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Playbag – Blewit Review

I’ve always had a mixed reaction to masturbation sleeve toys. On one hand, I’ve been intrigued by the idea that a good masturbation sleeve could enhance self pleasure beyond the sensations one could create just using their hands. At the same time, I’ve been wary that cleanup and maintenance of such toys would quickly become a chore.

So when I had the chance to review one back in 2016, I was fairly excited. The product was a Blewit masturbator and it was gifted to every attendee of a sex positive conference I had the chance to present at. As soon as I got home from the event, I sent my confirmation email and waited for my Blewit to arrive.

My wait of a few weeks turned into months as the Blewit was never delivered. Eventually, I stopped getting reply emails from the company to update the status of the Blewit. Honestly, this soured me on the company ( you could say they blew it with me….) and I gave up on the prospect of having an opportunity to test the toy.

Cut to Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit in 2018, where I had the chance to meet Zoe Ligion, the owner of Shop Spectrum Boutique, who offered me an opportunity to test and review something from her store. After checking out her website, I noticed Zoe carried a Blewit. Now, this was important to me, since I knew that Shop Spectrum had a reputation as retailer of only carrying high quality products. I let Zoe know I was interested in reviewing the Blewit and a few days later, the product arrived in the mail.

When looking at the Blewit, it’s inevitable to compare the product to the better known Fleshlight brand. The thing that always bothered me about the Fleshlight was that it’s cleanup process seemed like it would be tedious with the necessity of both cleaning the toy and using cornstarch to keep the inner sleeve pliable. The Blewit promises that cleanup was just as simple as rinsing the toy thoroughly and that no cornstarch was needed.

Opening the Blewit package, it doesn’t look like a sex toy. This seems to be a selling point of the company, that their product was so nondescript that it could be mistaken for a bluetooth speaker. The shape of the toy is a graduated octagon, which makes for a comfortable, sturdy grip, which is important when holding on to the toy with sticky, lube covered fingers.

It has to be said, the Blewit is marketed as a “men’s” masturbator. It’s 2019, can’t we get away from gendered sex toy marketing? The Blewit website markets the toy as such, however it’s very cool to point out Shop Spectrum doesn’t gender the product at all.

The Blewit is a modular toy, where every part has a purpose. The parts are:

The octagonal sleeve that the user holds, essentially the body of the toy

The silicone sleeve which is ribbed with interior nodules which provide sensation while stroking.

The end cap with vacuum vent.

The sizing ring

The drying dock

The directions are for the Blewit are pretty straightforward. A user removes the drying dock end caps and inserts their penis into the interior sleeve to begin stroking until orgasm is reached. It’s recommended to use liberal amounts of water based lube in the Blewit. For my tests, I used two approaches to lube. For the first time, I lubed my penis, then inserted it into the toy. For tests after that, I applied lube to the top of the interior sleeve and poured additional lube into the sleeve itself, which meant my penis got coated once I inserted myself.

The inner sleeve felt snug but comfortable and the sensation nodules inside the sleeve felt good. I like that the entire inner sleeve had the modules, so your penis will get stimulation no matter where you prefer it.

The other part of the Blewit that controls the user experience is the vacuum control valve at the end of the toy. If it’s open, then the suction of the toy is lessened. This is good if someone wants to experience quick, fluid stroking without a lot of resistance. If the value is closed, the suction is increased, and increases on each subsequent stroke. Personally, I preferred the feeling with more suction, while making me glad for the liberal amounts of lube I used.

The Blewit is marketed as a stamina trainer, and I can attest it’s effective. The silicone sleeve and suction control does a good job of approximating penetrative sex and the array of sensations the toy provides allows the user to gradually build up to an orgasm. The toy provided enough stimulation that I was able to use it while semi erect, and it helped me to achieve a full erection, without any other stimulation. When fully erect, the toy was easy to use and allowed me to have fun edging my way up to orgasm. As a kink toy, the Blewit would be great as a part of a consensual cock milking or edging scene.

The shape of the housing truly comes into play, by providing a solid place for your hands to grip. In a 20 minute masturbation session, my hands didn’t get fatigued and I was able to get consistently good strokes because of how the toy was shaped. The toy itself also has a texture that helps the user to maintain grip and control. The octagon shape means you aren’t trying to hold onto a cylinder, and the toy is flared, so the part that’s closer to your penis is wider, which also helps the grip.

After a masturbation session, the time came to test if the toy was truly easy to clean up. The directions say that all that cleanup requires is rinsing the you out thoroughly and allowing it to dry.

I opted to rinse the toy off in the shower. I rinsed the outside to remove any materials and let a stream of water flow down the shaft of the masturbation sleeve, to ensure that all the materials had been removed. Although the directions say it isn’t necessary, I removed the sleeve from the Blewit housing to make sure I rinsed it out thoroughly. Once again, it’s imperative to choose the right kind of lube so the toy can be rinsed properly without leaving gunky remnants. Also important, remove the end cap (the one that controls the vacuum suction) so that the water flows directly through the toy, making the rinsing as effective as possible.

After rinsing the toy clean, the next step is to dry the Blewit. For this step, one has to replace part of the end cap which I has raised air vents, to allow for the airflow to dry out the interior of the toy. I did this, making sure to leave the end cap off, to maximize the airflow. It took a couple of hours sitting on my dresser to ensure that the toy was dry. After a day of sitting on the drying dock, the blew it was completely dry, which is essential to make sure you don’t leave mildew creating moisture in your toy.

My takeaway is that the Blewit is a good product that delivers on its promises. It’s compact, easy to clean and provides a good masturbation experience, whether the user is looking for pleasure or stamina training.

As a part of my review, I worked with Shop Spectrum, therefore I didn’t have a chance to deal Blewit directly as company. So I can’t evaluate their customer service, but one can hope their communication is better then it was in 2016, when the company was in its early stages. A simpler solution is to buy the Blewit from a reliable retailer like Zoe and the team at Shop Spectrum. Working with them has been a pleasure.

I’d recommend the Blewit to anyone looking for a good penis masturbator. It’s said good things come to those who wait, the Blewit turned out to be a good thing. Give it a try and keep it kinky.

Find The BLEWIT! here.

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from The Black Pomegranate http://theblackpomegranate.com/playbag-blewit-review/

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Valentine’s Kinky Shopping

or “Get it on this February”

Valentine’s Day is a time to spice it up. Here are some of our recommendations for some new gear this February.

The Mini Stainless Steel Anal Hook

Anal hooks are a great way to combine anal play and rope bondage by creating wickedly fun predicaments that create sensation with the subtlest movements. The Mini Stainless Steel Anal Hook is a great product to explore entry level anal hook play. It’s a single piece of stainless steel, which means it’s compatible with various types of lube (an absolute must for anal play) and easy to clean. The small diameter (2.5 in) of the ball affixed to the end of the hook insures that using the gear in a scene won’t be too severe of an experience. The Mini Stainless Steel Anal Hook

Corcoran 10 Inch Puncture Resistant Marauder Tactical Boot

Kink doesn’t always happen in nice, temperature regulated playspaces. Sometimes kink happens in wet, muddy fields when it’s 100 degrees outside ( I have stories….). When play gets messy, the nylon and leather composition of these boots ensures you’ll stay ready for action.

Corcoran 10 Inch Puncture Resistant Marauder Tactical Boot

Tantus Silicone Dragon Tail

If kink had a multitool it may look something like the Tantus Silicone Dragon Tail. Short and compact, the toy has the versatility of a biting, stingy tip while also having a flat, thuddy middle section. In addition, the Dragon Tail can be repurposed as a literal tail, as the handle can be used as an insertable! The silicone construction of the toy makes it compatible with water based lubes and easy to clean.

