thebeigeoverlord

[thebeigeoverlord]

via pauloctavious on instagram

[thebeigeoverlord]

[thebeigeoverlord]

[thebeigeoverlord]

“Oh gosh the fire. Yes it was truly a tragedy. You know, HECA79 was the prototype for the new regulation model. Well, haha, new for the time. It was the seventies after all. It really is fascinating. She was the first one we put in the class N tanks. Fascinating technology for the time, clever as the dickens. You see, the insides of the tank were to be lined with a thin layer of magnetically laminated gold calcite particles that formed a reflective lattice under electrical stimulation. A gold plated one-way mirror for brainwaves! I’m sure you understand, it was the best we could do for 1983-”

“So you subscribe to the, uh, equipment malfunction theory?”

“Huh? Oh! Oh. Terribly sorry. Equipment malfunction? As I recall, it functioned quite well.”

“So you believe the fire was caused by something else?”

“The fire? Oh. Well, I’m not quite sure. I don’t know the exact specifications, but if I recall correctly, there were all sorts of firebreaks and engineers and junior-engineers stationed all around –all helmeted, mind you– to make sure that sort of thing never happened.”

“And yet.”

“And yet. Indeed…Well, between you and me, I think It was one of the junior engineers.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh yes. We were a bit of a maverick bunch back then. Reagan gave us all that research money, but, well, its always a bit different when the wheels hit the pavement haha. Oh. Oh. I hope I haven’t gotten anyone in trouble. They were nice lads all. Well, some of them were Germans, but nice lads.”

“We are more interested in your observations of HECA79. I was told you were able to directly observe her during the incident. If there is anything you can tell us, please, speak loudly enough for the tape to hear.”

“Oh! Oh gosh. You know, I completely forgot we were being taped haha! And you caught all of my rambling! Well, I think I can help you out. Oh yes. Now. You must understand. A good half of this is going to be embellished. You know how memories go, you always get more heroic looking back as time goes on haha. But yes, I think I can help you out. Ah, where should I start?”

“What was the first thing out of the ordinary that you noticed?”

“Her lips were moving.”

“Is that out of the ordinary?”

“By gosh for a plutophant yes! At full emmanation, there is no part of them that is not the market! Every neuron soaked in hypno-amphetamine rocket fuel! Most of them –if you’ll pardon my language sir– shit their tanks the moment their Id touches the sub-finantial background grid! What do you think half those tubes are for! A plutophant in full emmanation doesn’t have a braincell to spare to keep their sphincters closed, much less perform something as complex as speech!”

“I see. Could you make out what the asset was saying?”

“Oh no. No, I’m afraid not. I can’t read lips. Back in those days, they were hooked up to a helmet, and then the helmet read the delta-wave patterns, and then printed that on magnetic tape. That way, we could feed the tape to some lob-, ah translators, and have them interpret the feed.”

“When did her lips start to move? What time of day?”

“Funny thing, almost exactly at 12:03. I should have been off at lunch, but I was procrastinating. I had a crossword I was right on the edge of solving. It was one of those big words that goes all the way across the page. TIMEPIECE. I remember that clear as day.”

“Interesting. I have here that equipment registered the fire almost exactly seven minutes later.”

“Oh dear. Do you understand what that means sir?”

“No, please, enlighten me.”

“Is that a schematic of the N class tank you have there? Hand it over. Thank you sir. So. Back in 1983, we didn’t have any of the fancy digital equipment we have now. Well, we did, but not to the same degree. Most of our equipment was good old analogue. You see this module here? These weren’t part of our system. No, we were waiting on the replacements to show up.”

“And, what is that part?” 

“Think of it like the uh, ah yes, the carburetor in a car. It keeps everything balanced. Keeps the subjects metabolism steady so they don’t chew through the drugs too fast, keeps the tank at the ideal temperature for chemical reactions, without boiling the subject like a lobster haha. But the key is, it was completely mechanical. But at the end of the day, it's just a bunch of tubes full of fluid that move based on pressure differentials.”

