thecollectedchaos

[thecollectedchaos]

Ranata Suzuki

[thecollectedchaos]

“You don’t see me crying at night, you don’t know what I’m feeling inside. It’s amazing what a smile can hide.”

— Unknown

[thecollectedchaos]

Taylor Swift: The Painter

[thecollectedchaos]

Labyrinth, live on piano. I'm dead. 💀🥲 😭

[thecollectedchaos]

- I Guess the Old You is a Ghost (#589: June 25, 2014)

[thecollectedchaos]

[thecollectedchaos]

It's all so contradictory, purpose. Somedays, I feel like the only purpose of my pain is to help those that I can. While that does feed a certain part of my soul, I am no closer to helping myself.

Imagine standing in a pitch-black tunnel. You can't see a thing and are slowly trying to find your way out. Suddenly, you see a light, and you run straight towards it.

"There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere! I need your help, hurry, follow me," they say. Standing there is your closest friend, holding a flashlight. They start sprinting down the tunnel. You follow them, hoping they know the way out.

They stop at a wall of rocks, "I can't move this alone. Will you help me carry it," they ask, pointing to one large rock blocking a way to the other side. You jump into action, ready to move this barrier and get the heck out. The rock is moved! You turn to the opening, but the flashlight turns off.

"Hello?!" You desperately call out for your friend, but there is no reply. They are gone, and so is the light.

You sit down in the tunnel, back in the darkness and alone. "Is this my purpose," you wonder?

When you are depressed, it's easy to do for others, what you often can't do for yourself. It's easy to show others what deep down you wish you would receive in return. It's also easy to be convinced that every display of 'needing you' is deserving of your attention and energy. This balance can be paralyzing, and recently, I'm feeling paralyzed.

[thecollectedchaos]

[thecollectedchaos]

having a tumblr blog is like being the curator of my own personal museum of mental breakdowns and special interests

[thecollectedchaos]

Louise Glück, from "Persephone the Wanderer", Averno

[thecollectedchaos]

"It gets better."

The only thing getting better is my ability to suppress. I am permanently damaged. I will never be who I was, and I don't like the person I've become.

"The goal is happiness."

Happiness is a feeling. Feelings come and go. Happiness is an impossible destination. It exists only in moments.

"What do you want me to do?"

Love me. Through the cynicism, through the tears. Take my broken pieces and mend me back together. Show me I'm not too much of anything, but just enough of everything. Show me my survival isn't pointless.

[thecollectedchaos]

[shaking myself by the shoulders] i will get better. i will continue. i have no goddamn choice

[thecollectedchaos]

Wordy by aavfvl

[thecollectedchaos]

@taylorswift, thank you. Thank you for creating your art. For creating these masterpieces of music that so eloquently combine the right words and melody to convey the feelings that we as the listeners can so closely relate to. I've listened to evermore a thousand times, but it wasn't until I watched The Eras Tour in theaters and had the privilege of seeing your performance of tolerate it, that I realized how much this song means to me. This song has become my anthem in the current season of my life. I relate to so many of your lyrics, but this song just hits me differently. The truth, the vulnerability, the pain, the love, I feel every word so deeply. These words I couldn't have strung together myself, but so perfectly help me to process the grief I carry.

I know you will never see this in the ocean of social platforms, but I needed to put this into the universe. You deserve to know what an incredible impact your art makes. Thank you for creating, I'm hopeful you never stop.

🖤 @thecollectedchaos

[thecollectedchaos]

[thecollectedchaos]

[thecollectedchaos]

I waste my days filling a cup just to watch them pour it out.🫗