theantisocialplant-blog

[theantisocialplant-blog]

Saraybosna

Yurt dışı seyahatlerimizde ne buluruz?

Hali hazırda sahip olduklarımızı mı?

Bu zamana kadar gördüklerimizden türetilmiş bir versiyonunu mu buluruz?

Öyle ise, ufkumuzu nasıl genişletiriz? Kelime dağarcığımızı, damak zevkimizi?

Eğer aşina olduğumuz şeylerin başka bir versiyonunu görüyorsak, asıl ve ilk olan hangisi? Bizdekiler mi, onlardakiler mi?

Ya da ortada bir türetilmişlik yoksa, ama tuhaf bir şekilde benzerlik varsa, bulduklarımızı olduğu gibi kabul etmemiz mi gerekir? Bütün biricikliğiyle…

Yapmış olduğum on günlük Saraybosna gezisinde yaşadığım en büyük aydınlanma, gezdiğim şehir ve ülke halkının kültürü hakkında fikir sahibi olmak değil, sahip olduğum fikirlere nasıl ulaştığım hakkında fikir sahibi olmamdı. Böylece, benliğimi on günlüğüne evde bırakamadığım için, yaşadığım şehrin kültürüyle yoğrulmuş varlığımın üzerinde taşıdığım gözün bakış açılarını fark ettiğimde, aslında hiçbir şeyi, tam olarak, olduğu gibi asla anlayamayabilirdim. Bu, bütün turistler için de böyle miydi? Yoksa gerçekten, Saraybosna sahip olduklarıma çok yakın örneklere ev sahipliği yaptığı için bu özel bir durum muydu?

Kendimi Türk kimliğine yakıştırdığımdan, farkında olmadan sahip olduğum fikirlere Saraybosna’yı ziyaret eden her Türk’ün ulaşacağını düşünsem de, benimle birlikte seyahat eden antropolog Sertaç Şehlikoğlu’nun yıllar boyunca kendini eğiterek sahip olduğu nesnel bakış açısını bana anlattığında, insanın içinde büyümüş olduğu kültürden bağımsız düşünme becerisinin geliştirilebileceğini öğrenmiş oldum. Ve daha önce edindiğim fikirler üzerine tekrar düşündüm, bu defa gülerek. Çünkü insanlar olarak, yeni keşfedilen bir şeyi, daha önce sahip olduğumuz bir şeye benzeterek açıklamaya çalışma güdümüz ile gördüklerimizin biricikliğinin üstünü örttüğümüz sonucuna ulaştım. Bu, ilk defa mango meyvesini tadan bir Türk’ün, kavun ile şeftali arasında bir tadı tarif etmeye çalışması gibiydi. Şeftali, şeftaliydi, kavun kavundu, ama mango mango değil, şeftali ile kavun arasında bir tada sahipti. Bunun gibi Saraybosna’da gördüğümüz camiileri İstanbul’dakilerle, Bosna Hersek’in doğasını Karadeniz’le, yemeklerini bizim yemeklerle kıyaslıyorduk. Bir de bunun üstüne, biz ve onlar arasında şöyle bir yerdeydik: Uzun yıllar Osmanlı toprağı olduğu için Boşnaklar bizim kültürümüzü sahiplenmişlerdi. Yemeklerin en meşhurları Türkçe idi ve hâlâ Türkçe ifadeler kullanıyorlardı (Allah’a emanet, komşu, Ramazan-ı şerifiniz mübarek olsun, kahve, ayran, yoğurt, kaymak, buyrun, börek, baklava, kebap vb.). Bu kültürlerimizi karşılıklı paylaştığımız sonucunu değil, bizden kültürümüzü almış olduklarını düşündürüyordu. Ama aslında biz sahip olduğumuz kültürü nasıl elde etmiştik? Türkler, Rumlar, Boşnaklar, Sırplar, Hersekler, Ermeniler, Yunanlar, Bulgarlar, Araplar, Makedonlar, Arnavutlar… Osmanlı devleti tüm bu milletleri bir zaman sınırları içine katmamış mıydı? Sınırlarına katmış olmasa dahi, bu milletler birbirine komşu değil miydi? Peki Osmanlı Türklük ile ne zaman özdeşleşmişti? Ve bu milletlerde kim, kimden etkilenmişti? Kimin kültürü özgündü, kimin kültürü türetilmişti, bunun bir önemi var mıydı? “Başka”nın biricikliği takdir etmek, böreği Boşnak böreği, baklavayı Boşnak baklavası olarak takdir etmek yerine, kendimizi merkezde görerek, “başka”yı bizim olanın bir versiyonu olarak görmek dünya görüşümüzü ne kadar genişletecekti?