“Which means?”

“Well, heat would throw it off.”

“Here, I think we have a schematic. Now, doctor, this is very important. I need you to explain to me exactly how the machine malfunctioned, and how it would affect HECA79.”

“Well technically, it wasn’t malfunctioning at all. It was functioning correctly, just under less-than-ideal circumstances. Oh, haha. Yes, haha, but thats not what you’re looking for haha. Yes. Well. What side did the fire hit it from? Do you know?”

“This one here.”

“Fascinating. Well. Then, the apparatus would have uh, hm. Oh dear.”

“Doctor.”

“It would have spiked the hypnostimulant feed, while introducing impurities.”

“Which means?”

“I- I haven’t the slightest idea. It would've been deadly, I can assure you that. But its as if…Its as if you had a car, coasting in neutral, downhill at terminal velocity, and then you switched gears to high gear, and then slammed the gas while spraying rocket fuel into the intake.”

“Could we ask you to write a full report on your speculation?”

“Frankly sir, I am as intrigued as you are. You would have to hold my wrists to keep me from writing on this. Fascinating.”

ENCLOSED: FINAL READOUT OF HECA79

"BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD"[Phrase repeats over twenty thousand times.]

[thebeigeoverlord]

If trench warfare were made-up, it would be the most on-the-nose anti-war satire ever created. Bunch of young men shooting at each other from inside open graves, slowly rotting even as they fight to stay alive. Every so often, they get to move a few hundred metres to dig a new grave for themselves somewhere else and this is called a victory.

[thebeigeoverlord]

That poor pest control guy did not know what he was getting into, but given the state of my yard i feel like he should have known what he was getting into.

[thebeigeoverlord]

bro i hate having creative fomo. i see ppl with comics abt their furry ocs and im like "i wanna do that too". then i see ppl making animated series abt their ocs and im like "i wanna do that too". then i see ppl making visual novels and im like "i wanna do that too". then i see someone using a certain art style and im like "i wanna do that too"

i literally see anybody doing anything creative and i instantly want to do it too but i never end up doing it and then i get sad that im not doing it bc i still see the other ppl doing it and im tireddddd LET ME LIVEEEE

[thebeigeoverlord]

you're so beautifol :) may i sense you with my feelers

[thebeigeoverlord]

they do not go in the direction you think they will go

[thebeigeoverlord]

🩸⚠️

[thebeigeoverlord]

what it says on the tin! I offered to throw together something on drawing raw meat (in a mouthwashing server, naturally) so here it is in case someone finds it useful

[thebeigeoverlord]

when the chinese restaurant has wide sprite 🤤🤤

[thebeigeoverlord]

star wars trivia

Q: what is the most powerful technique in star wars?

A: the yoda punch. when landed causes no bodily harm but prevents the victim from entering heaven when they die. jedi consensus is that yoda is sick for this one.

[thebeigeoverlord]

*jerma voice* alright if i was a japanese speaker. what pronoun do you think i would use. serious answers only. (reading chat) Atai. Watashi. Waaaa...tashi. Watashi. Watashi. You'd use watashi. Jerma you're a watashi. You'd be a watashi. I think you'd use watashi. I think I'd use watakushi. I think so too. I'd be a watakushi ore hybrid mix.

[thebeigeoverlord]

me and my bitches contacting David lynch in the afterlife to know what the fuck was the baby from eraserhead made out of

[thebeigeoverlord]

Aveline on a walk 🍃 Some art to company her release, Also what she's bringing on her hand is some DnD char sheets ^^

Art Tag | Websites

[thebeigeoverlord]

Wild concept that shouldn’t be wild and the coldest take ever: disabled adults are *adults* and not just children trapped in adult bodies

Disabled adults have sex

Disabled adults do drugs

Disabled adults curse

Disabled adults get piercings and tattoos

Disabled adults can make adult decisions and act and behave like adults because we are adults

It’s just so weird for people to constantly infantilize me all because of my mobility aids when I’m not a child!!!