Tantus Silicone Dragon Tail

Sutil

Need a stocking stuffer? Lube is literally the gift that keeps on giving. When it comes to the lube, one of the best are the products made by Sutil. Whatever kind of penetrative play you’d like to engage in, Sutil is likely to giving you and a scene partner a luxurious, body safe experience.

Sutil

Doxy Mini Wad

This has become a must-have in my kit. The amount of times I whip this out to bring the sensation up a notch or to get to the orgasm is probably too high. But I don’t care. I love this little thing, and you will too!. Get it here.

Blush Pride Dildo

I got to see Blush things at Woodhull and there is coming review of some of their products, but here is a teaser: I LOVE THEM. The material is soft and smooth, and has a nice little notch in the right place. I’m a bit of a size queen, but this one’s modest size does the job. And it’s pretty.

Get it here.

Huberd’s

I wear a lot of leather. A LOT. Keeping leather in good condition only takes a few minutes, and Huberd’s shoe grease is the best at making sure your leathers don’t dry and crack. Use it on boots, whips, leather satchels, leather clothes and on oil tan boots. A little goes a long way. Oh, did I mention you can also use it as a lube? Get it here

Wrist Cuffs

I bought my favorite set from The Stockroom several years ago. After some great use, they still look fabulous and are great to use. They stay snug without being tight, and can adjust to all wrist sizes. The rings on them mean I can lock them together when I am feeling especially domme-y. A good pair of cuffs is a hundred times better than handcuffs, in my opinion. Want to add these to your collection? Right this way.

Twisted Monk

You know we here at The Black Pomegranate love The Twisted Monk rope. This one is extra special. It conducts electricity. So tie up your favorite person (with consent!) and zap them with a violet wand . For more on electricity, read our post here. Get the rope here.

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from The Black Pomegranate http://theblackpomegranate.com/valentines-kinky-shopping/

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Breaks, Kinks and Healing

This isn’t going to be the polished blog posts that you’re used to getting from me, full of self deprecation and witty metaphors about my adventures in kink, laid out like a comic book narrative. Instead, it’s a story about healing.

Since I started blogging, almost five years ago, I’ve tried to write something at the beginning of a new year that resonates with the promise and possibility the new year will bring. Because like most people, I hope that the new year will be better than the last. Around this time last year, I wrote a post about being woke and sex positive in 2018, written with the hope that the year would be full of possibilities and growth for everyone, including me. Little did I know that about six weeks after publishing the post, my year would take some turns and changes that I couldn’t possibly imagine. I’ve had a hard time writing, trying to reconcile last year while looking ahead to 2019. That’s because 2018 was a bit extra.

How the injury happened

I didn’t get upset about my ankle until I realized I couldn’t cut grass. Now, the timing of this realization was odd, after all I was in the lobby of a hotel in February and grass cutting season was at least two months away. But in hindsight, I think grass cutting was part of my mental checklist as my brain conversed with my body, telling it something was very wrong. After all, I’ve cut grass every year since I was 13 years old, the same year I started working out faithfully. How could a simple moment change so many things about me so quickly?

But there I was, watching as my ankle stiffened and swollen to the point I could barely bend it or walk. The reason I hobbled down to the lobby was because my calf hurt when I simply laid down and pressed it against the bed-sheets, which I’d later learn was the result of a fracture. Then the cascade of thoughts came. I wonder if I can lift weights? How will I get around? Won’t this get better in a couple of days? ( The answer to all of those questions was no).

I’ve never really been injured or ill in my life. Sure, I’ve had muscle pulls, that were taken care of with a plunge in ice filled baths. Or the time I dislocated my shoulder, and it slipped back into place, as though my body knew I couldn’t tolerate the downtime. Even in the decade where the stress of care-giving slowly eroded my health, my terse assessment of being “fine” was my mantra, my declaration that I was OK, even when I wasn’t. When my time as a caregiver came to a close, I used steel kettle-bells to restore everything to my body I felt I’d lost to time or commitments.  After all, being injured or ill is a fundamental change and that’s something else I don’t tolerate.

A new reality

The year 2018 had its own ideas about what I’d have to tolerate. Everything would be different. I dealt with a high ankle sprain and broken leg and months of recovery. I confronted the raw emotion of how the injury occurred. I was humbled by weakness, pain and fatigue that I couldn’t shrug off. Depression crept in at just the right moment, when I couldn’t elevate my mood with a long walk or push ups (you’d be surprised how hard push ups are when you can only stabilize your body with one foot). As I worked on recovery, my uninjured leg hurt when I pushed too hard, because of an increased load. My conditioning dropped. I got tired (and frustrated easily). I went from being able to balance and walk on iron fences to needing to hold a handrail when climbing stairs.

Because I literally slowed down so much, I began to pay attention to a breathing problem that seemed to become worse, or at least more noticeable because of being sedentary.  About a month after finishing physical therapy a trip to another doctor confirmed a tumor that had to be removed surgically. I learned that at least a month of recovery would be necessary. I didn’t mind the prospect of being in pain or the risks of the surgery. What did bother me was yet another thing occurring in my life that seemed like a setback. More recovery would be required from my body, and more patience required from my heart and mind.

Shortly after I began physical therapy, I decided not to do suspensions until I was healed and regained a good portion of my strength back. Learning that you can’t stand and balance on one leg means it’s an inherent risk to try and manage a suspension; that was a risk I wasn’t willing to take.

Of course, other parts of my kink life was affected in 2018. My leg was injured in a kink space, due to someone’s thoughtless, careless behavior. I was angry at myself for letting the injury happen. For not keeping my guard up. I regretted the things I couldn’t do for people I love. I resented the opportunities I missed. I dearly missed my workouts and walks. I’d already developed some nagging doubts about kink before my injury and the uncertainty I faced after being hurt seemed to magnify those concerns. BDSM, something that’s central to my life joined the mental checklist of things I couldn’t do. The people, places and things that once felt like home now felt hostile. What felt worse than the realization I couldn’t do something in kink was the bitter thoughts that maybe I shouldn’t be doing things in kink.

A reboot

So, 2018 was a dumpster fire, right? One that I’m eager to put behind me and solely focus on 2019. I’ll be completely honest, 2018 was one of the most difficult years of my life. I wouldn’t want to repeat a lot of the experiences I had last year. But last year was full of profound growth and healing, despite the rough times.

Granted, I wish I had never incurred an injury, especially one that could have been avoided. Surgery is never fun. Physical therapy was demanding. I lost time and connections with people and things I cherish. Depression and feeling like you aren’t doing enough isn’t fun. Despite this, 2018 gave me as many good things as bad.

For me, last year was like a forced reboot. There was no choice but to take care of my health and body, because circumstances demanded that. I had to reset my values and boundaries. I experienced moments of grace and love. My bonds with the important people in my life grew deeper. Healing my spirit renewed my sense of purpose. I learned that my emotional health required as much work as my physical strength. The labor of healing and recovering reminded me how strong I am. I even managed to cut the grass, albeit fewer times over the summer.