Dünyanın köşesini bulamayacağımızı, “biz ve onlar” olarak birbirimize karışarak kıvrıla kıvrıla akıp gittiğimiz nehirler olduğumuzu ve özümüzün başkalarından alınan parçalardan oluştuğunu fark ettiğimizde, belki de her milletin sahip olduğu kendi üstünlük algısı ortadan kalkar; ırkçılık, soykırım ve savaşların bir sonuna geliriz.

Tüm bu yazdıklarımı daha eğlenceli bir şekilde ifade etmek için hazırladığım, Saraybosna’da bir Türk isimli video çalışmasına göz atabilirsiniz.

https://vimeo.com/343541695

[theantisocialplant-blog]

New beginning after being silent for a while

What makes me angry? That's quite easy to answer. Myself! The reason of all worst things happened to me was myself. I'm now realizing the bad effects of my ignorant behaviors. Although how many times swear myself (well, with two meanings) I do exactly the same thing again and again! I could be the luckiest person for all survivals that I experienced. Its nothing to do with my cleverness or perfect planning. Its GOD who saves me and cares me more than me. OK I will tell...

London is a quite the worst city to live in. Actually nature and kind people of London make the city more livable. But there are more rude people than kind people here. Everybody are so ready to swear. Especially young people who live around soccer stadiums. Is it a coincidence? Did I tell you the story of bus driver who was nearly giving me a heart attack while he was yelling at me? I was looking for my Oyster card inside the bus! I thought I've lost it. Now I realize it's stolen. Like my stolen money in my pocket. I've never lost my money or traveling card in my pocket when I was in my country. People are maniac.

There is a carnival going on in Notting Hill gate. Police has put notices about thief and suspicious people all around the neighborhood weeks ago. They say they arrested 120 people four days before the carnival. What's the reason of this carnival anyway? Its for only drinking. Drinking like the world's ending. (actually there is a pub in Chelsea named World's End) When people are drunk, they stink, vomit, speak loud, yell, swear and all bad things. I've never seen good things. The thing is they live and make money for drinking in weekends. I don't cycle in weekends because its dangerous to be around with drunk people. Hell yeah! I mean, yeah its true story.

Talking about cycling.. Cycling could be a very dangerous thing in London. Because thieves are everywhere! I'm locking my bike with its wheels because they are stealing wheels if you wouldn't lock them! I'm now realizing all bikes locked on lamp posts without wheels. Owners are leaving them without their wheels because its useless and doesn't worth to deal with its wheels. London is a graveyard of bikes. People are locking their bikes with two chains. London! You are a bad city.

Anyways. This post supposed to be about my irresponsible behaviors. Its not so big deal, come on. My friend said me to check overground twice but I didn't. So the overground was closed and I had to cycle where I didn't know to home. I got a couple of curses but thank to god I'm alive.

Notting Hill Carnival is now eating my brain!

[theantisocialplant-blog]

The next thing is moving! Its a new beginning to London!

I think next week I'll move to Notting Hill. That's quite exciting. Also I'll change my department in work place on Monday. I need a new beginning to everything. I'll live London as it deserves. I will meet with new people in a very different area of London. This place is quite chic so it will be great opportunity for me to make observations and comparisons between my old and new are. I hope I could make many foreign friends but I don't think so. It's about my English not my personality I believe. I hope! 

Yeah still people are in work so I should be off too. Oh I remember something about being serious. Today there was a fire alarm and I couldn't stop smiling I don't know why. But every person was so serious and some people might have judged me. Why am I laughing every thing. Because the last time when we left a building in alarms was 14 years ago. Wow dude. And we were so much enjoying with fire alarms and test. Maybe that's why. :D

[theantisocialplant-blog]

Don't start with b. word

Ok. This post's topic is about finding some people funny or odd.

