thebellbook - Tumblr blog

[thebellbook]

give me your back then, if you don't want to see me. i'll use it as a canvas to paint on. give me your stare then, if you don't want to speak to me. i'll use it as a mirror to guide me. give me your guilt then, if you don't have any faith in us. i'll find a way to make it a lesson. every day, in each interaction, i am looking for ways to progress. to turn your indifference into a source of love.

[thebellbook]

im a woman which means i know what youre talking about. im a woman which means theres no appropriate time for my anger, my response. no real place for my love other than my hands. im a woman which means i think about speaking but dont often get the chance to. im a woman which means i know everything. i have faith i believe i believe i believe i believe

[thebellbook]

im after new love and i cant help it growing taller falling over hoping for a new perspective

you left me over and over I wont forget it im on my way to find something better

you'll find a way to know for sure it will never happen for you again third time unlucky

i think you always knew the truth you cant belong to anyone not if you dont want to i can i know how

[thebellbook]

if you don't know how to talk then for my sake just once don't talk to me I can pretend a while longer that it's no bother so long as you still know how to use your hands and your eyes

if you don't know how to talk let me talk for the both of us i'm a miracle worker at over compensating in the name of being kind and noble and never-needy like a fish in a bowl on a desk in your room I can pretend it's only natural to be right here at this time, in this place so conveniently effortlessly alive for you never needing anything in return

I've felt so desperate at times as desperate as a lonesome weed in the garden begging to be stepped on for the hope of having a memory I've practiced apologising to myself on your behalf i live with a made up language you can't speak

[thebellbook]

all the love i gave

just to feel punished for it

nothing left to mend myself

[thebellbook]

tell me where to put my love

[thebellbook]

“I never feel exposed because there’s nothing inside me that isn’t in you. All writing is about all of us.” - Sheila Heti

[thebellbook]

i get everything i want ❤️

[thebellbook]

[thebellbook]

i ask for your loving then i sweep it away

lingering in hallways, hoping you stay

am i this ironic

sowing this hell, this grave,

this loveless and lonely space

the only time im feeling safe

the only time im feeling safe

optimist, how are you so glued together? im making a mess

pretending you dont notice how i ruin this

ill let you go if you wanna go, isnt that fine, yeah

but ill tell you to go when you dont wanna go

and thats my crime

thats my crime

time, ill be doing the time for all that i say and all that i dont say right

its more about me than it is about you

its fight or flight

i never challenge myself , just making the same mistakes thrice

i shouldve learned by now

but youre such an optimist

it makes me morph into something so small

i think if i cant love you perfect, i cant love you at all

and every reason i am searching for,

leads me to see thats my crime

[thebellbook]

coming around slowly slowly

what would i do without you? starve

[thebellbook]

positive affirmations: i am deserving of nice things, i welcome nice days into my life, i am valuable and creative, i am abundant and generous

[thebellbook]

“its stupid. how frightened i am of you leaving. you just got here. the tea is still warm in the pot.”

[thebellbook]

i think in a way i rob myself by not allowing my heart to do what she wants

[thebellbook]

[thebellbook]

i love the way the sun makes me feel and i realised today that you make me feel the exact same way. and laying in the sun with you, laying in bed with you is all like a dream come true

[thebellbook]

:))