During my time in kink, I’ve probably asked several hundred people do they have any injuries or illness that could affect play or demos. Now I have a greater empathy and understanding when someone tells me about their issues, because I have a more informed perspective. I’m profoundly grateful for that. I’m content with the fact that I removed the person who injured me from an event and have seen him disappear from the kink scene, which hopefully means he won’t harm anyone else. I truly realize the importance of safe spaces in a way I couldn’t have before. I have a renewed commitment to safer, risk aware kink spaces. I’m much more likely to call out toxic practices in kink spaces when I see it. My experience could have driven me away from kink. Instead, it helped me to be better.

Antique illustration of human body anatomy: Ankle foot joint

Now, this isn’t fiction and things aren’t perfect. If it were, everything would be fine and last year would be like a bad dream that’s barely remembered. That isn’t the case. At times I continue to struggle, mostly with my own self judgement and self criticism. The person who used to say he’d never been hurt is learning to make peace with someone can now say he’s been hurt and ill. I’ve had the experience of finally acknowledging that it’s OK to admit that I’m not always OK and that I’m not less than because of that fact. Almost a year later, I still limp a bit if its cold and I push too hard. That’s OK too. Healing is process and that demands its own course and time-frame.

In a couple of weeks, I’ll revisit the the space where I was injured. How will I feel? Have I processed and healed in the right ways? My leg is stronger than ever (I’ve checked). But is the heartbreak healed? Have I replaced the trepidation with contentment? Maybe, but I’m not certain. Ask me in a month.

I’m going to revisit themes from this post (Kink, recovery, healing, safety) throughout the year. Sometimes that will mean personal posts like this one, other times it’ll be reflected in the work I do with Ms. Pomegranate. That’s my promise and possibility for 2019. I hope your 2019 is full of what you need, that your own promise and possibility is realized. Be well, family and keep it kinky.

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from The Black Pomegranate http://theblackpomegranate.com/breaks-kinks-and-healing/

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Electrical Play – A Shocking Good Time

Electrical Play is one of the scariest things that I can bring up in BDSM environments. For many people, it’s a hard limit. Shocking, I know. (There will be many puns, sorry (not sorry)). However, I am of a mind that it is misunderstood and can be a pleasurable experience. Today we will take a deep dive into electricity, and the many ways you can incorporate it into your play.

What is it?

Let’s start with what it is. Electrical play (also known as e-stim, or erotic electrostimulation) is when you use any type of electrical apparatus in your play. This includes violent wands, TENS units, tasers and cattle prods. The play is done at a relatively low voltage to stimulate the body or genitals. For some it can feel like light stimulation, and for others it can be described as hard zap. For this reason, some consider electrical play edge play. I, for one, think that some of it can be edge play (I’ll detail some scenarios at the end), but for the most part, it is simply electrical stimulation.

TENS and Violet Wands

Violet Wand Set

There are two popular types of electrical appliances that you often see – the violet wand and a TENS unit. Violet Wand first. A Violet Wand is a modified ‘Tesla’ coil-type electrical transformer, one that is engineered specifically as a safe sexual aid or kink toy. It emits a flow of electricity that is completely safe and of a low current. The appliance itself is usually a large cylindrical construction with a cord at one end and a hole (nosecone) at the other end. There is an opening at the nosecone for implements that touch the person receiving the estim. The implement is plasma filled and is called an electrode and they come in every shape imaginable. We will do a post on violet wands later, but know at their simplest you plug it in and have electricity to play with – from gentle to less gentle. The violet wand is beautiful to play with and produces a unique scene.

TENS unit

The next popular item is a TENS unit. The Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation or TENS unit is something you will find in hospitals and doctor’s office as well as dungeons. The way it works is that electrodes are placed at specific sites on a user’s body, the electrodes receive current from a machine with different adjustable settings to control amplitude (intensity) of stimulation by controlling the voltage, current, and pulse width (duration) of each pulse. A lot people use this to for muscle pain. But, of course, we kinky people learned how twist to our own delicious uses. The most common use is to put TENS electrodes on your genitals, for the purpose of a great orgasm. Men can use the electrodes on the underside of their shaft, while women can attach it to an insertable (dildo) or near their clitoris. (Pro-tip – shave first). Because the power of the TENS is adjustable, you can make the scene fun and interesting or really painful. You can attach the electrodes to things that conduct electricity, like butt plugs and insertables, and…needles.

Edge play – and now for the most edge play scene I have even witnessed. I once saw a beautiful women stick needles in the large muscle groups of a man, include the testes, and apply TENS nodes to them. To say that he experienced pain would not accurately capture the intensity of this scene. Also, I really want to do this someone. Any volunteers? No? Moving on.

Tasers and cattle prods

You know what these are, and they remain the scariest of the electricity play for many people. It always reminds me of touching an

Electrical Prod

electric fence. (Something I did on a regular basis when I was young). If you incorporate this into your play, remember to use one for that purpose. One on the lower side of voltage. Ever see the videos where people try out the tasers that cops use? Yeah, not those kind.

Safety

This is pretty straight forward. Don’t use home-made devices. You will certainly likely injure or kill someone. Try to get the devices from kinky retailers so you know they are safe, and make sure to stay in the recommended frequency range of 300-3000 hz. Which is why we use the phrase “low and slow”. Start with low voltage and go up slowly. Most healthy people can take some electricity, but avoid this play if you have a history of epilepsy, a history or strokes or seizures, nerve damage and heart disease. Always stay away from the head and neck when doing electrical play and be aware of piercings. Piercings heat up under electricity and can cause burns. Burns are the number one injury from this type of play, so again, low and slow.

How does it feel? Well, that’s the thing. Everyone is different. I don’t mean everyone has a different pain tolerance kind of different, I mean the sensation is different. Some think it feels like punch, other a tickle, still others a feather, and some static electricity. Even at low levels, someone can feel a lot of pain from electricity.

Is this for me?

A lot of people who would never try electrical play LOVE the violet want and never go any further than that. For that purpose, I always recommend trying it out. If you like it, move on to TENS units and then maybe incorporate a taser into a scene if you are feeling adventurous .

For the bondage lovers, Twisted Monk makes an electrified rope that you can hook up to a TENS unit for some unique fun.

What an electrifying post! I’m zapped.

Until next time!

Keep talk the taboos!

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from The Black Pomegranate http://theblackpomegranate.com/electrical-play-a-shocking-good-time/

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Dungeon Basics: What to wear

Set the scene: you’ve made plans to attend a play party. Most of the details have come together, except you have no idea what to wear. On one hand, it can be intimidating to think you have to wear expensive, revealing fetish clothing. On the other hand, it’s a given that you want to dress appropriately for the occasion and make a great impression. If you’re new to dressing for kink events, here’s what you need to consider.

Is there a dress code?

Leather Harness

Dress code enforcement can range from being fairly lax to strict enough to get you turned away at the door of an event. Therefore, it’s important to know the dress code rules for any event you may attend.

Typically, the event description will state what’s permitted and prohibited as attire for a party. For example, a latex fetish party may require everyone who attends to wear clothing made from materials like latex, PVC, spandex and neoprene, for example. A night out at the code bar of your regional gay nightclub may mean wearing some leather  like chaps, club vests or high-end leather boots like Corcorans, Frye or Wescos.

What’s considered acceptable fetish attire is widely open to interpretation, so it’s best to ask the party organizers exactly what the dress code calls for. Party organizers set dress codes because they want to set a certain tone and style for their event. As I stated earlier, some of these rules can be very strict, like no PVC clothing at a latex event. It’s also a safe bet that a fetish party with a wardrobe most likely won’t allow jeans, t-shirts, or sneakers.