Before everything i should say British people are so cosmopolitan. They don't find strange easily or don't care maybe. Also they might be used to meet someone strange and has bad English. They take too much serious when someone (that's me) couldn't speak English. They're not laughing or making fun of you. Of course we also don't make fun of someone who can't speak fluently or appropriately. However, when someone tries to speak our language we start to laugh for like no reason. It's kinda fun to hear that language in different slang. It's not funny but we find that its kinda sweet. I don't know why.

Another thing that we are too enjoyable people, some normal things for British people are funny for us. Yeah you could find it weird but we don't easily see a person who wears very tight cycling clothes and runs from all over the work place. Or a person with blue rasta styled hair in this work place. Or people split glass of water to each other or play volleyball between compartments or make jokes about sexuality in front of women. In my culture, socks of men are kinda private thing because they look funny. I don't even know how to describe it the feeling that seeing the men socks give to us. Weird sentence. Anyways let me explain with an example. A cabinet minister has been captured while he was sleeping on armchair with his suit but without his shoes. This picture was published on news paper as a funny thing and that minister told the reporter who was woman that I would take and publish her -sorry for that- ass. GOD! Whats wrong with my people! Its the dumbest thing I've seen. Anyways when I saw my boss with his funny naked feet with a terrible looking sandals, I couldn't stop my giggling. Why socks are so funny for us while people in London walks barefoot in streets. I've seen a couple of people  get around with socks in work place.

There could be more examples but I can't remember. Next time I should write it on my phone to remember some stuff.

Cheers.

[theantisocialplant-blog]

Begin or begging?

Well, first of all my friend say that I should write that story to somewhere. I'm writing here. Also I have a many platforms and diaries which have different function to share but I didn't write in this blog for a while, so I'll write there. Wow. It was a long explanation.

I was lost someday. Actually not lost but I was afraid of being late or something. So I was trying to figure out that how I can go from Kilburn to Camden town. I wanted to use bus because I had bus to bus oyster, also Kilburn and Camden town were so close to each other if I could have found a bus which goes directly to Camden town. Anyways.. I tried to understand maps on bus stops, looked navigation like a hundred times but couldn't figure out how to go there. So I asked a man, which was around his 40's, looked like he knows the area. He said me that I could change 3 buses to get there! I was quiet shocked because I couldn't be late so there could be, there must be a shortcut. He said take the bus which I was going to take. Then I realized that he was drunk! God what a smell. But I didn't want to hurt his feelings(!) so I took the bus with him but didn't sit near to him. I was also searching the bus route, where to change and looking other bus numbers for any help. I was going to somewhere that I don't know. Also I was giving some loud reactions. It was seem he has forgotten me. I asked him where to get out from the bus but couldn't understand what he was saying. He was so drunk. I should have realized that before. Actually I have realized that ha! Then I saw a bus which was going to Oxford Circus, least I knew that place so I jumped out from the bus and waved my hand to him like thank you or sorry or bye bye. He was drunk, I think he won't remember but some people in the bus will absolutely remember it.

So it was my struggle.

[theantisocialplant-blog]

B.

This is going to be a short post. I'll talk about British people's characteristics. I'll read a book which is name Watching the British soon but before that I want to share my observations on British people and other people who live in London for a long time. I'll compare them with my culture, so don't take offense. Strange could be a strong word but I'll use it as unknown, different, far, unfamiliar or foreign. 

First of all British people are using thank you and sorry too much. It was a good thing at the beginning but now they lost their meanings. I started to say sorry myself when I stumble or hit my arm accidentally to a wall. Normally my people don't say thank you very much times because they don't see a reason to thank. For example, in every frakking time when i hold a door for person who is behind me, the person always thanks me like this is the most kind thing in the world. That's a normal thing to hold a door, if someone is coming behind you. I don't see a person who doesn't do that, so no one should need to thank. Circularly, everyone is getting an open door and holding a door. So people are not really thank you deeply inside. It's like a duty like as holding a door. Also there are many unnecessary usages for begging pardon. I now started to use sorry, when a person block my way, although she/he should be sorry. Strange thing that, when a person say sorry, they showing their being sorry level by saying "sorry" in a very cold way. People are not actually sorry, it's like a reflex. There should be another word for sorry, because we use it when actually we are sorry. "pardon" works for it.

