Like girl, take a step back!!! I am a reactive person, and I am actively working on becoming a more mindful person. I think that recognizing this self-sabotaging behavior by journaling is great, but it is only one step in the right direction in fixing the behavior. So, in thinking of potential activities/exercises that I could do to stop self-sabotaging, the good old trustworthy “stop sign” method could definitely help. I was taught this activity as a child in therapy. My therapist explained to me that, in times where I am feeling extremely anxious and overwhelmed, I can close my eyes and imagine a stop sign in my mind. Once seeing the stop sign, I can tell myself to stop, slow down, and take some deep breaths to help me return to a more level mental state. Much easier said than done, of course. But acknowledging the behavior and actively searching for methods that could be used to help fix it is a really promising start (in my humble opinion) 

[thedavenportdiaries]

Where am I saying yes, when I really like to say no?

Honestly I say yes to a lot of things out of fear of disappointing or upsetting other people. A prime (and maybe too intimate) example is when I went over to this guy’s house for a “first date”, if you can really call it that. In reality it was really me just bringing over cheese and crackers from Trader Joe’s to pair with shitty red wine that he already had. Anyways, I remember actually liking this guy, like I was interested in getting to know him more as a person and didn’t really see him as someone that I just wanted to hookup with. But as we finished a bottle of wine and I was feeling tipsy, we started making out and one thing led to another and we ended up in his room in his bed. I remember thinking “no no no, I am actually interested in this one and I don’t want to give the wrong impression. I don’t want to hook up with him tonight” But I said yes anyways, because I was worried that I would look stupid or offend him or something stupid. And now in hindsight I feel so fucking stupid for doing that because it set the tone for the rest of the situationship. Newsflash, it didn’t work out and this guy most definitely just valued me as a hookup- shocking, I know. But I find myself doing this a lot in my relationships or in situationships with guys. And while I’d like to say that now that I am aware of this and I have acknowledged it that I will be able to change the behavior, I really don’t think it’s that easy. But I’m going to try my best to get better at setting those boundaries and stop saying yes when I really want to say no. 

[thedavenportdiaries]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CReG0HGpun0

[thedavenportdiaries]

oiaoooa

[thedavenportdiaries]

edi.bee

[thedavenportdiaries]

[thedavenportdiaries]

[thedavenportdiaries]

MORE POST LIKE THIS HERE → https://bit.ly/3L8CAGD

[thedavenportdiaries]

[thedavenportdiaries]

When do you feel the most at peace?

I had to think long and hard about this question, but I found that I feel the most at peace when I am able to return home and be with my family. When I first moved away 6 years ago to attend college, I couldn’t wait to get out of my house, be an adult, and have my own space. I thought that being on my own would be liberating- and it was and it still is. There are great aspects of living alone and having that sense of independence that my younger self couldn’t wait to have. But I’ve also since realized that being alone comes with so much stress and responsibility that you no longer have anyone to help you with. Life becomes more real when you’re alone, having to motivate yourself to do the things that you don’t want to do but that you know you have to. No one is there to help you make decisions or help navigate you through dilemmas as they arise- it’s on you to figure it out. And while there is so much beauty in having to figure it out on your own, it’s still fucking stressful! I find so much peace in getting to drive home, put my bags in my old room, and know that I am surrounded by people that are excited to see me, who love and support me, and who I can now do all of the things I was previously doing alone with. Not to mention not having to stress about figuring out what to eat for dinner, whether or not the house needs to be cleaned, or what bills are needing to be paid. I can go home and literally just be Kylie, not Kylie as a student or as an independent or as a worker, and that is just so peaceful to me. 

[thedavenportdiaries]

How do you encourage yourself when you’re trying something new?

In my past, I found that it was rather difficult to remain consistent in doing things for myself and providing myself with encouragement. I blamed this on being too busy, too tired, or too depressed to be able to stay motivated and dedicated to myself. However, I recently made the decision to commit to myself and discover more about the person I am. In doing so, I began listening to the Growing with Jo podcast on Spotify (immaculate podcast) and in one of her episodes she had a whole episode dedicated to this topic. And for some reason, when she said, “No one is going to do it for you, you have to do it for yourself. There is not going to be anyone around to force you to do things for yourself,” it just really stuck with me. Whether that be because it reminded me of what my parents always said to me growing up or because she’s convincing, it really stuck with me. So now, in times where I find myself feeling “bleh” or like I don’t really want to do something (like work out, eat healthy, journal, etc.) I remind myself that no one is going to do it for me, and that I owe myself the time, love, respect, and investment that I allot to everyone else. That simple phrase has kept me dedicated to performing at least one task each day that is self-enriching and beneficial for my physical and mental health.