There’s something else to consider when thinking about a dress code, and that’s the atmosphere of the event you’ll be attending. If you’re a fetishist with an elaborate wardrobe, you may not want to go to the same party where folks are wearing casual clothing. If you can’t stand the thought of wearing latex for four hours, then reconsider if you want to be at a fetish formal for four hours. Choose the events and subsequent wardrobes that you’ll enjoy and adhering to a dress code will be a fun opportunity rather than an arduous task.

What if there is no dress code?

Latex and corset

The opposite of a specific dress code at an event are clothing rules that say basically, “wear whatever”. So, what do you wear when the choices can be anything? If you’re pulling together an outfit for an event, considering your personal expression and what you’ll be doing are a good place to start.

If you’re attending an event, what looks make you feel comfortable and confident? What kind of personal expression is important to you? Simply, what makes you feel good? For some people, an ensemble that you’d wear to dinner with friends  would also make a great outfit for the playspace. For others, an event is a chance to express oneself in a safe, accepting space.

Dressing for an event is often a personal choice, so wear things that make you feel positive and affirmed. One note, if people belittle you or your clothing choices in a playspace, that’s an excellent sign that the venue isn’t inclusive or may not be  particularly safe. Fetish and BDSM should be about creating a safe space where people can openly be their authentic selves, without fear of judgement.

It’s important to note, that you shouldn’t assume  other people aren’t dressing for your sexual gratification. If someone wears something that’s sexy, that’s their personal form of self-expression. Clothing isn’t an invitation to interact with someone in a sexual or inappropriate manner, it certainly isn’t an invitation to push someone’s boundaries. Part of consent means being respectful of how someone chooses to present themselves.

Dress for play

Boots and short dress

The other consideration is, what will you be doing in a playspace? That expensive latex outfit I keep mentioning? It may look amazing but be impractical for a rough body play scene, where you and your partner are rolling on mats. If you’re going to do a scene, keep in mind clothing that will work for said scene. Also keep in mind that you may decide to undress down to your underwear or completely nude, so think about what will make that easier. Getting out of a corset or boots that have a bunch of eyelets can take a while and affect the flow of a scene. It’s helpful to be mindful of time and the ease of getting into (and out of) clothing.

Some folks actually wear clothing they intend to destroy as part of a scene, thrift shops can be a great place to pick up expendable looks.

Consider everything

Is the playspace hot or cold? Does your outfit make it hard to receive bondage or does it restrict your arm motion while throwing a flogger? Don’t pick an outfit that’s impractical considering your plans at a party.

Also consider your arrival and departure at an event. Many playspaces have somewhere you can change clothing, so you’re able to travel comfortably and glam up at the venue. Comfortable footwear is a must, especially if you have to walk or travel a distance. I’ve often seen Ms.Pomegranate take sensible shoes to a playspace which meant she didn’t have to drive home in her thigh high boots. Consider a backpack or something you can use to store your phone and other essentials while the party is going on.

Consider carrying a spare set of clothes to an event. If your play is physical and sweat inducing, you’ll appreciate a fresh change of clothes at the end of the event. If you do something like a wax play scene, you’re bound to have flecks of wax still stuck to your body that you don’t want coming into contact with your clothing. Using rope like jute can leave a layer of dust and fibers on you, so be mindful of the mess that playing can make.

When you’re outside the playspace, dress in a nondescript, street legal manner. Baring your ass at a party may be cool, but outside the dungeon it can cause a venue problems with the surrounding neighborhood. Also, being modest outside a playspace allows everyone attending an event to maintain as much privacy as possible.

Au Natural?

Jeans and leather harness

At times, you may ironically see full or partial nudity as a dress code option. I’ve see parties where submissives were expected to be nude as symbolic to their role in relation to the dominants at the event. Once again, this is a personal decision based on your comfort and sense of expression. If the dress code demands it, you have to determine the level of nudity you’d be comfortable with, which may be where you also consider if an event is for one you want to attend. If various states of undress are permitted at an event, it can be another chance to explore self exploration, perhaps by wearing lingerie or sheer clothing that makes you feel great. Even the addition of body jewelry or shackles can create a fun scene for a look. Whatever you decide regarding nudity, it’s about your personal desires and needs. The role of the playspace is to provide a risk aware, consensual environment for present your body in what manner, with whatever adornments suit you.

Putting a look together

The specifics of choosing various types of fetish clothing is so vast, that we’ll cover the topic in a separate post soon. However, there are a few rules of thumb that you can rely on to help you pull together a look for an event, the rules being:

Remember the basics, and present in a neat, hygienic manner

Follow the rules if an event has a specific dress code (Or risk not being admitted)

Know that great fetish looks can be pulled together without spending a lot of money

Dress comfortably and anticipate your level of activity at a party

Factor in your arrival, departure and changes at the party when selecting a wardrobe

The best outfits are the ones that fit well. Consider spending a few dollars on alterations

Dressing for parties is a chance for self-expression and exploration. Have fun with it!

There you have it, some considerations for pulling together an outfit for a night at the dungeon. Whether you’re rocking your favorite onesie or going high cow at a leather event, always keep it kinky.

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from The Black Pomegranate http://theblackpomegranate.com/dungeon-basics-what-to-wear/

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5 Myths About…Whips

Nothing is more synonymous with BDSM than whips. Put BDSM in the search bar and inevitably a women in latex clutching a whip will come up. Part of the reason for this is that a whip is something you can photograph to get your message across (as opposed to dildos), but the other reason is that they are indeed used in BDSM. Before you start cracking the leather though, let’s take a look at some of the myths surrounding whips.

1. Floggers and Whips are the same thing. – No. No, no, no, no. I can’t stress this enough. If you ask someone to whip you in a dungeon, and you really mean ‘use a flogger’, you are going to have a bad time. Floggers have several strips of material (usually an animal hide) and can be thuddy or stingy to the flesh. Even at their hardest, they are gentler than whips to the bottom/ sub. On the other hand, whips are stingy, and will leave marks wherever it touches skin; whips are long with a cracker and they are definitely not floggers, or crops, or canes, or dragon tails, or any of the other impact play instruments. They are in a class by themselves.

2. I’m Indian Jones! Or Cat Woman! or a Cowboy! – OK, maybe you feel that way, and I get it – it’s fun to play with a whip. But learning to play with a whip is a process. You’ll want lots of practice before you try on a real person. And you definitely won’t be cracking it like they do in the movies. That means no playing around with it.

3. Fine, I’ll take it to the local play party and use it. – Hold up, there. Not all play spaces allow whips, and those that do usually have a special place for such play. You can’t just ‘whip it out’ (heh) and start a scene with your sub. Check with your play space before hand, and when you go ask them what space is reserved for a whip. Hitting someone inadvertently with a whip is painful and possibly injurious, playspaces want to avoid this by setting aside a closed off space for whip play.

4. They can’t be that dangerous – Oh, but they are. With one good whip crack, you cause pain, a welt, and possibly bleeding. Good whip handlers can wield their whip like a knife. Everyone should treat their whip like it’s a sharp instrument, inside or outside a scene. It’s not just your sub you can injure, people have hit themselves in their face or hands or other parts, and injured bystanders. Prepare to feel a little sting yourself if you are new-ish to throwing a whip because you will definitely get yourself once or twice in the learning process.

5. But it’s still worth it for the crack – Yeah, lets talk about that crack. First, it’s hard to get and only really experienced practitioners get on every throw they attempt it. But the crack doesn’t mean the whip has or hasn’t touched your target. Intense whip scenes can happen without ever hearing that familiar crack once. The bite of the whip is just as potent without the powerful sound effects. Respect that thin strip of leather and what it can do, whether it’s a quiet throw or powerful throw with a crack.