Another thing that, British people are talking too loud. I mentioned that earlier but, they are sometimes out of line. I can't hear my thoughts when a person laughs hysterically. Some times when I sit in a restaurant, a headache starts and I eat my dinner with a big patience. British people could be very nice, thoughtful or respectful but I think they believe that talking loud is their right. Not only for speaking, they also listen music so loudly. I can't believe that when I sit on in front of the bus, I hear people who sit on the back of the bus, like they are next to me. I sometimes find this irritating but i think I start to get accustomed each day. I'm wondered about relevancy of speaking loud with selfishness. Or am I being selfish while asking for a quiet (normal voice level) environment?

Another thing that I don't know how to speak with a British person. I mean, how should I start a conversation, what things can I ask, what things are private? They are always looking for a purpose to ask or speak. However, in my culture we can talk each other for just being talked each other. We share no useful information. We don't see age, job, name, my father's or mother's job, number of siblings, being married or not, hometown, school name as a private or important information. I think we trust everybody so easily. I think being so suspicious makes the British person not friendly. There are always steps for become a friend or accept a person as a friend. It is so strange for me because I can make friends so easily or find a person trusted. Of course a person could irritate me and I don't answer or lie to them but I don't act like that to all people. We can make friends while in journey or in park but I think it's hard for British.

Another thing that British babies can not be touched without permission of parents. Which is also a strange thing for our culture too. Even talking with kid is also not approved by parents. If a child is shaking hand or talking to you, you should smile to mother like "Okay that's your child, I know my line" or say to mother like "how adorable baby" etc. We pat child's hair but it's impossible in here. Trust is so hard for British people I think.

Also, no one look each other which is at garden or balcony of their houses. It's also strange thing because our neighbors always talk each other between balconies. Also, taking picture of a house which has beautiful garden and is seen from road is not allowed. I wanted to take a picture of roses in a garden I realized that it's also private place. Normally, if a place is private, this place should be hidden or not seen from road.

I'm not a "normal" person in London.

[theantisocialplant-blog]

I should have finished the previous post but let me begin again

I can't believe what I did. I can't believe what I've done! I'm truly a weird person. I don't know how to speak, I don't know how to say properly, I don't know how to think before speak, I don't know anything about manners, I don't know how to use language, I don't know how to emphasize, I don't know how to think cleverly, I don't know how to decide right and normal, I don't know how to choose the proper one, I don't know how to speak as an intelligent person, I don't know how to improve my English, I don't know how to grow, I don't know how to ask questions, I don't know where to speak, I don't know what to speak, I don't know myself, I don't know what things people get angry about, I don't know how to make people to think nice things about me, I don't know where to start, I don't know where to stop, I don't know how to walk, I don't know how to empathize, I don't know how to sit, I don't know how to write beautiful, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to do, I don't know how to make a good accent, I don't know my purpose of coming London, I don't know my line, I don't know my point, I don't know that what I know.

If I write my stupidity I will not able to forget it. I'll always live in pain and regret. I want to forget things but I should have always remember to not repeat such mistakes again. Unfortunately my brain sometimes do stupid things. Just after Abir's advices about my improper behaviors and thoughts, i did unforgettable speech. I should read Watching the British book or kill myself. I prefer not to kill myself of course. I want to forget all bad things but never do the same thing again!

Just don't talk much. Only an advanced person talks much.

[theantisocialplant-blog]

BEGinning

How to start? Okay lets start at the beginning. When I was born, I was a cute kid. I raised in a big family, 3 elder siblings, mom and dad. It was quite happy family, and I was a happy child. Child I mean really child. Think about a kid with weird and unmatched clothes, many rotting teeth, shaggy hair, always with cats and animals, never had a boyfriend, always play games at streets. No clubs, no swimming courses, no private lessons, no qualified elementary school.

