thedarkestofmysoul

[thedarkestofmysoul]

i don’t want to take care of myself i want to lay in my bed forever and not care about any of my problems i wish i could sleep forever hashtag give me peace

[thedarkestofmysoul]

The man wont be kicked out. He has too much people still backing him. I was invited to a talk with him and the association to clear the air when there is nothing else really but this man to have to apologize. I took some of my on demand calm drops and now idk if i can or even should drive an i have rehersal today.

I feel unloved and uncared for and just lonely and my paranoia is getting worse and worse. I am seriously scared that i will end up breaking and developing a psychosis.

I know its bullshit, dont get me wrong its all just exagerated stupid thoughts in my brain but knowing that doesnt make it better. Its still there and its nor leaving. at least my chest is not in so much pain due to the drops but i atill feel unwrll when i think about it all.

Why did i try? Why did i try at all?

If this keeps going i might just end up hurting myself

[thedarkestofmysoul]

i hate who i am but i also don’t know who i am and

[thedarkestofmysoul]

I wish I could fold into myself and condense myself so neatly and tightly that I could be bite sized and palatable and tolerable for people. I am too much for almost everyone. I take up too much space, I cost too much money, I use up too much time. I’m useless, I’m annoying, and I’m exhausting. I’m more effort and trouble than I’m worth. The amount that I put out will never be equivalent to what I take from people. I ask too much, I need too much. I don’t know any other way to be.

[thedarkestofmysoul]

can’t even kms because i’ve tricked those around me that i’m a decent human being & if i die they will be upset, not because i am something to mourn but because they are nice ppl who think that.

[thedarkestofmysoul]

I feel empty, I feel a hole in my chest while sadness and anguish are invading me. I don't have enough strength to get up, move, concentrate and eat.

[thedarkestofmysoul]

- j (x)

[thedarkestofmysoul]

[thedarkestofmysoul]

Stephanie Garber, Once Upon a Broken Heart

[thedarkestofmysoul]

lol, he literally just kissed me and dipped.

[thedarkestofmysoul]

it's very hard for me to not text you, over and over again.

[thedarkestofmysoul]

i feel a kind of tiredness that prevents me from understanding the meaning of life. my emptiness doesn't fit anywhere and neither do i. i wander between being too much and never enough so effortlessly like i've been lost my entire life. too lost to be found, and too good at hiding. do you know what it means to have fallen too deep to be caught? can you even see me? i understand, i don't want to look at my soul either. please leave me alone. i don't want you to hurt me or maybe it's you i want to protect from the harm of my darkness. the door is closed.

[thedarkestofmysoul]

Death being described as eternal sleep is always so comforting to me

[thedarkestofmysoul]

[thedarkestofmysoul]

[thedarkestofmysoul]

L'appel du vide. The call of the void. L'appel du vide is that tiny voice that tells you to jerk the steering wheel just to the right and take a flying leap off the ledge...that inclination to walk right into the ocean and never return...the call of the Siren song.

[thedarkestofmysoul]

Life is worth living

What for though