These are only five myths about whips. The good news is that a lot of people have them and people will often give you a lesson if you ask nicely. I know that whips can be ubiquitous to BDSM, but getting one out and using it is rarer than you think. Just like anything else dangerous, respect what the whip can do and you’ll find the thrill of wielding a whip a treat.

Until next time!

photo credit: shotwhore photography Anime Los Angeles 2016 005 via photopin (license)

photo credit: AldoZL 10′ Morgan Blacksnake (ca. 2001) – Handle Area via photopin (license)

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Books for BDSM

Let’s face it, some of us are nerds. We can’t do it or believe until we read it.

To that end, we surveyed people in all kinds of places, and put together a list of books that will help you on your BDSM journey.

Here are some things to keep in mind when reading;

These books are very hetronormative. However, they still came recommended for gender queer people.

Some talk exclusively about hetro things, and some about gay/ lesbian things. That doesn’t mean the information isn’t worthwhile.

Problematic books happen. Hopefully, in the future those books will be replaced by less problematic books.

I have linked to the books on amazon with affiliate links. Full disclosure.

Without further ado –

Fiction Books – when you like your characters a little freaky

Non-Fiction Books – some staples and some that may surprise you

Queer Sacred Journey – pagans need queer knowledge too

Rope – OF course we have some on Rope

Leather – For the leather folks out there

Service – For those that are into service, power exchange and Master/ slave relationships.

Recommended but couldn’t find on any site

Etiquette in Alternative Sexualities

So you want to be a titleholder?

Tale of a Titleholder by Hobbit

And there it is! If you have any recommendations, let me know! Start your BDSM library, and keep talking the taboos!

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Playbag – Sensation Play

It could be argued that everything we do has to do with sensation. If a whip is being thrown, certainly someone is feeling its bite. However, sensation play, as a scene in itself is a special kind of play. Let’s explore that.

Sensation play is about, first and foremost, touch. In this scene, the other person (people) will use their hands and various instruments to elicit a response from the bottom. Very few scenes of sensation play involves pain or bruise, but instead focusing on the act of feeling the various items.

Did I say various items? Indeed I did. Here are some things to put in your toy bag for a sensation scene and what to do with them.

Blindfold – Most sensation scenes are done with a blindfold on the bottom (the person receiving the sensation). But you can do it with the bottom just closing their eyes or, if they are really anxious and can’t do scene without looking, then open eyes is fine. I’ve always used a blindfold, it adds a sense of anticipation to the bottom. The question of “What will I feel next?” can create some beautiful scene tension

Gauntlet/ Claw – One of the most used items in sensation play is claws. It

Wartenberg Wheel – I covered this on another post.; have a look.

Ice – Ice is fun, but can be messy. An easy to bring it to the play space is to take half a bottle of water and freeze, then use it in your scene. Do I like ice on nipples? Yes, I do. You might too.

Feathers – These are fairly easy to get and you can get them from any craft shop. They invoke a sensual feel on the skin.

Vampire Glove – If you haven’t seen these they are kind of awesome. They are gloves with tack like material on the fingers. Scratch them on skin for a little more of a biting feel.

Electrical Play – use a TENS unit or a mild taser to stimulate the bottom. Combined with something soft, like feathers, can really mess with the mind.

There are lots of other things that can be used; balms, wax, impact toys, fabrics (silk or terry cloth) – to just name a few. The goal is awaken the stimuli while depriving the bottom of other senses. It is a type of fear play, but is done at a light level and can be done with those just starting out in BDSM. I often recommend this type of scene when a top and bottom are playing together for the first time. It builds trust and shows which kind of player each is.

How to set the scene – Negotiate before the scene your limits and safewords, then move on to which instruments will be used, usually no more than five. If you are using any chemicals, make sure to ask about allergic reactions before putting it on the skin or genitals. Have your bottom in a position where s/he can stay for an extended period of time, like a massage table. After you have blindfolded them and/ or put on headphones, lay out the instruments and use them each in turn. Pay attention to the bottom’s reaction to each sensation, think about how to combine sensations or how to ‘trick’ the bottom into anticipating one sensation and substituting it for another. You must be attuned and focused on your bottom in this scene, This is another reason I recommend it for a starter scene, it builds trust and focus on each other, helping each learn to read another.

Because it is a light scene, this is one that could go on for some time, but keep in mind that sensations can get fatigued just like anything else. If your bottom stops reacting a certain way, or seems to been wandering off in their mind, it’s time to bring the scene to an end. Put the instruments away, and put your hands on your sub, rub their arms or back, squeeze their hands – some acknowledgement for them to come gently out of the scene. From there you can remove the items you used for sensory deprivation (if any) and close the scene. Make sure to stay with your bottom until they are alert and aware, and have a good sense if they are having any skin reactions to the items you uses.

And voila! You have completed a sensation scene.

Until next time, keep talking the taboos!

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5 Myths About…Mummification

Mummification can cause shivers of dread at the mere thought, but as a kink it is widely practiced among more experienced BDSM players. Today we are going to talk about the myths surrounding mummification.

Plastic-wrap Mummification

1. As long as you can breathe through your nose and mouth, you’re alright – Mummification means wrapping up your body tight in the material of your choice. But it also wraps up your rib cage, compressing it and therefore compromising your ability to breathe. In this case, even if the nose and mouth are open to the air, breathing can be restricted to the point your bottom is in real danger. Offset this by foregoing tight wrapping from the lower stomach to the shoulders, to make sure the rib and lungs can expand

2. Getting it off is the easy part – Oh, how wrong you are, my friend. When mummifying someone, it is normal to take your time, to check in with them regularly as you take away sensations (Feeling, seeing, speaking, etc). During mummification, you keep a close eye on your bottom, and standby with safety scissors in case you need to get them out of the material quickly. Now, you think, is the easy part – stripping it all down and taking it off. Mummification is intense, and you need to ease your bottom back into the world of sensation and noise. Take off the material you chose as carefully as you put it on, make sure that if the material will cause pain (LOOKING AT YOU DUCT TAPE), you give them breaks to breathe, and let them sit or lay down as the scene winds down. This is one of those types of play that can be considered edgeplay, treat it as such. Plan well for the scene and for the aftercare. Ease the bottom into the scene and out of it. It will make the scene all the more sweeter.

3. Regular safewords are fine – Maybe, but maybe not. If your mummification includes covering the mouth, you will need another way to communicate with your bottom. Since it’s likely their hands are also bound with whatever material, and this is edgeplay you must plan carefully for safewords. The best is to hum a certain set of notes. Three is yellow, and five is red. Or if they are lying down, rolling to their side can be a signal. Just make sure it is noticeable and planned, don’t fuck around when someone is head to toe in plastic wrap. If you are ever unsure if a person is struggling, go ahead and ruin the scene and free the person from the bindings. I cannot stress this enough – do not fuck around with this if you have not planned properly. The number one part of your plan is how to communicate when someone can’t see or talk to you.

Soft Mummification

4. Plastic wrap and duct tape – If you look at the mummification pictures this is what you will see a lot of, and I’m a fan. However, as we have learned with BDSM, you don’t have to go hard to have a good scene. Wrap a person up in sleeping bag, swaddle them tightly, or bind them and put them in a dark box. There are a lot of ways to practice this that don’t include raiding your drawers for the Costco-sized plastic wrap.