[theantisocialplant-blog]

beginners never say LET THE HACKING BEGIN

yeah. it would be so great that trying something which actually suit for me. I'm kind of person who cannot be headed off and cannot be accepted. I'm the kind of person which is called persona non grata. being persona non grata is so haard :/

it was second day at work. i visited database center which was so cool. literally. then I learned some stuff about HDB and CMDB. it seems easy for me :P but I really want to improve my coding. I have to work so hard. end of work story.

lets talk about london. do you know where is the perfect place to read a book. i would say bus but it didn't work for me. I actually read on kindle but I can't take my eyes on roads, people, houses, cars, bicycles, stores, shopping area, king's cross, oxford circus, hyde park, knightsbridge, green park, piccadily, shoreditch, southbank, south kensington, baker street.. roads are amazing but why so much bus stops British people? why? Why putting bus stops in every five steps? many people are walking, jogging, cycling.. you are not lazy. you make traffic worse. sometimes I'm happy for being stuck in traffic because there are wireless around (yeah I don't have internet)

anyways.. I need to study study and study. tomorrow.

[theantisocialplant-blog]

the real begining

I don't want to give the college's name that I just started to work in here. Its a really big information tech. department that I can barely find my way. It was my first day at this department. A little bit excitement, a little bit SCARING, a little bit of DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, a little bit of CRYING. Yes actually cried. Because I was reading an email from a friend whom house was a temporary (10 days) place for me. She was actually saying nice things to me and my family, I sort of felt sorry myself and my family. I don't know why.. I see things very emotional these days. Yeah I know, so confusing post. I think I should continue on what happened in the work..

It was 10 hour ago...

I met with some people, met with some more people, met with some more same people again. There are lots of people in th..

Anyways. My boss bought me my launch, I was so embarrassed. He really cared for me, and his colleague. I felt so bad because I wasn't great or average student to deserve that kind of care. Also, I want to learn something but it's not a class that people are really going to teach me. It's a workplace! I don't want to be pain in the head but I have to make some pain to gain.

London's still alive and looking great with its cycling people. All buses are waiting for bicycles in the middle of the road! Its really crazy.

Anyways, need to sleep right now. 

[theantisocialplant-blog]

This is a new begining

I bird's singing and giving me the peace I need. I think in the end of the day, I won't be able to sleep.

My friend told me that I should have a start a blog. I would have a courage to share this blog if there would be more friends like her. :) Anyways.. It's more relaxing to know that I won't share this blog. All I need is now an extra stress.

It's hard to live alone but I know that being anti social will make me stronger. Normally, I have people around me, my friends, family and children. I am very dependent on them. Now its time to grow-up. I'll be free now. (Just a little bit free, still can't hang out after 10 pm, this area is dangerous they say, but Allah will protect me inshaAllah)

Today I'm sitting, sleeping and spending my time on the internet. I need to start working. But I won't let this post as boring as my mood, I'll talk about London's very multicultural people. Yeah I said I should be anti social but I want to make new friends, very different and very funny. Lets be friends London.

Ok. London is fun. There are Punk head people, African people with colorful dresses, Arabic people with black dresses which show only eyes, Japan, Korean, Chinese people, Spanish people, Turkish people with their prayer beads, Jewish people, their women are wearing wig and men have big black hats, Gothic people, Malaysian, Russian, American.. I think I won't be able to write all nations. But the main thing, these people are not changing themselves in different country. I mean, they are holding tight in their cultures. I think its so cool. I thought people have a tendency to change and imitate cultures of countries where they are. It's really good lesson for me. Being "modern" or "European" is valid only for our degenerate culture. We are wearing "modern" clothes, but it wasn't our culture. Also, the selfishness is not in our culture, but we became too selfish.

Speaking about selfishness, British people are talking too loud. Its so annoying. They're having fun, I understand but we are not used to talk that loud. Oh my head. My father said it's all about being selfish. No one cares about the other people when talking loud. I don't know. Other quiet people are not seem indisposed. They are accustomed to live with loud people.

Anyways.

[theantisocialplant-blog]

Just say hi

Hi. This is prologue...

I currently moved to London. Just how wonderful to say that. Apparently this blog will be a secret. In that way, I'll able to practice and improve my English without any shame :) I know that my friends won't judge me for my poor English, but I have a painful experience in the past. I just want to be relax when saying things. Anyways. It was prologue and I don't want to keep it lon