thecrabbyram

[thecrabbyram]

Jealous Boyfriend Rant

Hopelessly oblivious. Experience dealing with jealousy in a Capricorn.

When I was first seeing this guy, we kept each other on our toes. More like at arm’s length. Taking things slow is better than going too fast. He told me about his ex-girlfriend who was super possessive. She would freak out over the slightest thing, like liking her friend's post on social media. She hated that he watched porn and was even was jealous of a playboy poster. According to him, she didn’t want him to pursue his dreams of being a famous performer. She complained that he didn't give her any attention and ignored her all the time to work on his music ambitions. I asked why. He replied, "She wanted me all to herself."

Okay, as an Aries, you don’t have to worry about me wanting you all to myself. I try to fit three different sports activities into one day. I’m too busy kissing myself in the mirror to ask for anyone else’s validation. If you don’t have your own goals or ambitions or a life outside of me, please, find it and actively be working on it before pursuing me. I’m not anyone’s manic pixie dream girl.

So, upon hearing this, I thought to myself: I’m the opposite of this clingy ex-girlfriend. I have my own life, my own living space, hobbies, interests, and friend group. I’m also, not the jealous kind. If a boyfriend said he and his friends were going to the strip club that employs tens, I’d be envious that I didn’t get to see any of the entertainment.

When an Aries is envious or jealous, it’s not because they’re afraid of losing what they have *Taurus* or losing their partner *Virgo/Scorpio* It’s the motherfucking fear of missing out. FOMO, PEOPLE. FOMO is what we’re afraid of.

6 months in, I find out my boyfriend isn’t as free loving as he makes himself out to be.

He fabricated me staring at another man during dinner. He was upset that I didn’t reply to his text messages within two hours, but was texting one of my male coworkers to coordinate getting a delivery done. He was upset that I picked up my mail from my ex-boyfriend’s house (where I used to live). He was pissed off that I was texting a male acquaintance at 3am in the morning to do a modeling shoot. He got annoyed that I was describing my male neighbors in a conversation, that I went on and ON about them - so why ask me about my day if you don't want to know?

He was jealous over romantic text messages someone sent ME two years ago! *I’m an open book about my conversations. If he’s suspicious, I’ll just hand over my phone and let him read whatever was sent*

If anything, when describing his controlling, jealous, toxic ex-girlfriend, HE fit the description! How the hell can someone victimize themselves so much?

What is it like to be this insecure, that you’re suspicious of someone’s male acquaintances? I’m not talking about someone with a history of cheating. I’ve NEVER cheated in my life, yet I felt like I was on Parole.

How I felt – total buzzkill. These kinds of reaction were not what I expected from him. It’s like his personality did a total one-eighty, six months after we started dating.

I used to think so highly of this person, who I thought of as confident, easy going, and trusting. No, not the case.

Turns out, he admitted he doesn’t trust anybody, that he’s a jealous person, that he doesn’t like it when I hang out one on one with male friends. Well shit me a fucking brick because my friend group (thanks to philosophy, debate, and athletics) is predominantly male!

This kind of behavior soured my days. The outbursts really brought me down. Thankfully, it didn’t rub off. I’m still not an insecure person. I’m not jealous. Should he find someone who fits the paystub down to the hundredth cent, I’d be happy for him. Why? Because that’s what life is about! To be fucking happy! The world is hard enough as it is. The last thing we need to do is project insecurities onto each other, especially the ones we claim to “love.”

Here’s where I messed up:

I didn’t know that he wanted to feel:

Adored, to be made my first priority, to message back immediately (chill the fuck out, extroverts. The world doesn’t revolve around your need for instant gratification). That knowing where I was at all times was a form of love…?

Feminine signs see this as loving. Masculine signs see this as controlling. You choose.

Equation is this.

Feminine sun signs aren’t very emotionally expressive unless they have an expressive moon like Aries. This one has Leo. It’s even worse when they’ve been drinking a ton.

Masculine signs don’t usually shut down unless they have a cold moon – mine is in Cancer. When I’m wronged or hurt, I withdraw. Then I lash out three-fold.

Bottom-line is, jealousy is normal. Outbursts instead of talking in a normal conversation and explaining how you feel rather than being a fucking dick about it.