5. Plastic wrap and duct tape, part 2 – If you have a feel for this kink and practice it, don’t be afraid to add in some more elements that might be fun. How about a Wand Vibrator? Or some tickle torture on their feet? Or even some flogging? If your bottom wants an intense scene, there are plenty of ways to get there after you have mummification on.

Now, we’ve talked about some serious stuff here, so let’s have the disclaimer – BE SAFE. KNOW YOUR SAFEWORDS, HAVE SOME SAFETY SCISSORS HANDY, TREAT THIS AS EDGE PLAY. This type of play is fun and intense, but is not for beginners. However, if you are looking for that next level, I have some pallet wrap with your name on it.

Until Next Time!

photo credit: heavyrubberlove Hood fitting I via photopin (license)

photo credit: sexyi Satin Fetish – Shiny Satin – Satin Bondage 05 via photopin (license)

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A Spanking Good Time

Spanking is one of the most common BDSM activities and it is to our shock that we discovered we had never talked about it here on the blog! Shame on us! But we are rectifying that now. Here is everything we know about spanking.

Why Spanking?

Many of us over a certain age can remember spanking as an oft-used discipline strategy of our parents. Now that we are grown, spanking is something still enjoyed by many adults and is popular BDSM activity. Spanking can be part of the classic schoolgirl scene, part of an impact scene, or just a sensation scene. The impact can range from light to “there-will-be-bruises” hard. No matter whether or not you use an implement, anything that requires striking the bottom can be considered a spanking. The thrill of this activity comes from the sensation of striking and the burning sensation afterward. No matter how you do it, it’s a lot of fun

The Basics

For this scene, there are usually two roles – the person doing the spanking (the top) and the person being spanked (the bottom). The scene can take

Woman spanking a man

place in any setting where play is allowed. Certainly, you can use a spanking bench, which provides a safe, sturdy base for the exercise, but you can do it without any special equipment. You can have your bottom stand near a wall, lying on a bed, lean over a chair or your lap, or even kneel on all fours. However, you choose to do the scene, it is important that the bottom has a sturdy place to brace themselves since spanking can cause the body to move in unexpected ways.  If you are using restraints, make sure they do not have any way to injure the bottom when the scene is taking place.

When negotiating a scene, make sure you know the stopping point. Besides the green, yellow, and red safewords, it is good to know where you are trying to end up. Is there a certain amount of time, a certain amount of redness, or an emotional point that your bottom is trying to get to? The bottom often relies on the top to help them stop a scene, so make sure you know where to stop sign is. Ask your bottom how they want to be dressed – hopefully, they will ask for your input! Remember that the fewer clothes the bottom wears, the more sensation will be felt with every hit, so adjust accordingly.

Many spankings take place in a fantasy, so add time to get into character and get the play area set up. Once you have everything ready to go and the scene is ready to commence it is time to get spanking!

Slap away!

When doing a spanking, remember you are aiming for butt and the upper thighs – these areas can take a lot of abuse, which is why they are the ones used for this type of hitting. Once your bottom is in place, ass up, you want to get the right implement.

The hand is popular, but be aware that using it for a long time can cause your arm to tire and your hand to sting. Plus, it can be pretty inaccurate as an implement. It does cover a lot of ground, however, so if you don’t mind the sting, go ahead and use that hand. If you want that little extra oomph when using your hand, put on some leather gloves.

There a lot of other implements you can use – slappers, paddles, and even household objects (wooden spoon, anyone?). Just make sure whatever you are using won’t hurt in a way that you are not expecting, i.e.splinters or sharp edges that can cut. It is normal in a scene to use more than one implement, so it might be a good idea to line them up to have them ready to switch out.

First, don’t try your hardest hits at first. You want to warm up the area with a little small smacks, maybe even rubbing the area to diffuse the sensation a little. Once everything is warmed up, find a nice rhythm to make sure your bottom is aroused and vary in between a thud and a sting. A thud is a heavy hit. It can be dull but gets deep in the tissue. Sting is more shallow and sharp sensations. Hands and wooden paddles produce thuds, and canes and slappers produce stings. One pro tip – if you are spanking with your bottom standing up, it is good to know they can clench their cheeks to lessen the pain, bending over something really opens up the bottom to all the sensations,

One thing I like to do in a scene is reposition the bottom a few times. This ensures that I am hitting all areas, and ratchets up the tension a little more. Commands to stick their bottom out are usually met with delight as well.

Safety

Don’t forget to make sure your bottom is not dizzy or faint if they are bending over. And help them stand up to allow for the blood that’s rushed to their head to stabilize. Make sure you can hear your bottom during the scene! If they are bent over or on all fours, their voice might get lost if you’re in a busy play space. Stop the play and go around to check in with them during the scene.

After the scene, make sure they are alright and see if they need aftercare. Also, check in with them in a day or two after to see if bruises have formed or anything isn’t feeling like it should.

Spanking is a fun and easy BDSM activity – and it delivers a lot of sensation to the bottom. Make sure to try it next time you are ready to play!

  Keep talking the taboos!

  photo credit: le_cucq le_cucq_spanking_three-1048 via photopin (license)

photo credit: le_cucq le_cucq_spanking_three-0565 via photopin (license)

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from The Black Pomegranate http://theblackpomegranate.com/spanking-good-time/

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Five Ways To Stay Woke (And Sex Positive) In 2018

As far as last year goes, 2017 could have been better. The year started with the inauguration of 45 and proclamations of “fake news” which turned out to be an ominous sign that truth and integrity would be in short supply for the coming year. Issues like racism, sexual harassment and transphobia seemed to simultaneously come to the public consciousness while being derided as non-issues by the alt-right. Some of these issues have been echoed in the sex-positive world, with heart-rending issues regarding consent coming to light and companies placing profits over ethics. Even for the most optimistic person, it was a challenge to feel good about a lot of things in 2017, in the face of so much negativity. The year left so many of us worn down, suspicious, feeling betrayed, gaslighted, and dreading a glance at what trended on Twitter. That’s not ok.

It’s inevitable to look ahead to 2018 and wonder what’s ahead. The good news is that the new year offers some great opportunities to anyone who cares about social justice and sex positivity. Here are five ways to stay woke and sex-positive in 2018.

1. Vote

It was once inconceivable that an alleged abuser could almost get elected to the U.S. Congress. In 2017, the nation breathed a collective sigh as that very thing almost happened, with the help of a full-throated presidential endorsement.

Midterm elections happen in 2018 and the stakes are high, for two reasons in particular. Changing the composition of Congress can help to blunt the legislative priorities of 45, and stymie an agenda that’s proven to be transphobic, misogynistic, ableist, reckless and completely unsupportive of content culture. We may have to endure two more years of 45’s presidency, but by turning out the vote we can make sure we minimize the damage. Also, keep this in mind. The de facto start of the 2020 presidential campaign season will essentially start after the midterm elections. If you want to celebrate 45’s departure in January of 2021, remember the fight starts in earnest in 2018.

There’s another reason the composition of Congress need to change and it applies to social justice on a personal level. If Roy Moore had made it to Congress, well he wouldn’t have been the only alleged (or admitted) abuser there. If social justice and consent culture is important to you, then make sure that legislators on the local and national level share your views and values. That’s the beginning of tangible legislative change and it starts with each one of us.

2. Get Involved

Last year we saw the advent of some huge social movements. Whether it was the #metoo and #resist hashtags on Twitter or movements like the Women’s March, people were spurred to action. For many people, 2017 was the year they found and used their voices. If you’re inspired to be a catalyst for change in 2018, get involved. Volunteer your talents to help a sex-positive or social justice organization. Become engaged with communities that matter to you (Ms.P does some amazing work in the leather community). Donate to organizations which align with your values, nonprofits need your support for the work they do.

