thecooliestbean

[thecooliestbean]

“From whence you came” is a classic place to send back a foul beast

[thecooliestbean]

me when someone abruptly asks me if i want to go and do something fun together but the fun thing wasn't part of my daily plan:

[thecooliestbean]

[thecooliestbean]

[thecooliestbean]

good for him

[thecooliestbean]

why is back sleeping so difficult and uncomfortable when it's supposedly the only way to sleep that doesn't slowly implode all of your bones. the human body seeks its own ruin with the fervor of a cordyceps ant

[thecooliestbean]

[thecooliestbean]

Either people need to learn how to tell the difference between an “I’m sorry” that takes direct responsibility and an “I’m sorry” that signifies sympathy, or I’m gonna start responding to unfortunate information with a solemn nod and a “Sympies,” because I am tired of receiving a “Why? It wasn’t your fault” every time I try to vocalize compassion.

[thecooliestbean]

apparently everyone is sick of my shit and they’re going to kill me tomorrow. idk it’s just what I heard

[thecooliestbean]

[thecooliestbean]

having long distance friends is so fucked. do you wanna come over to my house and play (it will cost us 1 william dollars)

[thecooliestbean]

I say shit like "If my memory serves me" knowing damn well it serves the dark lord

[thecooliestbean]

how it feels to wash your hair and brush your teeth and have clean clothes on

[thecooliestbean]

google search will this uneasy feeling in my stomach I've felt since I was 13 ever go away

[thecooliestbean]

i hate to admit this but i think if i were in a bad mood and spongebob were around i wouldnt be able to navigate that situation with the patience or grace it demands. and i worry he would blame himself

[thecooliestbean]

fucking whatever man. [my plumbob changes from green to red instantly]

[thecooliestbean]

hey did you know that if something is too scary to deal with you can just avoid it