Get involved in 2018

Getting involved can be as simple as committing yourself to small things which have a huge impact. Call out racial microaggressions when you see them. Use gender-neutral language and don’t assume pronouns. Support spaces that value safety and consent culture. Recognize abusive and violating behavior.

Getting involved does come with a caveat, not everyone can get involved on the same level because everyone doesn’t have the same privilege or access. Not everyone can take off time from work to protest. Not everyone is in a community where they can express themselves without fear of threats or reprisals. Be mindful of those that don’t have the amplified voices that comes with privilege and respect their positions. But if you are afforded privilege, well use it. Recognize that crass jokes can be passive aggressive, toxic masculinity. Be an authentic ally to queer, trans, and non-binary communities. White folks, get your people. Yes, using your privilege can be demanding and sometimes the load is uneven. But when everyone finds balance, doing what they can, that’s truly the catalyst for change.

3. Learn Something New

Commit yourself to learning something new in 2018 by making a kinky resolution. If you’re kinky, acquire or improve your play skills. Explore sex toys for the first time. Take a class at a sex shop or make the plunge and attend your first convention. The cool thing about sex positivity is that there is always something new to learn or discover. Learning is like investing in yourself and your relationships and increasing your sex-positive knowledge base is a definable way to make this year better than the last one.

4. Make Self Care A Priority

Self-Care in 2018 is important

Many of us were tested in 2017. Let’s be honest, confronting difficult topics requires hard emotional labor. With the neo-fascists protests in Virginia last year, the nation got a chance to see the tragic effects of racism. Hearing stories about assault can potentially be triggering. Watching 45 run the country like a badly scripted reality show is stressful. We spent far too much time shook in 2017.

In 2018, make self-care a priority. Ask for help when you need it. Practice mindfulness. Know and recognize your limitations. Stop viewing exhaustion as a sign of productivity. Learn to say no. Breathe. Decline a playdate if it doesn’t feel right. Skip the party if you’re tired. Unapologetically avoid toxic people and triggering spaces. The constant barrage of alternative facts and troubling news can wear down the best of us. That has a very real effect on our health and happiness.

Being woke demands that people also balance that with emotional and physical recovery. It’s healthy and necessary. Choose your battles and manage your time wisely. Don’t be afraid to step away when you need to. The challenges and pleasures of a sex-positive life will be there when you return. We keep a self Care worksheet on the blog for you to use.

5. Embrace Setbacks

Ever start a year being excited about your resolutions, only to have them stall by mid-February? Sex positive resolutions can be hard to stick with as well. Don’t get discouraged if you’re planning to be more conscious and sex-positive doesn’t seem to be progressing quickly enough. You aren’t going to overthrow the patriarchy, fight every social injustice and have mind blowing playdates at every attempt. You’re going to get discouraged when problematic things happen in communities and there’s no resolution. Playdates won’t always click and sometimes the sex is more “meh” then mind-blowing.

Embracing the setbacks will actually help you to stay woke and sex-positive in 2018. Every setback is a learning experience. It’s a guarantee that you won’t win every battle or right every wrong (it’s impossible to do so). Recognize that a setback isn’t a failure. Earnest efforts can be the catalyst for bigger changes. Speaking out about gross behavior may be uncomfortable, but it’ll ultimately help to create safer spaces. Practicing self-care can require humbly confronting your own issues, which is sometimes necessary. Experimenting with a new kink experience can be awkward. Sometimes, despite your best intentions, things won’t work out the way you’ve hoped or planned for.

It’s ok to feel all of that awkwardness, discomfort, and humility. The setbacks are what help us to ultimately move forward and realizing that is the key to truly staying woke and sex-positive in 2018.

Make this year a great one and always keep it kinky!

  Photo Credits: New Year – Fernando Butcher, Flicker.com St Louis Women’s March – Steve Truesdell, Riverfronttimes.com The Lady by the Window – Flicker.com

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A Primer on Cock and Ball Torture

Few kink activities tell you how much upfront it is going to hurt. Not cock and ball torture. Right from the get-go, the word torture is in the activity title. You know what you are in for. To follow that example, we are going to an overview of the kinds of pain you can inflict on penises and balls. If that makes you cross your legs in horror, just know you have been warned.

What?

The first question I get in this kind of discussion is “What is it?” By this, the asker normally wants to know how it is done. There are quite a few types of Cock and Ball Torture (CBT); genital bondage, genital spanking/ flogging, ball crushing and stretching, ball busting, needles, and sounding to name a few. Again, torture is in the name – these activities are designed to hurt. A LOT.

Why?

After I name these unpleasant activities, the second question is – without fail – “WHY?!?!”

Well, the genital area has a lot of nerves, and inflicting pain on them is going to release those amazing endorphins. It is a sure fire way to get to Endorphin Land and all the effects that high will give you. But there is also the intense sensation the play gives you. It goes a little something like this. When the pain starts, blood rushes to the area, and pleasure and pain roll in this intense wave until orgasm is finally reached. Again, because of the engorged state of the genitals, the release of orgasm is described as…intense. For some people with penises, that end result can be the reason, for others, it’s the endorphin-packed sensation of the actual torture that they love. Bottom line – for those that practice CBT – it feels good. We here, are FOR IT.

Some types of cock rings

Safety

Before we get into some of the activities you might be interested in trying out, let’s get our safety talk out of the way. Not to put too fine a point on it, but you are dealing with genitals and permanent damage is a risk if you don’t pay attention to what you are doing. But a few reminders should keep you sufficiently safe. The first is circulation. When you are binding the balls and cock with rope or another tool or putting on clamps – do not leave them on too long. If circulation is arrested or slowed down for too long the penis-haver can be in some real trouble.

If you are penis-haver is a man, beware of “man syndrome” – or the urge to ‘tough it out’. It doesn’t have to take much to get the sensation you are after, and always, always err on the side of caution and remove circulating-arresting devices before alarming color changes happen or there is numbness. If you use something that can be cut through with scissors, have scissors on hand to cut off devices if need be. Keep CBT sessions under 30 minutes. Unless you are an experienced player, that should get the job done and result in a sufficient intense scene. As with a scene, make sure to have boundaries and a safe word.

How?

There are several ways to practice Cock and Ball Torture, by far the most common is CBT bondage. And it’s simple. Get a piece of rope (the scratchier the better) and wrap it around the top of the balls and the penis. You can get pretty tight with it, and while it’s bound you can feel free to use a Wartenberg wheel on the exposed areas, or feathers if you feel nice. Another way to bind is with a cock ring. They come in all sizes and devices, choose one that feels right for you. A cock ring will keep the penis hard and the balls tight, which puts off orgasm until the ring is removed. A hard penis is more sensitive, keep that in mind when using cock rings.

Humbler

Moving on to other instruments, one of my favorites to see used is the humbler. It is a device that clamps at the bottom of the scrotum, with the bars of the device placed behind the thighs. This forces a man to keep his legs bent, or remain in a kneeling position. It’s quite the thing to see. (Happily muses on it for few minutes….). Another one that is common but is less well known outside of BDSM circles is parachuting. A small device is put around the balls and weights added, pulling the balls down and squeezing them. There is also something known as a ball crusher. I think we all know what that does.

sounding set

More extreme forms Cock and Ball Torture can include needle play. If you engage in this, just remember to go gently and slow and to not pierce too deep. Otherwise, you can google for example of these types of scenes. As a dedicated needle top, it’s another fave of mine. If needles aren’t your thing, clothespins are another way to take sensation up another level. For advanced practitioners, sounding might be of interest. For this, you are going to stick a medical-grade instrument into the urethra of the penis. Sounders can be long and thin, rounded like the shape of the urethra, or even ones with steel balls at the end. If you are asking yourself why just remember this can stimulate those bundles and bundles of nerves in the penis and produce some real pleasure.

There are many ways to ‘torture’ the cock & balls, but for the ‘torturee’ the result is the pleasure.

Keep talking the taboos!

photo credit: vapour trail Cheeky! via photopin (license)

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Our Favorite Things – Black Friday Edition

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from The Black Pomegranate http://theblackpomegranate.com/favorite-things-black-friday-edition/

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Woodhull 2017 Presentation

In August, Ms.Pomegranate and I presented “Unhacking Sex Positivity in the Post Truth Era” at Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit. The presentation dealt with the concept of post truthism and how the current climate of misinformation adversely affects the lives, health and relationships of sex positive people. In addition, the presentation also facilitated a discussion on actionable ways sex positive people can keep “alternative facts” from harming alternative lifestyles. The audience at Woodhull was engaged, and added to the presentation with lively observations about post truthism.

Here is the slideshow from our Woodhull presentation. Thank you to everyone who came out (on Saturday morning no less) and contributed their thoughts, passion and energy to the discussion!

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Playbag – Stockroom Bit Gag

If you read my last post you know that my beloved BDSM store, The StockRoom,  sent me two items to review. The first one for the dildo harness can be found here. This post will cover the bit gag.

Bit Gags

I love bit gags. If you remember my post about gags, you will know that ball gags hurt my jaw, a common problem. This gag solves that problem by using a bit, smaller and more comfortable which decreases the chance of jaw popping or pain.

Let’s get to the good stuff:

The gag has great styling and the strap allow for a wide range of adjustments. When you pop that thing on it is large enough to prop the mouth open and create a nice (humiliating) drool stream and inhibit speech. These two things makes it a perfect for those scenes when you have a mouthy sub and you need to shut them up, but they aren’t so gagged as to not hear their moans and sounds of discomfort.

When the fun is over, the gag itself is easy to clean and disinfect – and no teeth marks are left in the bit! The bit itself is non-porous, so you can feel safe using it over and over again.

But…

The strap isn’t actual leather, so be careful of that. (The look is leather, which for me is enough). For small mouth wearers, there has been some feedback that prolonged wear is uncomfortable. At around 20 minutes, there were complaints that it made the mouth sore. This is true for most gags, though, for those people with small mouths. For use in a scene, it is something I like to put on after the scene starts and take off near the end. That way it doesn’t have to be on the whole time.

  Overall…

This is a great, well made gag. It makes subs uncomfortable without giving them the jaw pain that ball gags can. New gag wearers will want monitor wear time as to not tire the mouth. The Silicon Bit Gag is a great addition to my playbag, and my subs love it. You will too!

Disclaimer: I received the Silicone Bit Gag Harness for free with the understanding that I would do a review.

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Playbag – Stockroom Dildo Harness

If you know me at all, you know that I have a deep, deep love affair for The Stockroom. A good portion of my BDSM gear has come from that site. When you give someone that much money it’s not possible to not have close, personal relationship. And by relationship, I mean salivating over their website on a regular basis. When I heard they were going to send me two items to review, I was overjoyed. They were kind enough to send me a dildo harness and a bit gag, but this first post will cover just the harness.

The Nitty Gritty

A dildo harness to me is functional piece of sex equipment. I mean, it should look nice, but it needs to stand up to pounding, literally. When I first

unboxed this beauty, I did wonder if it would do just that. I was concerned that it wouldn’t hold up. It was a wonder to behold, lovely, and eliciting cooing sounds, but this has to function.

The fit was tight, so just keep that in mind. I couldn’t slip it on over my big hips but had to unbuckle it and put it on the hard way. Once it was on however, it did fit and I’m not a small person. Score one for the dildo harness! With the tight fit, I wondered if it I would be able to slide dildos in there, and the answer is YES! The harness has this efficient little velcro opening that opens right in the dildo opening for you to put one in, or change one out. Though you are on your own if you get lube all over it and can’t get a grip. Still, it’s better than the snaps that frustrate me on other harnesses.

The big questions though is – did it hold up? Yes, yes it did. It looks pretty and it is sturdy. The harness sits low on the genital area, so if you are used to wearing you harness higher, be aware that this one will take some hip work. It’s worth it though, I promise. Whether you are pegging or using it on a vagina, you will find the harness helps you hit the right spots.

But…

As with all toys, nothing is perfect and I will tell you that I had some concerns with the product. One is the edges of the straps had the potential to dig into my skin, thought I had minimal problems this time, it is something you want to keep an eye on. Next, unbuckling the harness with lube soaked hands is frustrating, but you can tear off the velcro and shimmy out of it. Pretty minor things.

Finally

Overall, the dildo harness was lovely to look at, and really functional. We will cover pegging and strap-ons in future posts, but for now, if you are looking for a good harness, I can recommend the Vanity Strap-On Dildo Harness.

P.S. I tried this harness with dildos with the flared base only, though the site says you can use it with dildos with balls.

Disclaimer: I received the Vanity Strap-On Dildo Harness for free with the understanding that I would do a review.

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5 Myths About…Dildos

Dildos are ubiquitous in sex toy shops and online stores, and come in every shape, girth, color, and size imaginable. The choices can be overwhelming

. However, a lot of myths still persist about this phallic-shaped implement. Let’s take a look.

1. They are only for gay guys or single women – Both of these groups certainly benefit from using dildo, but heterosexual couples can use them too. No, I’m not suggesting that the guy immediately start taking it in the ass (though I DO recommend anal play for men, highly recommend). Why don’t you put some lube on it and use it as foreplay, or let her show you what type of action she likes? Play with it! Sex should be about fun and discovery, and a dildo is great at that.

2. Evey dildo is the same – STOP! Put down that cheap dildo that you are going to use “to just try out”. It’s simply not that easy, and too may of those cheap dildos are toxic to the body. They will break down and start to feel weird. Do your homework -start here. Ask the person selling you that toy. Above all, spend more than $20.

3. Take it and stick it in and… – Ugh. What is wrong with you? Does it need a condom? Lube? Hey, maybe it might feel better if you use a harness (thus making it a strap-on). Plus, if you don’t think it’s hot to watch your submissive suck your ‘cock’ (dildo) well, then you lack imagination.

4. Why are they all pink?? – When was the last time you looked at dildos? Sure, a great many are pink, but there are a great many more that make so many other kinds. We can even point you to a natural feeling cyberskin dildos. Go forth and find how many are not pink.

5. Anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough – HAHAHAHAHA, that’s a cute joke, but that’s all it is- a joke. Don’t put foreign things in your body not made to put there. Please don’t embarrassed about your own pleasure, go to a store and get your own. If anyone sees it and wants to make fun of you, remember – it’s probably because they are not brave enough to take their pleasure in their own hands.

Dildos are great, I highly recommend them. Questions about buying the are natural, but the internet is your friend. Ask me! Google it, or ask other bloggers, or your nearest sex store manager. Next, use them and see what magic awaits you!

  photo credit: twicepix fresh vibes via photopin (license) photo credit: gaelx Pieces of me via photopin (license)

This post was sponsored by Dear Lady, all opinions are my own.

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